It was with somewhat of a relief that he noticed Watanuki's glasses. Reaching over to gently take them from his face was the only close contact he knew he'd ever be allowed and at least, he could take that much. And as he told his "friend", he had done it quite a bit for his grandfather. Eyes got old like the rest of the body, even for exorcists.
His ankles did indeed begin to ache as he waited for what seemed an eternity and he merely concentrated on remembering just how soft his face was, the skin so perfect without blemishes of any kind…except for the eye patch. It was like a constant reminder of what Watanuki had done for him when he hadn't asked him to. Yuuko had told him that day in the park why he'd done it, but that didn't mean Doumeki had to like it.
He'd never met Watanuki's eyes for as long as he did now. The silence wasn't overbearing or awkward and he was willing to let it be. It almost felt that Watanuki was weighing him, judging him. If it would help at all so that he would finally begin to accept the archer and not hate him, he'd stay crouched like this for eternity. Or at least, if it would help Watanuki in whatever grief had struck him so profoundly he would do it.
"Himawari-chan…she's…" Watanuki ducked his head in his arms, as if the eye contact they'd had had become too much. His voice was muffled, but Doumeki could still understand what he said. "She's…pregnant."
For a moment, Doumeki felt a strange sense of surprised vertigo. It was not that he had truly cared about Kunogi, not like Watanuki, but it was something of a shock. Like being thrown with ice cold water all over you when you were out in the sun in 120 degree weather. Kunogi, pregnant? She was a straight A student; on the student council. It was not at all what he would have expected of her.
But it was true, considering Watanuki's complete emotional train-wreck condition. Doumeki reached out to touch the boy's head as he began to sob out the story again, obviously trying hard not to cry from the faint hitches, but at the last second, he pulled away again. Watanuki had just finally opened up to him. Treated him as something other than a hated rival. Did he dare do anything to upset this?
Slowly, Doumeki shifted to sit beside Watanuki again, but a little closer this time. Just in case the boy might need more comfort than the archer dared to give him on his own right then. He listened quietly and couldn't help but wonder just what price Kunogi would have to pay for her wish. Despite scientifically that it probably wasn't even begun to grow into a baby yet, was probably still cells, was it still not a life form? And as Watanuki had told him, Yuuko was convinced of the weight of murder. That woman with the picture…she paid her price with her whole life. Could this constitute killing? Or would it be muted since it was still cells at this stage?
"I know!"
"Hn?" Doumeki blinked as suddenly Watanuki grew exited, almost exuberant, next to him. Hope filled his face and life sparked in his eye again. Part of him was terrified at what he would say and another was joyous that Watanuki, his secret crush Kimihiro, was back to normal.
"I can try to be what Kunogi likes! I'll do whatever it takes!"
"Impossible."
The flat statement caught Watanuki's attention and he whirled angrily, with an expression Doumeki had long since memorized. That was almost all he ever saw on his face whenever Watanuki saw him and he'd gotten used to it. Sometimes in the darkest of hours, with the silence in his bedroom, he wondered if that was all he would ever see on Watanuki's face when he looked at him. "How do you know?! You don't know anything!! I can be--"
"I said it's impossible." He held up a forestalling hand as Watanuki attempted to interrupt his interruption. "You can't be "bad" like that. It's proven every day. The way you act around Kunogi-san just proves it. You don't understand what kind of "bad" Yuuko said. Can you be the kind of bad that doesn't give a damn about anyone? That will break laws just because you feel like it? That will use people, people like Kunogi, because of what they can get out of them?" He stood up and paced a little, stopping in front of Watanuki and looking down on him. His expression was as stoic as ever, almost too severe, but he couldn't change that. It was just the way he was. The boy merely watched him with a blank face.
Almost upset at the thought of Watanuki trying to be come a "bad" boy, he looked away and his voice became a tad gruffer. "Remember that woman that you went to see? That you knew she was killing you, but you couldn't let her be because she was lonely? That was an instinctual reaction. People like Kunogi described she was secretly dating aren't like that. They wouldn't have been talking to her in the first place." He paused and took a deep breath. "No, you can't be what she likes. You don't have it in you."
"I…just…"
"I know."
He let the silence fall again, amber eyes turning to look down on Watanuki again as he began to cry softly once more. This was a slow rainfall this time, as he gave up the faint hope he'd had before. It was difficult when something you'd held onto for so long was so suddenly yanked from your grasp. It hurt, hurt like hell. When his grandfather had died, Doumeki had felt that way. His grandfather had been there for him more than his parents had been. His father had always been wary of his grandfather's powers and his mother tried to ignore it.
Another faint sob drew him from his ruminations and he blinked sadly. His heartstrings began to break one by one at the desolate image of Watanuki in front of him. It was even worse than that time he was on his knees in front of him when Doumeki had done what was needed and "killed" that spirit. It was so much worse this time.
"Oi," he said softly, pulling the boy up to his feet gently. "Keep that up and I'll have to clean your glasses again." It wasn't overly necessary, but he took them again, just for the chance to brush against that soft, pale skin. He'd felt the touch of Watanuki's eyelash over his finger ever so briefly as he blinked, and it shivered through him. When his glasses were set on his nose again, Watanuki just stared at him. It was blank, expressionless, as if waiting for something.
Awkwardly, Doumeki pulled out a worn handkerchief from his pocket and shoved into Watanuki's listless hand. "Here. Do you want some tea or anything?"
Blink. And with ever so much joy that filled him, life sparked in Watanuki's eyes. As if something in him had broken through the despair that he'd felt and fell back onto what must be by now an instinctual reaction to Doumeki's presence. "NO, I DON'T WANT YOUR TEA! AND I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY!" Angrily, the boy began to stomp out of the shrine.
Doumeki folded his hands in his sleeves as he watched him go. He didn't know if Watanuki would be all right or not. He'd been nursing his crush for Kunogi for a year. Could it be that easy? He sincerely doubted it. It was still going to eat at Watanuki for a long time. Any plans that he may have made to tell the boy about his own feelings were put on hold. First, Watanuki had to be back to normal fully. A rebound relationship was good for no one.
But he had taken the handkerchief with him.
"Here."
Doumeki blinked, chopsticks halfway to his open mouth. His eyes shifted from Watanuki's face to his outstretched hand, where his handkerchief was being held. Instead of taking it, he finished the bite he was going to eat slowly, watching the boy get more irritated with every chew he made. And it made him want to laugh. He so did enjoy riling up Watanuki.
"You can keep it," he replied after he swallowed.
"I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN HANDKERCHIEF!"
Doumeki shrugged, but made no move to take it back. Keenly, he watched Watanuki from the corner of his eye, wanting to see what he would do. The hand shook and he could see the thunderclouds around him, but in his anger, he only stuffed it in his book bag. "WHATEVER! I'll just go home and burn it!"
"If you want."
"Watanuki-kun! Doumeki-kun!"
Whatever Watanuki was about to say got strangled in his throat when that figure began to jog toward them in its usual cheerful gait and Doumeki's eyes immediately shifted to watch him closely. The boy had been avoiding Kunogi all morning, though he doubted she noticed. She seemed a tad…preoccupied herself about something.
"Yo."
"Good afternoon, Himawari-chan!!"
For someone who made such astute observations of their "counterparts", it was very easy for Doumeki to see that while Watanuki made quite an attempt at being normal, as if he had not listened about Kunogi, it failed miserably. Oh, to an outsider and Kunogi, it was the same, but not to his eyes. It lacked a certain something. Perhaps it was enthusiasm or…hope, like he did it only for the form of the thing. Just for the normalcy the act presented.
And now that he really looked at the girl, he noticed that there was tightness around her jaw and eyes. Maybe the price for what she asked for was too high. He had no doubt she'd paid it; after all, getting pregnant at her age, without being married even in contemporary Japan, would kill any future she might have. No, but the price can always be too steep.
Conversation appeared normal during lunch, but he watched Watanuki closely. Any time a subject seemed to become too painful, Doumeki would change it. He got no thanks for it, but he hadn't expected any. He only got the usual snappish remarks or yells, but he could see that it was only an act. Watanuki had no heart in it. Seeing Kunogi had sapped him of any enthusiasm.
"Is something wrong with Watanuki-kun?"
Doumeki glanced down at Kunogi as they watched Watanuki walk away back to classes. "Looks like an idiot as usual," he lied, shoving his hands in his pockets casually and sauntered off to his own class. He had no intention of betraying the confidence that Watanuki had given him the day before. Maybe Watanuki wouldn't expect it of him; he didn't seem at all interested in knowing him. But Doumeki knew and he would never say anything. Things would happen as they happened and he would take any bumps one at a time. It was the only way to save his sanity.
End