Ok... you can all yell at me now because I'm pretty sure it has been about six months since I last updated. I hate myself... no I don't, I just hate that I DON'T HAVE THE INTERNET! Yet. I'm at an internet cafe now... which is the only way I can update. You see, I just moved. So, I know that no excuses will make up for not updating earlier, but you know why I couldn't really. I hope you like this chappy! Enjoy oodles!

Chapter 4: Spying on It

No one knows I'm awake yet, so shhh. Someone has just entered the room in which I am pretending to be asleep. Something has come with them, and it smells incredible.

A voice, definitely Kai's, from the doorway: "Ray, are you sure?" He doesn't sound happy, but then again, does he ever?

"It's not an exact science, Kai. I'm still figuring myself out."

"So… so there's a chance… you're wrong?"

Ray's laughing softly. "Maybe," is his flirtatious answer. I told you something was going on between them! "Don't look at me like that!" Look like what? "Oh, Kenny's awake."

Oops. I didn't mean to open my eyes, but I had to see. C'mon, can you blame me for wanting to know if Kai was giving Ray bedroom eyes, or something similar? Turns out he was just being his usual brooding self. Very disapproving, in fact. Disapproving of what? I must do some more investigating. Haha, Kenny the Spy is on the way!

Well, all of my investigating is going to have to wait till after lunch. I'm starving, and what better way is there to satiate oneself than by getting stuffed with Ray's cooking? None. So I'll happily munch for a while. On some Fantastic Food. Alliteration is my friend. Alright, I'll get back to you later…

Later: I will never, EVER eat anything but Ray's cooking again. I will hire him as my personal chef if I have to, I swear it. Oof, I am stuffed. If I didn't know that the human stomach is able to expand to over fifty times its empty volume, I'd think mine was going to burst. And guess what! Ray said, "Now, I know this is a lot of food but you're a growing teenager in need if his strength, so make sure you finish it all." And then he smiled his gorgeous cat smile where his pearly right canine just pokes out over his bottom lip. Sooo cute. I told him no problem, which was obviously true.

Well, now it's late afternoon. It's really amazing how time flies when you meet the love of your life, nearly die, and have the best chow known to man all in one day. The Guys are all home. Tyson is being loud with his mouth full of food in the next room… Max is gently telling him to shut his mouth. Ray and Kai may have disappeared, ahem, and their door is closed… I'll let you dwell on that for a while.

Actually, I won't. I said I'd take care of that investigation business after I was finished eating, and look, I'm stuffed. It's time for Kenny the Spy to get down to work.

Don't worry, that doesn't mean all-black clothes and a pair of hot sunglasses. The only way I'll ever wear sunglasses is if Kev (remember him?) says they look hot on me, because believe me, sunglasses are not my thing. I do look all right in black. Better than I do in khakis. It's really too bad I didn't realize that earlier… But anyway, I am going to get to the bottom of this whole "close the door" thing that Ray and Kai do. Ray and Kai, you know, really does have a nice ring to it, however cliché that may be. We'll have to find out if that's a valid ring.

My plan is: to get my stopwatch, figure out how long it would take for a couple to respond if kissing, think of all the scenarios in which one of them would respond and not the other (you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about –wink–), think up some reason I might want to talk to one of them, walk over to that beautifully closed door, casually knock, and time how long it takes them, or one of them, to answer! It's perfect. I'll know if they were doing anything or not. However, there are many, many variables, and both Ray and Kai (ooh, that ring) have superhuman powers, which I also must take into account. Ideally, they would hear me coming to the door and answer even before I knocked, although technically that wouldn't be "answering". Never mind. You see, there are even more problems. What if they were both asleep and I woke them up? Ray would take it in stride, but Kai? I'd probably be headless before I could say, "Let it rip!" Also, if they were sleeping, of course it would take them a long time to answer, maybe a lot longer than if they were occupied with some other, more "torrid" activity. And what if they were just reading or something, how long would it take for them to figure out which one of them would answer? They would look questioningly at each other for a moment and then one would nod or look to the door and call out, "Yes?"

That one would probably be Ray. I mean, he is the gregarious one of the pair. Kai has gotten a lot more talkative than he was a couple years ago, but still, c'mon, you can't beat a lifetime of charismatic smiles and cool catchphrases. Well… no, Ray doesn't have any real catchphrases that I can remember, but you get my point. To be honest, Kai has done a lot of healing over the past years, especially after Boris and Voltaire got locked up. I'd never seen him smile so- so serenely before. He saw it on the 7 o'clock news. We were all watching, much to Max and Tyson's dismay (they were missing the first half of some comedy hour), and when the story broke we all cheered like crazy, but Kai just sat there with this gentle smile. When he'd watched the whole story he quietly got up and left the room. Come to think of it, I think Ray followed him out a little later, to "see how he's doing". Yeah, right.

Now, another clue will be how quickly they open the door. If one of them comes immediately I won't suspect anything. If it takes a little while I'll have to see if I can get a glimpse into their room and check out what that scene is. I'll also have to look them over to see if there's any blushing or extra messy hair. Or any clothing missing, or shirts suspiciously inside out, or flies unzipped, or… yeah, stuff like that. Oh, and rumpled sheets. The first thing those two do in the morning is make their beds, as if there's nothing more important in the world than neatness. It's creepy.

Well, I've got my watch. I think it'll probably take about one second exactly for them to answer if all is fine. My alibi is that I'm looking for Ray to ask him if he can give me cooking lessons some time. Aside from the investigation, I hope he can. His food is just too good! Well, time to execute this plan. Admit it, Kenny is a genius.

OK, I'm walking toward the door as quietly as possible (I don't actually want to give them a chance to shape up before I get there). Tip toeing is so much easier with carpets. And there aren't even any creaking floorboards in this apartment. No wonder everyone (except for Tyson) is able to creep around here without anyone else knowing.

I realize I'm probably painting a pretty one-dimensional, not particularly flattering picture of Tyson, which is somewhat unfair of me. I'm sure that were he talking about me, he'd at least make some sort of effort to come up with something good to say. Or he'd just say, "Oh yeah, that Chief. Good guy…" which is good enough for me anyway. But Tyson… Tyson has… matured… very slightly… over the past couple of years. More looks-wise than in personality. He's not quite as competitive as he used to be, though, and he's even started paying attention to his grades. It's about time. He's what, sixteen now? Still taller than me. Not by much, mind you… but yeah, still taller. His hair has darkened, becomingly, though I gotta say, no matter what, Tyson will never, EVER turn me on. He hasn't got a six pack yet, but he's working on it. He makes a show of going to the gym every day. I dunno what he does there, lift cans of muscle-building drinks to his ever-welcoming lips? I suppose he does have more definition in his biceps… but that's about it. Every once in a while I make a show of tagging along with him. You know, I just sit on my ass for an hour, pretending to lift two-pound weights or the likes. Not everybody can be a buff WWE wrestler… or Kai.

Speaking of whom, it's time for me to knock on the door. Here goes nuthin'. I'll knock twice and immediately turn the timer on. Done!

"Yes?" (I told you it would be Ray answering with a sweet, "Yes?"). That was 0.47 seconds, and I have good reflexes, so it's pretty exact.

"It's me, Kenny."

"Come in!"

Woah, did I just get invited inside? I don't think I've been in their room in months, maybe over a year! Well, when you got an opportunity, take it.

I open the door and peer inside. What? He's alone! I can't believe it! WHERE'S KAI?

"Excuse me, Kenny." Oh. There he is. Right behind me. Shit, I hope he didn't see me timing Ray's answer! Of course he did, The Almighty Kai sees all. So that would explain the blooming smirk on his face. I hate you, Kai.

"What's up, Kenny?" Ray asks, innocent as ever (and I know I've said this before, but he just is).

"Umm… I just wanted to, uh… Well, I was, I was…" Get it together, Kenny. This is no time to forget your alibi. But… what was it? "Er, uh, oh!" Right… cooking. "I was wondering if, um, when you have a chance, you know, I love your cooking so much, so, d'you, d'you think that you could, like, teach me?" Nicely done. Really, bravo Genius Kenny.

Kai is laughing at me behind his hand.

"Sure thing! Why don't you help me make dinner tonight?" says Ray, oblivious to both my embarrassment and Kai's evil smirk.

"Really?"

"Yeah! I love having help in the kitchen! It's really nice to have someone other than me trying to make the food, rather than eat it." Ahh, the beauty of that canine-full grin. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"Thanks a lot, Ray. See you guys!" And I'm out. The last thing I saw while stepping outside the door, after Ray's charming wave goodbye, was a Mercilessly Malevolent (as I said, alliteration is my friend) look from Dear Kai. I know that look, a little too well. I wonder what he's planning. Or cooking up, just like me and Ray! Hey, I'm gonna be cooking tonight. Can you believe it? Kenny in the kitchen! How often does this happen?