Blue
Thirteen-Fifty-Three
This is insane.
Y'know about the time I think I have some glimmer of insight—some idea what the heck goes on in their heads—they pull a major switcheroo that leaves me mystified.
Women.
Talking sense was worth a shot.
Actually, it was just useless. I talked, they ignored, and here we are.
I tune out all the movement going on around me and fixate on the main display. There are six squares this time, one for each member of the team. Buffy's camera is directed at Will. I stare at her face, trying to figure her out. She looks…
Her expression's utterly blank. She must be in pain, but I can't even tell that. She's like chiseled-Willow.
So why's she sitting in a helicopter waiting to be deployed?
If I knew that…
One thing's for sure, whatever's going through her head, it's a total one-eighty from where I was led to believe we were this morning. And considering the fact that it probably took her that long to plan this little shindig…
Yeah, that's not helpful. You'd think there might be some underlying sense of…
Well, sense.
There's not. But there might be some solidarity. Buffy was blindsided by this too. That much is obvious, even if I can't tell it to look at her face. I swear, they're like bookends…emotionally stunted, impassive, apathetic, frosty, not-quite-snooty bookends.
But all she wants is to protect Will. And Will's having none of it.
I really don't get her.
Why now?
I pulled Holly off the bench and gave Satsu lead on the Gilhaven drop tonight. And I'm not even sure that's what Buffy wants. I didn't get a chance to talk to her. After this, it wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to blow off some steam.
No clue.
I look at Willow again. Nothing's changed. An ice sculpture would give me more to go on.
Buffy called an hour after I shuffled the roster to cover her, demanding an unscheduled drop. I had to scramble to put this together and keep us on track. It made me wonder if she's even—
But that's just crazy. I know it is. I can't even think it.
Thing is, Buffy was so bent on this mission that she said if I couldn't make it happen, they'd just take a truck. I've seen her change her mind before, but nothing like this.
I don't even know how she talked the others into it. They've got plenty on their plates without her springing some spur-of-the-moment Easter egg hunt on them.
On top of all of the other weirdness today…Amy pulling a Houdini, Alice going off…
It wasn't just her. If it had been, I'd probably still think things were fine. The occasional fight's to be expected, but she was just the start. There've been spats breaking out all over. Renee even got into it earlier with some girl who dropped by to use the copier.
…this is just too much. It's only mid-afternoon and the crazy keeps right on coming. Maybe it's just that time of the month…cranked to eleven.
Or maybe it is Will. She did kind of bust her pumpkin last night. Maybe she's projecting crazy. It wouldn't be the first time she's caused a bunch of random wackiness. And she is the new variable.
But that doesn't make any sense. Why would she let Amy go?
I guess it could be Amy. She did cast a nasty on Buffy. And she's the reason Will—
But that doesn't track either. Amy hadn't been gone an hour when Alice flipped out. And that still doesn't explain—
Oh, what are their names—the two girls who were guarding her, uh…hum…?
A groan slips out unchecked. Really, it's more of a harrumph. Anyway, it earns me a look.
Amy wouldn't have any power as a rat, so I guess that lets her off the hook. None of this is comforting. Nothing adds up.
I really don't see how Dawn changing into another random still-not-quite-Dawn-thing is gonna help. Will was pretty clear that this isn't a cure. It's just a way of speeding up the process. Seems like we've got enough going on without that. Personally, I think the last thing we need is another surprise. What if she becomes something dangerous?
Like she's not already dangerous. If whoever's messing with us pulls a Jedi mind trick on her right now, we're done.
That's just too awful to consider. I need to stop. Maybe this does make some sort of twisted, pretzel-shaped sense?
But I don't think that's what Will's thinking. In fact, I don't think she's considered that at all. This is about something else.
Well, whatever the case, I'm just along for the ride. I need to move on. Think about something else. Anything else. If keep this up, I'm gonna hop right on board with the crazy. Then where will we be?
As the helicopter banks, I switch my attention back to Satsu's camera view. I get a glimpse of a grassy field through the window behind Buffy before focusing on her face again. Back and forth and back and forth and still no closer.
I rub my face, brow to cheek, lingering to massage my temple. What a day.
It amazes me how much things change. And they never get any simpler. It's always…
I remember when we first met Buffy. It seems like ages ago. I couldn't understand why someone like her would be interested in Will and me. But that was as complex as it got…at least for the first few minutes. It was great. I was actually nervous about normal stuff. I thought Cordy had cooked up some scheme to humiliate us. I half expected an, 'Oh, by the way…'
That's how the in-crowd worked. It wouldn't've been above Cordy to con the new girl into feeding us to the lions as part of some insane rite of passage.
Ah…
I miss the good old days.
Almost as much as I miss my parents' basement.
Or my parents for that matter.
That's not how it went. She didn't and we didn't. And things got wiggy instead. But something happened, something really special. Buffy was supposed to be this lone warrior, Hellmouth guardian person. Like Kwai Chang Caine without all the aimless wandering. Boy, the Council was really under-whelmed when that didn't work out.
Irony doesn't get much thicker. The closer she got to that first thing, the more she pushed us away. It almost seems fickle when I put it that way. Like the less rebellious it was…
But that's not exactly fair. I get that she got hurt. She got hurt lots. We all did.
Again, not fair at all. She's the only one of us who died. Not surprising that it made her a little intense.
Not to mention jaded.
Thing is, right here, right now, she has something that would've made the Buffy I first met happy…really happy, ecstatic even. Instead, what she is…
She's become exactly what C.O.W. wanted in the first place. Too bad they weren't around to see it.
Yet somehow, a moment of silence later, I find I'm not that torn up by the loss.
She works with the others, but only because she has to. There's no doubt that she's the one. A very singular entity. Even with body doubles and the occasional sex-bot.
I snicker and Renee gives me a sidelong glance. Yeah, I know. Look around. I'm not the only one.
It's sad. Here, now, doing what we're doing, everyone around Buffy does everything they can to reinforce the separation. She's singled out. And that's pretty much that…
Now what about Will? I take another long, hard look at her. The image is really grainy. I ignore that, staring through the fuzz into her eyes. What are you thinking?
She glances left. It's just a twitch, but that's enough.
Oh. Well, I'll be damned! That's just too obvious. No wonder I couldn't see it. She can't make eye contact. It's been almost twenty minutes since they took off and her attention's been everywhere else except on Buffy. She may look like a statue, but she's still the same old Will.
That's it. That's gotta be it. She doesn't want to be here one second longer than she has to. She's doing exactly what she needs to do to do right by her people. Then she's gonna leave.
I can't be sure, but I think that'll wreck Buffy. She hasn't reached out to anyone since Spike. At least I don't think she has. If Will takes off, Buff will probably dig in even further.
I just wish I knew what the heck was up with Will. Why would she do that? If she'd talk to me, I might be able to…but she doesn't want my help.
There's no time for this now. They're landing. I key my mic and say, "Alright, let's do this by the numbers." I sound so enthused. Not that it matters. This'll go the same as usual. We actually have a rule book now. Buffy helped write it. Doesn't mean she follows it. She plays until something hits her hard enough to piss her off, then she ends it.
I focus on Buffy's frame as she watches the team disembark. It's probably wrong that I think this looks cool. Pulses of wind whip everything around. The girls exit single file, stooping down, then fan out.
Backing away from the noise, Buffy raises her voice, not quite shouting, "Satsu, you stick with Will. Whatever happens, don't engage. Your only mission is to keep her safe, 'kay?"
That's not right, but I don't need to tell Satsu about her mission. It's pretty obvious from the bucket in her hand she knows what's up.
When she nods, Buffy turns, mid-stride and takes off, cutting a path through the tall, dry grass. "The rest of you, you're with me," she adds, motioning for the others to follow.
This is a snatch and dash. Satsu's job is to locate the underground lake, pond or puddle—whatever it is—from what I gathered it's not big enough to be a lake, but I've never heard anyone say 'underground puddle' before, so…
Anyway, she's supposed to locate water and scoop up an egg while the rest of the team distracts the demon. This should be a cakewalk unless…
Keeping stride with Willow, Satsu falls in behind the others as they head for a craggy hill not more than a hundred meters away. The terrain's too rough for Terry to have gotten them any closer unless they jumped. And that was out because of Willow. She's just not well enough for that. Of course, making her walk isn't much better.
I can't believe she made a huge deal out of me 'jeopardizing the mission' when I asked to go along. I only wanted to be there for Dawn. She's my responsibility too. And while I know Will's right, I'd have to be blind and more than a little stupid to think that me tangling with a succubus is a good idea. I admit in no way would that've been smart. I just don't see why she can't.
That's my problem. I think she's really one to talk. I haven't figured out exactly what her type is yet, other than pretty people at large…and once upon a long time ago me. If anyone's gonna jeopardize this mission…
They reach the hill and the team moves single file up the rough path, passing between rocky outcroppings.
"Remember, don't make eye contact with the demon," Willow repeats for the umpteenth time. I guess that's for her benefit. She's not moving very well. Satsu hangs back, making sure she's okay.
It doesn't take Buffy long to pick up on the problem. She slows the pace to accommodate, but eventually, the inevitable happens. Willow stumbles. Satsu doesn't let her fall.
Buffy turns, weaves past the others and sweeps Will up. Leigh takes point and they set off again, slowly picking their way up the narrow dirt trail.
I focus on Willow's face when Buffy looks down to say, "Y'know, Will, I totally get the 'why.' Now that we know what to do, helping Dawn is really important." Will grows anxious. But if I know her, that's purely defensive. "I even get why now. You're right. We may not get another break for a while." It surprises me she doesn't interrupt, especially when Buffy concludes, "But I still don't understand why you're here. The team could've handled this."
"I'm here because you need me," Willow replies with the speed and precision of a well rehearsed line.
If it wasn't for everything else, I'd be all over the subtext. It couldn't be clearer. Maybe she does get it, but she sure has a funny way of showing it.
Renee pokes me in the ribs with her elbow. She always does that when she's seen something funny. I guess the drama is amusing. But not really. Not if you care. I want to be annoyed until she points. That's not what's got her tickled at all. Satsu glances to her left toward a heavy canopy of vines and brush. They just walked right past the cave.
Before I can say anything, Willow grumbles, "Put me down, please." She turns around and marches back the way they came when Buffy obliges her request. What I see of her expression is priceless.
And I don't have to see Buffy to perceive the eye roll. Sight unseen, it's there.
Point, set, match…
Round one goes to the witch. Let's hope she can keep that up. If she doesn't, I've got the Devonshire coven standing by to bail us out.
Catching Buffy's arm as she passes, Willow whispers, "We'll wait for thirty seconds before we enter. That should give you plenty of time to get up to your neck in trouble."
Buffy shakes her head and pushes the vines aside. I can't make out what she grumbles, but I don't need to. Her intent is plain enough.
When one-by-one, five of the six squares fade almost to black, I start to wish we'd sprung the extra five-grand a unit. Thermal imaging would be more than a little handy right about now. That's nothing new. I wish the same thing every time this happens…which is about once or twice a week. But I get it. Cameras get broken all the time. That's painful enough without…
The team clusters at the entrance to give their eyes time to adjust. Finally, Buffy mutters, "'Kay, that's just gross," as everything gets just that much blacker. She's on the move.
I can just imagine what she saw.
Actually, I have to imagine. And my job's to keep an eye open—
Buffy springs sideways, turning as something pinkish rushes past. I'm doing my job oh-so-well.
Leigh's frame comes to life immediately after Buffy's. No clue what's happening from the blur, but the groan sounds promising. It's way too low to be one of the girls.
Ah.
Oh.
Eww. Ro's frame fills with a furry, dirty, naked backside. This guy could seriously use a wax. Or a boost up the evolutionary ladder. After mooning me, Ro…and the entire room, he goes stumbling.
This is a little too R-Rated for some of our younger viewers. I should clear Ops.
And they're both sort of, uh…yeah, they're done. They passed right through—
Rowena spins and attacks Leigh.
Distractions.
Keying my mic as the succubus lunges at Buffy, I snap, "Take her—!"
Glowing eyes pierce the darkness. Suddenly, I can see, but—
Renee takes a swipe at Buffy. This makes no sense. She's—
Buffy dodges the attack. I can't take my eyes off the screen to check.
It's not—
This is not—!
It's her. I don't—I've never seen her naked, but I—
As I reach out to touch…the view changes. Falling, it pans down the length of the beautiful, bare…
How'd I get so close? My fingertips touch plastic. Plastic?
I catch a glimpse of Leigh parrying a blow from Rowena's staff. But I don't care about that.
My view, it bounces. Why'd it—?
The screen—it's a screen. And it's black. Renee yells, "Xander, get out of the way!" How's she behind me? Someone grabs me. I spin. My face flushes hot when I see Renee. She's clothed, in my face and livid.
As she shoves me away, I glance over my shoulder at—it's a display screen. Clawed feet stand poised over whoever…
That's Buffy. Camera one is Buffy! What the hell?
In a voice thick with stress, Renee orders, "Satsu, make it quick! Leigh, quit playing and finish her. Everyone else, get on the demon now!"
The demon snarls, "Pitiful little girl…" snatching Buffy up by her throat "…you think yourself immune to me?" As its cold black eyes turn warm, brown and full of life, the words, "I know what's in your heart," send a chill down my spine.
Her eyes vanish. As I long to see them again, sickening swirls of gray and black whiz past, bouncing, spinning and crashing…
Blackness.
Heartbroken, I rush the…
Renee shouts, "Xander!" Snatching my arm, she spins me to face her. I—
She drags me away again, shoving me into my desk chair. I feel like an idiot. I know that's just a display. It's a flat piece of plastic membrane that holds in whatever miscellaneous goo LCD is. No clue, but I do know that the real flesh and blood Renee is here with me.
I turn to face the display. Camera one's dead, but there's jumble of movement in the remaining five frames. I piece together what I can see. Leigh and Rowena are still fighting each other furiously. I can't tell who's winning. Their frames weave back and forth. I catch glimpses of their faces. All I get is they both look really miffed.
Alana and Sandy are trading blows with Renee. Not my Renee, the Renee in the cave. The Renee who's ruined more men's lives than Paris Hilton.
Sandy's moving sluggishly, like she might be hurt. Renee's bleeding profusely from a gaping wound in her side. The image makes me sick. But the truth's right here in front of me. The Renee who's here, she's real.
Doesn't matter. My grip on the arms of my chair tightens. I need to defend Renee even if she isn't Renee. She's hurt. I squeeze my eye shut. I can't look.
When Renee commands, "Sandy, get Buffy out of there," my eye snaps open. I focus on camera five. Sandy leans down. Buffy's unconscious and bleeding pretty badly from three gashes across her chest.
Before Sandy can touch her, Willow yells, "No!"
I jump.
Where the hell is Willow? I scan the screens trying to figure it out. That's it! Next time we do this, Will's getting a damned headset…and maybe a collar with a little bell.
On second thought, I hope we never do this again.
As Sandy backs away from Buffy, Willow shouts, "Satsu, get in there and help. Stay on the demon's six or this is over. Got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," Satsu replies, stepping through the tattered canopy. The gap closes in a blink.
And me…I'm so useless. I have trouble dealing with the wings. Renee doesn't have wings. Or at least, last I saw she was wingless.
I force myself to look at the real Renee. She's still wingless, dummy. She's standing right there.
Willow's voice echoes through the cave. "Leigh, lead Rowena out here."
Sandy turns and rejoins the fight. Her kick is followed by a couple of things that look really painful. Alana brings her staff down against…that's not Renee. It's a demon.
Okay, that would probably smart a little. But it's the tip of Satsu's katana poking through the demon, not-Renee's right breast that really makes me cringe.
That's still not Renee. Renee's right over there and if I get up, she's going to put me on my ass.
The piercing scream is drowned out by a loud clap. I can only assume that was Willow. Either that or not a cloud in the sky and it's going to rain. I sure hope it was her.
Leigh stoops over Rowena. She's pretty badly beaten up. I think this is the first time I've ever seen her without a ball cap. Leigh glances up at Willow. What I expect to see and what I actually see don't mesh at all. The last time I saw Willow she looked positively sick. Now she crackles with power. Her brow is knit with concentration. She reassures Leigh, "She'll be fine. Get in there and help the others."
It's no surprise that Leigh does exactly what she's told. She dashes back inside, slipping past Buffy's limp form as it floats out of the mouth of the cave. But the fight's practically over. Satsu managed to dislodge her sword while Will was slipping Ro a mickey. Or whatever that was.
The demon's on the ground. Satsu swings. A sickening crunch brings the high-pitched wail to an end.
My mangled nerves thank her.
I sneak a glance at Renee. Her complexion's a little pasty, but otherwise she's okay. I like that shirt. She looks good in pastel tartan. The blue jeans are good. She's—
That's how she should be. Clothed, not naked. And no wings. The wings were just creepy.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I focus on camera four. Rowena's head is turned toward Buffy. Willow kneels beside her. The power she radiated moments before is gone. She looks really frail.
I feel like a Peeping Tom as I watch her. This is none of my business. There's tenderness in her touch. Will cares. And not just average cares…she really, really cares. Now I really don't get it. Why does she want to leave so much if…?
And what in the hell was that all about? I thought that stupid succubus could only charm—? The way I see it—me going off the deep end—small potatoes compared to Buffy.
And what about that…? She wigs and gets dropped like a new recruit. Then she stays down. She doesn't get taken out like that. In fact, that's exactly the sort of thing that usually pisses her off.
I mean, I get why Will needed to stay out of it. That thing playing puppet master to her—? I don't even need to imagine how bad that'd be. I'd already called Ms. Harkness just in case.
And what's up with the warning Will gave Satsu?
Has everyone lost their minds?
To make matters that much better, Renee has this really annoying grin on her face. She knows.
Or I think she knows. Maybe she just suspects? I could live with suspicion, but if she knows…
I could transfer. Somewhere low key, strategically unimportant, off the map…like Siberia…
Do we even have a Siberian branch? I could start a Siberian branch.
Y'know what? Never mind. I'll just be over here if you need me. I know nothing. I see nothing. It's safer that way.