Part 4: A Long Way Down

Yumi awoke.

The sun shone in around the edges of her curtains, casting bright lines all around her room but leaving most of it dim. No school today, she thought, a common first thought on the day off. There were things to do, but they could wait; now seemed like a good time to just stay in bed. She shifted, let out a yawn. How could she sleep so well, but still not feel at all like getting out of bed?

She felt the warm presence next to her, and remembered. Last night, Chi had asked to share her bed, to sleep next to her. It was because she'd read about it in a manga . . . wasn't it? Persocoms were supposed to be programmed with things – most persocoms, Yumi amended, reminding herself again that Chi was definitely not like the others. But persocoms weren't really supposed to come up with things on their own, as far as she knew.

Yumi turned and looked at Chi. She lay with her eyes closed, her pale hair spilling out all around her half of the bed, a peaceful expression on her sleeping face. She still held Yumi's hand between her own. There was still so much about Chi she didn't understand, Yumi thought. She knew persocoms went into a sleep mode, to match their owners, and some said they wouldn't do well if they never got to sleep. But she'd seen Shizune's persocom sleeping before, on the floor next to her bed since their mother wouldn't let him sleep with Shizune.

What would her mom say, Yumi wondered, if she walked in right now?

But when Shizune's persocom slept, he just lay there, arms and legs all straight, staring up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. He didn't look like he was really asleep, more like he was . . . dead. It was kind of creepy, now that Yumi thought about it; even knowing he would get up and move when Shizune called for him didn't make him laying there look any less strange.

Chi looked nothing like that. If it weren't for her ear units, Yumi could have mistaken her for a real girl.

They're just getting better and better than people, some part of Yumi's mind whispered, and she frowned. Persocoms were better than people in most of the ways that counted; she'd thought that for a long time. Being able to impersonate people so closely, even mimicking something like sleep . . . it only made things worse.

Even if Chi was sleeping here because she'd wanted to, another part of Yumi's mind asked. Chi was different, and that made her even more real–

But that meant persocoms were just getting better–

But Chi wasn't like others, how many times did she have to remind herself–

Yumi squeezed her eyes shut and stuffed her face against her pillow, trying to make the warring thoughts stop spinning through her head. Chi being different didn't make her any less of a persocom. Even if that difference meant she needed things other persocoms didn't, like learning how to talk and what words meant. Even if that difference meant she seemed to genuinely want to make Yumi happy.

Just programming, Yumi reminded herself. It was just how Chi was programmed. But she didn't seem to have any programming. . . .

It was the same old things, everything she'd thought about, over and over again since she found Chi. Yumi looked up at the ceiling and whispered.

"There really isn't an answer, is there?"

Next to her, Chi stirred, and Yumi looked over. She realized Chi still held her hand; even when she'd thought about it earlier, she hadn't tried to take it away. The plush dolphin Yumi often clutched while she slept, especially if she was feeling sad, sat at the end of her bed and somehow looked forlorn.

Don't do that, Yumi told herself. It was one thing to wonder why a persocom – why Chi – wanted to make her happy. She wasn't going to start wondering if a stuffed animal felt sad because she wasn't hugging it.

Chi's eyes slowly began to open, the amber seeming to glow for a moment as she woke up. With her eyes half-open, Chi mumbled, "Chi. . . ."

"Good morning, Chi," Yumi said quietly, unable to think of anything else.

"Chi . . . good morning, Yumi." Chi's eyes opened all the way, and she squeezed Yumi's hand, pulled it close to her chest. "Chi is . . . happy, to wake up with Yumi."

Yumi felt her heart clench, and found she didn't have anything to say. There was some kind of sincerity in Chi's words, in her expression. . . . Persocoms usually looked like they knew what they were talking about, because they pretty much always did. They could smile, or frown, like anyone else. Of course they could; if they didn't seem like humans, people wouldn't get so addicted to them.

But there was something painfully genuine about the look on Chi's face. For a moment, Yumi forgot that it could be the product of a program, that it could be there because someone other than Chi wanted it to be. She only squeezed Chi's hand, and said nothing, and tried to ignore the pressure behind her eyes.

"Does Yumi have to go to school today?" Chi asked. Neither of them moved, and Chi only looked at her.

"No, I don't," Yumi said, shaking her head. "But we're having my sister's birthday party today, so I have to go out and pick up the cake for her."

Chi nodded. "Yumi has to go outside. Chi has read about going outside, going to other places. Can Chi go with Yumi?"

Yumi blinked at Chi, then realized she was right. As far as Chi knew, she'd never left the house – she didn't remember anything from before Yumi turned her on, so the only things she knew about outside she got from books. And, Yumi thought, those books weren't all good guides for the rest of the world. Especially the manga.

As funny as some people would think a persocom cosplaying as Tuxedo Mask was, Yumi knew that wasn't what she wanted Chi to do.

"Of course!" Yumi said, and smiled at her. "The bakery's not too far from here, but you can come with me."

Chi squeezed her hand again. "Chi! And Yumi smiled." She smiled as well, somehow looking very pleased with herself. "Chi hoped Yumi would smile."

"I didn't think I would," Yumi said, and only shook her head when Chi looked confused. "It's nothing," she said. "Let's go get some breakfast, then we can head to the bakery. Sound good?"

Chi's eyes brightened. "Chi!"

Yumi dressed casually, in a light sweater and skirt, and gave Chi another old skirt of hers as well as a long-sleeved white shirt and dark vest to wear. She would have to brush Chi's hair, Yumi thought. How hair that long wasn't already tangled into dozens of knots, she had no idea. It seemed a little strange to think about taking care of a persocom like that, but . . . why shouldn't she? If nothing else, she could teach Chi to do it herself. Chi would probably be happy to learn.

"Good morning!" Yumi called as she headed down the stairs, Chi clomping behind her in a pair of big black boots Yumi had pilfered from her sister's room. Like a lot of girls at that age, Shizune had gone through a rebellious phase a few years back; Yumi had liked the clothes but never felt like she had to do the same thing. All that remained of those clothes were Shizune's old boots, and since they matched Chi's vest, Yumi had decided to grab them. She figured Shizune wouldn't mind the loan.

"Oh, good morning, Yumi," her mom said, stepping out of the kitchen. She wore an apron over nicer clothes; as always, Yumi thought, her mom didn't like to change clothes once she was dressed, and had already prepared for the party later. "Good morning, Chi."

"Good morning, Mrs. Oumura!" Chi said, quite cheerful. "Yumi said Chi can go with her to the bakery!"

"Did she?" Yumi's mother turned and looked at her, eyebrows raised in an expression Yumi was sure she'd picked up from her father. "Is it all right to take her outside, Yumi? She seemed confused about things yesterday."

Yumi nodded quickly. "I think she'll be fine," she said. "Chi's learned a lot, and I'll be with her. All we have to do is go to the bakery and back."

"We'll see," Yumi's mom said after a moment. She stepped into the kitchen, came back a moment later with a tray stacked with chopsticks and glasses. "Chi, do you remember how to set the table?"

"Chi!" Chi said. "Chi remembers. Mrs. Oumura taught Chi yesterday. Can Chi set the table now?"

"Please do." Yumi's mother handed Chi the tray, and Chi skipped off toward the dining room.

Yumi watched her go. Chi hadn't even mentioned learning how to set the table yesterday, only said her mom gave her some clothes–

"Yumi."

Yumi started at her mother's quiet tone, and spun to look at her, unable to hold back some nervous laughter. "Y-yes, Mom?"

"Are you sure about this?" The look on her mother's face was a great deal more serious than a moment ago. "I know how you feel about persocoms, and now you're going around with this one when you've only had her for a few days. Are you sure you're not. . . ." She leaned in closer to Yumi. "Trying to get revenge on Mister Ueda?"

Yumi tilted her head and frowned at her mother. "Why would I do that?" She bowed her head, started to hold a hand over her mouth and lowered it again. "It's not his fault, he didn't do anything wrong. I just . . . I couldn't stay with him. Not after what happened before." She took a deep breath, tried to steady herself. "But this isn't about him," Yumi said. "Besides, Chi asked if she could come with me."

"Oh." Yumi's mom looked confused for a moment. "Are they supposed to do that? The only time Hanako ever asks questions is if I wasn't clear enough when I tell her to do something."

"I really don't know," Yumi said, and shook her head. "But there's a lot I don't know about persocoms." Like where Chi came from, she didn't say.

"Chi has set the table!" Chi called from the next room.

"Well, then." Yumi's mother smoothed her apron, and turned back toward the kitchen. "Go call your father and Shizune, would you, Yumi?"

After breakfast, Yumi's mother gave her a small envelope with money for the cake, and Yumi and Chi headed outside. Chi's first few steps were slow, but whether that was because she was unsure or if she was looking around at everything, Yumi wasn't sure. Or maybe Chi just wasn't used to walking in Shizune's clunky boots.

"Those are trees," Chi said, pointing as she and Yumi walked out into the street. "Those are power lines." She kept pointing, as though to confirm everything she'd read about. "Telephone poles. Clouds. Birds. Cars." After a moment, she looked to Yumi, her eyes wide and questioning. "Is Chi right?"

"Chi's right," Yumi said with another smile. "You read about all of those, didn't you?"

"Chi did," she said, returning the smile. "Chi saw many things from the window too, but Chi wanted to go outside to see them closer."

Yumi nodded, but said nothing more as they walked down the street. Would Chi be all right at her school, she wondered. She would have to wait outside the classrooms with the other persocoms, of course; no matter how much like a real person she seemed, Chi wouldn't be allowed to have a desk with everyone else. Even if she wanted to learn.

That would be interesting. Yumi knew her teachers would probably think a persocom that wanted to learn was something strange. Then again, some of the older teachers – and the principal – sometimes acted like having persocoms at school at all was very strange. Yumi had heard of another school where persocoms weren't allowed. At first, they all just waited outside the gates, until some of them got stolen.

Yumi looked over at Chi, who was still staring around at everything she could, often naming things and pointing to them. Someone would try to steal Chi in that situation, Yumi thought, and something inside her grew cold at the thought. Some people wouldn't want a persocom who couldn't do what others could, but others would just want to see if they could figure out how she worked.

"Stay close to me, Chi," Yumi said, hardly realizing it before the sentence was out.

Chi gave her a curious look. "Chi?"

"You know what stealing means, don't you?" Yumi asked.

"Chi." Chi nodded. "Stealing is taking something from somebody else, taking something they don't want to give. Someone stole a man's car in a book. It made him sad and angry."

Yumi nodded. "I don't want someone to steal you, so stay with me."

Chi skipped closer to her, held onto the side of Yumi's sleeve. "Chi will stay with Yumi," she said. "Chi does not want to be stolen either."

No persocom would, Yumi thought. But would any other say it like that?

The bakery stood at one end of a trendy downtown area, and since it was a day off from school, the place was packed with people around Yumi's age and their persocoms. At least for this, Yumi thought, Chi wouldn't seem out of place at all. Only someone who really knew their persocoms would see that Chi was different from the others. Yumi headed toward the bakery's painted blue-and-white sign, under the angel decorations, and pushed open the door.

A bell dinged as they walked in, and a male persocom with short brown hair and ear units sweeping back like digital wings turned to greet them. "Welcome to Angel Layers!" he said. "How may I help you today?"

"I'm here to pick up a cake," Yumi said as Chi looked around. "It should be under Oumura."

The persocom's eyes flickered, and a moment later, he gave Yumi an extremely professional smile. "I'm very sorry, Ms. Oumura, but we've been very busy lately. In order to have your cake done on time, we had to ask another bakery to take care of it."

Yumi's heart lurched as something horrible occurred to her. No, she thought, it couldn't be. There were more than a few bakeries in the area, weren't there. . . ?

"But it should be ready by now," the persocom said. He looked at Chi. "Shall I send her the address?"

"Just tell me," Yumi said, her breath catching in her throat. Don't say it, she thought. Please don't say it.

"Chiroru," the persocom said. "It's located at-"

"I know where it is," Yumi said quickly, and started backing toward the door, Chi still clinging to her sweater. "Thank you!"

Once outside, Yumi sat down on a bench and held her head in her hands. She felt Chi sit down next to her.

"Is Yumi all right?" Chi asked. "Yumi . . . knows about Chiroru? The persocom didn't say, but Yumi knows. Does Yumi not . . . like Chiroru?"

Yumi looked around, saw how many people were nearby. She couldn't talk about this here, she thought. Not here, not where someone she knew might see her, not when she might start crying. She had to get away, anywhere else.

There was a small park near Chiroru, she remembered. She used to wait there for Mister Ueda, until–

Yumi stood up quickly, just short of pulling Chi up with her. "We're going somewhere else," she said to Chi's questioning look. "We can talk when we get there." Don't say anything, she told herself. Just get where she was going. Once she could sit down again, she could . . . she could. . . .

Could she even tell Chi about this?

Yumi's mind raced as she hurried away from the trendy area without looking back. There was something very strange about this, she thought. A persocom was at the root of all these problems, all her problems, everything she'd gone through in the past few months with Mister Ueda. There was no reason at all for her to talk to a persocom about any of this.

And yet . . . the look on Chi's face. . . . Chi wanted to know. Like any good friend, Chi saw someone troubled and wanted to help them. Chi didn't want her to be hurt, even if Yumi wasn't sure if Chi really understood what it meant.

Chi had learned a lot over the past few days, but could she understand? Would she understand if Yumi told her everything?

Despite her thoughts chasing each other in circles again, Yumi found her way to the small park at the end of the street where Chiroru was. Even after she'd broken up with Mister Ueda, she'd come here a time or two, just to see him again . . . always from a distance, but to see him again made her feel a little bit better. To see that he was doing all right. She'd never seen Mister Ueda with another assistant at the shop; sometimes, she wondered how he was doing. He still had so much trouble with math. Even being here again. . . .

Yumi looked down the street and saw the edge of Chiroru's pink and white sign. It was all so close. She felt pressure behind her eyes again, and sank down on the park's single bench, and put her face in her hands.

"Yumi." Chi's hands rested on her shoulder and arm, giving her a gentle and almost familiar squeeze. "Does Yumi hurt?"

"Yes," Yumi whispered. She shook her head once, then tried to raise it. Her gaze went to Chiroru again, as though drawn, and she had to force herself to look away. Her eyes found Chi's.

Chi looked sadder than Yumi had known a persocom could. It was a program, the same small part of her mind reminded her. But she found she didn't want to listen. Even if Chi was just programmed to act this way, she still wanted to know why Yumi hurt. And she would listen, of that Yumi had no doubt.

"Chi . . . does not know what to do," Chi said. "But Chi remembers, in the books with pictures. When someone was sad, they would talk to someone, and that person would put their arms around them. Like this."

Chi leaned closer and put her arms around Yumi's shoulders, pulling Yumi to her. Yumi didn't resist, felt the strange warmth emanating from Chi, like she was a real person. She wondered again, faintly and distant, if all persocoms were like that, or if it was another thing that made Chi special. But there was comfort in it, she couldn't deny that.

"Will Yumi talk to Chi?" Chi asked. "Chi does not know what else to do. But Chi . . . doesn't want to see Yumi hurt."

"I'll tell you," Yumi said, still little more than a whisper. "I'm sorry, I don't know if I should, but I'll tell you."

"Why shouldn't Yumi tell Chi?" she asked. "Did Chi do something bad?"

"No." Yumi shook her head, felt her hair brushing against Chi's shoulder. "You didn't do anything," she said, held back a sob. "It's not you. It's not your fault. But it's something that happened . . . I wish it was longer ago, I think it might be easier."

Yumi gently pulled herself back. Chi didn't let go of her, but turned to face her on the bench, so she could keep her arms around Yumi's shoulders. Maybe it was better that way, Yumi thought. Misha hugged her a lot when she broke up with Mister Ueda, even if Misha had never really liked the relationship. So it wasn't too different now . . . especially with what she had to tell Chi.

"The man who runs Chiroru," Yumi began. "I . . . I used to be in love with him."

"In love?" Chi asked. "Chi has read about this. Chi . . . does not understand it."

"Nobody does," Yumi said, and somehow smiled just for a moment, despite the tears brimming in her eyes. "I didn't think he'd love me. I really didn't. He's older than me, and . . . I found out he'd been married before, I found out when I told him I loved him. He said she died, and he thought that meant I wouldn't want to be with him. But I wanted to. I wanted to be with him. I really, really did."

"This is why Chi doesn't understand," Chi said. "Sometimes people say they're in love and they smile. Sometimes people say they're in love and they cry. How do people do different things if they're saying the same thing?"

"I don't know." Yumi wiped at her eyes. Don't start crying, she told herself. Not yet. Or she'd never get the story out.

After a moment, Yumi took a deep breath and continued. "We were happy for a while," she said. "He was so cute, and he taught me things . . . I know how to bake because of him. He even made me a dress for when I was working there, it was so beautiful, and I knew . . . I thought . . . I thought it would last."

"Chi," Chi said quietly.

"But I found out who his wife was," Yumi gasped out. This was it, she thought. This was the part that hurt her the most . . . and this was the part that was going to hurt Chi. She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat.

"His wife . . . was a persocom, and her name was Yumi."

And Yumi let it go. A sob tore its way out of her throat, and tears streamed from her eyes, and she buried her face against Chi's shoulder. She felt Chi's arms circle around her, holding her gently. Why did it have to turn out this way, she thought. Persocoms . . . most of them were so perfect, there was no way she could compete–

"Chi does not understand," Chi said again, and Yumi froze. "Why does Mister Ueda's wife being a persocom named Yumi make Yumi sad?"

Yumi pulled back again and looked at Chi. How could she not understand? But there was no sign of deception in Chi's eyes, no suggestion that she was joking or anything of the sort. She truly didn't realize what the problem was.

Of course she didn't, Yumi thought. Chi still needed to be taught so many things. If only someone else could have explained this part . . . no, it was better this way. Chi probably didn't even understand other persocoms; it wasn't like she could have read about them from any of Yumi's books. So Yumi had to tell her.

"All the time we were together," Yumi said, "I had the same name as his wife, as a persocom. I can't compete with that. No matter what, he had to be comparing me to her, and there's no way . . . there's no way I could be better!"

"Persocoms are better than people?" Chi asked.

"They are!" Yumi insisted. She sobbed again, and started to pull back, looked at Chi's hurt expression and felt her heart clench again. "I mean . . . there's nothing they can't do. They're pretty and smart and polite and . . . and. . . ."

"Yumi is sad because of a persocom," Chi said, sadness in her voice nearly enough to match Yumi's own. What was going on behind those eyes, Yumi thought. "Does Yumi . . . hate Chi because Chi is a persocom?"

Yumi gasped, and put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, no, Chi, I don't hate you! How could you even think that?"

Chi pointed toward Chiroru. "Yumi does not want to see Mister Ueda because of a persocom. Yumi is crying because of a persocom. Chi is a persocom. Chi does not know . . . if Yumi likes Chi."

"Chi. . . ." Yumi could only stare. She hadn't expected this at all. With all the manga she'd read, Yumi half-expected Chi to just hug her and say everything would be all right, maybe say they should go shopping because the girls in the manga sometimes went shopping when one of them broke up with a boyfriend or something like that.

But this . . . it had only been a few days, but she'd never seen Chi look so sad. She hadn't known Chi could. And now, after all this, she didn't know if Yumi even liked her?

"Oh, Chi, I'm so sorry," Yumi said. She sat up and pulled Chi closer to her, reversing their positions from a moment ago. "I – I didn't want to tell you, I didn't know what you'd think about any of this. I didn't want you to think . . . Chi, I pulled you out of someone's trash, how could you think I don't like you?"

"Mrs. Oumura said she was surprised Yumi kept Chi," Chi said, her voice slightly muffled. "Mrs. Oumura said she didn't think Yumi would want a persocom around."

That was true, Yumi thought. There was Hanako, but Hanako mostly just helped out her parents; Yumi had her own computer and no real reason to use Hanako for much. And . . . and Yumi knew how she'd been thinking about persocoms.

So maybe her mother was right. But that didn't mean . . . she didn't have to think about Chi the same way, did she?

"I – I don't know how I can say it," Yumi said, speaking slowly as she struggled to find the words. "I didn't know what to do when I found you, or when all you could say was 'chi'. But . . . but I never hated you. I wanted to know what happened to you, and now I don't know if that matters. But I never hated you."

"Chi . . . is happy to hear that," Chi said. She then leaned back a little, wearing a small smile. She put her face close to Yumi's, and kissed her on the cheek.

Yumi blinked, tears falling anew, then looked at Chi. "What was that for?" she asked, her voice quiet and small.

"Chi," Chi said. "In the books with pictures, people did that for people they liked, and it made them both happy." Her smile disappeared. "Did Chi do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't, but . . . I guess I wasn't expecting it," Yumi said, unsure of what else to say.

"Chi!" Chi said, smiling again. "People did it as a surprise in the books too. Did Yumi like it?"

There really was no answer for that, Yumi thought; she found she had no idea how she felt about it. But she smiled anyway, and said, "Thank you, Chi."

"Can . . . can Yumi kiss Chi's cheek, too?"

Yumi felt her cheeks grow warm. Chi, it seemed, was full of surprises today. Before she could think about it too much, she moved in close and kissed Chi on her cheek, feeling oddly childish and giggly and yet . . . there was something good in it, something that made her feel better in such a simple thing.

Or maybe it was the way Chi smiled afterward. "Chi!" she said, and threw herself at Yumi where they sat, pulling her close in a tight hug. "Chi. . . ."

Yumi hugged her back. Maybe it was better this way, she thought. Chi didn't understand everything, and maybe she never would; what was wrong with that? She remembered what Misha said yesterday, about Chi needing her, and wondered again if that was right. Maybe . . . maybe that really was what made Chi different.

Chi wasn't like other persocoms. She wasn't perfect. She didn't know everything, and there were things she couldn't do. But nobody without those imperfections would be sitting here in the park, hugging her on a bench after sharing kisses on the cheek.

And maybe that made it all okay.

After a few moments, they separated, and Chi gave her a serious look. "Will it hurt Yumi to go to Chiroru?" she asked. "Does Yumi not want to see Mister Ueda?"

Yumi started to deny it, then thought about facing him again, and felt her heart pound hard and painful. "I can't go in there," she said quietly. "Let's go back home. I'll tell Mom that the cake's at Chiroru, and she'll understand. Maybe she'll send Shizune to get it."

Chi stood up. "Chi will get the cake," she said.

"You will?" Yumi blinked up at her. It seemed like the kind of thing people normally sent their persocoms out to do, helping with the errands. For Chi to volunteer to do something so mundane . . . something seemed odd about it. But wasn't this why people got persocoms to begin with?

"Chi will," Chi said with a nod. "Chi needs money to buy the cake."

Yumi nodded, and took the envelope out of her pocket. "Tell him you're here to pick up the Oumura order, and give him this," she said. "If he says anything . . . oh, I don't know what you should say . . . don't tell him anything I told you."

"Chi will say she is Yumi's," Chi said with a nod. "Chi will get the cake and come back to Yumi." She turned and hurried off down the street.

Yumi watched her just long enough to make sure she went into the right shop, then leaned back against the bench and sighed. When had all this happened, she thought as she wiped away stray tears. Months ago, she wouldn't have wanted any of this . . . she definitely wouldn't have brought a persocom along with her for errands, except for her little PDA. That was enough. But now, here she was, out with Chi.

No, she thought. It wasn't like that. The talk they'd just had, her own pain and Chi's worries and . . . .

Don't get addicted to spending time with her, that same small part of her mind whispered. She knew what happened to people like that, didn't she?

But it wasn't like that, she answered herself. Chi wasn't a substitute for being with people, wasn't some perfect person. In her own way, she was less than most persocoms, but also something more. . . .

Being with Chi was like being with a real person, Yumi thought. And maybe that made it all okay.

Soon, Chi returned from Chiroru, carrying a pale pink box with the bakery's name in white atop it. She seemed to be struggling a little; Chi wasn't very tall and the box was large. Yumi stood and hurried up to her as she came closer.

"Chi has the cake!" Chi said, smiling brightly above the box. "Chi gave Mister Ueda the money and got the cake. Can Chi and Yumi go home now?"

"Yes!" Yumi took the cake box from Chi, then started to ask, "Did Mister Ueda . . . did he ask anything?"

Chi's smile dimmed. "Mister Ueda asked if Chi was the Oumura's new persocom," she said. "Chi said Chi is Yumi's persocom. Mister Ueda . . . Chi is not sure how he looked. But then Mister Ueda smiled and told Chi to have a good day."

Yumi nodded. It probably hurt him to hear about her, but . . . there was nothing she could do. She couldn't have gone in there herself. It was better this way.

"Come on, Chi," Yumi said. "Let's go home."

"Chi!"