A/N: Rather short and really late. Cause I'm fail. Forgive me, Trevvy. And know you brighten my days by being you.

Rach, you'll never know how happy I am to have you as my twin-twinny and go-to problem-solver/fixer.

Disclaimer: I don't own any Goldfish crackers. Or the rights to Twilight.

I hated town events.

My father knew this. And yet, he was forcing me to go to this one.

I suspected it was because I'd taken too long talking to Riley our paperboy yesterday morning. I couldn't help it; the blondie was a mega-watt flirt.

But Chief Swan was paranoid about boys. He got questioning when I waved at one, let alone held an, albeit short, conversation with one.

Made it very difficult to be such a peeping pervert, ya know?

And so now, I was payback's bitch.

I was a bitch to a bitch.

"You know, you don't have to be such a pouty whiner-pooper."

I refused to look at my father. "I'm not a pouty whiner-pooper."

"You totally are."

Oh my fuck. "Seriously, Dad? How old are you?"

"You know how old, smart-aleck. And don't you dare tell a soul in town."

"The town can do math, geezer."

"Don't make me turn this—" My ears perked up in hope. "No, strike that." Dammit. "Don't make me tell Mrs. Newton you'll help with the school carnival this year."

Even though I knew he wouldn't be able to see it, I turned my iciest glare of death on the man who'd contributed his swimmers to my existence. "You do, and one morning you'll wake up completely hairless."

Silence rang throughout the (really noisy) truck as we each glared at each other without eye-contact.

In the end, my father grunted and pulled into a parking space just on the outskirts of the town's square. He turned The Blob off, and we exited with only three bangs and clangs, heading toward sullen doom.

Excuse me: the annual Mango Fest.

Completely stupid in the first place. We lived in Washington State, for Lincoln's nuts. That shit didn't grow here.

And, to put a nice, neat cherry on my sundae of misfortune, I'd heard it from an extremely reliable source (meaning gossip going around at school), that Mama Cullen was none too happy with her son's grade in world history. Her punishment of choice: making him be Timmy the Town-Event Trooper.

If I wasn't being dragged to the same thing, I'd have laughed at his poor fortune.

All this, of course, meant I was likely to run into him here. Even if Mama Cullen had ceased adorning us with casseroles and dinner invites since it happened, she'd still stop and yak with my father. They were still semi-friends who talked.

Which meant, judging by how well I knew Edward Cullen—well, sorta-kinda; I knew what his magic wand looked like, at least—he'd do something flirty or suggestive or boyish, and I'd most likely be getting dragged to more of these things by The Overly-Protective Paranoid Chief.

Not very happy thoughts, mine.

"You want me to sneak you into the jumpy bounce?"

I cracked an accidental smile. "What an illegal thing for the Chief of Police to say."

"I'd only commit illegal acts for you." He reached over and gave me a half-hearted noogie.

Sometimes, my dad was alright.

Okay, sometimes he was more than alright.

Most of the time, he was even more than more-than-alright.

As far as dads went, I had a pretty cool one.

"So you're saying, you'd go over there and steal me a funnel cake?"

He followed my eyes to the stand advertising them. "No way."

Never mind, forget what I said before.

"But why not?"

"Be—" His words halted as his steps did.

I stopped beside him, wondering what was up.

"Well look who it is." A smile in his voice and on his face, he sidestepped around a bench.

Mutely, I followed. Knowing what was up now and pretty much dreading it.

"Esme."

He gave her a bear hug as she giggled.

It was widely known that Mama Cullen was a bit of an inherent flirt. It was just part of her nature that she flirted with anyone and everyone. Despite being in a sickeningly happy marriage.

I sighed when they started talking about useless shit like they hadn't seen each other in years.

"Hello, Bella. Lovely evening tonight, isn't it?"

Oh sure. Abandon me to Edward Cullen so you can chit-chat with his mom. Nice, Dad. Real nice.

"Yup. Super night."

He moved a subtle but deliberate step away from our parents. "Whatsa matter? Not happy to be here?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

"So?" He shrugged, not looking innocent at all. "I'm a curious kind of person."

"I bet."

"I like your top. Good color."

I glanced down at what I was wearing: dark blue tank with a short jean jacket in observance of the cooling weather.

Paired with only regular jeans, it was a pretty dull outfit, in actuality. Too much blue.

The only reason he probably complimented it at all?

This tank top had a built-in bra. Of the slightly-pushy variety.

"Thanks." I dragged out the word rudely.

"Not big on conversation, hmm?"

No, not particularly. At least, not when too much acknowledging you with my father around could lead to me having to help with the school carnival.

But I was a good girl and only shrugged as my response.

"What if..." Another purposeful step away. This one farther from our parents, but also closer to me. "What if I bought you a funnel cake? Would you talk to me then?"

"That's not playing fair. Dirty briber."

He laughed softly. "You a fan of funnel cakes?"

"More questions?"

And more gaze traveling to my boobs.

Somewhat annoyed, I pointed a hasty finger in some direction. "I'm sure someone here has some that are much better."

He glanced away, eyes watching some chick's ass as she walked by.

I took the opening to scope out his nicely tight jeans. And the bulge they showcased.

I'd seen that bulge as more than a bulge.

I'd seen that more-than-a-bulge bulge without fabric covering it.

It was a good bulge.

I assumed the chick had disappeared, because his eyes returned to me and the girls.

"Want a hot chocolate to go with your funnel cake?"

"No." I made it two syllables, nuh-oh.

Once more, his focus wandered from my chest, to some ass clicking past in heels.

My foot longed to tap by the time he met my eyes again. "Would you like me to just turn around for you?"

"Would you mind?"

In my head, I called him a lovely name and stomped off.

On Earth, I rolled my eyes and plastered a smile on my face when I saw my dad heading toward us.

"Hey, kids." He appraised Edward Cullen suspiciously. "You having fun?"

"Oh loads." More desire for foot-tapping.

"I was just trying to persuade Bella to let me buy her a funnel cake."

My father raised an eyebrow, and I suddenly had cause to wonder where Mama Cullen had gone. "Persuade?"

"She refused my offer. I was trying to change her mind."

I held my breath for about five seconds, hoping to hell my dad hadn't seen the loaded look Edward Cullen had sent me.

Or heard the loaded tone of his voice and hidden message in his words.

"Oh. Was she?" My dad gave me a proud, good girl face.

"Seems as if I've lost my mother. I better go find her."

Oh thank fuck. Not the smoothest of exits, but what did I care?

He nodded to me and the Chief, then turned on his heel and fled.

"I don't know about you, but I think that boy's a little strange." My dad shook his head.

I didn't comment.

A/N: Er... more should be here soon? Yah, that's vague enough to suffice. And thank you for reading, if you still are.