When Olivia pulled up to the house that night and parked behind Astrid's car, she actually had to smile at the absurdity of it.

Olivia Dunham simply was not afraid. Never had been. Or as it turned out, hadn't been since she was a little girl in a drug trial.

So, with little to none experiences to compare it to, she was sure that no-one had ever been as afraid as she had been the last few months. Ever since some police tech across the country had shown her the tape with Peter leaving this universe. And that's when all had gone to hell.

Yes, Olivia was pretty sure. If she had to pick the one moment in her life that changed her completely, this had to be it.

The start of her feeling something like fear. Something so disabling and paralysing. She had never felt so powerless. Not even when she had fought for John Scott's life. Back then there was no fear. Only countless challenges how to solve the problem. It had been astonishingly easy back then. Fly to Iraq. Get Peter Bishop. Get Peter Bishop to get his father. Get father to solve the problem. Piece of cake.

And now, as she got out of the car and walked up towards the house, fear was anything but a foreign feeling for her. It even provided a relief from the numbness she felt ever since she convinced herself that she did not need Peter Bishop.

Funny, really, since she decided it on this very steps four weeks ago. And she had chosen this night to explain to the only people left to her, hoping they would understand.

The dread she was feeling at the moment was nothing compared to the blown out fear she now knew, but it made her uneasy none the less.

"As much as I want to, I don't hate you." It was true. Hating him would make things so much easier. Maybe it would even make everything hurt less.

Olivia met his piercing gaze and the faint hope reflected in his eyes. It was tearing at her.

"But you are right. There's nothing you can do to change this."

Peter looked like he had been slapped.

"Olivia…"

"No." Olivia bit back her tears. "I… I just want everything to be the way it was. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to feel normal again."

He nodded, but Olivia could clearly see the defiance in his stance. His hands were stemmed into his sides and he looked at her with a new-found determination.

"My mother told me something while I was on the other side." He looked intently at her, his voice calmer than before. "We have to take responsibility for our decisions, the good and the bad. I know that you don't want to be with me right now, but I'm ready, Olivia. I'm ready to take responsibility, and if you would just give me one chance…"

He crossed the distance between them with eager steps. By the time Olivia had realised what he was doing, he was cupping her cheeks, locking her eyes with his own.

"Let me make this right."

"I'm sorry, Peter." She shook her head.

Peter huffed. "No you're not. You're just sorry for yourself." Despite his harsh words, he was still cupping her cheeks, stroking them tenderly with his thumbs. For seconds, minutes, Olivia couldn't tell. She was caught in his eyes and the steady feel of his hands on her cheeks.

"Goodbye, Olivia."

Olivia could only watch dazedly as he turned around and went inside without sparing her another glance.

She felt like screaming, calling after him. Telling him not to go.

But she never uttered a single word.

"I just thought you two deserved to know."

Olivia looked at the other two apprehensively. She could see the tears glistening in Walter's eyes.

"If you would excuse me, I think there's some banana milk still in the fridge." He stood from the couch and shuffled towards the kitchen.

"Walter-" Olivia tried to go after him, but Astrid stopped her with a hand to her arm.

"No, leave him. He needs to think about this too, you know."

When she looked at Astrid, she was met with sympathy. Honest and earnest. Olivia let herself fall back into her armchair.

"Astrid, I really am sorry. I didn't mean for you to get caught up in all this."

"It's alright, nothing to worry about."

"And you know how grateful I am to you, right? I could never care for Walter on my own. And you are wonderful with him."

"Hey." Astrid smiled at her. "It's okay. I had a lot of practice, while you were off with Peter saving the world."

Olivia chuckled.

"And I'm glad you told me what happened with Peter. It makes me feel less like…"

"We're stringing you along?" Olivia looked at her ruefully.

"Yeah." Astrid smiled.

Olivia run her hands over her hair and leant back in her armchair.

"I was too harsh on Peter, wasn't I?"

Astrid sat on the couch and looked at her pensively. "Well… that was a lot of blame to put on one man."

Olivia looked down at her hands. It sounded even worse when she said it like that.

"And I think that you were both pretty caught up in your grief."

Olivia shrugged and cleared her throat. "It was about self-preservation, you know."

.

.

Walter trudged into the living room to find both women engulfed in silence.

"Astrid, could I have a moment with Olivia please?"

Astrid shot Olivia an encouraging smile before she got up from the couch. "Sure thing. I think I'll start to ice the cake."

Olivia looked after her longingly. It wasn't that she feared Walter would hate her now that he knew she drove Peter away, not really. But it seemed easier with a heartening Astrid by her side. It was like there was an unspoken understanding between the two women.

Walter sat down on the couch's edge, opposite Olivia.

"Walter, I-"

But the older man held up a hand, silencing Olivia immediately.

"Please, Olivia, let me." He nervously ran his hands over his thighs, smoothing the fabric of his trousers. When he did look up at her, he did so with a clarity in his eyes, Olivia rarely saw in them. And for the moment, he looked just like the father figure he could have been. Should have been.

"I don't know what you have been through over there. And I don't know if you're ever ready to talk about it. But I know what happened over here and that Peter made a mistake. But he was not the only one. We all made the same mistake. I know my son, Olivia. And I know what guilt feels like. No matter how hard you might be on Peter, he will be even harder on himself, because he feels like he let you down. The only person, he…
It took my son almost two decades to forgive me. And for two decades I was suffering from my guilt. I was immersed in it. But the thing is, Olivia, the moment he forgave me, not only did he set me free… he set himself free. He allowed himself to love and be loved. And he allowed himself to be hurt. You see, you don't necessarily have to forgive Peter for his sake. But for your own. So you can be whole again."

Sorry for the long wait, life interfered. If you're still sticking with me, thank you so much.
I know this is not much, but the next chapter is almost finished (in my mind anyway) and will be longer.
Someone asked if I had a song in mind in Chapter 3 and actually, I imagine it to be something like "A river flows in you" by Yiruma. Before I knew that song was used in Twilight. Which totally degraded it. Or something like "The heart asks pleasure first" by Michael Nyman.