WARNING: The author of this story does not condone smoking in any shape or form for any age group. The existence of nicotine-related products in this chapter is for the sole purpose of giving the characters a believable bad habit, while setting up for further situations. Smoking is not a reccomended action for any readers, nor does it make you look cool, so ignore peer pressure! (lol)

A note before I start: I have a very important authors note at the very end that you should read, regarding a poll and a possible sneak peak into something juicy coming up soon.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters no matter how much I worship Jacob Black. Though Jacob Black DOES own me, and he knows it. He takes advantage of this fact every night, much to my pleasure ;)

Dinner that night was an affair to remember. We all drove into town and ate at dinner at a small place called the Asia Cafe on Main Street. Apparently people would come from all over the Bay to eat there, though we had just come from across the city. It wasn't exactly the night out on the town I was expecting, but that made the trip tolerable. I expected Alice to insist we go to a fancy dining restaurant, but Jasper reigned her in successfully, for once; a task he had never managed to achieve when we were still in high school, and one I was very grateful for.

Someone had called early that afternoon and made the reservation for thirteen, knowing that even Rosalie's methods of... persuasion... wouldn't be able to get us an area that big if we had just walked in. We all knew that although the idea in the obscure entertained Emmett, it was a given that parading her tendencies in front of him wouldn't earn Rosalie any points in his book. And no matter how many times she'd insisted through the years that she didn't care about what he thought of her, the truth was obvious: she'd been just as heart broken when they went separate ways as he had.

I had done my best to casually avoid Edward since my mini-revelation earlier in the day about how little things had changed during these years apart. Despite the fact that Edward only cared for me in a friendly manner, I knew that those simple feelings in him ran deep and he would be effected by my disposition.

But it hurt all over again. If Edward and I had a physical relationship, it would always be casual, just as he had so nonchalantly said earlier. He wouldn't want a relationship with me. Even after all these years and how far I'd come in that time, I would still only be like any other girl. Nothing special.

A friend.

I could handle being his friend, of course; I had done it since Kindergarten. I just needed time to get over my slight case of depression and my irrational anger toward him. I knew that I had valid reason to be upset considering the way we left things between us when we last spoke, but I had thought the remnants of that feeling had disappeared. It mostly had, but fresh reminders of how he didn't want me had dredged up old memories.

So I stayed away from him. Edward didn't deserve my negative emotions when he seemed to be doing his best to be happy with me for this little retreat. He was going over and beyond what I was used to with his chivalrous antics than what he had done in high school, which is saying a lot; it had practically taken me a week to re-learn how to open a door for myself during the beginning of our separation. But now he'd do more; hold doors for me )(of course), lead me into rooms with a hand on my back, hold my hand whenever we used the stairs, and the look in his eyes showed much more sincerity in all his actions. He really wanted to do those things for me, rather just feeling obligated to.

And that look almost gave me hope, another reason why I needed time away from him: I had spent too many years hoping only to have those foolish dreams be crushed again. In just under two weeks I would return back to my job at UCLA and Edward would fly back to the complete opposite end of the country to New York. Things might be a little more friendly between us right now, but that didn't change something as basic as location.

I continued pondering these things when we pulled into the driveway of The Asia Cafe. I had ridden in the back of Carlisle and Esme's rental car with Angela and Jacob, while Alice and Jasper had taken Emmett and Rose. Poor Edward had been stuck with Lauren, Jessica, and Mike. I felt bad that I had let him be trapped like that, but not bad enough to face him so soon. I didn't want him to see me in such a disheartened mood.

Edward, being Edward, had other plans, though. He was already by the side of our car when I opened my car door, and he held out his hand to help me out and I froze momentarily. I heard Jacob's quiet curse as Angela pushed him out the other door and my trance was broken. I looked down, my hair in my face as I accepted Edward's hand, but pretended I didn't see him offering his arm to escort me across the parking lot into the restaurant, hurrying to catch up with the rest of the group and opening the damn door myself, Edward half a step behind me as he hurried to get to it before me. I'm sure we made quite a sight in our unintentional race.

"Bella," Edward said softly. "What the hell is wrong?" Edward was upset. I had failed in my attempts not to show what I was feeling.

"Nothing," I replied just as quietly. "I'm just thinking." That much was true.

"What about?" he asked, lightly tracing his fingers down my arm. That touch made me remember a similar one that had occurred nine years beforehand and I reacted in the same way, brushing his fingers off and refusing to make eye contact.

I looked everywhere except at his face and eventually met Jacob's gaze, which immediately took on a worried look as he saw my expression. He crossed over to us in three long steps and pulled me away to the other side of the room, simply saying to Edward, "Excuse us, Cullen, I just remembered something I need to ask Bella about."

Soon the hostess showed us to our table and we all sat, talking comfortably, Jacob and I sitting just far enough away from Edward so it wouldn't be rude not to engage him in conversation.

Not that Edward didn't try, and the thought of him making such an effort put a smile on my face despite how I was feeling at the moment. He kept leaning over the table and asking my opinion on a subject, and I would smile and nod or shake my head without making eye contact, but left it at that. If he asked something that would require an in depth answer, Jacob would not-so-subtly steal my attention. I was very grateful for Jacob running interference on my behalf, but Edward was getting more and more frustrated. I even saw him pinching the bridge of his nose in my peripheral vision, a sure sign that he was stressing out. I didn't want him feeling so terrible because of me.

I turned my head to fully look at him for the first time since this morning and tried to smile at him. He stared at me for a moment, scrutinizing my face, and then abruptly got up from the table and walked out.

"I was wondering how long it would take him to explode. That was some heavy tension in that wimpy frame!" Emmett boomed. "What the hell did you do to him, Bella?"

"What makes you think that I did anything?" I asked, instantly on the defensive.

"Because you're the only one Edward gets his panties in a twist over," Rosalie answered in her kind, nurturing manner. "He doesn't care about the rest of us bitches enough to throw hissy fits over practically nothing."

"Oh... kay..." I said, confused. Then I sighed inwardly. I'd need to put my selfish feelings aside and suck it up for Edward. "I'm going to go to the restroom, I need to freshen up."

Alice offered to go with me, but I politely declined, considering how I wasn't actually going to the bathroom. Edward had walked out of the building, not into the ladies room.

Once outside, I shivered slightly, realizing that I had left my coat on the back of my chair. "I didn't expect to see you out here," Edward said, surprising me. He had been leaning against the building, several feet down from the door.

"Oh?" I asked simply. I ran my hands up and down my arms, trying to bring warmth to my body. Edward removed his jacket and put it over my shoulders; I didn't bother refusing the welcome material, knowing that he wouldn't have taken 'no' for an answer anyway.

"The last time I saw that expression on your face I didn't see you for nine years. I thought that perhaps a repeat was going to take place."

And then I was surprised to see him reach over to me and pull a pack of cigarettes out the inside pocket of his jacket, his warm hand on my stomach making me shiver for multiple reasons.

"I didn't know you smoked—I thought that was Anthony's thing."

"Well, my brother has his uses. I learned it was an excellent way to relieve stress. Only certain situations can make me do it, and it has a somewhat calming effect," he said, a cigarette between his lips as he lit it. He took a deep inhale and let it out slowly.

"And here I thought you came out here for some fresh air..." He chuckled lightly at my poor attempt to joke. "When did you start?"

"A while ago," he said, leaning back against the wall, the fingers holding the cigarette tapping lightly on his leg.

I stilled his fingers and took the cancer stick away. He rolled his eyes, expecting a lecture, I assumed, and nearly choked when I brought that glorious nicotine filled invention to my lips, taking a long draw and savoring the slight burn before exhaling.

"How long have you smoked?" he smirked, accepting the cigarette back.

"A while," I used his words, smiling a little. It was easy talking to him. We were getting back into the rhythm of things, though that didn't surprise me; no matter what happened, we always bounced back into a friendly relationship, as this vacation proved. We could always recover from anything, no matter how severe a falling out.

We silently passed the smoke back and forth for a few minutes until he abruptly broke the quiet, his words coming out too fast, almost in a panicked frenzy.

"I'm sorry for whatever I did that upset you earlier. If you tell me what it was, I won't do it again, I promise. I don't want things to go back to the way they were before and-"

"Edward! It's alright!" I said, dropping the cigarette and soothingly rubbed my hands up and down his arms to calm him down. "You didn't do anything, really. I've just been stuck in a weird place in my head all day. I'm so sorry that I worried you."

He sighed and pressed me into his chest, holding me closely. He knew that I wasn't being completely truthful, but he didn't say anything, instead just comforting and consoling me, despite the fact that he was the one who had just freaked out. He always cared so much for others over himself. Truly selfless.

After a moment I pulled away and Edward reached into his jacket for another cigarette, delicately placing it between my lips and putting his zippo to the end. The cherry lit up brightly and I stared at it for several seconds as he brought the cigarette to his own mouth.

All the thoughts running through my mind came to a breaking point watching his lips caress the filter, and I abruptly blurted out, "So, have you talked to Tanya recently?"

He looked very taken aback. "Of course not. Why would I?"

"Um, I guess I was just wondering if she was invited up here, too... we did hang out with her and this is supposed to be a reunion of sorts, after all..." I mumbled, hoping that would be a reasonable explanation for my outburst.

"She wasn't a permanent fixture with us, though. All of us here are life long friends, and even if we barely talk, we still care deeply about each other. Tanya was with us because she was just a girlfriend, and only for a brief time-"

"A year, Edward. That's not very brief."

"Either way, she wasn't going to be with us for the rest of our lives, proof of this being the fact that I've spoken to her once in nine years when I ran into her during my vacation back from school before senior year in college."

I breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't spent a lot of time with her. And when they were dating, he wasn't serious enough to plan a future with her. But that information also made me a little angry. Had he cared for her at all? What did that mean if he hadn't?

Edward continued, not looking at me and therefore not noticing the change in my demeanor. "Besides, I think it was an unspoken rule not to invite any exes on this trip. Hence Ben and James not being here either. You know, I STILL can't believe that Angela and Ben divorced. They seemed so perfect for each other."

And that was the perfect opening to let my aggression out. A debate. I took his simple statement as a challenge.

"Yes, they were very kind to each other and meshed well and they appreciated each other, but that doesn't mean that you're meant to be with someone. Assumptions don't help anyone in the long run; they only make things more difficult."

"Hey now, I'm not assuming anything, I was just making an observation. I thought they were truly in love. And they never even disagreed about anything."

"Didn't you think that was a sign? It was too good to be true?"

"What? What wasn't true? Did Ben cheat on her or something?" he asked, leaning in closer to me and looking shocked.

"Of course not, we both know Ben would never do that to her."

"Then did Angela cheat on him? I never heard the specifics, just that they weren't together anymore. I didn't want to bring it up when I saw her because I thought it might be a touchy subject..."

"No, she didn't cheat. She just came to her senses and realized that there's more to true love than just a mixture of attraction and infatuation. She settled for a plain, stable future instead of something akin to a passionate love affair."

"And what's wrong with a stable future? Did she not like the good home he provided for her? I think she just read too many romance novels. Ben is a good guy and he didn't deserve for Angela to run away from him just because really being with him might not have been all she imagined it could be. No guy is perfect."

Except you, dumbass, my brain thought. Why must you argue with me? Though I was saying that in my head, I was secretly pleased that we were getting into this. My real anger had dissolved, and now I had an opportunity to reveal my thoughts to him, since I could relate to Angela in that situation. I had a chance to be in a relationship with someone I loved, but loving Edward was different; it was fiery and all-consuming, every thought and action relating back to him. I could never spend the rest of my life with someone who gave me any less, no matter how amazing a person they were or how great or how much I cared for them. It wouldn't be right for either of us, and if Edward understood this, he understood me. I tried to explain again.

"She didn't run away. She was saving herself from something that wasn't right. She was happy with him, and could have lived her life in bliss, but she knew that what they had wasn't love. It was camaraderie with lust thrown in, rather than all that real love is. There's a major difference, Edward."

"I know there's a difference and she's very brave for doing that, but if she admits that they could have been happy, then why did she feel the need to leave? He needed her and he put himself out there, and she didn't care! She just-"

"What is wrong with you!" Angela came storming out of the restaurant and Edward and I froze, caught in the act of discussing her love life. And I had never heard Angela yell before throughout all the years I had known her: she was really pissed.

"I thought you quit smoking, Bella!"

Oh shit. I immediately dropped the cigarette from my fingers and stubbed it out with the toe of my shoe. "Did you learn nothing last time, Bella? What's the matter with you? Can you imagine the disappointment Jacob and Alice and-"

"Alright, Angela, I get it, I'm sorry." I looked up from the ground and met Edward's appalled face, immediately feeling actual remorse. He felt terrible for having unknowingly aided me. "Don't look like that, Edward, you didn't know. It's my fault."

Angela huffed and went back inside, leaving Edward and I alone.

Edward's face was slightly pink as he shook his head, dismissing my reassurances, and he paused before offering his hand, silently asking if he was forgiven for whatever he had done earlier and not wanting to overstep his bounds. I smiled at his courtesy, took his hand, and let him lead me back into the dining area to our awaiting friends.

Angela was the only one glaring at me, so I had assumed that hadn't told anyone of my slip, for which I was very appreciative.

Though Jacob was glaring at Edward, but that was nothing new. His scowl deepened when Alice automatically rearranged our seats so Edward could sit next to me; it was clear that our little spat was over to everyone in attendance.

Once we had finally settled back down and continued eating, Jacob whispered in my ear just loudly enough for Edward to hear. "Why the sudden turn around, Bells? Just earlier you couldn't stand to even look at him."

I stiffened slightly and said what had occurred to me earlier. "We're Edward and Bella; nothing can make us stay upset with each other for long." That seemed to be a neutral enough answer. I added a shrug to make my comment seem even more casual.

"Nine years, Bella?" He phrased it as a question, and I felt Edward sit even straighter in his seat as he paid attention to what my answer would be.

"I wasn't upset the entire time," I whispered as the table grew quieter.

"Then what kept you away if you weren't mad at me?" Edward asked softly, entering into the conversation.

Keep it simple, Bella. He doesn't need to hear how heart broken you were (ARE, I corrected myself mentally). "Self-preservation, and maybe a little bit of embarrassment." I reached for Jacob's hand on my other side for comfort as I said the words.

"Self-pres... What made you feel that way?" Edward asked, truly confused.

I tried to come up with the words to answer him without rehashing old business that was best left behind us both. Jacob had other plans though. He wanted Edward to know everything he did wrong.

"Because you fucking used her and then threw her away."

The silence at the table was stifling as everyone absorbed the news; nobody had known about the specifics of the situation except Jacob, and he only knew due to my sleep talking, not me actually confiding the information to him. He had been incredibly comforting and a true asset to me in the time immediately after, though, and I had never regretted him knowing until that moment when he blurted that private knowledge out for everyone to hear of my humiliation and betrayal.

And Edward looked livid. He spent a good minute trying to form words through his anger and eventually let out in a deadly voice, "I never fucking used her or showed her anything but the utmost respect."

"Really? Then what else could describe what you did, huh? You fucking slept with her under the pretense of breaking up with Tanya, then called it one big fucking mistake, and you were back with Tanya in your arms again by the end of the night. Why don't you try to explain how exactly that doesn't qualify as using the person who dared to think of you as someone special?"

I sighed and tried not to once again unearth the emotions from that night. I'd had enough of it already throughout the day, and that was exactly why I was trying to avoid getting into this when the subject was originally brought up. I put my hand on my forehead and tried to shake out the unwanted thoughts.

But I was still desperate to discover what Edward had to say to that. He had obviously not known that he had done anything wrong, which was stunning in itself. He wasn't stupid, and he had always been very attuned to what I felt, so this all had to be some sort of misunderstanding. And now I knew that for certain, rather than just hoping. It was a big misunderstanding. Edward wouldn't intentionally hurt me like that; he wasn;'t a mean or callous person. I did my best to remain composed so he wouldn't feel worse about all the damage that had happened right in front of him without his knowledge.

"So that's what the fuck happened? What the hell, dude?" Emmett exclaimed, and I glared at him, sensing Edward doing the same beside me. Edward hadn't done anything wrong, most likely.

But Edward was still speechless at this revelation when our waiter brought the check. I looked around, and everybody seemed ready to leave. The food was mostly gone, and I doubted anyone was particularly hungry after the drama that had just gone down. The check was in front of me and I reached for it, but Edward's hand shot out before I could open the little leather folder.

"I'll take care of it, love," he said simply, and I understood the double meaning to his words, so for once I didn't protest.

"It's the least you could do after everything," was Esme's reply, and I was disturbed to see the anger in her eyes. I didn't want anyone to be upset with Edward over this; I was mostly over it, and it had been nine years. Though I had to admit that I was flattered to have calm, docile Esme so distraught in honor of me. She was a sweetheart, but a fierce protector. Carlisle was a very lucky man, of that I was sure he knew. His arm was around his wife's waist and his face buried in her neck.

Edward simply nodded at the words, and took a credit card out of his wallet as he avoided my eyes. I reached over and put my hand on his thigh to convey that I wasn't upset with him, but he shrugged my hand off. He was wallowing. He felt that he deserved the melancholy he was feeling for accidentally causing pain to someone else. Like I said: selfless.

I rolled my eyes at his endearing stupidity regarding his own self-worth and put my hand back on his leg, squeezing gently, conveying that I wasn't going anywhere this time. He'd have to be the one to leave me this time, and I knew that he treasured our friendship as much as ever by the way he had acted these past couple days at the house.

I saw him visibly exhale in relief and his hand joined mine, grasping onto my fingers tightly as everyone else at the table whispered quietly. The waiter soon returned with Edward's card and he signed the slip of paper, so I stood up and pulled him with me out the door, everyone else following behind. When we paused at the passenger door of Edward's rental as he located his keys in his pocket, I noticed Jacob glowering over at us. He obviously wasn't pleased that I had latched myself onto Edward after all that. I wondered if he had brought it up on purpose to try to drive a wedge in the re-blooming of our friendship. I looked away quickly, not wanting to think about that possibility.

Edward opened the door for me, and I pressed the button to unlock the rest of the doors. He smiled at me, and held onto my hand a little longer than necessary after I was seated before sprinting over to the other side of the car to climb in the driver's side. Lauren, Mike and Jessica had crawled into the backseat by this time, so Edward started up the car and pulled out of his parking spot, driving to our home.

We all went to bed early that night, and I cuddled into Edward in bed.

"Bella?" he asked, obviously still a little upset about earlier.

"Yes, Edward?"

"How can you stand to be so close to me after what you think I did to you?"

"Thought," I said. "Past tense. It's obvious to me now that there's been some sort of misconception. You were so truly shocked at the insinuations that you had used me-" he flinched at the words "-and you seem genuinely remorseful for causing me any pain. How could I hold any grudge after that?"

He sighed deeply and held me tighter to his body. "Maybe that's so, but last night you didn't feel that way. That's why you were so upset all day today, yes? Because of my casual references this morning? Obviously you didn't come to these conclusions before then."

I sighed deeply and played with his hair, trying to think of a convincing answer without admitting that I was still in love with him after all this time.

"I said before that I got over it a while ago."

That was a lie and he saw through it, pretending to give me a stern look. I rolled my eyes.

"And you're really comfy," I added, lightening the mood and stretching myself out, pushing into his body a little to prove my point. He chuckled a little and wrapped his arms around me, humming into my ear as I started to drift off to sleep.

I entered dreamland and imagined him saying, "I have loved only you, and that wasn't a mistake. The real mistake was ever letting you go without more of a fight."

Those words were the beginning of my happy dreams for the night.

Whew! Long time, no see, eh? This chapter is very angsty, I know, but it had to be done. Next chapter the comedy and fun times resume. Including Bella herding a bunch of drunken apes. Who wouldn't want to see that, am I right? lol

Okay. Now we know (generally) what caused Bella to hide away for almost a decade... And that being said, I want to give y'all a treat for sticking with me so long, even though it's been a LIFETIME since I've updated. I have a poll on my profile asking which you would prefer: A) a sneak peek into the prequel of the night of Edward and Bella's hookup from Edward's POV so we know what he was thinking that whole time, B) a sneak peek into the prequel of the epic argument that preceded Edward and Bella's separation from Emmett's POV (you remember him saying that he was there at the beginning of chapter three, right? lol) or C) Bella getting her sexual frustration relieved in this story during the next chapter (because I don't know about you, but I was miffed that my beloved Jacob was the only one who ended up getting off despite how the situation started back in the first chapter :P).

EDIT!!! POLL IS CLOSED! And the winner is a tie! choice A and C were a tie, so C will appear in the next chapter.

And choice A... well, you have to work for that. Prove that you want it. Leave me a review for this chapter (or if you'v already done that, then PM me) telling me at least one detail that you liked/disliked from this chapter. Not just an "update soon!" or "good job!" or a combination of the two. A REVIEW. What the word means. All I want is one little detail that tells me you paid attention to the chapter, along with a request for the excerpt, and you got it.

In other words.... GOOD REVIEW = EXCERPT

Thanks for reading!

Much Love,

Grace, the unGraceful