CHAPTER 4

Magnus PoV

He was not putting attention to me. His eyes were on the street, his attention elsewhere. It was not weird for Alexander to let his mind wonder like that, but this had been going on for almost a whole week, he always seemed absentminded and somehow…sad.

I had successfully restrained myself from asking him about it, thinking that he would tell me when he was ready, just like most of the things about his past and his family. But I could no longer deny the small feeling of worry that pushed inside my thoughts. I stopped talking and moved my hand to grasp his own, he didn't jump like I thought he would, he simply intertwined his fingers in mine.

"I was not ignoring you" he spoke quietly before letting his sapphire eyes travel back to me. I noticed that their color was somehow dimmed, screaming sorrow and regret…of what, I had no idea.

"It didn't look like that" I decided to be pushy for once "What´s going on Alec?" his response was to lower his eyes, trailing his gaze through our joined hands.

"You know how much I love you, right?" he raised my hand to kiss my wedding ring, this only managed to get me a lot more worried, he was not one to show public demonstrations of affection like this, he had always drawn a line at hand holding.

"Of course, and I love you, forever" he let out a small smile guiding my hand to cup his face and held it there with his own.

"You are that one that saved me you know, I am what I am because of you" he kissed my palm. His words made my insides tingle but I couldn't be completely ecstatic seeing that his eyes hadn´t lost their pained aura "Come on" he stood up and pulled me to my feet.

"Where are we going?" I asked him pulling him to me and hugging him by his shoulders.

"Home" he seized walking only to put his hands in my neck and kiss me deeply. I was baffled, what had gotten into him? I was not complaining, not at all, this was something we had argued about for a long time and now he seemed to have made up his mind and given me the reason…but something still didn't feel right. It was too sudden, too easy.

We walked to our apartment in silence. He kept looking around, like he wanted to engrave everything in his memory, every street, every alley and every corner that surrounded our home. He kept his easy smile, like he was trying to fool me but as we got closer to the apartment I could see his eyes darken, I could see the slight tremble of his lips when he kept the smile for long.

"I always liked your apartment, even when I first visited it and was intimidated by your cat" he spoke as we reached the entrance "It screams home, it screams peace and love…sometimes at night I wake up and just look around, because it´s our home and it´s perfect" I kept quiet not really knowing what to say to that as I took out my keys and opened the door for him.

…he just kept staring at it not moving from his spot.

"Alexander…" I frowned clearly seeing a tremble in his jaw.

"Just…give me a minute" he huffed pushing his hands to his face "I´m okay just…a little emotional"

"And you tell me I´m a girl for painting my nails" I joked moving to stand in front of him and letting my hands rest on his waist. He gave me a watery chuckle before stepping inside leaving me to close the door.

Standing there I took a breath trying to calm myself, he was fine, everything was fine, there was no need for me to start getting paranoid just because he was having an emotional day. God knew that he needed some of those after everything he had gone through. I went to the living room only to find him at the center of it looking around and just like the streets, like he wanted to have every detail in his mind and never forget about it. I went to grasp his hips and turn him to me trying to make him look at me and tell me what was happening but he gave me no time. As soon as we were face to face he grasped my face and clashed his lips to mine, kissing me in a way that left me breathless.

"Make love to me, please" he whispered against my mouth with a small wrecked voice. He was grasping my clothes like his life depended on it. I wanted to scream at him to tell me what was going on but I couldn't deny his words, so I nodded busying my hands with undressing him while my mouth worked on kissing his neck and our feet guided us to our room.

Our clothes were gone faster than that first time. It was like that hunger for the other decided to consume us even further than when we started seeing each other. His hands were everywhere…

Touching

Grasping

Mapping

He kept his eyes stubbornly closed, like he had finally noticed that I knew that there was something bad going on, that his eyes were a troubled grey instead of the blue I loved so much. His hands trembled when they reached for the lube and pushed it to my chest…and just then I saw that the lines of his lips were hard and his face pained.

"Look at me" I commanded. I shook his head and I took his hands and pinned them above his head feeling his legs hug my waist "Alec…" I used my free hand to caress his cheek until he relaxed his jaw and slowly opened his eyes.

They were filled with unshed tears.

"P-please" he breathed "Just be inside of me…now please" he begged like it wasn't something I would gladly do any second of the day. His huge eyes were shinning and pleading looking only at me and I couldn't hold myself any longer. I opened the lube and prepaired him as fast as I could before I put my tip on his entrance getting a small whine from his lips.

I kissed him hard while my body drove inside of him. He stopped the kiss to let out a broken sob while his hands hugged my shoulders letting his nails break my skin in his desperation to keep me close. I tried to set a slow phase but he kept asking me to go harder, to get deeper inside of him, to mark him as mine and to keep like this for all the eternity.

His eyes were crying by now.

My orgasm built up without me putting much thought into it. I just saw him come undone under my body and I let go following him into the abyss, like I would always follow him whereever he wanted to go. When I could breathe again I tried to move but his arms kept me there, inside of him with my face in the curve of his neck.

"I love you, with all my life…please don't ever forget that" he whispered in a raspy voice.

The next day I woke up to find myself alone. Only a note, not an explanation, no nothing.

I blinked away the painful memories. He had planned it all, that whole day had been a goodbye and I had been too blind to see it…too in love to even think about him doing that to me.

I still remembered the next days after waking up alone, those days had been the worst, waiting for a call, for a letter, for anything that could tell me what had happened, why did he have to leave…

And now there he was. Sitting cross-legged on his bed looking into his diaries like a stranger had drawn in them. He was Alexander, I could still see my husband in there, in the way he sat, the way he bit his lip when he was thinking, or the way he blinked when he was surprised by something. It was painful to see such resemblance and still be a stranger to him.

Over that whole time I had imagined different scenarios in which I could see Alec again. I saw myself angry, telling him to fuck off and leave me alone, telling him that I had already learned to live without him, that I didn't need him anymore.

That was a lie of course.

I also saw myself teary eyed begging for an explanation. My ego hated this scenario but I knew that it was likely to happen. My pride had never existed when it came to Alec.

So many ways for this to happen but I had never imagined seeing myself in such a situation.

After the hospital I had ran, I had ran back home and sat in my couch not looking at anything in particular, just letting everything sink in, it was painful to think about seeing him again, he had hurt me too much to just let things continue. I was angry at him, I had showed him that probably giving him the worst impression there was. I was letting my bitterness control me and that was not how I should´ve acted. I had to make all those destructive feelings disappear and remember that even if he was snarky, guarded and behaving like a completely different person, he was still Alec, he was still my husband and I shouldn´t be there mopping, I should be at his side through this whole thing.

So I made my bag and drove to the mansion ready to try to work things out with him.

But of course he didn't trust me, of course he was confused and lost and that only made me feel like a bigger asshole for leaving him like that. And yes, I knew that he had been the one that left me first but I couldn't do that to him, not after remembering his pained eyes that last night, like leaving had been the hardest thing he had done in his life.

He had told me how much he loved me over and over, he had told me what I had done for him and what it all meant to him. It was like he wanted me to remember that for later. Like he wanted me to remember that when he decided to come back...

"H-how did we meet?" I raised my head hearing his voice. He was looking down while his hands fidgeted with his sleeves and a nice little blush covered his skin.

I had to look away.

It was hell to see him right there, in front of me after all this time and not being able to run and hug him, kiss him and lose myself in his body. I closed my eyes and let out a breath before returning my eyes to him; he was biting his lip and looking sideways.

"I´m sorry, maybe you don't want to talk about ahmm…us…after, well… I left" he spoke fast when I failed to answer him.

"You were working at Starbucks" I told him looking at the diaries before I found the one I needed "One day I was sitting there on my own and you just…sat there and started asking me about myself" I turned the pages until I found the one where he was wearing his uniform.

"Yeah…that´s bull" snorted Alec. I rose an eyebrow at him "I know myself…I couldn't have done that in a million years" he shook his head.

"You said the same about proposing and you did it anyway" I moved to stand up "Come on, let´s eat" I jerked my head to the door.

"I´m not hungry" he mumbled.

"I don't care, you are eating and that´s final" I commented looking at my nails like I was speaking to a petulant child…It drove him to the walls when I tried to take care of him, he was used to be the protector and not having someone to lean on, I was prepared to bet that that had been there for his whole life.

"I don't need you to take care of me, I won´t eat if I´m not hungry" he spoke slowly in an angry voice. Oh yes, I was right.

"You are never hungry, that´s why you are just flesh and bones and that´s not nice darling"

"Flesh and bones! Look who´s talking!"

"Mua?" I put my hand on my chest in a offended manner "I am lean and graceful darling, this body it´s perfect the way it is…yours it´s not, you need more meat in those bones"

"I´ve always been like this"

"There´s always time for change" I walked to stand next to him and extended my hand "Come on, I know your siblings might be overwhelming but they missed you and they want to see you" he eyed my hand for a moment before letting out a long suffering sight and standing up ignoring my hand "You used to be polite"

"I don't take things from strangers" I masked my face trying not to show how his words wounded my soul.

Yeah, even if the banter was there and I could see him react to me…we were still strangers.

Alec PoV

We walked outside the room and he guided me to the living room. He was silent again, the calculating look having returned to settle in his face. I had caused that and I knew it, but I didn't know how to act around him. It was confusing how much familiarity he inspired in my feelings. Not even my siblings had done that, not the house, not my stuff…just Magnus.

For a second I saw myself arguing with him…sometimes being frustrating yells, others being more like a flirty banter. Always putting attention in his expressions and body language to know what was going on inside his mind.

"Hey brother!" said Isabelle´s happy voice from inside the kitchen.

Damn, this kitchen was bigger than one of our old apartments.

"Hey" I looked around seeing the huge fridge, the fancy looking island in the middle and a flat screen on the wall. Yeah, big step from where we used to live.

"We have Giorgios for dinner…what do you want, pepperoni or Hawaiian?" I looked at her confused.

"Are you talking about pizza?"

"Oh! Yeah! Sorry!" she gave me a wide eyed look "It´s a great pizzeria" she shrugged.

"Okay…I guess pepperoni" she grinned pushing a box close to me and opening it. Oh yes, it looked really good. "We have a butler…shouldn't we have someone to cook for us?" I was sure that even after all those years none of us had learned to cook.

"Yeah we do, but this is great and we were in the mood for it" answered Jace stepping inside the kitchen and turning on the TV "So…any memories?" I shook my head seeing Magnus take a slice of Hawaiian and sitting next to me.

"Why the news? Put something better…like project runway or a movie" Magnus said after a bite.

"Because Hodge throws a fit if I do, this is his TV" sighed the blond.

"But he´s not here" I frowned not getting why Jace was so…scared of that man.

"Oh but he is…he´s everywhere" he looked at me before turning around "It´s like he has cameras all over the place, it´s creepy"

"…sure"

"Don't mind him" snorted Isabelle "But Hodge it´s kind of scary when he wants to, you might want to do what you can to stay in his good side…we learned that when we first came here, it was really fun" she chuckled.

"And what…?" I shut up when I heard a name that gave me the chills. Without losing time I took the remote from Jace´s hands and turned up the volume.

"…the body was found in a hotel room, it was severely wounded but the police say that the killing blow was from a stab in the back, where the knife went through the heart killing him instantly" spoke a blond reporter. Behind her you could see the police outside the hotel.

"Is there any word about the killer?" asked the host.

"There is nothing much for now, witnesses say that Mr. Romanoff came inside with a young man with dark hair and blue eyes, probably a prostitute, but this man has yet to be found and the police won´t give any more details"

"Well thank you for your report Gabriela. Mr. Ivan Romanoff was known to be one of the heads of the Russian mob…" someone turned off the TV.

I blinked looking around only to see Magnus holding the remote and seeing me with a worried expression. I was breathing hard feeling lightheaded. I lifted my hands in front of my eyes feeling a headache coming...

"Shit!" I hissed seeing my bloody hands. I groaned trying to stand up but my body refused to cooperate. I started feeling sick and my head was pounding but I needed to get out of there, no one could find me there "Keys…keys" I mumbled shaking my head knowing that I was a second from passing out, it had been just too much. Now Ivan was dead, his blood on my hands and there was so little time left. I had to escape before his minions came for me.

As soon as I felt the room keys in my hand I took off. I opened and closed the doors before cleaning them with my shirt and letting them fall at the entrance. I couldn't take a thing with me, I needed a hospital.

I needed Magnus.

He Hee…what do you think?

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