The following days were bad, I cried, slept, cried some more and cut. And after a few days I decided I had to put something long sleeved on and go to school, the teacher had told what happened to the class and of course it was a hell. The only thing that really got me through the day other than my friends acting like nothing happened because they knew I liked it that way. Was kurogane, his presence seemed to fill a part of me that was always empty. A space in my heart, a place of loneliness, which, when I'm with him. Feels less empty, feels warmer.

Though, my body looked horrible, it did. My legs and arms looked terrible. I didn't attend gym class because of it, and used the fact I still wasn't cured from the pressure on my body yet as an excuse. The sessions with the Physiologist did help a little, but not to the extent that I could function properly. Though I admitted it got a little out of hand, when I passed out from blood loss. I did wake up later, but It couldn't make me stop.

People wonder, why would you cut?

I can tell you that.

It's about the pain inside you. The pain you can't cure with balsam, or bandages. It hurts so much, but It feels like it'll never stop. I cut to translate my pain inside into wounds on my body. To make it real. The pain inside goes away for a while then, becoming pain on your body. Pain that is tangible.. That is outside, in the world. That's the pain I think is better, it's the kind of pain that can actually heal. And why I can't stop? Cutting Is addictive, just like alcohol or cigarettes. It gives satisfaction. I get filled with satisfaction when I see my own blood. I can't just stop.. What would make this worse than alcohol or cigarettes? You are in all three cases, slowly killing yourself.

'Fai.. Why are you wearing your vest? It's really hot!' Syoaran looked at me when we were sitting at our lunch table.

'Ah, I'm just always cold' I laughed and Ignored the looks of disbelief, though I knew they wouldn't suspect a thing. Except Kurogane. He was suspicious all the time. Every morning he glared at my long sleeves and fake smiles.

We were alone in the classroom when the rest had gone off to P.E.

'Aren't you going to attend Gym class?' Kurogane nodded and I wondered why, he loved gym class. He finally got to show off his skills. I smiled and sat down at my desk, 'Why?'

'I could ask you the same thing, blonde.' I laughed.

'You know I can't sport, the doctor said so.' I tried to hide my nervousness behind a smile and grabbed my sleeve to pull it down further.

I knew Kurogane wouldn't fall for my façade, he was the only person who looked right through it. It was like being naked. Kurogane looked at me with narrowed eyes and walked to me. He reached for my arm and I acted in reflex and shove backwards in my chair. Kurogane's arms were so long I fell backwards in order to dodge his hand trying to grab my arm. I landed on the ground hard and wanted to stand up when I felt something holding me down. It was Kurogane, he was hanging over me, leaning on his hands. Placed next to my head. He quickly grabbed my arm leaning somewhat backwards. I tried my hardest to get loose, but Kurogane was stronger. And I was very weak because of my constant blood loss. Kurogane rolled up my sleeve and took of the bandage. I pressed my eyes shut and heard his slight gasp. I opened my eyes and looked at his face, it showed no expression at all. Not a slight hint of feeling. My eyes traced back to my arm too. God it looked awful.. I opened my mouth to say something but Kurogane stood up and walked to the door of the classroom and locking it. 'What are you doing?' My voice quavered, I saw him closing the curtains in front of the windows.

'Undress.' He ordered. My eyebrows rose and I laughed, then I saw his expression. He looked angrier than he had ever looked. The words were stuck in my throat and I took off my vest and blouse. Followed by my pants, I knew he was dead serious. I left my underwear on.

Kurogane walked towards me and his eyes fell on my legs, arms and chest. I gulped and he looked up in my eyes. The fury in his eyes was frightening.

'You piece of shit.' His words hurt me, more than any words ever did. I wanted to be loved by him, not hated. I loved him.

The look on his face was pained. Was it my fault?

'I'm.. Sorry..' I stumbled over my words and felt tears well up in my eyes, but bit my lip to keep them inside.

'I don't want your fucking sorry. I want you to STOP THE FUCKING CUTTING!'

He screamed and I whimpered, the fire in his eyes touched me. Set me to fire.

'But.. I'm addicted! I can't just stop!' Kurogane growled and stomped to the teacher's desk.

'Fine, then I'll follow after you.' He growled and grabbed a Stanley knife. My eyes widened when he rolled up his sleeve and held the knife above his skin.

'NO!' I ran towards him and wanted to keep him from it. I won't allow him to get hurt.

'Then stop cutting!' he yelled and I really cried now. 'I CAN'T!' He put the knife against his skin and a little red drop of blood appeared.

'Stop! Please!' I cried and tried to reach his arm which he held above his head.

'You know my terms!' He slowly made a cut in his arm, and it felt as if he was cutting right in my heart. I slumped to my knees and gripped his pants, resting my head against his leg.

'PLEASE STOP! I'LL STOP CUTTING! I promise.. I promise.. I PROMISE! OKAY!? Just stop..' My voice got stuck in in my throat and sobs replaced it. His arms lowered and he threw the knife in the desk of the teacher. 'Kurogane.. Please don't hurt yourself! It feels like you're cutting me instead of yourself.. Please..' I heard kurogane sigh.

'Do you understand how it feels for me to look at your arms and legs now?'

I looked up at his face, eyes wide open and realization struck me. So that's why..

'Kurogane.. I'll stop, I promise! I.. I..' I stood up and looked in Kurogane's eyes. My sight was blurry from the tears, but I saw the satisfaction in his eyes.

'I.. I love you.' I wanted to kill myself, I wanted to take the words back. I turned away from Kurogane's shocked face and picked my clothes up and put them on in a rush. I can't believe I said that.

It was silent for a while, when Kurogane walked towards me and turned me around so I was facing him. He leaned towards me until our lips were just mere inches apart. I felt his breath on my lips and I tried to figure out what was happening, because my brain had gone numb.

'Stupid blonde.' Kurogane pressed his lips on mine and grabbed my waist to pull me closer to him. My eyes fluttered shut and I wrapped my arms around Kurogane's neck. The pleasure rushing through me at his touch, at his lips. It wasn't like any kiss I ever had, it was amazing. The battle of dominance between us lasted a while, but at the feeling of him I got so numb in my body I didn't have much strength left to lead the kiss. Kurogane pulled back for air and I was slightly panting. I didn't want him to let me go, I wanted him to pull me close.

Kurogane grumbled: 'I love you too.' While awkwardly shifting on his feet. I smiled bright and felt warmth rushing through my body, the kind of warmth I haven't felt since before my brother fell sick. I let my head rest on Kurogane's chest and felt his chin leaning on my head.

I wanted to stay like this forever, but unfortunately the door swung open and Watanuki and Doumeki walked in, they were probably the first that were done with changing their clothes. I was very glad I had put on my clothes again, otherwise this would be even more awkward. Watanuki and Doumeki were standing in the door opening. We jumped out of each other's arms and I laughed. 'Big Kuro-puu needed a hug!' Kurogane growled and grabbed a book to throw at my head. When Watanuki hugged Kurogane. 'Well, then I will give Kurogane a hug too I guess!' I smiled and sat down at my desk.

The rest of the class came in and Kurogane sat down next to me. The last hour of school started. I grabbed my math book and opened it with a sigh, I hated math. And still had to get my grades up, I looked at the big 1 written on my last math test that was still between the pages of my book. I glanced at Kurogane's, a huge 10 was written on his paper with green pen. Then I looked up at his face, he was looking at my paper and I smiled sadly. He frowned and he grabbed my paper.

'You didn't learn for the test at all. Did you?' I sighed and looked at the test.

'I didn't have the time to..' I fell silent and grabbed the goddamn paper out of his hand and stuffed it inside my bag.

I heard Kurogane sigh and put in the ear buds from my IPod, since I wasn't going to attempt on paying attention anyway.

Tidal wave from Owl City washed my brain blank and left me listening to the song. After a while I noticed that my left bud was pulled out and my head swung to the left. I saw Kurogane putting in the ear bud. I chuckled and saw his face soften. 'Owl City fan hah?' I nodded. I have been fan of them for as long as I can remember. 'You have good taste' I blushed slightly. And moved my hand towards Kurogane's hand until the sides of our hands touched. It was warm and comfortable. I saw Kurogane's mouth corners tug up slightly, and suppressed the urge to lean against him.

'Can I come over today?' Kurogane asked and I felt my face lit up.

'Of course ' I said cheerfully, being glad I didn't have to spend my afternoon alone.

Kurogane smirked, I looked at his lips, if you look closer you can see that they are redder than you would think at the first encounter. His smirk grew even wider when he caught me staring. I felt my cheeks heat up and looked away hoping that Kurogane wouldn't notice it. But that was false hope since I knew he saw it. He saw everything.

The teacher finally shut up and let us leave. I said my goodbyes to my friends and Kurogane followed me outside. I grabbed my bicycle and watched him grab his.