Disclaimer: The wonderful Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; I do not. No infringement is intended.
A/N: Once again, a big thank you to those who took a moment to review!
Chapter 4: Heaven in Hell
I did my best to block out the terrible images which came to me from that room; I was mostly successful. I tried to focus instead on my immediate surroundings—on the cheerful reception area with its bright, harmless music which belied the carnage that was happening only a short distance away.
"Do not leave until after dark," Demetri warned us. I nodded my compliance, and he hurried away, eager to join in the feast.
Gianna had looked up from her counter, and she eyed my cloak with appraising eyes. So he has joined them? That would be nice...he's so good-looking, even for one of them. I wouldn't mind having him around at all. I wonder why he's not taking part in the feast, though... I glared at her, wondering how she could possibly condone what was happening. I could find no hint of remorse in her thoughts...only faint excitement. She was enthralled with the vampire lifestyle, and even more enthralled by the vampires themselves.
I looked down at Bella, who was trembling against my side.
"Are you all right?" I asked anxiously, keeping my voice too low for Gianna to hear. She didn't answer, but the shaking grew stronger.
"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice said quietly. "She's going to pieces." I'm feeling a little sick myself, actually...
Bella was shaking so badly now it almost seemed she was going into convulsions; her teeth began to chatter again. Only this time, it was not from the cold. Broken, ripping sobs escaped her as the tears flowed thickly from her eyes.
"Shh, Bella, shh," I tried to soothe her, pulling her to the sofa farthest away from Gianna's desk. I felt like I would die from the pain of seeing her like this. I should have just pushed past Heidi back there, instead of waiting—she would still have known what those unfortunate tourists had walked into, but at least then she wouldn't have had to listen to the screams.
"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested in a low voice.
I threw a frantic glance at her. Slap her? I couldn't...
I'm pretty sure its more than just those...people. She hasn't slept more than an hour or two in the last two days, and to be honest, I don't think she'd been sleeping very well before that. It's everything, Edward, everything she's gone through. It's just...too much.
The guilt, already overwhelming, spiked again. It was my fault, all of it.
"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right." I murmured the words to her again and again as I pulled her onto my lap. At least this cloak is good for something, I thought dryly as I tucked the thick wool around her like a cocoon. If only I had been human, I could have cradled her against my bare chest, keeping her warm and comfortable her with my body heat. As it was, this was the best I could do. Alice perched on the sofa across from us, her eyes unfocused as she checked on the near future.
In my arms, Bella continued to shake with sobs. I held her tenderly, rocking her a little as I tried to soothe her.
"All those people," she sobbed after awhile. Yes, she understood perfectly.
"I know," I whispered. It was not easy to completely tune out what was happening in the other room, just a short distance away. It did help that I had something else to focus on, though.
"It's so horrible," she choked out, her voice breaking.
"Yes, it is," I said quietly, rubbing her back gently with my hand. "I wish you hadn't had to see that."
The tears were coming to a stop now; she rested her head against my chest and wiped her eyes on the cloak, inhaling deeply. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice tense, and she shot a glare past my shoulder. I didn't have to look into her mind to know the target of her ire, because I could hear Gianna's footsteps approaching—not to mention her silly, shallow thoughts. She wasn't really concerned about Bella, just curious.
"Is there anything I can get you?" Gianna as she leaned over my shoulder. Though her tone was polite, I tensed at her proximity. Her words struck a familiar chord, reminding me strongly of that obnoxious woman who had waited on us at the appropriately named Bella Italia in Port Angeles. Her thoughts were running along the same lines as well...
"No," I told her coldly, in answer to all of the connotations of her question. I didn't want her near Bella any more than the rest of them; in her own way, she was just as much of a monster.
She was disappointed, but she nodded and gave Bella a polite smile before returning to her counter. Well, it looks like he is already attached. Pity, that. She's not that much to look at, though, not nearly as pretty as I am. I might still have a chance, if I play my cards right... I tuned out the rest of her thoughts in disgust.
Bella stared after Gianna with wary eyes, no longer crying. "Does she know what's going on here?"
"Yes. She knows everything." I could see from the turn of her mouth that it disgusted her as well.
Her eyes narrowed. "Does she know they're going to kill her someday?" she asked, no doubt remembering Caius's pronouncement about the humans who worked here.
"She knows it's a possibility," I said. She stared at me in surprise. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her," I said carefully. I was very aware of Alice, unfocused again, but also half-listening to our conversation.
The blood drained from Bella's face as she stared at me in horror. "She wants to be one of them?" she whispered.
I nodded once, and watched as a shudder went through her.
"How can she want that?" she whispered, her eyes unfocused. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that?"
I didn't answer. Her words came back to me like an echo of my own thoughts, except that I had once wondered the same of Bella herself. I felt my expression twist as I gazed down at her. How could she want to be one of us? Didn't she see what a curse it really was? The monsters we became? But at least she looked at Gianna and saw the same horror as I did.
She knows the difference between wanting to be like us and wanting to be like them, came Alice's quiet thoughts. Sometimes, I wonder if you see that difference as clearly.
I saw the difference; it was just that I saw what we were as the lesser of two evils.
Bella's eyes softened as she gazed up at me, and a new gush of tears began to spill over.
"Oh, Edward," she sobbed.
"What's wrong?" I murmured, rubbing her back again as I looked down into her eyes. I couldn't stand to see her crying like this, particularly when I knew that whatever the immediate reason for it, every tear she shed was my fault.
She didn't answer at first—just threw her arms around my neck and pulled herself tight against me, burying her face in my chest. Her touch was electric, and despite the lingering peril of our situation, I felt a thrill that she still seemed to want me, after all I had done to her.
"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" she asked, her voice breaking twice.
If it is, then we both must have something terminal. I pulled her even closer to me—it still wasn't close enough—and whispered into her hair. "I know exactly what you mean. But we have lots of reasons to be happy." I pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. "For one, we're alive."
"Yes," she sniffed. "That's a good one."
"And together," I breathed, my dead heart singing with the word.
She just nodded, suddenly looking a little downcast. A feeling of unease shot through me. She was happy about that part, right?
"And with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I said to distract myself.
"Hopefully," she said, the trepidation obvious in her voice.
"The outlook is quite good," Alice assured her. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours." She smiled slightly as an image of her lover's face hovered in her mind. Relax, Edward, we're all going to be fine. It's quite clear now. I watched as a vision of the three of us boarding a flight to Rome played out in her mind, quite stable.
I couldn't keep my eyes off of Bella's face for long. I gazed at her tenderly, and she stared back at me. Now that the danger was past and I had the chance to really look at her, I saw things I had not had the luxury of dwelling on before. She was definitely thinner than she'd been before I'd left...and she looked exhausted. Her skin was even paler than usual, and she had dark circles under her eyes. If not for the gentle brown color of those eyes, she could almost have passed for a vampire.
I traced the dark circles with gentle fingertips. "You look so tired," I murmured. So tired, in fact, that I was sure Alice had been right about her not sleeping well—surely this could not be the result of only one night's missed sleep.
"And you look thirsty," she whispered back as she gazed up at me, no doubt studying the purple shadows under my own thirst-darkened irises.
I shrugged. "It's nothing."
"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," she offered, though I thought a bit unwillingly.
"Don't be ridiculous," I sighed. There was no way I was letting go of her now, not after so many months away from her. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature than right now." It was true. Her scent still scorched the back of my dry throat, but there was no instinct to have to hold in check. The monster was nowhere to be found, as if he had left me forever.
I did not lament the loss.
She looked as though she wanted to ask me something further, but for whatever reason decided to hold back. She lay quiet in my arms, her deep brown eyes roving over my face. I stared down at her, too, drinking in the sight of her while Alice and I discussed how to get home in low, quick voices.
"We'll have to steal another car, of course." Oh, you should have seen that Porsche, Edward...even when we were desperately speeding to save your neck, I couldn't help but enjoy myself a little. "We landed in Florence, and that's probably the best route out. We'll be able to catch a flight to Rome from there—I'll call ahead as soon as we're clear. And from there we should be able to snag a direct connection to the States. I hope you still have your passport, by the way—you didn't dump it or burn it or something else stupid, did you?"
"No, it's in my pants pocket, with my wallet."
"Good." I didn't want to have to take her back on a plane while you swam home after us—you have no idea what a fuss she would have made.
I wouldn't have been too happy about it myself.
Alice was quiet for a moment, her thoughts ranging back over our conversation with Aro. One part in particular had her puzzled. "What was all that talk about singers?"
"La tua cantante," I said softly, gazing down at Bella.
"Yes, that," Alice said. You know I've taken Italian almost as many times as you, Edward—I know its literal meaning...but what did he mean by it?
I shrugged. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer—because her blood sings for me."
Alice laughed. I suppose that's poetic, in a way. But then, everything about her sings for you, doesn't it?
Yes. I brushed my lips against Bella's hair and inhaled deeply through my nose. Resisting the wine while enjoying the bouquet, as I'd once explained it to her. Only now, there was no dark instinct that I had to resist. Only her familiar scent, sweet and warm and burning...
"What about Carlisle and the others?" I asked Alice.
"We should call them too, but they're already on their way. They'll get there well before we do." I saw a flash of our family arriving in Seattle.
"You told them?"
"I talked to Jasper on the plane." And I expect Rose had a tale of her own. Anger blazed through me, but I didn't let it show. Listen, I was furious with her too, no question. But it was a mistake, and she's sorry...she claims she is, at least. And besides, things worked out all right in the end, didn't they?
I supposed they had, to a point. I wished that Bella had never had to see this place, and even more that she had never come to the attention of Aro, Caius, and the rest. But despite all of that here we were, together once again. My beautiful Bella had traveled halfway around the world, had braved death itself to come to my rescue...and rescue me she had. What my own stubborn resolve had prevented, near-disaster had accomplished of its own accord, as if fate willed us to be together. I leaned down suddenly to press my lips to her forehead; her heartbeat accelerated, its sound seeming to fill the entire room. Together. I would never leave her again.
"We'll need to get you a shirt," Alice said, frowning as her eyes swept over the borrowed gray cloak. "You'll blend in well enough in this city tonight, but anywhere else people will be staring." Saint Marcus Day indeed...you sure do know how to make an entrance, don't you?
"I'm sure you'll find me something suitable."
"Hmm..." I saw her concentrating on the vision she'd had of us at the airport. Looks like Armani, maybe? You know, I just might have to do a little shopping for myself while I'm at it...
"Alice..." I warned her in a low voice.
"What? You expect me not to take advantage while we're here?"
"I expect you to keep the purchases to within what our carry-on luggage can withstand," I murmured as I trailed my fingertips along Bella's jaw. "And to be honest, I don't exactly relish the idea of lingering in this country any longer than we have to."
"Neither do I," she sighed. Don't worry Edward, I'll be quick. Just a shirt for you and maybe a nice little dress for Bella...and another for me...
I rolled my eyes, but didn't see the point of further argument.
I hope you have enough sense to do the right thing this time, Edward, she thought seriously. I don't think I could stand another six months like that.
"You don't think you could?" I asked her softly, raising my eyebrows.
I didn't say you could either...but you might still be both stubborn and masochistic enough to try, knowing you...I just wanted to make sure.
My lips twitched. "You mean you don't know the answer to that yourself?"
I can only see what you've decided for the moment, as you well know. All I'm saying is you'd better not change your mind and pull another disappearing act, or I just might bite your head off, dear brother...
"Don't worry, Alice," I murmured, still gazing at Bella's face.
Fortunately for me, there wasn't really a choice to agonize about, because what was right and what I wanted seemed to be more in line than ever before. I watched as Alice played a more complete version of her latest visit to Forks for my benefit—all the time, I kept my eyes on Bella's, and my conviction only grew stronger with each passing moment. I had wronged her in so many ways when I left...it staggered me. I would return, and I would make amends for as long as I had to—decades, if that was what it took. I would make her life right again, not by keeping myself away, but by being a part of it.
Looking down into her eyes, having her soft and warm and safe in my arms, I knew that even had what was right and my own needs been two different things, I would never have had the strength to leave her again. I leaned down to brush my lips against the tip of her nose, and smiled a little as her heart rate spiked again.
It was heaven—right smack in the middle of hell.
Alice retreated back into her visions for a spell while Bella and I continued in our mutual reverie. Time passed without seeming significant, until I heard quiet footsteps approaching the double doors. I drew Bella a little closer as Alice and I looked warily in that direction. I reached out to see who it was. Alec. Well, at least it wasn't Felix...or Jane. Still, Bella cringed into my chest as he entered the room.
"You're free to leave now," he told us warmly. His eyes were a vivid ruby from the afternoon meal; I tried not to think of the humans who had died to sustain him and the others. His thoughts were far from hostile toward us, though he was a little bemused. Like many of the others, he didn't quite understand Aro's insatiable fascination with us. "We ask that you don't linger in the city," he added.
"That won't be a problem," I answered him coldly. As if we'd linger in their cursed city any longer than we had to.
Alec gave us a smile and a nod, then retreated through the double doors. I'll never understand it, I suppose...oh well...
Bella seemed stiff as she tried to get up off my lap; I helped her to stand, then steadied her when she wobbled a little. She was truly exhausted. I was glad we would be in a car soon, where she could finally get some much-needed sleep.
"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna told us, pointing out the direction as she spoke. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now," she added in a pleasant voice which hid her slight disappointment. Well, it looks like he won't be joining us after all...a pity.
I didn't even spare her a glance as we passed, though Alice shot her a dark look. You know what, I hope they decide not to keep her. I suspect she'd make a particularly evil vampire.
I didn't answer, but I suspected she was right. I remembered Jane's assessment of Gianna's chances, and I suspected that she had been right as well. I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry.
We left through the lobby, yet another part of the elaborate business facade—no casual visitor would ever have guessed the true nature of what lurked within this castle. Outside, the sun had dipped below the city's walls, leaving us safely shrouded in shadow. I noticed Bella glance back as we left the nightmare behind. I knew she wouldn't be able to see the turret from here...and for that I was grateful.
The humans of the city—locals and tourists alike, were still reveling in the festivities. The color red was everywhere, in flags, scarves, cloaks... I remembered seeing all of this earlier in the day, but I had taken so little notice, at the time.
As Alice had predicted, my attire did not stand out particularly—some of the revelers had donned black satin cloaks, and many an adult happily sported the sort of plastic fangs usually worn by children at Halloween. One man bared his 'fangs' at us as we passed, waggling his eyebrows in a pathetic attempt to look sinister.
The trappings of vampires, as they see them, Alice mused beside me.
"Ridiculous," I muttered.
Listen, I'd better go see about procuring us a car...and I have to fetch Bella's bags—she'll need her passport, and she'll be happier if she has access to a change of clothes and a toothbrush. In her mind, I caught a glimpse of a backpack stuffed into a back alley cranny, about twenty feet above street level. I'll meet you outside, she added as she slipped away.
Bella didn't notice Alice's absence at first, but when she did she looked panicked.
"Where's Alice?" she whispered, glancing around.
"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."
Bella frowned. "She's stealing a car too, isn't she?"
I grinned. Always the police chief's daughter. "Not till we're outside."
She wobbled a little as she walked, her exhaustion catching up with her. I wanted very much to carry her the rest of the way to the gate, but knew that would attract undue attention. So instead I wound my arm around her waist, drawing her close so that I could support her as we walked. It was good to have her so close, regardless. I never wanted to let go of her again.
I felt her give a shudder as we passed beneath the dark stone archway, and I held her a little tighter, relieved that we were leaving the city and the nightmare behind.
I reached out with my mind and found Alice immediately, in the dark car waiting in the shadows to the right of the gate. The engine was running, and she was anxious to get away. So was I. I opened the back door for Bella and helped her inside before sliding in next to her. I wrapped both my arms securely around her as Alice took off down the hill. I felt lighter, almost giddy—we were finally putting distance between ourselves and Volterra, on our way home.
"I'm sorry," Alice apologized with a vague gesture toward the dashboard. "There wasn't much to choose from." A wistful image of a yellow Porsche flitted through her mind.
"It's fine, Alice." I grinned. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."
She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."
"I'll get you one for Christmas." Hell, I'd get her ten of them if she wanted. I owed Alice a lot for what she had done for me today. For us. I rested my chin on the top of Bella's head.
Alice turned to beam at me as we sped down the winding road. "Yellow," she told me. You are quite honestly the best brother anyone ever had...except when you're being completely idiotic and aggravating, of course.
Of course.
Bella shifted a little in my arms, her expression peaceful as she gazed up at me. I gazed back down at her tenderly. I was content; we had escaped with our lives intact, and she was safe in my arms.
"You can sleep now, Bella," I murmured. "It's over."
Her expression wavered a little, and she swallowed. "I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired."
I dipped my head to press my lips to the warm hollow beneath her ear, reveling in both the softness of her skin and the concentration of her scent there. "Try."
She shook her head, keeping her eyes fixed on my face as I drew back.
I sighed. "You're still just as stubborn." And yet I love you all the more for it.
My beautiful, stubborn girl managed to stay awake all the way to Florence, where Alice pried her away from me long enough for her to use the restroom and brush her teeth, and change into a fresh set of clothes. Alice cheerfully bought me new clothes as well (I was quite amazed by her uncharacteristic restraint—she spent only a few minutes in the shop and bought nothing for herself). I left Felix's cloak on a pile of trash in an alley—I wouldn't mind if I never saw its like again. It was also a relief to be rid of his scent at last.
The plane trip to Rome was short enough that Bella managed to keep herself awake, but I hoped the longer flight to Atlanta would be another matter. She really needed to sleep.
So I was dismayed when she asked the flight attendant to bring her a Coke.
"Bella," I said with a disapproving frown. She didn't exactly have much tolerance for caffeine...then again, that was probably the idea. I didn't understand why she was being so stubborn about this—she would feel so much better if she got some rest.
Behind us, Alice was murmuring to Jasper on the phone, filling him in on everything that had happened in a voice too fast and low for the nearby humans to understand.
Bella's brow puckered a little as she gazed up at me. "I don't want to sleep," she said quietly. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."
I couldn't argue with her after that. Surely she'd seen enough in the last day to give anyone nightmares.
"No," I heard Alice murmur on the phone. "She's a little shaken, of course, but mostly just exhausted. Edward's trying to get her to sleep, but she's not having it. You know how stubborn she can be...but I think mostly she just doesn't want to take her eyes off him." A pause. "Yes, I think that would be best. We won't be there until after ten tomorrow morning." Another pause, and she sighed. "Yes, of course you should be there. Jazz, she doesn't hold anything against you, I told you. And neither does Edward." You don't, do you?
I shook my head ever so slightly. No, I didn't hold anything against Jasper. What had happened hadn't been his fault. Mostly, it had been mine. That terrible day came flooding back to me, and I almost cringed at the memory. But my resolve did not waver. We would just have to be more careful, that was all. Because I couldn't live without Bella again.
It would have been a good time for us to talk, there in the quiet first class section of the plane with only Alice near enough to hear us. I had a number of questions that I wanted to ask her, and she probably had even more for me. But I held my tongue, unable to bring myself to ask those questions just yet. Besides, I still wanted her to sleep, even if she did insist on drinking more soda throughout the flight, stubbornly refusing to succumb to her exhaustion.
I was content enough to hold her in my arms, my fingers tracing the perfect features of her face in an endless caress. She reached up to touch my face as well, though she was strangely hesitant. I worried about that a little. She was just the same as I remembered, and yet different—it was as though she was unsure of herself. But I closed my thoughts to such questions as her fingertips left trails of burning warmth on my cheek. Later, when she was rested...and we were alone. Then I would have answers to my questions. In the meantime, I would just revel in being with her at last. I placed repeated kisses on her hair, her forehead, her wrists as her hands stroked my face... But as much as they called to me, I avoided her lips. That would have seemed wrong, somehow, for some reason I could not quite put my finger on. Maybe it was the fact that we were not alone...or maybe I needed my answers first. Maybe I just wanted her to be the one to make the first move. No, I decided, I just wanted her to sleep. I would have hummed her lullaby for her, but I suspected the flight attendants would bother us if I did.
And besides, I realized with a jolt of despair that hearing that lullaby might bring back a few more unpleasant memories for her right now. I recalled the CD I had hidden from her, along with the other things that might remind her of me. No reminders. Ha. I should have known better than that.
As I gazed at her, I thought again of all the ways I had wronged her, and all the things I would do to put her life right again. I would pick up my life where I'd left off. I wondered vaguely if Carlisle and Esme had spoken to the school yet, or if they would wait, to be sure of me first. Regardless, school wouldn't be a problem. No doubt either Alice or Emmett would happily hack into the L.A. school system's records to plant evidence of our time there, and the transfer of our credits would be a simple matter. No one at Forks High School would bother to check up on it. Most of the teachers there had thought we all belonged in college from the moment we'd first arrived.
Charlie would be a problem, though. I would have known that even if I hadn't seen his angry face in Alice's thoughts. I didn't blame him one bit for that anger; if only I could have explained to him how much more angry I was with myself than he could ever be. He would probably ban me from the house. I could live with that. With difficulty. There was always school, though—he couldn't touch us there. And at night, after he'd gone to bed, we would be together again.
I allowed myself to linger for a time on the sweet memory of Bella's bedroom...my sanctuary...our little haven that had always seemed to be something apart from the rest of the world...
There were other problems, of course, problems more pressing than Charlie's certain disapproval. The wolf pack, for one. I didn't like Bella associating with them—too dangerous. They were volatile, unpredictable creatures—even Alice couldn't see the outcome of their decisions. I would have to try to keep Bella away from them. I realized uneasily that she would probably resent me for this. She had grown close to them while I'd been away. Yes, I was responsible for that, as well. They had been there to protect her while I had not, and I was certainly thankful for that much, at least. But that didn't mean I would let her be around them now—it was only down to sheer luck that she hadn't been hurt already (and honestly, when had Bella's luck ever lasted?). I gave a little sigh, gazing down into her eyes. She would resent my overprotectiveness, as she always did. But I couldn't let her risk her life by being near them.
I thought briefly of Jacob Black. She had been closest to him. He had been there, in the house—I knew from Alice that he was the one who had answered the phone when I had called. Fleetingly, I wondered what would have happened if Bella had answered instead—would I have kept my resolve and hung up on her, content to know that she was alive? I shuddered ever so slightly at the thought. If I had hung up on her, if I had somehow found the strength to stay away for another month or two, would she have found solace elsewhere—moved on, as I had planned? The pain of that possibility was almost too much to bear. I pressed my lips into her hair again to hide the momentary anguish on my face.
Stop, I told myself. She's here, and she's safe. You can't ask for more than that.
And I reminded myself that I owed Jacob a debt which I could never fully repay. He had saved her—kept her alive in my absence. For that, I owed him my life. I told myself that again and again as I tried to keep the budding jealousy in check.
Of course, there was another nagging problem.
The Volturi. They would come to check, eventually—Caius would see to that. I knew Aro would give us time, though; he did not want to destroy us—at least, not all of us. And he really did want to see how Bella 'turned out'.
No. I would not give him that pleasure. She was staying human, and somehow I would protect her from them. I thought about what I had gleaned from Demetri, and my vague plans began to take more definite form in my mind...
And then there was Victoria; my thoughts returned to her as I felt Alice searching, trying to find any sign that the demon redhead might be returning to Forks in the near future. There's no trace of her Edward, she told me, aware that I was listening. I think the pack must have scared her off, for now. Probably it'll be months before she tries anything again.
She would have to be dealt with of course; there was no way I was going to let her get away with this, whether she came back or not. But dealing with a lone nomad shouldn't be too difficult, if I could just find her. With Alice's help, it should be possible.
All through that long flight, Bella never took her eyes off of my face, and I never looked away from hers. After a time, I could no longer focus on the problems of the future; I allowed myself to simply bask in her presence, knowing that at long last we were on our way home.
Of course, I was home already; I was with Bella.
A/N: Please review! The rest of the Cullens will be joining us in the next chapter.