Hello hello again! This a chapter that finally gets on with the plot! You know, a new bad guy or two pops up and threatens the world (you all know the drill), and Kuja and the dwarves of Conde Petite don't get along very well....

Also, two fairly annoying brats also come back to annoy the living snot out of our fine little group.

Ah, I love this story! It's so fun to annoy people!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything (maybe Kuja? No... never mind... I don't own him.... CRUEL WORLD!). I do own Trace, Anorandi (sort of), and the princes and princesses of Alexandria.

Chapter 4

By morning we reached Conde Petite.

Garnet and Eiko were miserable, having done the trip in high heels. Tot, Vivi, and Mikoto were out of breath. Zidane still seemed full of energy- of course, since he was Mr. Sunny-Sings-A-Lot- but I was about ready to drop dead from the sweat, heat, and the horrible sweat.

"RALLY-HO!"

"Shut it," I snarled, walking through anyway.

Zidane quickly apologized for me. Trudging in, many dwarves stared at us- mostly at Eiko, I noticed- but I ignored them all, slouching over to the inn. I handed over all the money I had, even willing to give him a 4798 gil tip, and plopped face down on my bed. I finally climbed in, feeling as pitiful and awful as I had ten years ago in the Iifa Tree. So… that was a tiny bit exaggerated, but I'm sure the royals agreed with me.

"What are you doing? We've got to hurry to Alexandria!" Zidane chirped in my ear.

I closed my eyes, relaxing for a long stay.

He groaned and finally gave in, falling on his bed too. Tot wheezed as he finally stumbled in the room. "I… I'm too old… for this… kind of… exertion…." The bird-man still pulled out a book of a nearby bookcase and sat to reading on the floor, too tired to make it to the bed. Running from crazy, obsessive fangirls, I discovered, was very strenuous work. If it hadn't been for Mikoto's crazy plan (one way too long and intricate- not to mention painful- to describe), we never would have escaped that unspeakable place with our sanity and me intact.

But… if those girls hadn't been bloodthirsty, insane freaks, I would have gone back. It felt good (albeit creepy) to know someone loved me. Someone besides me. And children. And Zidane, who probably threatened Garnet into liking me. Amarant didn't seem to have too much against me, but I really didn't want to have that guy as a buddy.

Then there was Trace. But she didn't know I was Kuja yet. She only knew me as Silver, the name I stole from my dragon.

I missed Anorandi, too. I didn't want to think he stayed on Terra. That stubborn dragon… even if I commanded him to leave, he wouldn't go. Now I know that I was stupid to destroy everything, but if I had killed my dragon, too, I….

"Anorandi…," I whispered. Louder, I announced, "I'm going out for a while."

"Knock yourself out," Zidane murmured, already half asleep.

I grabbed a cloak on my way out. Just in case, of course.

Dwarves that were no taller than my waist scurried around the stone halls. I didn't even try to decode their weird accent. That was simply impossible. I did catch a few sentences, though. Most of them talked about how Eiko had turned from a thieving runt into a princess. The other bits I found were- oddly- not about me, but Amarant. He must have had his bad days too once upon a time.

"Rally-ho, Maester!"

"Rally-whoo," I responded. "Do you sell any food? I've just come from-"

"No," he interrupted me, "it aes 'rally-ho'."

I stared at him blankly.

He stared expectantly back at me.

Narrowing my eyes, I threatened, "I'm the all-powerful, destructive, and dashingly-hot Kuja, terror to Gaia. Do you really think annoying me right now would be a good thing?"

As if to rub his defiance in my face, he replied, "It aes 'rally-ho'."

"You dumpy mush of a being."

We turned away from each other at the same time, harrumphing.

A good while later, I pulled a book from the sleeping tutor's pile and opened its old, dusty cover. It was a book of poetry, but the author's name was too faded to decipher. It didn't matter- I'd probably figure out who it was anyway after a poem or two.

I turned to a random page in the middle of the book, waving away the dust that flew back in my face.

You're Not Alone

When the darkness falls, all that lies within

Shall rise and your past, with rage,

Will consume all.

When you've lost your way,

Look not tw'ards the sky nor the dawn

For all sorrow tis all you'll find.

Be not weary, soul, for your victory

Soon shall come; you shall find your way

In the blessed moonlight.

When the dark of night

Will turn into morning light

Know that you're not alone.

If all hope is lost

And you've yet to carry on

Know you're not alone.

Every day goes by without a hope,

Not a smile; for my pain

Is the solace of your life.

In all I've faced, ne'er have I seen

Your sweet, healing face;

My past is cold and you are the fire.

Until that fated day, I wait

To see you there

Waiting by the river, watching out for me.

Soon the light shall fade

And we are all that lingers still,

Know that you're not alone.

In my fear and prayer,

I see your silhouette;

Tell me I'm not alone.

I still linger on this world,

Awaiting for your reassurance,

Come back to me now,

and take me home.

At the bottom was something that surprised me more than the relation of my life to this poem were the Terran letters at the bottom. I was a little rusty in reading the cryptic language, but I finally made them out to be Talendier.

Talendier….why did that seem so familiar?

"Hey, Kuja, we're setting out!"

"I'm coming!" I called back. I quickly ripped out the page and stuffed it in my pocket.

Maybe the genomes, Zidane, Mikoto, and I weren't the only Terrans here.

"And no one on thi' freakin' con'inent 'as an airship?" Ruby gruffly asked, hoisting herself up a boulder. She stubbornly sat, glaring out at the horizon that was beyond beautiful- but no one wanted to care about that. All that mattered was getting back to Alexandria, to survey the damage and assure that something like that would not happen a third time.

Eiko sighed, sitting to rub her feet. "I swear to never wear high heels again."

Garnet nodded. "Boots- no matter how ugly or tacky."

I snorted. "I'd rather have the awful shoes than something like that."

It was silent for a minute, then Eiko snorted. It turned into a chuckle. Then a full out laugh. "I-I can't take it anymore! The sun! The heat! Kuja! I-I'm going insane out here!" She let out an echoing laugh that started a chain reaction for Vivi and Zidane. Soon the three of them were laughing uncontrollably while the rest of us simply gawked at them. The princess soon started a fit of gasping, her face red, still laughing. "A-and I th-thought it was funny! I thought th-that he said something funny! Insanity! Heat flashes! I think that…. That…."

Her face suddenly paled as she stared out. I turned, nearly doing a double take.

Eiko stood and pointed. "It's back."

My hands shook. I pressed them to my sides, turning to face it. "It's back… for me."

I shook my head. "And I guess it didn't die after all."

"Steiner," Beatrix sighed, putting her hands on his shoulder. "They'll be back. This is King Zidane we're talking about."

The knight grimaced. "But there's that worthless Kuja with them. Who's to say he wasn't the one to teleport them away in the first place!?"

She was silent, looked out through the cracked window at the Alexandrians, Burmecians, and Linblumese working on reparations for the castle. Beatrix's one eye filled with tears at seeing the integrated citizens all joined for one cause. For sure, this had not happened since Kuja first terrorized Gaia. But… it was horrible that people only gathered to help one another in the worst cases. Any other time, when things on the surface were as peaceful as could be, people under that façade would be in such pain and agony over the horrors of people just as bad as the mage….

Shaking her head, Beatrix turned to check on the children downstairs. Not only were the royal family there, but Vivi's children as well. They had come in search of their father as soon as word of the disaster reached Thatch's Reach, a city of genomes and the surviving black mages (Mikoto had found a method to sustain their life-force using the same technology and science that had she had used to bring Kuja back), located on the mountain between Alexandria and Lindblum.

Steiner, slowly shaking his head, realized the biased remark he'd just said. Kuja was unconscious when he and the others had been bizarrely teleported elsewhere. The knight knew as well as everyone else that he had really went back through the castle- just like the king had- looking for anyone still inside.

Trace had told them so- before she too up and disappeared the next morning.

Steiner didn't trust that flamboyant woman. She had seemed too much like him than he preferred. Trace Briars…. The actress had an awfully strange name, too. "Briars" reminded him too much of the Iifa tree.

And Trace only missed one letter from being "Trance".

That was proof enough, in his opinion, not to trust her.

Cici blinked her yellow mage eyes as Beatrix came down stairs, looking away from the building blocks she and Brahne had just been playing with.

Bibi, Gigi, Didi, and Mimi instantly flocked around her, asking about their father again. "No, I still haven't heard anything. I'm sorry, everyone."

Blank's face fell. "Any kind of news?"

The general shook her head. "None, except for matters about the castle I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in. Is… er, anyone hungry? Tired? Um…."

"We're fine," Kuja answered, aware she wasn't exactly experienced with a baby-sitting job. "You can go back upstairs, if you want. I'll make sure no one gets into trouble."

Beatrix smiled at the boy. "Thank you, Kuja. You're being so grownup in all of this. I bet your father would be proud if he were here."

His face went red and he went back to reading his book.

She chuckled and left for the city to lend a hand in the reparations.

Freya, followed by Fratley and a few other Dragoons, jumped down into the circle of waiting contractors. "There isn't much to salvage," the general reported. "Maybe some of the furniture- but most of it is burned."

"What about the paintings?" a young worker asked, already wincing from the expected answer.

Freya frowned. "Perhaps one or two."

He groaned, being an artist from Lindblum. No one else in the group really cared. They were stupid paintings- so what? Besides, the old, antique furnishings that had survived the first attack were much more important.

Downtrodden in their now-foolhardy attempts at saving anything, the workers, well, got to work.

"That's a biiiiiiiig meanie," Zidane whistled. I glared at him, then turned back to the small thing in front of me. He chuckled and patted the jester's red hat.

Indignantly, Thorn glared up at him. "Watch out for yourself, you better…."

I snorted. "He's the stupidest king in all of Gaia's history. I don't think he'll be much of a threat to your little hat. Where's Zorn?"

"Right here is he!"

The blue jester suddenly appeared in front of us, making a popping sound. "Right here I am!"

The two lackies bowed, bouncing around. "We are here to serve, Master Kuja!" "Here to serve, we are, Master Kuja!"

"Too bad. I'm not in the 'overlord' business anymore."

Their eyes widened. "What!?"

Zidane nodded, throwing an arm across my shoulders. Ignoring my scowl, he happily said, "Kuja's one of the good guys now!"

Zorn and Thorn exchanged incredulous glances. Then, hopping around, they made weird faces, trying to process this new fact. Finally, still bouncing, they nodded to each other and hopped up to me. "You are a traitor!" "A traitor, you are!"

"Yeah? So, what else is new?" I yawned. The two stopped, glowering at me. "What?" I demanded, looking between the twins. "Was I supposed to stay evil with you two munchkins, having tea parties every afternoon? Or was it playing hopscotch that you two liked to play so much? You're both just kids- too immature."

"You're the childish one!" Zorn accused.

His brother replied, "The immature one, you are!"

Then, simultaneously, they stuck their tongues out at me.

"We going back to the Other master!" "Going back to the Other master, we are!"

I shrugged. Whoever this 'Other master' was, he didn't stand a chance against me. Well… when I got my magic back, he wouldn't stand a chance. I watched the two jesters (who should have been DEAD, just my luck) bounce away in horrified fury.

Eiko stomped her foot. "I hate those little guys! They need speech lessons!"

"Just like you need anger management lessons?" I sarcastically remarked, crossing my arms. "Let's just go and them be with their 'Other Master'." I snorted again. "So many posers…."

"A poser, Master is not!" Thorn cried indignantly.

Zorn scowled at me. "Master is much better than you were!"

I turned. "Then why did you come back?"

After another round of stupid bouncing, they replied, "Master wanted to see you!" "Wanted to see you, Master did!"

"Tell him I'm not available without a reservation."

"But Master is-"

"Tell him not, Zorn!"

"I am sorry! I forgot our orders!"

"Tell him who Master is we are forbidden! Forget you not!"

"SHUT UP!" Eiko screeched. She grabbed the back of their red and blue shirts and scowled at them. "I have had enough of this! Stop rambling and GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!"

Hurt, the two jesters frowned and popped away.

"I'm famous."

Then with a rounded sigh, we set off again, all of us now having to deal with a migraine.

I'll have chapter five up soon, which has a little controversy over letting Kuja sleep in....

Eh, you'll find out soon enough. PLEASE REVIEW! Your awesome comments are the total inspiration for all the comedy in this story, so please keep it up!

-WiREP