Title: Always a First Time
Author: Mindy
-x-
Tell
The first time Jack deliberately sought tangible proof that Liz Lemon cared for him was after she verbally skewered him on Page Six. It wasn't that her words were particularly hurtful. He'd become accustomed to her propensity to shoot her mouth off at the most inappropriate moments. He would even admit to finding it somewhat endearing, if slightly baffling. And cleaning up her continual messes had become second nature to him.
What she'd said and to whom and how it was to be rectified was irrelevant though. If any other employee had done what she had done they would probably have found themselves out on the street, but Jack had other plans for Liz Lemon. What he saw was an opportunity. What he was interested in was just how far Lemon would go to avoid being the sole instrument of his torment. He wasn't sure he could get her, but he would relish trying.
And Jack was more than impressed by Liz's attempts to cheer and support and rescue him. He thoroughly enjoyed witnessing every effort she put into his consolation, assuming that those efforts came as much from true devotion as they did from her obvious deep guilt. He'd known she had it in her to be kind and caring. She'd just rarely turned that feeling on him -- perhaps supposing that he didn't require such assurance or assistance.
But it was a pleasant relief for Jack, being the one taken care of, as opposed to being the one taking care of everyone and everything. And if there was one person he was comfortable appearing vulnerable in front of, it was certainly Liz Lemon. He didn't know why that was or how it had come about. Because, generally, he was a man beyond fragility or the need to share it with another. But he felt an odd symbiosis with Lemon when she considered them both freaks of a similar ilk. She was so sweet to him, earnestly imparting her baby-foot story, that he almost regretted shattering the whole illusion.
Of course, Jack had to recognize that the very fact he put such time and effort into manipulating Liz Lemon possibly did not bode well. Manipulation was usually a tactic he reserved for long-term lovers, members of his family or opponents he was enormously suspicious of. Liz Lemon was none of these. Liz Lemon was meant to be his friend. Even after all the stupid and insensitive things they'd both said about one another, she was his friend and he didn't hold any of it against her.
And she probably did not understand that to a Donaghy, trickery and manipulation was their intrinsic way of displaying deep affection. It was the only tradition they possessed and the one thing on which they could all agree. It was the way they'd been brought up and the way they all still flourished. Lemon had witnessed it first hand when she'd met his family and subsequently been hit in the face by his sister during an all-in family brawl. An incident that Jack now viewed with rather a sentiment eye. To him, it indicated a sort of an initiation for Lemon and made him feel quite proud.
As did the resolve with which his Mother set out to destroy the Lemon family's bliss when they'd spent time together over Christmas. Watching it was like viewing a train wreck in slow motion, but Jack hadn't been able to look away or do anything to assist. For once, he was not entirely sure that his mother's vindictiveness would prevail over the Lemon's cheerfulness. But he was thrilled by the spectacle. Probably not as thrilled as his mother was though, by at last having an opponent worthy of being taken down so gradually and gloriously.
Seeing Lemon with her family was oddly curious for Jack. Certainly, he gleaned new insight into her character by seeing her in context to her past. And as touched as he undoubtedly was by being embraced so swiftly by the type of warm, loving family he'd never had as a child, he couldn't help but note how different she was with them. Nor could he help but inwardly cheer when the real Lemon, the Lemon he knew, shone through the phony harmony.
So caught up in his glee was he that Jack neglected to inform Lemon, who was less acquainted with his mother's tactics, that the fact she put such time and energy into manipulating her and her family was a huge sign of respect, possibly even affection. Colleen had never bothered to mess in such a way with any of his previous girlfriends, friends or even his ex-wife. The most Pheobe had gotten was a snide comment or dismissive roll of the eyes. Bianca had found that the only way to deal with his mother was to treat her the way she treated others, thereby earning some skerrick of her approval.
Jack was not sure what Lemon ever did to garner such affection and attention from his mother. Since meeting her, Colleen had taken to treating her like one of the family – even badgering her with constant phone calls to check on the regularity of her cycle. But however she'd accomplished winning over his mother so effortlessly, it did mean that Lemon was fair game. Not that Jack feared that she couldn't hold her own. If anyone was used to dealing with criticism and aggravation it was Liz (as Colleen called her -- just the fact that she chose to remember her name was unprecedented, and astonishing to Jack).
But perhaps the reason his mother had been so intent on attacking Liz had less to do with her and more to do with him. Colleen was nothing if not shrewd. She could spot a weakness a mile off. It was one of the reasons that Jack was so intolerant of weakness himself. He was expert at spotting it in others. And he'd thought he'd rid himself of all traces of human frailty years before. Some people had facial ticks or vocal inflections that gave them away. Some people giggled, some people fidgeted. Some people just babbled their way into a corner. Jack prided himself on being beyond such imperfection and the betrayal of it. He had no such foolish defect.
He had a whole other person instead.
As he walked Lemon out after that crazy night of games, Jack wondered whether others could spot it as easily as his mother apparently had. He wondered whether it was obvious to everyone that saw them together that his one weakness, his one big tell was the woman at his side. Whatever she did, he'd forgive her. Whatever mess she created, he'd unravel it. Whatever she needed, he'd find a way to obtain it. And whatever happened during the course of his day, she was the one he needed to talk it over with.
For the first time in a long time, Jack Donaghy had a tell and it's name was Liz Lemon. He couldn't get rid of it, he didn't wish to get rid of it. And it was a dead give away to any one who looked closely enough. She made him vulnerable in a way he'd never been before, she was the one chink in his otherwise impenetrable armour.
After all he'd forfeited and accomplished, a woman was his living, breathing Archilles heel. And not just any woman either. This woman could make or break him -- it could go either way. No one in his life had ever held such sway over Jack Donaghy. He'd never had a weakness that sheer willpower couldn't overcome.
Obviously, there was a first time for everything.
TBC...