Chapter Three: Roxane Only Time
"Look, mother, look," Marcus Antonius said excitedly as he pointed to a Persian ship coming to dock in the harbor. "It must be one of Uncle Artaxerxes' ships."
"I believe that is a merchant ship, my young one," I replied as I massaged my temple with one hand. I had had a dreadful headache all day but I had a promise to keep to my little one. Even though the pain was terrible, it dulled when I saw the look of joy and excitement upon Marcus Antonius' face. 'He looks so much like his father, I only pray that he does not turn out like him.'
My body had not betrayed the secret that I carried within me and I wished that it would keep my pregnancy a secret forever. Suddenly, my vision began to spin and I then leaned over the railing and vomited. I gagged several times before more of the vile liquid came forth again. After I emptied my stomach of all its contents, I clutched the railing tightly as I slowly began to blackout. I heard Marcus Antonius scream as darkness claimed me.
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My head and body ached viciously as I slowly regained consciousness. I blinked my eyes several times trying to clear my vision so I could see where the Praetorians had brought me. I was back in the palace, in my chambers. I heard soft voices talking outside my door but I was unable to hear the words of what was being said. Slowly I gathered my strength and forced myself to sit up. "Lie back down," I heard a voice whisper to me. I knew by the tone that it was Cassius. "You need to rest, your Majesty."
"Where-what happened to me?" I asked as I massaged my throbbing temples.
"You fainted at the pier, my lady. It seems that you were overcome by the heat. Quintus was frantic when he carried you back here for he thought that you had become deathly ill."
"Where's my son and husband?"
"His Highness was in here and worried sick about you. Demanded to know why you had fainted and threaten to cleave me in half if I could not explain the situation to his satisfaction. Then Quintus came in to check in on you and now they are outside your chamber talking. And young Master Marcus is with Julia."
"I see." Commodus was very emotional, especially when it came to our son and me. It may have been love-hate he had for me, but he did worry about my person and health. When I was carrying Antonius and I suddenly went into labour, he threatened to quarter the surgeon if he continued to let me suffer. Lucilla intervened and had to take him out of the villa until I had given birth. "I trust that you did not tell him why I may have fainted?" I then asked as I lay back down.
"No, Majesty. However, I do feel that it may be time that you tell him of the child you carry."
"No, I cannot risk it."
"Why are you so adamant about not telling the emperor of your condition?" asked Cassius. "It is his right to know."
"It is a personal decision, Cassius. I will tell him when the time is right."
"If I may be so bold as to ask, but does this have anything to do with his relationship with Marcia?"
My body shook violently for a moment for his question had hit me to the core. "You are dismissed and not a word of this to the emperor or I will have your head."
"As you wish, milady," he said as he bowed to me before taking his leave. "But first, I will fetch a tonic for you to drink to ease your headache." After he was gone, Commodus entered the room, sat down on the bed beside me, and took my hand into his. His eyes were clouded with fear and worry as he gazed into my face.
"Are you feeling any better, my love, he asked softly as he held my hand against his smooth cheek.
"A bit. Cassius is bringing me a tonic for my headache," I replied.
"Cassius is a fool! He refused to tell me you fainted, Roxane. I should have his head for defying me and Quintus' head for letting you suffer!"
"It is alright, Commodus," I said as I touched his cheek. "I am fine and there is nothing to worry about."
"But still, I have the right to know what is going on with your health. You know how much I worry about you."
"Indeed I do, my lord." He ran his fingers through my raven tresses then leaned down and kissed my cheek. I could smell the faint perfume of his mistress on his clothing; he had been with her earlier that evening. Tears welled up in my eyes and I turned away from him.
"What is it, my love?" he asked, slowly rubbing my back.
"Nothing, I'm very tired that is all," I lied. I knew when I married him that he would have his lovers and even though the very thought of the man I married lying with another did not sit well with me, I had to live with it. However, his affair with Marcia was affecting me more than I originally thought. She was beautiful but many said that I was still far more beautiful than she was in comparison. My heart died a thousand deaths whenever I saw the two of them together. Did I love Commodus more than I cared to admit?
"Milady," Cassius said, disturbing my line of thought, "drink this tonic." Commodus moved so that I was able to sit up and Cassius then handed me a small glass filled with a cloudy liquid. I raised the glass to my lips quickly swallowed the bitter-tasting liquid.
"Thank you," I said and handed the glass back to him before I then laid back down. Not to long afterwards, my eyes grew heavy as the tonic took effect. I closed my eyes as Commodus covered me with a blanket. I heard Commodus and Cassius whisper back and forth for a few moments before the physician finally left. I heard the covers rustling as my husband laid beside me and took me into his arms.
"I love you, my beautiful one," he whispered into my ear as I was pulled into the world of dreams.
Lucilla walked silently through the main hall of the palace but stopped when she heard voices. She hid in the shadows while straining to hear what was being said. When she recognized the voices of Commodus, Quintus, and General Titus her blood ran cold with fear.
"What do you mean the Persians have driven out the Legions?" Commodus angrily asked the general and the head of his bodyguard.
"The legions were driven back five miles from Shushan and it appears that your wife's brother is the leader. The Persians have been heard saying that they are tired of our interference into their affairs," said Titus. "The men have been keeping careful watch of the royal residence there and they can easily slip inside the palace and assassinate Artaxerxes."
"No," Commodus answered firmly. "I have other plans."
"But, sire," he began but was silenced with a wave of the emperor's hand.
"If the Persians have begun a revolt against Roman rule, it makes me wonder if Roxane knows anything about it. However, we will not be able to search her chambers for the next few days."
"Why do you say that, Sire?" asked Quintus.
"The palace physician has ordered my wife to stay in bed for the next few days. He is concerned that she will have another fainting spell and wishes for her to stay in bed until he is sure that she is no longer in danger."
"My God," Lucilla whispered under her breath as she continued to listen to what was being said.
"If in fact Roxane knew of this revolt and said nothing, it qualifies as treason and she will be executed upon my command," Commodus added. Quintus and Titus nodded in acknowledgement at what the emperor had to say. "And if it turns out that she knew nothing at all about this, then life will go on as usual."
"Yes, Sire," both men said.
"Titus, I want you to make an inquiry with one of your spies to find out the names of all involved. Quintus, I want you to keep a very close eye on Roxane. Let me know when she leaves the palace, where she goes, and whom she is meeting. You both have your orders, no go."
"Yes, your Highness," the general and the Praetorian prefect said as they bowed and quickly left. Commodus looked around the hall before opening the door to a guest chamber and out came Marcia. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. Lucilla made a face of disgusted as she watch her brother and his mistress kiss and grope each other in the hall in full view of any who passed. Marcia giggled like a girl when Commodus whispered something in her ear then they both left arm in arm. After making sure that the hall was deserted, Lucilla then stepped out of the shadows and when directly to Roxane's bedchamber.
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Roxane
I hated being confined to my chambers; however, I did want the child within me to be born alive and in good health. Marcus Antonius sat beside me on the bed while Julia went to empty a pail that I used to vomit in earlier in the morning. I kissed my son as he snuggled even closer to me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. He then kissed me on the cheek before I began to tickle him. It always brought me joy to see and hear him laugh; his innocence brought a smile to my face. "Please mother," he gasped between breaths as I tickled him without mercy. A moment later, Julia came back with the emptied pail. I then stopped tickling my son for the look upon Julia's face told me that something was wrong.
"Roxane," she said in a low voice, "Lady Lucilla wishes to speak with you privately."
"Oh?" I asked. "Did she say what about, Julia?"
"No, ma'am. "All she said that it was urgent and that she needed to speak with you right away."
"Send her in and take Marcus Antonius out to play with Lucius. He should be done with his tutoring by now."
"Yes, ma'am," Julia answered. After Marcus Antonius kissed and hugged me, he climbed down from the bed, took my maidservant's hand, and left with her out of the room. I leaned back against the pillows and sighed heavily as Lucilla entered the room. She wore a pale pink gown and a white stola and in my opinion, she looked quite regal. However, the look on her face told a different tale.
"What is the matter, sister?" I asked as she sat down on the side of the bed next to me. "You look as though you had seen Caesar's ghost."
"There is much to say and so little time to say it, Roxane," she replied. "Before I go any further, you must answer one question for me."
"Go on."
"Do you still remain in close contact with your family in Persia?"
"Yes, I receive letters from my brother and mother quite regularly."
"Do you keep those letters?" she then asked me.
"Yes. Lucilla, why are you asking me about letters from my family?"
Lucilla looked about my chambers before continuing. "You are being watched." Those four words sent a jolt through me. I was being watched, but by who? "I just overheard a conversation between Commodus, Quintus, and General Titus and they were talking about your family. It seems that the Persians have staged a revolt against Roman rule and they believe that your brother is the main instigator. Commodus mentioned that he would have your chambers searched for evidence to see if Artaxerxes had written his plans to you. If you have any sort of messages from your brother I strongly suggest you burn them right away."
I still could not believe my ears. My people were revolting against the emperor's rule at the insistence of my younger brother! My heart fell for I knew that if what Lucilla said was true, it would not only put my life in danger but also the lives of the ones I loved dearly. I bowed my head and said a quick prayer in my native tongue before I was able to look at Lucilla again. No one, including myself were not above suspicion at that moment. "I had no knowledge of plans to revolt against Roman rule, Lucilla. If I knew that my brother was planning such a thing, I would have tried my best to persuade him not to do such a foolish thing. I cannot believe he would plan something like this after all that we have gone through before. How could he so quickly forget that I forfeited my crown and life in Persia to preserve his life and the lives of those dearest to me? I gave up everything…" Tears of pain and regret soon overcame me. Deep sobs racked my body as I buried my face in my hands weeping uncontrollably. Lucilla enfolded me in her arms and rocked me slowly. My worst fears had come to life.
"That is why you must help us act, Roxane," she said quietly. "You must help us rid Rome of Commodus. Look at what he has done to you and your family, just look at all the misery and distress he has brought upon you."
"I know, Lucilla," I cried, clutching her arm. "But I have a son and unborn child to worry about. I cannot commit such a deed without both coming to hate me."
"Unborn child?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I am with child again, Lucilla, but it was not due to my own accord. I did not want another child with Commodus; I am already bound to him through Marcus Antonius."
"I see, then no one can say that you were a willing participant. Everyone in Rome knows how lust-driven my brother is, in fact, I just saw him in the halls with another of his whores."
The news that I did not need to hear at that moment. It was already too much to bear to know that I was now under suspicion due to my brother's actions against Rome; that my husband was now in the arms of his lover; and I was pregnant with yet another child by the man who I had come to despise more than anything in the world. He robbed me of my life and happiness and he would not be happy until he had robbed me of my dignity and esteem. Finally, after several heavy moments, I stopped crying. Lucilla released me and went to get a cool towel so I could wipe my face.
"All will be well, sister," she said as she gently wiped my face. "Everything will turn out alright in the end, you'll see."
"I know," I shakily replied. However, her words did little to comfort me. The distress in my soul was deep and troubled me to my very core. I lived in fear for my life and the life of my son of every moment of everyday; why would I bring any more danger to my life? I lay back against the pillows and sighed deeply. Oh, how I longed to be back in my homeland, living in peace and without fear of any man.
"Are you alright, Roxane?" Lucilla then asked me, a look of concern darkening her features.
"I'm feeling a bit ill at the moment, nothing serious."
"Have you thought about what I asked of you the other night?"
"A bit," I answered.
"What is your decision on the matter?"
"I believe that it would be best if I did not get involved, Lucilla. Since I am already under the emperor's suspicious eye, it would not be safe for either of us if I got involved. I do not want the blood of others upon my hands should Commodus learn of this plot against him."
"Will you at least meet with Senator Gracchus before making this your final decision?" she then asked. "Just one meeting, Roxane, that is all I ask of you."
I sighed deeply as I looked away from her, lost in deep thought. "Why do you continue to ask me to help you even though you know that I would be putting everything in grave danger?"
"Because you have a reputation for being fair and open-minded," said Lucilla. "Will you please meet with him and listen to what he has to say?"
I thought quickly, trying to decide what to do. If I went along with this conspiracy, I would be putting all that I have tried to protect in danger. Or, if I refused, the Senate could decide to have me killed along with Commodus and my son would be without a father and a mother.
"I do not like this, Lucilla, but I will meet with him. Just remember one thing; I am putting my life and possibly the life of my son in grave risk."
"I will remember, sister."
"When do I meet with him?"
"As soon as you are well again for I do not want to risk your health further. I will tell Gracchus that you will meet with him and will arrange for a time when you are on your feet again."
"Very well," I replied. With that, Lucilla smiled at me before getting up to leave. She then blew me a kiss as she left me alone with my thoughts. The winds of change were coming and there was nothing I could do to stop them, or was there?