Disclaimer: Just recently, I bought a DeathNote... Now to get the names of those behind CLAMP... Eriol and Tomoyo shall be mine! (insert really evil cackle here)
Summary: Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with that. Leaving with Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.
Author's Notes: For those who waited seven more days for this update... I warned you beforehand that school schedules are such pains in the butt- it really can't be helped. Even more for the next installment, expect a longer waiting period. Oh, but before you begin to fall helpless, wailing on the floor, I give you the assurance that I'll finish what I started. It would be quite long before the end though. Really long.
Chapter 3
September always held the first chill of the autumn season- very much like morning breath, only a lot more pleasant and quite chilly. By this time, the clear skies of Tomoeda would slowly gather silvery white clouds and, in the progressing weeks, crowd it into a white- or is it gray? blur, as they are carried by the cool wind from the North.
September mornings were almost always pleasant. But for Eriol, they held today the queerest of messages. One that is concerned with the person he talked to the night before.
So Eriol Hiirigazawa, after a cup of black coffee and a comfortably steamy bath, took off from his residence, a good read and an extra scarf in hand, and walked towards the Daidouji manor in a leisurely manner. Morning walks were the perfect excuse to drop by without an invitation, after all.
o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o
Morning found Tomoyo on her grand four-poster bed, entangled in sheets and dreams of a lively cherry blossom. The light bathed her room and flooded her eyes, persistently telling her to wake up. The young heiress twisted and turned some more, trying to block the light, trying to get more sleep yet feeling more awake with each movement.
She didn't want to- for she knew all that she had envisioned that night would all have been a waste.
Ever since yesterday, Sakura would wake up and be in the arms of her loving husband, beneath white sheets Tomoyo would examine only to find stains- blood, tears and make-up. And she knew, that even though there were none- for Sakura was naive and Syaoran a gentleman, she would still see them in her mind's eye. And afterwards...
Oh gods, we all know she would smile knowingly, understandingly even, in their midst then rock herself to sleep at night, exhausted from crying her heart out each and everyday of what remains of her pitiful existence, her life.
Her life, with all its joys, with Spring so far away- far away from her reach and her eyes.
Tomoyo quickly brushed away a forming tear, quickly arresting all emotions of pain before she breaks down into a helpless pulp once again. She refocused on other things and it fell on the thought of deep, azure eyes.
"If she pleases, my London flat is ready for a shared occupancy with yours truly, Miss Tomoyo Daidouji."
There was something else in her dream... rather, it had happened in reality. An offer, and though unspoken, to get away from this prison of pain forever. And since she was not to be made a fool for falling into offers without a reality check, at the very least, for the time being.
That was why she took it up- Hiirigazawa was kind enough to see through her deceiving, calculated smiles and glazed, unfocused eyes.
Tomoyo knew from the start better than to belittle him.
Ever since his sudden return from England, or perhaps even longer before that, she envisioned him on a great chair, cradling the world within his palm- and that all he did was observe daily then act when the time was ripe. Eriol Hiirigazawa, she came to understand, is wise far beyond his years- far beyond what his good looks, his lithe and young frame would suggest.
But, very much like her, he held secrets.
And she wasn't sure if she would ever get to learn everything about him or if she even wanted to.
Leave the past behind... it was the wisest thing to do, at least for now.
And so Tomoyo gently sat up. She fingered the tips of her hair and wondered if she should get herself shorter, more easily managed lengths. She was after a new life- not that she wanted to completely forget her old one. And for most women, having a new hairstyle was the first step.
Yes. She would start from that.
o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o
She had been idly playing with her hair, twirling and working out the morning's knots from small, randomly-taken strands.
Her eyes traveled listlessly from her bed to the bookshelves and the mahogany desk not too far from it. They were as she had maintaned them- clean spotless. They were the very reflection of her face in society. Nothing should be out of place.
"And to think that was where I always stayed, deep into the night, thinking of Sakura's newest costume..." she thought nostalgically, a pained smile gracing her features as her consciousness slipped in and out of memories from a time she knew would never come back.
For Tomoyo, anything, even tortuous memories, would do for the moment, long as it suspended her desperation. Though from where the feeling rooted, she had not a single inkling.
o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o
Her mind was nowhere near set on the task at hand.
What seemed like an eternity for Tomoyo was actually a mere 30 minutes in reality as she looked on, past her reflection, and viewed her room with an increased interest.
The special scissors was glinting off a golden light as it was placed on the dresser surface.
Other than the time when it had been placed there, it had not been held or moved. It was just there- somehow existent yet non-existent in Tomoyo's consciousness as she preoccupied herself with thoughts.
Taking one last look and finding that nothing in her room was of interest to her any longer, she returned her attention to the device and sighed.
"Guess I can't." she said with finality, taking it and raising it to her face for a quick examination. It was new, out of the box and still had a faint scent of the department store AC where she had bought it a month ago.
August...
The same time Syaoran had asked Sakura's hand in marriage and they were formally announced as 'engaged'.
They were lucky, happy and all smiles and Tomoyo mercilessly showered a furiously blushing Syaoran playful teases and endless puns. She noted that Eriol wasn't there but all the others made it a point to attend. After the affair, she had excused herself and went to the department store.
She eyed the scissors once again then slipped it inside the open drawer. Tomoyo looked at herself in the mirror again but quickly stood up and wordlessly proceeded on taking a bath.
o0o...o0o...im not okay...o0o...o0o
She didn't know anything else except the ice cold rivulets pummeling her body. She was too preoccupied by her inner demons to even think of locking the door or switching the temperature to a more comfortable setting. Her white dress-shirt was far from dry, clinging to her body as it morphed to be almost like a second skin because of its translucency. Tomoyo was simply lost and her mind was far away.
She knew one thing, though. She had to remind her mother to employ someone to get the full-body mirror paneling out of her bath.
She didn't like to see herself any longer.
She was scared. Tomoyo didn't know how to face herself anymore. More like, she didn't know which one of her thousand faces she was going to wear for her own sake.
She never did anything for her own sake- the videos, the costumes, the painful matching up was all for Sakura. For her cousin, her bestfriend, her forbidden love. Always and only for her.
'I've always worn a smile for her sake...' she thought wearily, rubbing her numbing cheeks in nostalgia.
'For her sake...'
It sounded so painful to her ears as it now had to be connected with 'he exists...'
The young heiress covered her ears, yet knowing she did so in vain because the voices she heard were her own.
'And she exists for him.' she completed resignedly, a salty tear gone unnoticeably mingling with other fluids.
A small amount of lather stung her eyes. It would've smelled strongly of her lavender shampoo if only her senses weren't as numbed as they were now that she was crying again.
o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o
Author's Notes: (PA System ON/OFF) I just have to use this section to beg for forgiveness from those who are reading my other story, At the Last Minute//Final Deception (yep, this is how the title is written- damn those editing programs) which is under the Death Note category. I am a rock in that aspect- ain't movin', ain't goin' nowhere- and it's such a pang in my conscience when I can update here almost weekly and yet AtLM//FD's latest chapter was posted 9 months ago! Once again, gomenasai! (ON/OFF)
night-dreams: Oh my... What can I say? I'm honored, I guess. Hope you enjoy this installment.
SanzoGirl: Your reviews really brighten up the page! And yes, of course, Tomoyo and Eriol will go to London... that's where all the fun (and drama) begins. Thank you, once again.
firegoddess372: Thanks for the review! Here's the update! Oh, and thank you for putting this up on alert! Arigato gozaimasu!
Final Author's Notes: FOREWARNING: The next chapter might take another two weeks before release... so there. Till next time, minna-san!