"Give it here," I cried to Tara as I tried to wrestle the chocolate out of her hand. It was a fucking Kit-Kat! I need the everyday and break time snack.

"Not until you do some work. You haven't got up off your ass all night," Tara reminded me.

I pouted. "But I need, I need, I need my chocolate!"

Tara didn't looked sympathetic which made me really do only one thing.

Snap.

"TARA, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME MY FUCKING CHOCOLATE THEN I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING IN THE FREEZER SO THAT NO ONE GETS ANY FOOD UNTIL I DO!"

"Oh, please you've been saying that threat for three years now," Tara said in amusement.

I smirked and ran to the freezer, grabbing a large hammer off of the counter. I ran into the freezer yelling, "FOR SPARTACUS!"

I froze when I saw Jason with a piece of meat over his junk.

Oh. My. Fucking. God! I love this scene!

He looked very scared, all hunched up in a corner as he looked at me. I smiled wide and drawled out happily, "Oh, hey, Jason! How's Little Jason doing nowadays?"

"It's not little," he protested angrily.

"Lauren, if you fucking-" Tara walked into the freezer and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

"He broke his dick," I sang, still very happy that I was included into this ever so wonderful scene.

Huh, I wonder what Jane was doing right now and which part of the episode she's in.

"I didn't break it! That's not even possible!" Jason snapped.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, it is. It happened when I twisted the wrong way in one of the positions."

"Really?" Jason asked surprised and looked very interested as he leaned closer. "How? Which position?"

"Reverse cowgirl," I sighed. "Poor Johnny."

Jason made a hissing noise and clutched the meat tighter as if protecting his dick. "Ooohh! I'm glad I'm not him."

"What happened?" Tara asked.

"I think I might have OD'd." Jason admitted.

"Oh, my God. On what?" Tara asked worriedly.

"V."

I laughed at Tara's reaction which had a look saying, 'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?' "You're doing V now?"

"It was my first time."

"Where on Earth did you come across V in this town?" Tara scolded like the mother she was sometimes.

I love Tara sometimes.

"Lafayette," he admitted again.

Tara's eyebrows raised up in surprised and her face morphed into anger. "My cousin is dealing vampire blood now?! Goddamn idiot."

"Well, he is a man," I reminded her. Oh! Shots fired and-wow; no one's even laughing at my joke.

Bunch of assholes.

"At least that explains why I walked in on you dancing around…in that Laura Bush mask yesterday. Because I gotta tell you, without a reason, that was some fucked up shit." Tara said with her hands on her hips. She sighed. "Alright, let me see it."

"Huh?"

"How long have you had the pork sword, Jason," I emphasized.

"Are you really cracking jokes right now? In my time of need," Jason asked.

"You don't get to fucking talk," Tara snapped at him, pointing a finger. "Now lift the rib eye and let us see what we're dealing with."

Jason slowly peeled the rib from his dick and I gagged and turned away. Ew, now I know why they didn't show that disgusting thing on TV for fucks sake!

"Yeah, it's bad, ain't it?" Jason said.

"Bad would be the PG word for it," I snapped. "The R version would be Jesus fucking Christ, you stupid Jock head, your dick looks like Barney the Dinosaur! This is what you get for doing V!"

"Sweetie, we gotta get you to a hospital now," Tara insisted.

"No. No. No hospitals. No way." Jason urged as he shook his head.

"Do you wanna keep your dick or not?" Tara asked in frustration.

"Just don't tell Sook…or Jane. Fuck, never Jane, she'll cut my dick off."

"Come on then, let's go to the damn hospital because Mister Adrenaline Rush's dick is like a fucking grape Popsicle," Tara grumbled.

I laughed and replied, "Nah, I think it's-AHZA!" I grabbed the Kit-Kat and proclaimed, "I have freed you, my chocolate prince from the evil witch who held you hostage! Say hello to my stomach, you two will become great friends!"

I laughed happily as I quickly side-stepped the tomato flying towards me which Tara had thrown at me.

God, I just wanted my damn chocolate.

No need to be so violent about it.

JANE'S POV

I glared down at the beautiful red roses in the middle of my porch. They were placed in a large crystal vase and baby breaths along with the roses filled the vase as well. They were truly beautiful…and way too big. They were up to my neck. This is ridiculous!

I rolled my eyes then attempted to move the vase which was filled with water, but it was so fucking heavy to push even with two hands.

"Stupid," I grunted, attempting to push it inside of the house. "Piece…of…shit."

I slid down it and heaved, "I think I'm dying."

I felt out of breath and I plucked a card from the fork. Ugh, now he's gonna be smug about how I can't move it. Stupid bastard.

I frowned and went inside of the house, intending to get a hammer to smash it to fucking pieces…I'm so responsive to romantic gestures. I went to the sink in the kitchen, stopping when I saw Sookie talking to Bill.

Ew, they look serious.

I still had the unread card in my hand as Sookie jumped up and embraced me tightly. God, I can't freaking breathe! Let go!

As if reading my mind (which she probably did already), Sookie let go of me. I dramatically took in loud breaths. "I could've died!"

She rolled her eyes. "You're so dramatic."

"Pfft! I'm fucking hilarious!" I said, greatly offended. "Just you and your dwarf sized Edward Cullen of a boyfriend don't get my humor."

"What? That doesn't make any sense!"

"It makes plenty of sense. Eric thought it was funny."

Bill scoffed. "Eric is not the best support for your reasoning."

"So you admit that you have an obsession with Edward Cullen-I mean just look at your hair. Called it!" I exclaimed in victory. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to know where the hammer is."

"Under the sink. Why do you need it?" Sookie asked, sounding afraid a little bit. Good! Let her be so easily scared.

I shrugged and went under the sink. I threw things out of it like bleach, soap, towels which I aimed at Bill's face. YES, HE'S BEEN HIT!

I grinned like The Grinch from How the Grinch Stole Christmas when I found it. I grabbed it and swung it over my shoulder, holding it like an axe.

"Heigh Ho!" I sang as I skipped. "Heigh Ho! Heigh Ho, it's off to work we go!"

I went outside and raised my arm to slam the hammer into the vase. "Ah-"

Bill smacked the hammer out of my hands. "What, are you crazy?!"

"How else am I supposed to give my kind of answer to him?"

"Did you read the card?"

I scowled. "No, why would I?"

"How would you even know if he asked you anything?" Bill told me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Have you seen this large ass vase?" I gestured to it wildly. "I mean either he's very desperate for my attention or he wants to get his Vagina miner into my Cave of Wonders. I mean either option is still involving sexual intercourse between us."

Sookie groaned in frustration. "Why do you always refer to sex as sexual intercourse? It's embarrassing when you say in public."

"For that same reaction I get from you, my dearest sister." I responded.

I thrust the card in their faces and shook it. "Fine. Here! Read it for all I care."

I knitted my brows in confusion and noticed that Bill was still here. Weren't they supposed to get into a fight and she was supposed to never see him again? I need to call Lauren about this.

Bill cleared his throat after he took the card from me.

"Miss Jane Stackhouse," Bill read aloud. "It would be my pleasure if you were to join me for dinner tomorrow evening. I hope these flowers tell you that you will say yes. Eric."

I literally had no response to that, but this, "He moves fast."

"Hold on, there's something else on the back," Sookie said and Bill turned it over.

He shifted on his feet and scoffed. "It's his phone number and the time that he wishes to pick her up at which is seven."

"But that's the night of Gran's Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting at the church for Bill." Sookie told me.

I chuckled. "Like I am actually going to say yes."

I suddenly grabbed the hammer from the ground and slammed it into the vase. The vase shattered into little pieces as water came rushing out of it. We all backed away as the water and flowers came towards us. The water engulfed the entire porch, spilling onto the ground as well. Sookie and Bill stared incredulously at the mess that I had made while I was very happy with the outcome.

"Okay so I am tired as fuck right now," I said. "I'm gonna go to bed. See ya!"

I stepped over the pieces of glass and went back inside with the card in my hand. I grabbed the phone, walking upstairs into my bedroom. I dialed his phone number as I lay on my bed and he picked up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"You asshole-"

"Whirlwind, you got my card then," Eric greeted.

"Yes, I did."

"And what did you think about the flowers?"

"You know what?" I said politely. "Those flowers have mysteriously disappeared."

"What are you saying?"

"Yeah, a bunch of wild animals-rabid ones might I add, came in and knocked the vase over, spilling the water everywhere. All over the porch. Poor Sook and Willy got their shoes all wet. But hey, your water fed all the animals! YAY, YOU JUST SAVED ANIMALS! I knew you were a good vampy. I think that the animals took the flowers too as a going away present…"

"Do you know how much those flowers cost," Eric growled loudly at me. Boy, did he sound pissed off.

"Uh," I drawled out. "I don't care."

"When I get my hands on you-"

"Whoa! Hold on there, mid-life crisis," I said. "We've just met and you're already making dinner plans with me, sending me flowers…it's too fast."

"Commitment issues I see."

"WHAT?!" I screeched.

"You have commitment issues," Eric said causally. "You're scared. That would be the only explanation for why you had hung up on the meat head tonight."

I grumbled loudly, "I hate you. You're so annoying."

"So say yes and prove me wrong."

"You little shit," I yelled. "Well, now I have to say yes because you challenged me."

Eric laughed through the phone. "And?"

I grinded my teeth and said through my teeth, "Fine."

"Fine what? Elaborate please."

I sighed heavily. "Yes, Eric. I will go on a date with you because you tricked me into it using your stupid head and thinking only with your thrill drill."

I hung up immediately and I heard his laughter through the phone before I hung up. I put my face in my hands and felt against the mattress. I licked my lips and I knew that I had to call Lauren immediately in the morning or something.

I groaned and then stuffed my face into my pillow, screaming as loud as I could.

TBC…

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS, FOLLOWS, AND FAVORITES! So sorry, I haven't been updating, but I've had school on my mind lately and it's been so frustrating so I am trying to do both at the same time.

Next chapter: Eric and Jane are going on a date and before you say it's too quick let me just say that don't forget who exactly Eric Northman is with women like Sookie and Jane in season one.

Lauren meets an unexpected person and soon finds out about her history and that maybe she could change the show/world that they're in with a little help.

Bill and Jane friendship? Nope at least not in Jane's eyes.

I hoped you liked this chapter.

REVIEW. FOLLOW. FAVORITE. Until next time…