Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be, but how I wish I owned Sam and Dean.

A/N – This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle, constructive criticism is welcome but please no flames.

This story is set sometime during season 1, so John is still alive.

Warnings- probably some swearing, and mentions of abuse it later chapters but not too graphic. And of course the usual violence that comes along with writing a Supernatural fic.

Summary – A hunt reveals secrets that were never meant to be revealed. When secrets are discovered will the Winchesters ever be the same again? will Dean ever be able to look up to his father again? angsty!sam, angsty!dean, hurt!sam, mean!john.

I Never Knew

Previously

A horrible feeling had begun to well up in Dean's mind.

What if the demon was telling the truth?

What if there really was another reason Sam left for Stanford?

Maybe there was more to it than just a dislike for hunting.

And what if it had something to do with his dad?

Chapter 3

"So Dean, guessed the big secret yet?" The demon asked, his black eyes glittering menacingly.

"My.. my dad didn't do anything to Sammy." Dean answered shakily, looking to Sam for confirmation. "Right Sammy?"

Sam just gulped and turned his head knowing it was too late, Dean was going to find out and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He knew that Dean would hate him after this, after he knew his dirty secret, Sam squeezed his eyes shut as one lone tear escaped and trailed down his cheek.

"Oh god, Sammy, what.. what did dad do to you?" Dean asked, sounding scared.

Sam just shook his head and let out a sob, not looking Dean in the eye.

The demon just stood to the side watching in amusement as the younger Winchester broke down. It was so easy! He hadn't even told Dean the secret yet and here Sam was sobbing against a wall as his brother looked on concerned. Pathetic!

"How about I show you?" The demon said, smirking at Sam's horrified look.

Suddenly Dean was assaulted with memories, he could only watch in sickened horror and the events played out in his mind.

(slightly graphic mentions of abuse from here on people)

Sam was 6, Dean had just gone to one of the guy's from school's birthday party, and as soon as he'd left John had headed off to the nearest bar, even though it was only 7pm, leaving little Sammy home alone.

Just over an hour later John came back, reeking of alcohol. Little Sammy ran up to greet him, he had been worried as he had never been left alone before without at least Dean to look after him.

"Daddy! daddy where'd you go?" Sam asked scrunching up his nose at the foul smell coming from his dad.

"Go away Sam! I left to get away from your annoying voice so just LEAVE ME ALONE!" John shouted, frightening his small son.

Sammy stepped back, away from his daddy as his bottom lip began to tremble and tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

"Don't you dare cry you little shit!" John thundered. "Don't you think I put up with enough without you crying all over me!"

"S..s..sorry daddy" Sammy whispered, his small form shaking. He hated it when his dad got like this, he only ever acted like it when Dean wasn't around, Sam never saw Dean getting shouted at like this by his dad, he knew that John loved Dean more than him he just didn't understand why. So he decided to ask.

"D..daddy, why do you love Dean more than me?"

"Because Dean is a much better son than you! Dean didn't kill his mother! Dean didn't take my Mary away from me! That's why I don't love you! You were the cause of my wife's death!" John yelled, stepping forward and yanking Sam up by the collar of his hand-me-down shirt.

"I...I...Killed m..m..mommy?" Sam asked shaking even more as he tried to free himself from his dad's grasp.

"Yes you did, you little shit! You see the demon that killed her, wasn't after her! It was after YOU! If you had never been born Mary would still be alive! It's your fault Dean grew up without a mother! IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT! I wish you'd never been born!" John shouted, shaking his son and ignoring his pained whimpers.

John threw Sam onto the ground and kicked him viciously in the side.

"Don't even think about telling Dean about any of this! Your brother would hate you if he ever found out how you killed his mother!"

Sam just lay on the floor and cried, until his dad dragged him up and told him to go clean up and stop the sniveling before Dean got home.

After that memory had finished playing through Dean's mind, many similar one's were shown of repeated beatings whenever Dean wasn't around, steadily getting worse as Sam got older.

(abuse stops here)

The memory's stopped and Dean lifted his head to turn horrified eyes to his little brother before turning his head to the other side and violently throwing up all over the wall, feeling disgusted with everything his dad had done.

Sam took the throwing up as a sign of Dean being disgusted with him, and lowered his head to his chest, letting the shame wash over him and the tears flow freely down his face.

He had known this would happen, Dean hated him.

TBC

A/N – There you go, chapter 3! Hope you enjoyed it, I'm not sure how well I did on the abuse bit but there you go. I'd just like to say, I have nothing against John and he is only cruel for the sake of my story. I know John would never treat either of his boys like this really. Next chapter might be a while getting out because I'm busy the rest of the week but I should hopefully be able to post it sometime next week.

PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! I've had 1826 reviews but only 23 reviews!! Please! Review!

It makes me want to write more.