Chapter Four
Marlin the Magician
I no thatt thaa larst chapta i rote woz veri shorte, butt i am a fish, so yoo carnt expekt mee 2 rite it proplee. Anywayz heer iz thaa nekst chapta …
Kate stumbled along panting; clutching her side a stitch had formed. Her breathing was erratic and her vision wavered in front of her. She stopped and gave up calling after Roy and Isaac who had long since disappeared into the oncoming blackness ahead. Claustrophobia had always been Kate's weak point and the small tunnel was fantastic bait for her phobia. Suddenly there was a shout ahead and Roy came into view, followed by Isaac.
"I sometimes wonder how you manage to breathe on you own." Roy snapped
"Well right now, it seems that she's having a bit of difficulty." Sniggered Isaac, as Roy doubled up with laughter.
Kate stood up, wiping her face and glared at Roy who raised her eyebrows and turned to Isaac, "Lets get out of this mud hole asshole."
"Okey dokey." Isaac said dully, and made a rude hand gesture when Roy looked away.
The passage continued for another hour or two until suddenly it ascended sharply upwards causing Isaac to smack his head on something very hard and decidedly wooden.
"Awwh this effing tunnel-"
"Isaac, if the only thing that is going to emit from your fat mouth is a swearword, then shut it!" Roy pushed opened the trap door, and clambered up into bright light.
Kate pulled herself up with difficulty and then fell to the ground.
"Err …" Said Isaac.
"I agree." Roy said with her trade-mark 'what the hell' look.
Kate began kissing the dry earth underfoot with cries such as, 'The blessed fresh air!' … 'Freedom!' And so on …
"She'sreally screwed." Isaac muttered, "Completely and utterly messed up."
Kate leapt to her feet, blushing furiously as she wiped dirt from her lips and hands.
"Err … I …"
"Whatever." Roy dismissed Kate's stammered explanations and looked around their surroundings. "Where are we?"
"I dunno, but that fish is pretty weird." Isaac muttered, pointing over head. Roy looked up to see a large goldfish floating dreamily by. Kate's eyes tracked the said fish as she raised a trembling finger, "… Fish …" She blubbered. And with that profound statement, she fainted.
Kate woke to see a large amount of white hair in her face. "Oh dear god." She murmured and once again, fainted.
"Is she feinting or fainting?" Isaac muttered as Marlin stepped from Kate's bedside and looked around at Roy and Isaac.
"She 'as fainting fits mun."
"OK,what is with the Jamaican accent? Muttered Isaac.
"So Merlin-" Began Roy,
"Mah name is Marlin de Magician."
"So what happened to Merlin, this is getting more screwed by the second." Roy sighed, exasperated.
"You must mean mah brother Merlin, 'e is an asshole."
"So Merlin had a brother?"
Marlins voice grew cold and stony.
"Yah, well I am feeling rather obese today."
Isaacs's eyebrows twitched and he started. "What?"
"Oh I am sorry, I was talking to the piece of cheese that I am breeding in my pocket.
Roy stared. "And we're are supposed to trustthis dude? He talks to cheese and is named after a fish."
"I resent that man!"
A random slave who was in the room at the time looked up and pouted, "Oi!" He said in a strong cockney accent.
"And den again, dere is ma udder brudda, Maklin."
"WHAT IS UP WITH THE FISH!?" Roared Isaac.
"Yes, their mother must have been pretty screwed in the mind."
"Eee woz a very good brudda." Marlin said, dreamily.
"What do you mean, was, what is wrong with him now?" Isaac asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Well, 'e is still alive …"
"Oh well, that is fantastic!" Exclaimed Roy, sarcastically.
"But …?" Isaac asked.
"Ah yes, de 'but'"
"Is it a big butt?" Roy asked, interested.
A voice from behind the three told them that Kate was alive, "Who's butt?" She muttered sleepily.
"Never you mind. Anyway Kate, now that you have decided to rejoin the land of the living, this is Merlin."
"It Marlin!" Marlin Snarled.
Kate smiled, "Hey Merlin!"
Marlin shrieked, pulled a long white dreadlock from his scalp and ran from the room, screaming but whether that was from pain or annoyance nobody knew.
"Ever heard of a wizard with white dreadlocks?" Asked Isaac miserably.
"Yup." Said Kate.
"What, who?" Roy asked.
"Oh my god Roy! What is wrong with you? Merlin … Duh."
Roy looked incredulously at Kate. "Git." She said.
"Did you know," Kate said, a grin flitting across her face, "That agit is a pregnant fish?"
"I am seriously sick to death of the whole fish thing." Isaac sighed, exasperated.
"Retard." Roy shot at Kate, who's grin vanished, and she returned to sulking.
"SoIsaac." Kate gave Roy a nasty glare and then continued, "How did we end up with Merlin anyway?"
"Well, it's was kinda weird …"
"What is up with Kate? She keeps fainting." Complained Roy.
"Haven't the 'faintest' idea." Sniggered Isaac.
Both Roy and Isaac plopped onto the ground to think.
"Shouldn't we go and find that elfy dude, that's what the leprechaun said to do." Roy frowned, "Then again maybe we shouldn't trust random green guys."
"And besides." Added Isaac, "I am not carrying her." He nodded at Kate's body, sprawled on the ground. Roy sighed and looked around. They were sitting on the outskirts of a large oak forest, the roots of the great trees had cracked the earth and the foliage prevented the sunlight from streaming into meet them. Isaac turned over and pulled something out of his pocket. He flicked open his pocket knife and pointed it at Roy who recoiled.
"Wanna play tic tac toe?"
"You did not just say that." Roy grinned.
However for the next twenty or so minutes they scraped away at a nearby oak tree's trunk, playing naughts and crosses. Finally they stopped, bored.
They were just about to resort to stamping on Kate's head when they heard someone, or something humming a tune that sounded suspiciously like, 'Row, row, row your boat'.
And suddenly a very old man, dressed in a long Orange robe with a large tea cosy for a cap, skipped into view, carrying a basket full to the brim with mushrooms. The man's hair was white and in dreadlocks. His face was very pale a wrinkled, and he large feet were bare.
Roy took in the orange robe, the mushrooms and his hair all in one glance.
"Dude," She said her eyes wide, "That is notcool."
The old man caught site of them and skipped over, still humming.
"Whad are two," He glanced at Kate's body, "Three young people lark yourselves doin in dis 'ere forest man?"
"We're playing tic tac toe!" Isaac exclaimed, "And you … You are collecting, mushrooms …?"
"Mmm 'lecious!"
"Mmm yeah ok." Roy said shaking her head as she regarded the sickly green tinged mushrooms in his basket.
"DO those happen to glow in the dark?" Isaac asked, stupidly.
"Yeah," Sniggered Roy, "Radio active mushrooms!"
"…And after that he dragged us back to his little den, or whatever this place is." Isaac waved his hand around the small room, "And tried to feed us some soup, which we rejected … Well our stomachs did a couple hours later anyway …"
Kate made a face then said, "So now what …?"
"Well, Isaac and I are gonna go look around a bit, then we'll probably leave." Roy replied simply.
Kate's face fell. "Oh well, Ill just go kill myself then." Said Kate, standing up and leaving the room.
"Hallelujah." Sighed Roy.
"I agree." Grinned Isaac.
"She is such a pain!" Roy gasped.
"Yeah, I much prefer you to that." ( Isaac said something rude.)
"Isaac!"Laughed Roy.
Isaac looked at Roy then laughed himself, "Come on lets go see if she's managed to kill herself yet."
Roy and Isaac entered the small kitchen to find a very strange sight. Kate was hanging from the rafters, a rope around her neck and Marlin was sitting on a stool, beaming.
"Ahh!" Marlin saw Roy and Isaac, who had nearly collapsed on the floor in shock. "You are in time to see Kate invention!"
"What invention?" Squeaked Roy.
"An' invention to prove that Cheese was produced by fish!"
"But that, that's impossible!" Spluttered Roy, as Isaac watched (interested), as Kate's face turned steadily bluer.
"Hmmm, should we like.. Help?" Isaac asked.
Roy looked at Kate then sighed. "Fine!" She said, looking rather disappointed. Isaac hurried over to where Kate's legs were twitching and stood on a nearby stool and began sawing through the thick rope. Roy had collapsed on the ground and began to shake. Isaac dropped the knife and ran over to comfort Roy, his arm around her.
"Its okay, don't worry Kate will be- Oh shit."
By this point Kate had lost consciousness ( Yes I know! Again!) And was steadily dying. Isaac rushed back to her and continued sawing through the rope.
Finally Isaac cut through the rope and Kate fell to the ground with a massive 'THUD'.
Isaac leant over Kate's body, ignoring the annoyed rants from Marlin, "Stupid idiots! Ruined it! The poor, poor cheese!" And began to perform CPR.
"Is she breathing?" Roy asked quietly.
"N-no." Isaac said, frantically trying to restart her heart. Isaac leant over Kate and began to do mouth to mouth.
Roy froze. Suddenly everything in the room seemed to revolve. Isaac's lips were still locked with Kate's and Roy had sunk to the floor again. It was in these moments that Roy realised that she had began to fall in love with Isaac …
"SHE'S BREATHING!" Yelled Isaac. Roy looked up, wiping her face.
"Good." Roy said turning away from Kate and speaking to Marlin. "Put her in bed Marlin, and eat some cheese, you look terrible."
Marlin obeyed, and heaved Kate's unconscious body (she's hopeless) back into the smallest bedroom.
Roy sat down on a nearby chair and put her face in her hands.
Isaac placed his knife back into his pocket and sat on a chair opposite.
"Roy there's something I need to tell you-"
"LA DEE DA DA DA!!"
Marlin had returned.
"Sorry Isaac, what did you want to say?"
"Never mind …" Isaac sighed and stood up, "Let's go to bed, it's getting dark."
"This is seriously so messed up, I thought my life was crap! This … this is just … no." Roy groaned.
Isaac grinned as Roy stormed past and slammed her bedroom door behind her.
The next morning was a fiasco. Kate had awoken to find that after hanging herself and damaging her vocal chords, that she could not speak.
"Well what did you expect!?" Roy roared. "Don't worry." She then sighed, "It'll be back to normal in a week or two."
Kate sniffed. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin raw.
"I can do eet! I can change 'er voice back! Wid a simple spell!"
"Oh. My. God." Roy gave a silent scream then turned, smiling to Marlin.
"Ok, feel free."
Kate whimpered and Isaac gave Roy a look that said plainly, 'You are soo evil.'
"Now, de spell is very simple. And I do know how do do it!"
"Oh, wow. Really!?" Exclaimed Roy.
"Yes, yes. Now i need a spleen of a frog a monkey's toenail, an udder from a whale and an eye of a dog."
"Alright." Said Isaac, "Roy you distract Marlin. Kate? Yeah, run like hell."
"No, no no. Don't be sillay!"
Ten minutes later a large cauldron stood on a stool, bubbling and emitting large bangs and pops, along with the foul odor of dirty socks. Marlin was dancing around the cauldron, banging a large wooden staff on it and chanting,
With a spleen of a frog,
And eye of a dog,
A monkey's toenail
And udder of a whale,
I ask for guidance,
To turn this girl right,
And along with your help I ask for
Strength and might.
So with silence that a spell could not cast,
I ask that this silence shall not last!
There was a 'BANG' and the room was filled with a dark purple smoke. There was a groan, several large cracks then a distinct,
"Bloody hell!"
enter Hp! yay lol review please