EPOV

My god, she was brilliant. That didn't help at all, because my fingers ached and longed for her even more now. And well, something else ached for her too, but I wasn't even going to go into detail about that. But she's perfect damn it. Gorgeous beyond belief, intelligent, enticing. I'm screwed.

"I'm not stupid. Go on."

Then she blushed. By god, she blushed at me of all people!

"Because no Queen ever reveals her true self to her loyal admirers. It took me a while to get where I am now in this fucked up society I live in and I'm not risking shit to lose my damn status."

"So acting like a retard keeps you popular?" Oh god. I need to shut the fuck up. Biggest face palm moment in the world. I was never this confident. Kill me now.

"Yes." She spewed with daggers frickin' shooting hellfire from her eyes. Lesson 1, keep your object of jerking off happy.

"Why'd it take you so long? I mean..look at you. You're so—" Shit. I needed to tape my mouth closed. And without meaning to I blushed like a pansy.

"Because freshmen year I was like you. Nobody fucking knew my name. I was picked on. I was still flat chested as fuck and didn't even get my per—umm. Like I was saying, I got picked on especially by some senior bitch named Tanya Denali or some shit like that. She called me "Tranny" And "Fuckface Swan".

Tanya Denali? Eww. She was my next door neighbor who had cougar like tendencies. Once I almost caught her pinching my ass when she came over for tea. That bitch was practically trying to molest me.

"Oh. I know who you're talking about. Go on."

"So when I came back sophomore year people started to notice me because I miraculously grew tits and got contacts. I started dressing nicer and wearing makeup and doing my hair. Before I knew it I was like the Wii on Christmas. Everybody wanted a piece of me. Alice and Emmett became my partners in crime and so on so forth. Here the fuck I am." She smiled and my heart stopped. She cackled a little but that didn't stop me from wanting her more.

"I can definitely see."

"You know honestly I don't even know why I'm telling you this shit."

"Neither do I."

"Ok so are we done? I need to get the fuck out of here before I start saying smart shit in front of people."

"Um sure. I'm guessing we have to do this again tomorrow so,…" I didn't know what to say. What the fuck am I supposed to do? WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

"How 'bout your place?" She winked. Oh shit. I might as well just pass out. I really needed to tell Jasper.

BPOV

I didn't really know why I was telling him this stories. Nobody ever knew about this except Alice. Thank god I had her, that bitch was my rock. Edward seemed nice. I'd have to get shit out of him sometime too. If my plan went accordingly I'd be in his pants in like 3 days. Study sessions could be more fun then. Whatever. Alice's Porsche was still fuckinig standing outside. Damn. She really did care.

"Don't ask. Get your uncovered ass in my car."

Without a word I opened the door to her flashy little Porsche and sat down inside.

"So apparently I have to be fucking tutored by Edward Cullen every single damn day otherwise my ass will be kicked out of Forks High."

"Edward Cullen? Hmm..name doesn't sound familiar. Oh wait. He was my lab partner sophomore year. Asshole got dissected frog on my Gucci." She pouted in mourning in loss her beloved bag.

"But Daddy replaced it now didn't he?"

"Yes he did. Now shut the fuck up and put on your seat belt we're going shopping." She smiled brightly practically fucking jumping of joy out of her seat.

"Yay!" I gave her a little smile and sat back. I liked shopping but it was fucking brutal with Alice. She was small but boy did she pack a damn punch.

I remember the time she almost got arrested because she punched some Saks makeup girl in the face after she refused to hand over the exclusive new Chanel lipstick. Alice tracked it down and wanted it but that bitch wouldn't give up. Whore got what she deserved.

That's what I loved about Alice. She wouldn't take no for an answer and if you were her friend she had your back.

Before I knew it we were in the Port Angeles Mall parking lot.

"Let's go! BCBG just released their new Spring line and I need a new pair of Manolos Bellls!"

EPOV

As soon as I got home I ran the fuck upstairs and ignored Rosalie and logged onto AIM. Hmm..I was cursing a lot today. That was quite unlike me. I ignored my weird antics and sat down before my pristine and virginal looking 24 inch iMac. I opened up AIM and typed in my password. Thankfully JBoy7 was online (Jazz still kept his screenname from 6th grade.)

I typed.

ECullen: Man, you will never guess who I was w/ just a few mins b4.

Bing.

JBoy7: Who? Ur mom?

ECullen: No stfu. Bella Swan.

Bing.

JBoy7: In ur dreams most likely.

ECullen: No I'm serious. Mom tld me that I had 2 tutor her for the next few weeks.

No bing.

ECullen: Dead serious.

Bing.

JBoy7: Holy fuck!!! Do you realize you can now help me get Alice Brandon?

Ugh I knew it.

ECullen: Dude, no. I have Bella Swan 2 embarrass myself w/. I'll help as soon as I think I'm able 2 retard. Remember, we're frickin nerds.

Bing.

JBoy7: Oh shit. You're rite.

ECullen: You can memorize 2,000 digits of Pi but not realize that.

Bing.

JBoy7: Shut up. I have plan. Ur goin 2 get Bella and I'm going to get what I want. Alice.

ECullen: Just don't tell a soul. And definitely not Rose cuz then she'll freak out and ask for Emmett backup. U kno how she is.

Bing.

JBoy7: Done just get me my girl.

ECullen: U better b my wingman. I'm gonna need frickin help.

Bing.

JBoy7: 2 nerds=un-fucking-stoppable.