i'm sorry for typos and any weird alignment, it wouldn't upload correctly. love you guys xx

It felt like we were moving in slow motion towards the canteen. I was glad my legs were on autopilot because my body was numbed either from the cold or from the weed. A howl and rowdy laughter in the distance got my attention, I could see the clique Delphine and Kristal usually hung out with. Jocks were leaning against the wall with their letterman jackets and the cheerleaders giggling in a little circle not far off. I hadn't asked Delphine to sit through dinner with me or any other commitment for the evening so I really couldn't expect her to pick me over them. Every so often my knuckles would brush against Delphine's as we walked together. The closer we got the more nervous I felt. I hadn't planned this much ahead, I only got as far as to get her to smoke and drink with me. What I really wanted was to get to know her more, to figure out what our long stares meant, I wanted to get things straight. Was she always touchy with everyone or only with me, did she feel the electricity when we kissed?

The static between us since the second our eyes first met never left, to this very moment, it crackled in my ears, making my heart ache, thinking about how close we just were. I've never kissed softer lips.

What does "Tu es un plaisir" even mean?

"Where have you been hiding Delphine, Kristal? We've been waiting for you." Hollered Paul Dierden, or how Felix liked to call him, after having him in gym class, Big Dick Paul. He came over and put his arm around Delphine, almost elbowing me in the face like he didn't even see me. I noticed Delphine trying to shrug his arm off but it didn't seem to work. All I could do was keep walking, it was like the rest of us were ghosts none of the jocks moved to let us through the door. To be honest I wasn't going to wait for Delphine to ask if she was coming or not. Wouldn't want to look like an idiot in the case she rejects me.

I hate high school.

"Don't worry about it Paul, you should just know we were up to no good." I heard Kristal say in a flirty voice. Delphine laughed, probably because Kristal sounded clever for once. Taking one last glance behind me I saw Paul whispering something into Delphine's ear. But then his eyes turning towards the doorway where Sarah stood. Feeling a little bit bothered, I walked passed them and followed Allison to the same table we sat earlier but this time I sat on the opposite side of it, facing the door.

"Guys, do you think we smell? Do you think anyone can tell, you know, that we're h-"

"NO," yelled Sarah, interrupting Scott slapping the back of his head, making his glasses look crooked on his face. We all jumped at her booming voice.

"And if you don't shut your gob mate, I'll throw your Agricola in the creek." Scott's eyes bulged out of his head, his face drained of color and he looked towards everyone, setting us all off. We laughed up a storm, he just looked so comical. But across the room the popular clique walked in, Delphine caught my eye and waved from across the room. Was she mocking me?

She took a seat between Paul and Kristal a few tables away, giving me the perfect angle to catch a glimpse of her without much effort. But it wasn't like I was actually going to do that all night. Who was I kidding, looking at her all night was exactly what I am going to do. Disappointment filled me up with every glance, she kept talking to Paul all animated, touching his arm, or laughing at a joke. She looked absolutely in her element.

I was seeing red though, Delphine still made my heart ache and stomach flip but not in the way it did at first. The sick feeling boiling in my body hurt, my eyes wanted to shed tears but I stopped myself by biting the side of my cheek until I tasted blood. I get it, with me it was 15 minutes of fun. Now it was back to normal.

The room got quiet as Leekie began talking about the dinner procedures and the talent show after, followed by the bonfire out in the woods.

"Leekie kills my buzz almost as much as you Sarah," Felix said as he continued to draw in his sketchbook.

We all groaned in agreement.

"What is it with you though Sarah, you're in a crabby mood since we got here. Snapping at Scott, shoving me out the way to sit there." he continued.

"Nothing, just a headache. With all this nonsense." She replied. If I hadn't of been looking at her, I would have missed the quick glance she gave the table Delphine was sitting in. There was no doubt something was going on with her. Sarah was always so cool, always so carefree. This was not like her, to see her fretting about something only made her seem more unapproachable.

"Hey bud," I tried to get Scott's attention. He turned towards me with a smile that reached his eyes, reminding me how lucky I was to have him as a friend for all these years.

"Think you can get my salad for me? I'm just not feeling up to it. I'll save your spot." I said. He nodded.

"Don't worry about it Cosima. I know how you get." His smile reassured me. Scott was used to my asthma fits. He was always willing to do things for me when I couldn't. I never use the excuse of feeling unwell to get him to do something for me, right now I just didn't want to get up. Metaphorically I did find it hard to take a breath. The room was stuffy, the windows were foggy with moister. My chest was being compressed with melancholy by the scenario unfolding in front of me, Delphine flirting with someone else.

"Can you get mine too, please... Sorry about earlier, Scott." Sarah apologized. She was sincere, her voice gentle as she spoke. Scott just side-eyed her and nodded, most likely still scared of being wacked by her again.

Dinner came and went. The room was chirpy with a mixture of voices filling the room to the rim. We were all feeling our buzz, it was obvious by the conversations we were having. Starting from ghost and spirits, down to the universe and clones. But the magnetic pull to the person across the room never let me relax. Delphine was in her own world again, just like in school. I guess being roommates didn't change anything between us, and what ever happened in the woods must have only meant something to me. Still, hours later my lips still tingled just thinking about it.

Maybe I'm just in love with the thought of is probably only platonic between us. Plus, by the looks of it she seemed straight.

"Aren't the French supposed to be romantic." I muttered, only realizing after, that I had said it out loud getting weird look from around.

"I could ask Delphine for you!" Scott chipped in as he started getting up.

"GOD NO!" I pulled him down.

"Hush you two, the talent show is starting! Behave while I'm gone!" Allison pointed at us, she was such a mom sometimes. After she was content that we would behave she got up and headed towards the teachers table grabbing a mic. Her job was to announce the performance.

The lights started dimming and as if there was an unsaid rule everyone went "Ooohh," like we've never seen lights turn off before. The performers where announced and did their thing, the Seniors in band class played the theme song for Star Wars. Someone else did some magic. Helena even went up to do the Michael Jackson Thriller dance with Donnie only to be joined by a few other students and teachers. We cheered, so loud and clapped as hard as we could. It was exhilarating to watch them perform. The room was so hyped up, living in the moment. There was a thundering round of applause after the talent show. Big smiles plastered on everyone. The room slowly cleared out after the show, we all made our way outside, it had gotten a lot chillier than the last time I was out it was also dark a few students were using the flash lights on their phone. Sarah rounded the troops and we gave Donnie and Helena a group hug for their successful performance. We followed the crowed uphill towards the opposite side of the cabins. Where a huge fire had already been started, it was visible through the silhouette of the trees and branches. The burning wood was bright, casting shadows around us. Warmness grazed our skin the closer we got. Making it to the top you could see it was a manmade amphitheater with different sized logs all around the huge fire pit.

"Last one to fire pit has to kiss Leekie!" Felix yelled as he ran down the hill.

In a hurry, we all took off! My legs taking the biggest steps possible. Felix quickly found a log long enough for all of us and close enough we won't all freeze. Donnie made it second, followed by Sarah and then Allison, Helena and I made it at the same time, Scott was last causing another ripple of laughter between us.

The smell of the bonfire was nice, it felt refreshing. The crackle of wood was soothing, my eyes getting lost in the flames that sensually danced. It hypnotized me, the brightness burned my eyes but I didn't look away. Spark would drift off of the tongue of the flames, making them fly upwards to blend with the stars. The night was quiet, and the sky was clear. This world scared me, looking up to see all the stars it never failed to make me feel so insignificant. Everything in this universe was insanely immense, some distances so great that by the time the twinkle of a star travels towards earth, and we admire its beauty, the star is probably long gone. That's why I love science, It was concrete. I needed something to grasp and take hold of in this jumbled up existence we live in. It made me feel a bit more whole as it filled the empty space in me.

Delphine made me feel like that too, for a second.

I looked around in search of her, regretting it as I did. Nothing. A tap on my shoulder anchored me to the ground. I knew who it was before I turned around.

"Looking for someone?" She asked, her hair glowing as it reflected the fire. Delphine looked good in this lighting, her eyes looked lighter than usual almost a hazel. Those cheeks were rosy her nose also looking it from the cold. She looked happy to see me, as her smile spread. It was only proof that her smile was contagious as I smiled back but it didn't stop me from saying 'nope' and turning back towards the fire. Paul was still with her sitting between her and Kristal. Only this time he had his arm around Kristal and whispering quite loudly sweet nothings into her ear. It was blatantly obvious Kristal was eating it all up as she giggles annoyingly.

"Oh Paul, wait till we get home." Kristal said in an over exaggerated girly voice.

I looked behind me again to see Delphine absolutely unfazed of the fact the biggest douche in school was giving the same attention he was giving her 3 minutes ago to someone else. Something was fishy. Sarah got up, her hands in a fist.

"For Fuck Sake, Piss off you lot." She said making Kristal look so offended.

"Sarah, you could say that a bit nicer you know. Let's go Paul" Kristal got up to move, but he just stared at Sarah they both looked furious. There was so much tension, but in the end Paul got up and left, being followed by the rest of their posy. Not Delphine though.

"Is there room next to you," She asked me, taking me by surprise.

"Yeah, of course Delphine!" Scott answered for me, the goof thought she was talking to him. Only good thing about this was that he moved away from me so there was a space for her between us. I was enraged though, I tried letting him know this by giving him the most hateful stare I could muster.

What? He mouthed completely oblivious to the situation.

"Thank you, Scott." Delphine patted him on the shoulder as she climbed down. She then scooted closer to me, leaning into my ear. I couldn't help but lean in closer to her lips, they brushed against me and I could hear the deep breath she took.

"Bonjour mon chéri," she whispered. I could feel the warmth radiating from her, it was better than what the physical fire was putting out. This was good, this was what I wanted, but not when it was convenient for her or when she felt like it. With that logical thought, the heat she radiated on me was gone and I leaned away. It took a few of my heart beats for Delphine to lean away too. It hurt to be this way, but I wasn't a toy she could pick up when she was bored. Whatever she was trying to reel, I was done being pulled in.

Throughout the rest of the night, someone played guitar and we sang along to whatever popular song it was. Towards the end, it transitioned to scary stories. Cabin 10, my cabin, was the epicenter of one of them. As if I needed a reminder. During the storytelling, Delphine moved closer and closer towards me. It was hard to act brave but I was doing a better job than her, she looped her arm around mine and rested her head against my shoulder. I wasn't going to pull away, she comforted me.

By the end of the night, the fire was small and the cold was winning. Curfew was announced and the students dispersed as quickly as possible to their cabins, after being scared to death by the stories.

Delphine and I got sad looks, as the word spread that we were roommates staying in the haunted cabin. We got a couple of "good lucks" from girls in the bathroom as we got ready for bed, Helena even gave me one of her spare rosaries as I brushed my teeth. I used my phone to light the way to the cabin, Delphine was already there, in her bunk. The second I locked the door, the silence consumed us. How can I get some shut eye when I'm sharing this small room with the most gorgeous girl in school? I got my pillow and blanket from my duffle and tried to get comfortable in my sleeping bag under the blanket. Staying still I tried going to sleep. The wind howled in the distance making it hard to relax as the wooden cabin frame creaked, making eerie noises. It was freezing, my feet felt like ice blocks.

"Is that you moving the bed?" Delphine asked.

My eyes shot open, hoping she was joking.

"Cosima?"

"Ye-Yeah" my teeth chattered.

"Are you cold, you're literally shaking the whole bed." I was trembling, and I couldn't get warm. There was a cold breeze coming from under the door and going right through me.

"So-So-Sorrry, I'm sta-rting to warm u-up." Lies left my trembling lips.

"Come up here, I don't mind sharing," Delphine said. It was tempting, and she noticed my hesitation.

"You know heat rises, right? It also only makes sense that we put our body heat to use." There was no denying it, I couldn't resist. Violently shivering I grabbed all my stuff and pushed it up with me, she scooted over for me, she zipped open her sleeping bag and did the same to mine.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well, we can connect our bags and make one big sleeping bag for the both of us to share and put our blankets on top." It was a pretty good plan, but my body now was shivering for an entirely different reason. We both helped move the blankets around on us, our hands would occasionally graze. I finished by putting my pillow right next to hers. I got in and laid on my back as she did the same, my hands resting on either side of me. Our shoulders were touching, our knuckles were touching, and her body heat was making me feel warmer. She became my personal radiator, her scent floated off of her and i closed my eyes to enjoy this very moment not wanting to forget a single second of it. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered against me, I could slightly feel my body being rocked by the pounding of my heart. I was slowly regretting getting into bed with the girl I had a crush on. I tried to focus on anything but her. My efforts quickly simmer as I feel her hand turning in search for mine. The butterflies turn into thorns and needles that perforate my heart. Her pinky laces around mine and I could tell her hand were clammy. Her movements were tender, the way it always was when she touched me. There was a slight tremble to her, making me think she was nervous. I tried not to move, staying still to not scare her off. She took her time as her fingers traveled into my palm. Placing her hand flat against mine, as to feel it completely without any space between us. Delphine's breathing was deeper, she kept taking in more oxygen every time, something that I was doing as well. Her fingers started to tracing my palm, going to all the indents and crevices. It was tickling me, our skin touching was maddening. I let her consume me, indulging this feeling for as long as i could. I closed my thighs to contain the pressure she caused between them.

I wanted nothing more than to turn towards her and tangle my fingers in her hair, pulling her to a kiss. A kiss that was deep and long, I wanted to know what her tongue felt like on mine. My mind raced with all the ways we can get warmed up and put our body heat to use like she had suggested. I wanted to feel her shaky hands on my skin and physically feel her whimpers in my mouth.

Nevertheless, I wanted this but not this way. I turned to face her, her eyes were closed and her lip was between her teeth. The moonlight coming in made her eyelashes look so long. She had faint freckles by her nose, that weren't noticeable when she had makeup on. Here I was, thinking she couldn't be more beautiful. On cue, she opened her eyes and turned to me. A shadow masked her eyes but I could still feel her stare.

"What is this Delphine." I asked.

No answer, she just sighed and brought her hand up to push her hair back.

"Why do all this, here with me, when out there you flirt with others like Paul." Her expression quickly changed, she looked taken back.

"Paul? I don't flirt with him or anyone. Am I not being obvious enough with you."

"Delphine, what you were obvious about what letting him get all on you. When we got to the canteen, during dinner and the talent show." I explained.

"Yes I was but not for the reasons you think."

"What reasons Delphine!?"

"Sarah." She said that as if it explained everything. But what did Sarah have to do with this? With us? When we walked down and Delph was pulled by Paul they both whispered something and looked at her. Sarah was also acting weird during dinner when she kept looking at them. Could it be?

"What's wrong with you Delphine? You've been using me and Paul to make Sarah jealous?" To this allegation, Delphine got up on an elbow just like me and laughed out loud, shaking her head.

"No. Paul asked me to help him make Sarah jealous. Not a lot of people know but they've been together for ages. They only recently fell out." Then it clicked. Felix had teased Sarah about Paul in the past but I never really paid much attention to it.

"Oh." was all I mustered, my eyelids feeling heavy and my body tired from today. I laid back down, Delphine followed. I let out a sigh I was holding in. Gosh, things weren't as complicated as I thought.

"I'll admit, I've only flirted with one person since I've been in America," Delphine said. I heard her hand shuffling around looking for something. Knowing exactly what it was I reached for her hand instead, making me smile when she squeezed it. She took my hand in hers and rested them on her tummy, using her other hand to caress the inside of my wrist. It tickled but it was so comforting.

"Good night," I whispered.

"You should know, I'll be having the sweetest dreams tonight." She whispered right before it all turned black.