Still have no idea when to set this. I'm thinking it's happening parallel to Season 1, what do you think? Is there a particular time you'd like it to be set? Or maybe just a general fic with no real place in the show? Let me know, cause I don't have the foggiest :P
~0~0~0~
Sherlock headed downstairs the moment Mycroft's car sped away. His feet barely touched each stair as he glided down, much like he always did when he was on a mission, although this time he was still in his dressing gown rather than his well-loved overcoat, although he did still try to flick the collar up before he knocked on the door. He was rather glad John hadn't followed him and seen the error.
"Oh, it's you." Faye replied with a resigned sigh, "I just can't get you Holmes boys to leave me alone today." She stepped out of the way to let Sherlock on. He stalked into the middle of the room, getting ready to pace when he realised her wooden coffee table was in the way. He pushed it out of the way then stood in it's place. Faye stared at him from the doorway, her eyebrows raised in mild amusement but she didn't comment about the rearrangement of her furniture.
"Why was my brother here?" He asked and she sighed, shutting the door behind her.
"He came to offer me money in exchange for information on you." She replied, bored, as she sat down on her sofa, "He apparently worries about you and thought I could be bought."
"You said no then?" He asked and she snorted.
"Hell no." She laughed, "I'm a barmaid. I need the money. He wanted to know what you were doing, so I told him you were bungee jumping."
"Bungee jumping?" He repeated slowly. Oh Lord, a mad woman lived underneath them. And that was coming from a high-functioning sociopath.
"In an infinite number of universes," she started, "with an infinite number of possible time lines, there is one where Sherlock Holmes is indeed bungee jumping." She smirked to herself, "I imagine in a dress. Blue, probably."
"You told him that?" she nodded, "I'm guessing he didn't pay you?" She pulled out an envelope, a rather thick white one.
"Always get the money up first. My daddy taught me well, Sherlikins." She pulled out some of the money before holding it out to him, "Here you go." He took it, raising his eyebrow, amused.
"Sherlikins?" She shrugged.
"Just testing it out." She replied, "I'll think on it a bit longer."
"He will be back, you know?" Sherlock pointed out, "One does not mess with Mycroft Holmes." She nodded.
"I know." She stated, "Show yourself out, arse." They smirked at each other.
"You still have to move out." He called over his shoulder as he left.
"Make me, arsehole."
~0~0~0~
"Holmes!" She screamed as she stormed up the stairs towards their flat. John sighed, folding up the newspaper he'd just started reading and placing on the coffee table in front of him with a thud.
"What did you do now?" He asked Sherlock, who was reading in his own chair.
"Nothing." He replied calmly as the door slammed open and Faye stormed in, eye blazing fire and she chucked a carrier bag onto his lap. A hand fell out and John jumped, surprised as Sherlock turned to the next page of his book.
"There was a hand in my freezer!" She screamed at him and he nodded.
"Yes, John said no more limbs amongst our food so I put it in the basement like I normally do." He replied and she made strangling motions towards his neck.
"It's not the basement, it's my flat!" She screamed back and he smirked in glee behind the book.
"Not for long." He said in a sing-song voice and she growled, yanking the book out of his hands and chucking it onto the sofa across the room.
"Where is my ice-cream?" She asked lowly and he shrugged.
"I don't know what you mean."
"Don't give me that shit, arsehole! I had two tubs of Ben and Jerry's in my freezer, that seem to have been replaced by a hand. Where. is. my. ice-cream?" He sighed, tilting his head in thought as he moved her out of the way, standing up.
"Oh yes. I remember now. I needed to make room, so I had to remove the tubs." He walked over to their kitchen, John hanging his head as he knew exactly where this was going, "Our freezer was full, however, so I couldn't just let it go to waste. It was very tasty, I shall have to try it again sometime."
"You ate my ice-cream?" She asked quietly and he nodded. She saw red, charging at him, "I'm going to fucking kill you Holmes!" He turned and rushed out of the room as she barrelled at him. John stood up, heading to the stairs to watch Sherlock dive out of the house, a grown woman on his tail.
~0~0~0~
John knocked on Faye's door, shifting from foot to foot as he waited for her to open it. She was already glaring, probably expecting Sherlock, a large gash on her cheek. She relaxed when she saw John and stepped aside to let him in.
"Sherlock said you'd fallen over." He commented as he walked to the kitchenette, "I got you some more ice cream."
"You shouldn't have done that." She replied, "He should have." She slammed the door shut slightly too hard, "Actually, he shouldn't have laughed when he tripped me up."
"Tripped you up?" John repeated as he put the two tubs of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer.
"Yes. I don't know how he did it, but he tripped me up." She was adamant about this. There had been nothing on the ground, and she wasn't clumsy enough to just trip over her own feet, "This came under my door today." She handed John a piece of newspaper. He frowned, unfolding it then groaning loudly.
"Oh Sherlock!" He exclaimed, staring at the letting listings, a few circled in red pen, like out of a movie, "He's so..." He trailed off before turning to her, "I'm sorry. Ignore him, he's a child."
"He's an arse." She corrected, "Give him this, will you?" She picked up an envelope, a brown one that was quite chunky.
"What is it?" He asked, "It's not a bomb, is it? Because I live there too." She laughed, shaking her head.
"No, it's not a bomb. Or anything dangerous, I promise. Tea?"
"Yes please." She flicked the kettle on and John felt the weight of the envelope again. He couldn't work out what it was, but he wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't anything dangerous.
"Here." She passed him his tea, "Where have you been without His Highness anyway?" They headed to the living area, sitting down on the sofa in unison.
"Someone has to shop for food, otherwise he'd never eat at all." John pointed out.
"Do you do anything without him?" She asked and he paused, trying to recall what he'd last done without him, "What happened with that Claire lass?"
"Oh, I kept having to cancel." He moaned, "I never thought this whole 'Consulting Detective' business would be so time consuming." He went to put his cup onto the coffee table and frowned, finding it strangely absent.
"Where's your coffee table?" He asked, looking around. How'd he missed that?
"Oh, it got in the way." She replied, "I'm sure you'll find someone else willing to date you. Even someone who will work around Holmes' schedule. Or someone who'll work with him. Like a carer." He laughed.
"He's not that bad."
"He ate my ice-cream." She pointed out. John opened his mouth to protest, "He ate my ice-cream to make room for an arm." They both stared at each other then started laughing in unison. Faye leant on John's shoulder, cradling her cup of tea.
"Tell me more about him." She commanded, "Like, tell me about one of your cases together. Show me the man you seem to love so much." John pulled a face, shifting so they were both more comfortable.
"I don't love him." He defended.
"Yes you do." She replied, "You adore him. Your life would be dull without him." John nodded, conceding her point. He didn't have many friends outside Sherlock, he could count them on one hand and they weren't exactly close. And they all found Sherlock awful. She did too, but not for the same reasons and she seemed to be warming to him, now it was more of a reluctant annoyance between the pair. And she worked nights, so they were always in at the same time, he could just nip down and see her whenever he wanted. Slowly, she'd become a part of his life, and he really didn't want to lose her because of Sherlock's behaviour.
So he told her a story.