A/N: Day 4 of our little retro Caskett adventure. Thank you for the lovely reviews. Really appreciate the feedback.
"Picked you out and picked you up
Hoping that my luck would change
I let the summer fill my lungs
And superstition fill my brain
Dandelion
A million little wishes float across the sky
But it's a waste of breath and it's a waste of time I know
Cause just like him, you always leave me cryin' dandelion"
- Kacey Musgraves, Dandelion
Chapter 4 – Progress
The bathroom is well lit. Perhaps a little too well lit, thinks Kate, considering. Considering this is them. But then more intimate lighting or candles would just be…
"So…you've done this before?" asks Castle, interrupting her scattered train of thought.
"I…uh…do you have any lotion?" Kate asks, instead of answering his question. "Or massage oil?"
"Massage oil?" squeaks Castle, emitting a nervous laugh.
"Look, if you're not going to take this seriously…" says Kate, hands on her hips.
"No. No, I…deadly serious," nods Castle, straightening his face. "Kate Beckett offers you a hand massage…"
Kate glares at him some more.
"There's a bottle of lotion on the top shelf of the cabinet," he tells her hurriedly, adding apropos nothing, "Which I bought for myself, I hasten to add."
"Because…?" asks Kate, lifting down the elegantly packaged bottle of expensive, Jo Malone Lime & Basil hand lotion.
"Because I liked the scent and I happen to think that smooth hands are an important part of good grooming, especially when I have signings to do. People notice that sort of thi…"
"I meant, why are you telling me you bought it for yourself?" corrects Kate, biting her cheek to keep from laughing at him and the deeply personal information he just inadvertently revealed.
"Oh. I just…I didn't want you to think that it was left over from some other wo… You know what, I'm just going to shut up now," he says, wisely.
Kate smirks at the hole he's dug for himself, but finds that she's actually surprisingly pleased that he did buy the damn lotion for himself.
"Sit," she instructs, pressing down on his shoulders to get him to settle on the closed toilet seat.
She spreads a towel out across his lap and lays his hand on top. Then she pumps a generous amount of the creamy lotion out into her own palm and kneels down in front of him.
"One word," she warns sternly, when he goes to open his mouth to make some wisecrack once she's kneeling before him.
He closes it instantly, doing a good impression of a goldfish.
When he opens it again to speak, a devilish glint in his eye, she adds, "I mean it, Castle. You make fun and I stop. Understand?"
He nods vigorously, fighting down a moan of pleasure when she takes his hand in both of hers, slathering the cool lotion across his palm to begin with.
"And not a word to anyone at the precinct either," she adds for good measure.
"Wouldn't dream of it," he says, watching her movements intently.
"If the boys got wind…" Kate mutters, concentrating on what she's doing.
"Understood. Street cred down the drain," he adds, catching her eye when she raises her gaze to meet his.
"Exactly," she replies warily, wondering if he's being sincere or mocking her.
Kate begins the massage by holding his arm in place with one hand loosely grasped around his, while she works the lotion into his hand and all the way up to his elbow. Then she reverses the position of her hands and repeats her movements all over again until the lotion is fully blended into his skin, leaving just a sheen on the surface to reduce friction.
The bathroom is so quiet, only the sound of their breathing can be heard while Kate works. It's disturbingly intimate, she finds, trying to keep her mind focused soley on the task in hand and not allowing it to dwell for any longer than necessary on the firmness of Castle's muscles moving beneath her fingers.
She continues to hold his arm, using her free hand in a gentle squeezing motion to tease the muscles from the wrist to just beneath the elbow. Repeating the same movements with the positioning of her hands reversed once she's worked down one side.
"You're really good at this," observes Castle, watching the care she's taking over every little movement. "Where'd you learn? Beauty school?" he smirks, earning himself a narrow eyed glare from the woman currently kneeling in front of him.
"Seriously?" asks Kate, dryly.
"I just…" he shrugs.
"You just what?" asks Kate, as she begins to lightly brush her thumb over the back of his hand, working up towards his wrist.
"...thought maybe I'd uncovered another layer of the Beckett onion," he replies, cursing his own stupid mouth, Kate suspects, from the cringing look on his face.
"Hey, take it as a compliment," he tells her. "Some of those women are seriously good with their…hands…" he says, trailing off, realizing he's said too much as usual.
"I'm not even going to ask how you would know that," replies Kate, not even looking up.
"Okay. So, I've had a few massages in my time," he confesses. "Therapeutic sports massages," he clarifies, sounding just a little like he's protesting too much.
She ignores his remark for a second, concentrating on increasing the pressure to his hand as she sweeps her thumb towards his wrist.
"My grandmother," she says eventually, breaking the heavy silence.
"Your grandmother taught you to do this?" squeaks Castle, evidently finding it a more sensual experience than Kate intended, though she couldn't swear to not feeling the same right now if questioned in a court of law.
"No. She had arthritis. I used to visit her in the nursing home. One of the OT's showed me how to give her a hand massage to ease the pain in her joints. She liked to be touched," adds Kate, quietly.
"She's not the only one," blurts Castle, his eyes widening in horror once the unfiltered words have popped out of his mouth.
Kate pauses what she's doing for a second to look up at him.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I'll shut up now. Please, don't stop?"
Kate doesn't respond one way or the other. She just resumes working on the back of his hand, adding pressure with her fingertips between the bones at the back of his wrist, finally working to loosen his lymphatic system via the veins at the base of his wrist.
She continues to support his hand in her left one, while she begins to work on each finger individually, beginning with his pinkie. She massages the finger then gives it a gentle twist in both directions, before giving it a quick pull to finish and moving onto the next one.
"Any pain?" she asks, glancing up to check for his answer.
But he seems mesmerized by what she's doing to him, this touching so far beyond the physical boundaries they normally keep in place.
"Castle?" she prompts to get his attention.
"Uh…sorry? You were saying?"
"Are you feeling any pain?" she repeats, patiently.
"No. Not yet. I think it's my thumb," he tells her, flexing his hand into a fist, so that she lets go of him completely to give him the freedom to move his fingers and test for pain.
"Sorry," he apologizes, looking mildly panicked. "Here," he adds, thrusting his hand back into hers, not wanting her to stop touching him.
"Turn over," instructs Kate, gently rotating his wrist and then resting the back of his hand on the towel.
"You're…you're not stopping?" he asks, the panic now in his voice too.
"We need more lotion," she tells him calmly, reaching up for the bottle and dispensing more of the fragrant unguent into her own palm.
"Oh. Oh, right," he says dumbly, and she can hear the relief in his voice and see it in the relaxed slump of his shoulders.
When they progressed to this – needing and wanting to touch – she's shocked to discover she has no idea. Before yesterday, the very thought of such intimacies would have remained strictly locked up inside her own head, in so much as they appeared at all.
Kate sweeps more lotion over Castle's palm and up across the soft underside of his arm again, gliding smoothly over the pale, hairless skin. Then she begins to focus on the base of his thumb, applying pressure around that area in particular, gently at first and then with more force when she sees that he can take it.
"Ah, yes. Right there," he tells her suddenly.
"Painful?"
He nods, listening to his own body for a second.
"Too painful? You want me to stop?" asks Kate, stilling her movement, her fingers still cradling his hand.
"No. Tight, like a cramp that needs worked out."
"Okay. If you're sure? Stop me if it gets to be too much," she warns him.
She devotes some attention to the center of his palm and the fleshy, muscular part of his thumb, having now established that this seems to be where most of the pain is coming from. She sweeps her own thumb from his wrist down into his palm, working the area around his lifeline. Then she positions her hands either side of his, using her fingers to support his hand by hooking them in between the little and ring fingers on the right, and the thumb and forefinger on the left. She then uses her thumbs to gently massage the base of Castle's palm while it lies cradled in her own.
Her knees are beginning to ache, and she's brutally aware of the stillness between them. The banter has stopped, and she can feel Castle watching her intently. The sensation is making her warm; being so steeped in his gaze. She knows he likes to watch her; he's been doing so for over a year and a half now, but never like this – so quietly, intimately and for so long, and never while she touches him.
She's nearly done, and she actually thinks about calling it a day right here, so intense is the silence that she's worried he might hear her heart racing.
"This is definitely helping," he tells her, letting the weight of his hand rest fully in hers, and so she resolves to finish what she started.
She uses her left hand to steady Castle's arm at the wrist. Then she interlocks her other hand with his by lacing their fingers together before rotating her left hand to massage his wrist joint. Then she moves alternately in both directions and ends by pulling gently towards her own body, stretching out the long bones of his arm and the finer ones at his wrist to ease any cramping.
His fingertips brush up against her stomach and she blinks rapidly at the ticklish sensation that sends sparks of pleasure throughout her body. She risks a glance at Castle, and, though he mercifully doesn't say anything, she can tell he feels it too.
She quickly finishes up by stroking firmly down his arm and hand in one long continuous motion all the way to his fingers, before gently letting go.
"All done," she says, forcing the cheerful efficient tone of a professional into her voice to try to keep the intimacy of the moment to a minimum.
Castle sits back. Appearing to come out of some kind of trance, he flexes his fingers and makes a fist again, testing out his hand now that the massage is over.
"Feel okay?" asks Kate, taking the towel from his lap and drying her hands with it.
"Better than okay. You're a miracle worker," he grins. "If the whole Homicide Detective thing doesn't work out, you know you could always…"
"Castle," warns Kate, with an indulgent grin.
"Sorry. Couldn't resist," he says, rising to help her up off her knees.
Kate stumbles a little as she tries to stand, and once again Castle catches her, his hands landing on her waist this time.
The air goes stiflinglyly still, heavy and fragrant with the sharp zesty lime of the lotion and the remnants of the fresh soapy scent and steamy heat from Kate's recent bath. She feels breathless and dizzy and her heart is pounding loud enough to be audible, she's sure this time.
Castle's fingers flex on her waist, gripping and releasing over and over in time with her heart. She doesn't know what to do with her own hands. He's so close and so…him and she really shouldn't.
I like you.
"Kate?" he says, breaking the silent spell that's fallen over them.
Her eyes dart up to meet his at the sound of her name, flicking to his lips and then back up again. He's watching her with so much want in his eyes, so much naked desire she's never witnessed from him before.
"Castle," she swallows, her left hand making its own way to rest on his forearm, the other one finding a fistful of his shirt. "Castle, what are we doing?" she whispers, feeling her knees begin to tremble, feeling breathless, as if she's just been punched in the gut.
"Whatever you want," he tells her seriously.
"What do you want?" she finds herself asking, losing all sense of self-control.
"You need to ask?" he croaks, throatily, his eyes roaming over her face, devouring every inch of her while he can; while she's this close and not threatening him with violence.
Kate watches his throat bob when he swallows, feels the heat from his body leeching into her skin and she just wants to lean into him, let him wrap his arms around her and absorb her into the shelter of his large, comforting frame. She has no home. But this man stepped up to offer her one. He rescued her from a burning building…should she even be questioning why she wants this anymore? Does she need anymore proof of his devotion, his loyalty, his…?
I like you.
When her lips meet his it's electric; a gentle exploration for all of seconds, and then they are both overtaken by pure, animal lust. Kate's eyes are closed, but she can hear Castle's ragged breathing, feel his hands on her body, his fingers gripping her, desperately clawing to bring her closer.
"Oh god," she curses, swaying when his mouth leaves hers and his lips brush her neck.
He sucks lightly on her skin, then licks a swathe all the way down her throat, his day old stubble grazing across sensitive flesh and sending a shower of sparks behind her eyes and down her spine, leaving her weak and clinging to him just to stay upright.
"You sure about this?" he pants eventually, seconds after he slams her up against the bathroom door, their bodies writhing together in desperate search of pleasure.
"No. Are you?" she laughs shakily, pulling back to look at him.
"If you're not sure we have to stop, Kate," he tells her, planting his hands firmly on her hips to still her frantic movements, holding her at arms length.
"I…" she whines with indecision, hating herself for stopping him. "I just…I didn't expect…" she shrugs, indicating between them with her hand.
"No. Neither did I, I swear," he tells her earnestly.
"I know. Don't…" she shakes her head, licking her kiss-swollen lips.
"Don't what?" asks Castle, a painful hope in his voice.
"Don't stop," she gasps, surprising even herself. "Please…Castle, don't stop?" she begs him, tugging him closer with her hands at his back, desperate to feel his weight pressing up against her once more.
"Are you sure, Kate? I don't…" he hesitates, resisting her unexpected encouragement.
"Don't you want to?" she asks, confused, all of a sudden doubting his desire for her, for this.
"Oh, god. No. Of course I want you. No, that's not the problem. Kate, you're vulnerable. You've been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours. I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you and ruin what we have."
"And what exactly do we have?" asks Kate, staring at the floor, feeling rejected despite his words.
"A friendship. A really good friendship"
Kate snorts, letting her hands fall from his body to hang limply by her sides as she leans back against the bathroom door, finally crossing them over her chest in a self-protecting move.
"A friendship. I see," she nods, laughing bitterly and then looking away, anywhere but at him.
"No. No, I don't think you do," he insists, determinedly.
"Then why don't you explain what I'm missing," she hisses, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice.
"Every other woman I've ever been with, I screwed things up by being impatient, charming my way to what I wanted before I got to know them and they got to know me. Things are different with you and me. We've taken our time. Become friends…"
"Yeah," laughs Kate bitterly, "friends. You said that already."
"You're not listening to me," he insists, grabbing ahold of one wrist.
Kate finally goes silent and forces her eyes up to meet his.
"If I screw this up, I lose out on the most important friendship of my life. I want you, Kate, so badly. But I'd rather have you in my life than in my bed for a few brief hours and then lose you altogether."
Kate is startled by Castle's honesty, his calmness and sincerity in the face of her wounded acting out and his own desire. She can see the point he's making – that he's not rejecting her, he needs her for more than just sex, and that takes her breath away.
"Why can't we have both?" she asks, laying one hand flat on his chest, allowing the fingers of her other hand to hook into his belt, tugging lightly. "Tell me why we can't have both?"
Castle shakes his head.
"Kate," he says reluctantly, "I'd like nothing more. But…"
"Then kiss me," she whispers, stretching up on tiptoe to gently meet his lips with her own.
A/N: Tomorrow's post may be delayed by vacation intervention. But I'll do my best. Thank you for the feedback. It is fun to revisit this time again. Liv