Sunday meant going to church. It was weirdly enough one of the few things to give Cas solace. Despite the memories that were intertwined with the place. The summer heat was getting so hard to handle that he decided on leaving his usual attire at home. Instead he walked through the streets in a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. They made the walk towards the church manageable.
His father's church had been old and in desperate need of restoration. But the building that greeted him was fresh, clean and almost seemed to sparkle. It could also be the heat that was going to Castiel's head. They welcomed him back with open arms. The group that attended had shrunken immensely. Probably because a lot of the elderly had died from old age and the youth was not interested in attending service. Castiel felt at peace as he listened to the new pastor. It didn't matter what happened in the past. Because this was and would always be a place where he could feel save.
The man who had followed up his father seemed to be of the good kind. He stated he was going to keep the service short since the temperatures were still rising and people were using their program papers as fans. The man had given Cas a kind smile before starting the daily prayer. The man was indeed kind, but that's what they said about your father too, a small voice in the back of his head whispered.
Cas pushed the thoughts way and instead focused his mind on praying. Castiel honestly didn't know if he still believed in God. He had when he was younger. After all that happened he still believed. But Cas was getting older, more pessimistic and it seemed like God had left the world a long time ago and he worried. Mister Adler had told him to attend church for the simple reason that it would bring back familiarity. And he was right of course, Cas did feel like he was back at a place he could trust. Despite the blood that he knew tainted the walls.
After the service a girl with flaming red hair approached him. Her name was Charlie Bradbury, he'd met her Friday at school. She was friends with Dean, Kevin and Jo. 'I'm dying in this heat, where is the breeze when you need it?' She had caught a nasty sunburn on her left shoulder, her pale skin flaming as red as her hair.
Castiel liked Charlie, she was nice. 'I would prefer a breeze too.' He wiped his forehead, he was sweating everywhere. He and Charlie shortly discussed the service before heading towards the shadows of the trees. 'Jo said she would pick us up soon. But as usual she's late.' Charlie sounded incredibly annoyed.
Castiel didn't blame either of the girls. It was way too hot to be in a hurry. As they waited in the shadows Charlie started naming movie after movie that Cas didn't know. Just when he wanted to break the news that he had no idea who Harry Potter was a big car stopped in front of them. Hanging out of the window was Jo, her hair messy and a pair of sunglasses on her face. 'Get in losers!'
Kevin who sat beside her groaned. 'God I'll never let you watch Mean Girls again.' Dean swiftly climbed out of the truck's boot while exclaiming: 'We're going shopping!' Kevin's hand swiftly collided with his forehead. Charlie let out a snort at the sight of her friends. 'Please do tell me one of you guys has some sun screen?'
She made her way towards the car and showed them her shoulder causing the group to search for sunscreen. In the end Kevin found the fated bottle and threw it Charlie's way. 'Thanks,' she turned to Castiel, 'are you getting in?' Cas slowly blinked and finally made his way towards the car. He tried not to look at one person in particular, but found it to be difficult. Probably because the tiny glow around Dean had turned enormous again. It was everywhere now, bright blue, warm and covering him from head to toe. And he didn't notice.
Cas and Charlie took their seats in the back, Jo wanted to start the car but suddenly turned around. 'Winchester get your ass in here, you can't sit in the boot!' Jo honked causing them to bicker. In the end Dean surrendered and wiggled himself in the back of the car. He sat right besides Cas, and for some reason that was a big deal.
'Don't panic.' Cas couldn't stop himself from talking, Dean turned to him curiously. 'What?' They weren't sitting all that close, it was just the average space between two people. But the light around Dean was touching his skin, and it was warm and tickling and Cas did not like this at all. 'Nothing, I talk to myself don't mind it.' Dean nodded, he gave Cas a kind smile that warmed his heart. 'My little brother Sam does that too. So don't worry I'm used to it.'
Castiel did not like Dean. He didn't like this guy. Because he had freckles on his face, and his eyes were bright green. And he was a thorn is his life, in his very normal life. Cas didn't know how to react and Dean was looking at him. Quick say something, anything.
'Why are you staring at me?' He blurted. Dean seemed surprised, 'staring?' Cas nodded, deciding to just go with it now. 'Yes you stare a lot. Do you do that a lot? And you must eat a lot of carrots because I don't know if anyone has ever mentioned the glow, but it's annoying.' Dean wasn't the only one who seemed confused. Charlie who sat on his other side tried to make sense of what he was saying. 'What glow?'
Jo suddenly started honking. 'Watch were you're going bastard!' She screamed out of the window, after another car tried to recklessly pass her. The almost accident made everyone's focus shift, Dean's gaze was no longer on him and the light around him had turned a worried purple blue. 'Everyone still alive?' A few nods and eye rolls later Jo had put on the radio and was loudly singing along with some pop song.
Dean groaned. 'Come one Jo! Katy Perry? Are you serious?' Cas hummed along with the song, finding it to be pleasant sounding. Jo had to shout over the music, 'you know the rules Dean, like you always say: driver picks music!' Two songs later the music got turned down a bit, Jo had to concentrate on the road to find the right path. Kevin and Charlie had been asking Castiel how he was taking his return to Sunday church.
'And how about the lake, you ever went as kid?' Dean hadn't been able to add to the church conversation, so the topic change didn't surprise Cas a lot. 'Well I never learned how to swim, so no.' The other kids would try to drown me, he added darkly. Jo almost stopped the car, she turned around. 'Wait you can't swim?' He quickly felt his nerves taking over. 'Never learned to, don't own swimming clothes either. Since there would be no point.' The group looked at him with surprise. Suddenly Jo was turning around. 'Alright that's it. You can't join us if you can't swim. We're going to the shop and get you some swimming trunks.' She turned to look at him through the rear view. 'Congratulations Mister Novak, you're going to learn how to swim.'
Wings flutter
It turned out Cas liked water but didn't like drowning. The lake wasn't completely deserted as apparently some parents had decided to go with their kids. But Cas had enough space to learn. They did have to force him into the water, since it was colder than he'd expected. He felt exposed only wearing a pair of pants.
'Come on don't just stand there, come here!' Charlie took his hand and brought him deeper in the water. The moment his feet stopped touching the ground he felt panic. 'Alright easy buddy, we got you.' Dean reassured him, floating next to him. 'I don't like this, I can't do this.' His pleas got ignored. Jo was trying to take the swim ring from Kevin a feet or two away, and at the sight of their water fight he got worried.
When they finally calmed him down Dean stole the swim ring from Kevin and gave it to Castiel, who felt a lot saver. After they showed him the basics Cas dared to swim around for a bit. It was actually quite fun once the basics were under control. Eventually he ditched the inflatable ring. It was difficult, breathing, keeping your head up and moving all at the same time. But once he finally figured it out someone tucked on his feet and he let out a startled yelp. Quickly he turned around to see a grinning Dean.
'You're a natural dude. Congrats!' He felt a proud smile run on his face. 'It's fun, once you get the hang of it.' He admitted, trying not to stare at the Winchester for too long. Dean took a dive and appeared right beside him. The colours around him were vibrant happy yellow. And he seemed comfortable in the water. 'So Cas,' Castiel wanted to take a dive in the water when he heard the nickname, 'what does a handsome face like yours eat for lunch?'
Slowly he felt his face heat up. 'Why are you asking?' Dean pointed at Jo who was drying herself off. 'She's gonna catch us some food, what do you want? Most of us are getting fries and burgers. But mister AP over there is vegan so he's just getting fries.' He quirked a brow at Kevin, who was trying to do a handstand. Cas agreed to the fries with reluctance. 'You sure you don't want anything else? Like a burger?'
'Yes please.' Dean laughed at Castiel's eager answer and makes his way to Jo. In the end Dean and Jo decided to pick up food while Kevin, Charlie and Cas played cards. It was quiet and peaceful except for a few laughing children and a splash once in a while. Cas looked with interest as some other students arrived at the lake for a swim. He recognized a few people. Meg and Ruby were in the company of a blonde girl this time. When Meg noticed him she shortly waved. The blond girl winked at him.
Charlie lets out a gasp. 'What? This isn't fair!' Cas looked at her confused. 'What is?' Kevin held back a smirk. 'She has the hots for Bela Talbot and she probably thought that wink was for her.' Charlie quickly shook her head, 'the hots for her? No way she's too much of a bitch. I'm more surprised at the fact that she is able to show human emotions at all.'
The blond girl Bela, Ruby and Meg were long gone but Charlie wasn't done ranting yet. But Cas already didn't hear it anymore. 'So you're a lesbian?' Charlie looked up and raised an eyebrow. 'As I live and breathe. You find that troubling?' It was funny, Cas had this whole internal-sexuality crisis going on. Yet here he was sitting next to a girl who was comfortable in admitting she liked girls.
If she can life like this, what is keeping me back? Castiel wondered. 'Not a problem at all, just a bit surprised.' He remembered his father's disappointed face, the way he preached about homosexuality. Charlie smiled, 'great and just so you know, we don't judge. It's not my place to say of course, but I'm not the only queer in town.' After a suggestive wink they continued their game. They got interrupted when Jo and Dean returned with food.
In their company was a girl who was talking to Dean. 'Who's that?' Kevin hardly looked up to answer Cas, 'that's Lisa. Dean's fiancée.' Cas stared at them in surprise, Kevin's face didn't change in a smile, he seemed dead serious. 'Isn't he a bit young to get married?!' Charlie cracked a smile, finally giving the joke away. 'I hear wedding bells?' Jo arrived, sitting down right besides Charlie and handing her a few bags.
Lisa and Dean caught up, they weren't holding hands or anything that seemed to indicate a relationship. So Castiel had to assume they weren't ready for such a thing. He felt a nasty feeling creep up his spine. 'Kevin here just told Cas about the wedding that Lisa and Dean are planning.' Charlie swiftly informed Jo while attacking the chicken she'd gotten.
Lisa was a pretty girl with shining dark hair and at the mention of the word wedding her face turned scarlet. Dean on the other hand seemed normal as usual. Except for the colours around him that suddenly turned from shade to shade, he was unsure about what to say. 'Lisa, this is the new guy Cas. And Cas this is Lisa.' Lisa reached for his hand as they got formally introduced but Castiel quickly let go. 'It's nice to meet you,' she said with a friendly smile. But Cas could almost hear the uneasiness. She'd probably been a witness from his past.
As they sat down and ate their food, (Cas couldn't believe that hamburgers could taste so incredible), Dean tried to be a stern parents and told Kevin to stop the wedding jokes. Apparently it was a group joke as Jo too started wiggling her eyebrows. Castiel couldn't help but to be curious. 'So you two are a couple or just casual?' This caused Dean's colours to suddenly turn flaming pink and red. 'We just… you know not official yet or whatever.' He cleared his throat. 'It doesn't matter.'
Castiel didn't push the subject.
Wings flutter
They stayed at the lake the rest of the day. Swimming, playing soccer and talking. Castiel wondered how he'd managed to find such kind and friendly people. They hardly knew him and yet welcomed him with open arms. Even Lisa was warming up to him.
As evening fell all the children and their parents left and the lake was slowly turning into a party zone for students. His friends didn't seem to mind this and in fact started socializing with other students who they deemed nice enough. Cas met a whole bunch of people, some calling him freak others calling him dude. It was weird really.
Cas felt his throat tighten at the idea that he had to stay the entire night. This wasn't what he'd agreed on. They were warming up at a fire with some others when suddenly alcohol became the main consumption. Castiel didn't drink, he had his reasons. None of his friends seemed to notice his misery. It was getting too crowded, there were too many stimuli and it was making Castiel agitated and withdrawn.
Desperately he looked around for Jo, hoping she would give him a ride home. When he finally found her she was talking to an old classmate of his from primary school. He hesitated, not knowing how to approach her. 'Jo how late is it?' When he finally mustered up the courage he decided to avoid Jo's conversation partner's eyes. Jo had been talking with a stoner named Ash. But once the guy caught sight of Cas he hugged him. 'What's up man!' His entire body stiffened at the sudden contact. His head was pounding from the music and the people around him were talking too loud. He quickly pushed the guy away. 'Yes, hello Ash.'
He quickly turned his attention to Jo, she seemed to have drunken a bit too much. 'Cassie how can I help you?' She too tried to hug him but he quickly took a step back. 'I was wondering if you could maybe give me a lift back home?' Jo nodded frantically and started looking for her keys. 'Of course, next time don't be scared to ask whatever you just asked. I'll just get my keys and we'll go and…' she giggled, '…I can't find them.'
Ash gave her a little push. 'Hey you still with us girly?' She nodded, 'yes of course, I just don't feel all that well…' her face started turning slightly green, she looked like she was going to throw up. Ash turned to Castiel, 'she had too much, Dean probably got the keys, although I wonder if he's much better off.' Castiel nodded, 'I'll find them and then I'll come back for Jo. She should be at home.'
Castiel felt his ears ring as he tried to make his way through the crowd of people. He could feel their eyes on him, he could hear their opinion. Freak, Castiel helpfully reminded himself. 'Dean?' He called around hoping that the Winchester would show. The blond girl from earlier that day (Bela?) tugged at his shoulder. 'Handsome you're looking for Winchester?' Cas nodded, feeling relieved someone was finally helping him.
Bela pointed towards the forest, 'he went that way.' He nodded and smiled. 'Thank you!' He managed to scream above the music. He didn't get why Charlie disliked Bela, she seemed nice enough. He made his way to the forest, making his way past stoners and dealers. He suddenly remembered how much he missed the sting of a needle in his arm. 'I need to focus.' He reminded himself, not bothering to keep the volume down. People wouldn't care anyways.
He made his way through the dark, feeling slightly panicked. But at least it was a lot quieter around here. The buzzing in his head had finally calmed down. He felt relieve when he saw Dean. 'Dean I found you…' he felt a sense of peace flood him for maybe a split second.
It all came crashing down when he saw that Dean was making out with Lisa. It was funny how logic could be overwritten by feelings. In that moment he knew he had a few options. He could quickly turn away and leave them alone, or he could interrupt. Yet there was no decision to be made, because he was frozen, not able to move at all.
Dean has Lisa pinned as the tree and hands were wandering. And in all honestly? It looked kind of gross how they were sucking each other's faces. What Cas couldn't help but to notice was how Dean's usual bright colours seemed to have lost power and colour. Lisa opened her eyes and the moment she spotted Cas she quickly pushed Dean away. Dean turned around, the dull colours around him quickly came to life again.
Deep reds and pinks mixed with electric orange and brown. 'What the hell Cas?' When he saw the way Lisa held onto Dean's arm Cas felt a strange sensation form in his stomach. It was eating at him and suddenly he felt irritated. 'I was looking for you, but I see that you are otherwise occupied.' Cas took a few steps back, determined to leave casually.
Dean was stammering something and quickly tried to catch up with him. But Cas was already leaving, confused as to what he was feeling. It didn't matter right? Lisa was Dean's girlfriend, and teenagers are hormonal, and people like physical contact. Everything was adding up, and yet it didn't. Dean tried to catch up to him, but he simply took a sharp left turn, not noticing where he went. He assumed he was going back to the party.
He didn't notice when he walked straight into a tall lean teenager. He mumbled a half-hearted apology and tried to leave, but suddenly someone was tugging at his arm. It was Raphael and he didn't look pleased. 'Castiel what are you doing here?' He quickly looked around, he wasn't at the lake but at the forest, and he was surrounded by Raphael's friends.
He'd never learned their names, but he knew their faces. And he knew that some of those faces had enjoyed punching him when they were kids. 'Raphael, hello.' He felt lost at words, he felt corned too. 'You should watch were you are going, it's already dark.' Raphael's words were daunting, but the look in his eyes was even worse. The last few days Cas had felt those eyes on him with every step that he took.
Cas knew his expression was giving away how uncomfortable he felt. But he tried to stand up straight and look as brave as possible. 'Yes, thank you for the warning, but I ought to go. Evening.' He only got a few steps before his path was blocked by another boy. 'Where do you think you are going?' Raphael quickly looked around before speaking: 'Uriel this is not the place or time.' The guy named Uriel didn't seem to care. 'I know that. Let us take you back to the lake Castiel, so we can make sure that you don't get lost in these woods.' Uriel's eyes had a spark of evil that made Cas fear the worst.
He knew that whatever Uriel was planning, Raphael didn't care enough to stop it. So he tried one more time to get past him, reassuring them he wouldn't get lost. 'I was just looking for a friend, he is nearby I'm sure.' His words got lost as the group made its way back to the lake, Uriel held Castiel's arm tightly, he was unable to escape.
'It's dangerous to walk through the dark on your own.' Uriel declared as they reached the lake, somehow they managed to get on the other side where not a soul was to be found. 'I mean if you'd just run around blindly you could've fallen into the lake.' Cas desperately tried to free his arm now. 'Please let me go.' His pleading didn't help.
Uriel seemed set on throwing him into the dark water. The other boys seemed amused and laughed. Raphael stood there quietly observing, his facial expression one of boredom. 'Please I can't swim, don't do this.' He hoped that partly lying would bring out Uriel's more decent side, but the guy didn't seem bothered. 'Let's get you flying, heard you tried jumping of a rooftop. So here is for take two.'
Cas felt his breathing quickening at the mention of the incident. I can't fly, I learned that. Please don't make me do this again. He couldn't utter his plea. Some of the spectators made their way towards Cas and after a struggle they managed to get hold of his arms and legs. They were swaying him back and forth at the edge. 'Let me go!' He shouted in vain. There couldn't possibly be a soul that could hear him.
The group laughed. 'I SAID LET ME GO!' He felt the grip on his legs and arms loosen. 'What'd you say? Letting you go above the water? You sure?' One of them called out. 'You heard the guy, put him on the ground.' A voice suddenly shouted. Everyone quickly turned around. Dean Winchester had decided to show up, he'd probably tried to sound heroically but he sounded drunk more than anything else. He could barely hold himself up.
He pointed at Uriel. 'I knew you bastards would be here. Having fun I see? Well game time is over, let him go or else I swear to God I'm going to stab your face.' His words came out surprisingly even and calm. But the colours around him had flared up. No longer warm and lovingly but hate filled and burning.
Uriel smiled, 'the mud monkey has arrived. Here to retrieve your new pet?' Castiel tried to kick one of the guys in the gut but failed. 'You better get over here so I can kick your ass or I swear to God.' Uriel smiled, 'alright then.' Before Cas could prepare himself he got thrown heads up in the water. The water was cold, dark and because of the abruptness of it all he failed to hold his breath.
He wildly swinged his arms around, finally managing to get to the surface. He could see Raphael dragging away Uriel as Dean was shouting to them. 'Dean!' He quickly called out. He felt dizzy, couldn't orientate, his glasses filthy but somehow still hanging on his face. He felt his limbs going stiff all of a sudden and he was down again.
He couldn't remember his swimming lessons. He couldn't even remember how to breathe, let alone get himself back to mainland. A sudden pull made the cold disappear, someone was calling out his name. Cas groaned, feeling the dizziness disappear.
'Do you hear me? Cas!' The voice shouted again, he felt a warm hand on his face. A sudden urge overwhelmed him as he started coughing out water. He rolled over, breathing raggedly, someone pulled him up. 'Thank God you're alive, man I thought you were a goner.' It was Dean's voice, filled with worry and panic. But he couldn't see him, he grasped the grass beneath his hands. 'I can't see, I can't see a thing.' He whispered with panic, Dean chuckled and removed his muddy glasses.
'That must be better. You scared the hell out of me buddy.' Dean was face to face with him, close enough to be sharp. This meant he was pretty close. His face was graced with a relieved little smile. The colours around him spinning in concern. They looked haunted, yet there was a beauty in it. 'So pretty,' Cas muttered without thinking, making Dean rapidly blink. 'You hit your head or something?' He quickly checked Castiel's head for any wounds.
Once he was done he focused on Castiel's face again. Their breaths were mingling and Castiel's heart was still beating at a crazy beat, but for very different reasons now. 'How many fingers am I holding up?' Cas smiled. He was cold, wet and covered in mud. And Dean's pupils had gotten bigger with the minute. Could be because it was dark, but Cas couldn't dare but to hope it was because of actual attraction.
Because, 'you are very attractive Dean.' The words left him before he could think about them. He was used to talk with himself, and now it was showing itself to be a curse. There was truth to his words of course. Dean was attractive, not that Castiel would have ever admitted so. Dean immediately increased the distance between them. 'You got a lot of water in your lungs didn't you?' He chuckled. 'You're lucky you woke up when you did. Otherwise I'd have to blow air in your lungs. And that ain't pleasant.'
When Castiel finally got his marbles back in order he stood up with shaking legs. 'Thank you Dean. They had me cornered, I really appreciate your assistance.' Only now did he realise that Dean had jumped in the water for him, he was as wet and as cold as Castiel. Yet the colours around him got brighter and more pleasant for the eyes. 'It's no problem really. Uriel is a son of a bitch. Could've guessed he was up to something' Cas wouldn't disagree with that.
'I'm glad I found you when I did. You seemed pretty upset earlier, I looked everywhere for you man.' Castiel felt himself numb even more as he thought back at Dean and Lisa kissing. 'I guess it made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry for that. Are you still angry?' Dean seemed to have trouble looking him the eyes now. Did he genuinely care about what Cas thought about him? 'Why would I be angry?' Cas asked dumbfounded.
Well, maybe he'd be a little bit angry, but he was mostly upset. 'Well you seemed pretty shaken. I guessed that physical contact makes you uncomfortable.' Dean was still avoiding his gaze. 'Uhm Cas, you can stop the staring for a sec?' Castiel had apparently been staring, he quickly looked away, Dean immediately seemed to relax. 'Thank you Dean, for helping me out. And don't worry, I'm not angry at you, like you said: I was a bit surprised that's all.'
Dean helped him stand up, Castiel couldn't see his expression as everything was blurry without his glasses. 'Let's go back. We can get dry at the fire.' When Cas didn't move along he gentle took placed a hand on his back. 'Is that okay?' Cas nodded, 'you're actually wrong, I don't mind physical contact all that much. As long as it isn't unexpected.' Dean nodded, probably memorizing the rule for later use. They didn't say a word as they made their way back towards the crowd. Some people gave them weird looks as they passed, but Dean simply kept up the pressure at his back, forcing him to move along. The touch was calming, reassuring.
But Castiel was tired. It had been a long day, and socializing was making him very tired. And he'd been at the brink of a sensory overload all day. So when they made their way through the crowd Cas tried to object. 'It's loud Dean.' He started getting irritated again, he was sweating, and breathing got difficult. Dean didn't seem to recognize the warning and pulled him along anyways. If Castiel had been a normal teenager he wouldn't have had any problems moving through the crowd towards the fire. But he wasn't.
People were talking, but it sounded like a constant screaming in his ears.
Darkness had been replaced by flashing phones and a roaring fire that made his eyes hurt.
Every little touch that he got was starting to hurt, it became too much for him to handle.
Cas felt desperation hit him. He needed to get away from here. He knew that if he didn't he would shut down. 'Come on Cas.' Dean pulled at his arm now. He pushed the boy away angrily. 'Leave me alone!' His brain was like a computer, and it had decided to shut down. He left the building and with trembling legs sat himself down on the ground. He closed his eyes on instinct, put his fingers in his ears in the hope the sounds would stop existing.
A silence fell, a serenity welcomed his chaotic head. I need to calm down, he reminded himself. This definitely wasn't the first time this happened. Ok, first of all breathing, deep breaths, he'd started hyperventilating. He put his head between his legs, hoping it would help out. His progress got interrupted by someone shaking him. With reluctance he opened one eye, Dean was staring at him. Concern and confusion written all over him.
'Cas you alright? Talk to me?' He heard Dean's muffled voice speak. Castiel knew what he had to do. 'Dean you have to take me away from here. A quiet place. Can you do that?' He could hardly speak at this point, but the message got across. Dean picked him up without trouble and after a little walk he put Castiel under the trees far enough away for a silence to form. Castiel returned to his foetus position and he quickly reassured him that he needed some time. He once again closed his eyes and started counting to twenty.
Who am I? I am Castiel Novak. He reminded himself. Where am I? I'm at the lake with Dean, sitting under a tree. His breathing slowed down. What do you do? I'm calming down. I'm here and I'm okay. He sat there for maybe fifteen minutes before he opened his eyes again. Dean was looking at him, still holding on to his glasses. 'Want these back?' He'd cleaned them, Cas took them with gratitude.
'So how are you feeling?' Castiel felt horrible really, completely drained and not ready for anything crazy. 'I feel fine, I just want to go home. That's why I was looking for you in the first place.' He admitted, feeling stupid that he hadn't said so earlier. Dean nodded, he didn't seem worried anymore. Instead he looked mature and relaxed. 'Good. Let me just get Jo's car and I'll take you home.' And so it was decided.
Dean found Kevin and asked him to keep an eye on Charlie and Jo. Cas apologized to Dean for his outburst at least six different times as they made their way back home. Not that Dean cared. 'I honestly only want to know what happened exactly so we can avoid it next time. You worried me.' His eyes left the road for a short second to look at Castiel, who avoided eye contact completely.
'You sure you are alright buddy? You seem really tense.' Castiel smiled slightly. 'I appreciate the concern. But to answer your question I was experiencing sensory overload. When there are too many stimuli around me I start getting over-sensitive. Kind of like a computer that can't keep up. So I crash.' The music Dean had turned on made the silence easier to deal with. 'I'm sorry man, now that you're telling me I remember. You warned me before, it has to do with your thing right? I'm sorry, I should've had kept an eye on you.'
It was probably the left over alcohol in Dean's system that caused him to be so harsh on himself. 'Should've kept an eye on you. I should've protected you but I didn't. I'm such a useless son of a-' Castiel couldn't bear to see Dean's torment anymore. Without thinking he put his hand on Dean's leg, efficiently shutting him up. 'Dean you need to stop being so harsh on yourself. Next time we should both be more considerate of the other. I'm letting you drive despite the fact that you're clearly drunk.'
'And you were obviously having fun before I spoiled it all. So you are not the only who should be apologizing.' Cas is surprised at how soft his own voice is. He feels calm and in control. Dean on the other hand seems on edge. Conflicted is written all over his face. And the colours around him seem to agree. Finally the car arrives at the apartment complex. And the tense air from earlier disappears as Dean laughs.
Castiel feels awkward, has he missed something perhaps? 'Why are you laughing?' Dean let's out a content hum sound. 'This is like the second time I've driven you home. But like last time we looked normal and look at us now.' He pointed at his own dirty wet clothes. 'Jo is going to kill me for driving around like this.' Cas can't help but to huff in amusement too. 'She was quite intoxicated, but Kevin promised to keep an eye on her so don't fret.'
Only now does Cas realize that his hand is still lingering on Dean's leg, he removes it quietly. Hoping the movement goes unnoticed. Dean's eyes linger on him, a confused little look on his face. 'Probably sounds weird but have we never met before?' Cas felt the intensity getting worse, something about Dean was pulling at him. The guy was like a black hole, a breath taking all-consuming force of nature. 'Why are you asking?' It's ridiculous how self-conscious he suddenly felt.
He was wet, dirty, smelly and tired-looking and sitting next to Dean Winchester in someone else's car. And they were having the most intense staring contest Cas had ever participated in. Dean's little confused frown got deeper before he spoke: 'It's funny, it's like I've met you before you know? But I still can't read you.'
Probably for the better, Castiel reminded himself of his favourite yet most dreaded dream. The one of a mysterious boy who would sweep him off his feet. I'm glad you can't read my mind, because there's a small part of me that wants you to be that guy Dean, Castiel shamelessly thought. It did make his cheeks heat up. And Dean noticed this time, if he hadn't been intoxicated he could've maybe guessed it was because Cas felt attracted to him. But Dean instead put a hand on his forehead.
'You should get inside and warm up. You might just catch a fever, you're burning up.' Dean shakes every inch of sense of out you and turns you back into the very essence of yourself. And a terrible realization dawns Cas. He's hooked. 'I will, you get home quickly too.' Dean let out a whine. 'You don't have to look out for me like that, I can take care of myself.' There was playfulness in his tone that Castiel couldn't place.
'Well that is were friends are for Dean.' Dean immediately perked up. His eyes suddenly shining. 'Good that's great. I want us to be friends alright? You will be that right?' Cas nodded immediately. Directly all the stupid ideas of attraction and romance flew out of the window. 'Of course I will be. Call me if you ever need anything.'
He felt like someone had punched him in the face. That's what Dean wanted. Friendship and comradeship. Basically bros being bros. 'Once you're home you text me alright?' Dean required. Cas couldn't help but to smile a little. 'I think I can survive a few stairs Dean.' Dean however kept insisting. 'Fine I will text you, but you should do the same, drunk driving is extremely dangerous. I would feel guilty if something happened.' Dean nodded, agreeing to the terms and conditions.
'Awesome. See ya later man.' After Dean drove away Castiel forced himself up the stairs of his apartment instead of cheating with the elevator. Once he'd showered, dressed and gotten himself under the covers of his bed he reminded himself to text Dean.
Castiel: I got home safe and sound. Although the stairs did almost eat me.
Dean: Awesome.
Dean: But stairs? Your building has an elevator dude.
Castiel: I am aware yes.
Dean: I just delivered Kevin back home, his mom ain't happy. I'm back at home too.
Castiel: I'm glad. Did Jo get back safely too?
Dean: She did, but she almost threw up in the car. It was disgusting.
They kept texting like that for a few hours before Dean finally threw the towel in the ring. Dean: Man I'm done for the night. Goodnight handsome.
Cas decided to ignore the word handsome. A happy smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep. You could say it was the start of fascinating "friendship".
WOOP! So this one was pretty decent right? So quick something: They way I portray Autism may not be 100% accurate but it's mostly based on personal expierence. Takes one to know one right? ;) And I totally forgot to warn you guys for super serious topics like suicide, depression, anxiety, self-acceptance issues, slightly homophobic under-tones and a whole bunch of angst.
So there's the warning. :') If you get quickly triggered by those subjects I ask you to be careful and kind to yourselves and others. And it may not be wise to continue reading. But secretly I hope you guys love it and keep reading it. Because thanks for your support!
Until next time :D