It shouldn't be possible. It couldn't be possible. But there he was, turning to face her in the light of the strange tree that was the only feature in this place. He looked much the same as he had back home: red hair tousled, slate eyes full of confusion and disbelief, simple tunic tied shut and slacks just a touch worn. His riding cloak was nowhere to be seen, but why should he have it? He could have just stepped off his farm from the Two Rivers. Perhaps he had, and everything else was just a strange and twisted dream. Egwene smoothed her dress out to calm herself, and to her surprise she felt stout Two Rivers wool underneath her fingers instead of the bleached fabrics of the novices. Startled, she looked down at her attire to find that she was wearing the same dress she had worn for Bel Tine, though she was certain she had thrown it out after it had fallen to pieces. That was simply another mystery about this place, though it was certainly not the most pressing concern at the moment. For now, she had to wrap her mind around how Rand was here in this same place.
He looked as stunned as she felt, blinking in shock. "Egwene? How did you get here?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. I thought you—" The memory of that terrible night threatened to overwhelm her, an overwhelming sensation of loss threatening to overcome her in slate of the walls she had built. She couldn't bear to say the words, not when he was standing in front of her. She looked to the great free for a moment before continuing, using the distraction to collect herself. "What happened at Shadar Logoth?"
Rand spread his hands wide. "I can't remember. One instant I was fighting for my life next to Mat, and the next — nothing. Then I found myself here."
As the silence lengthened and she realized he was done with his tale, Egwene couldn't help but feel a little perturbed. She crossed her arms and did her best impersonation of a Wisdom. "Rand al'Thor, that's a terrible explanation. I've heard Mat come up with better stories than that when he was half asleep. You've even managed to turn Cenn Buie into a gleeman by comparison."
His cheeks flushed. "I'm not trying to hide anything, it's the truth! I don't know what happened to bring me to this place. I don't have all the answers like Moiraine does."
Egwene tried to let the comment go, but the memory of the haunted look on Moiraine's face was too fresh. She ground her teeth in irritation. "Just because Moiraine Sedai knows many things doesn't mean she knows all things," she countered hotly. "She's human just like us."
At her words Rand scoffed. "Human. How could you ever think that? She wields the One Power!"
"Using the One Power is no more an unnatural ability than Perrin's skill with a forge or your father's eye with the bow. And might I point out that you weren't so quick to judge the One Power being used to heal him from almost certain death?"
"It was the only thing that would work. I was willing to pay the price for her help, just as I would for any tradesman."
"And the tool she used to accomplish her trade was the One Power."
"The One Power was what broke the world!"
"It was wielded by men! Fallible, misguided men who were trying to do what they thought best for the world."
"So now it's only men who are misguided and make mistakes?"
"I never once said that! Though you are proving a fine example of the woolheaded stubbornness that got the world into this mess in the first place!"
Rand had a positively mulish look about him now. He squared his shoulders, furrowed his brow — and hung his head. The tension drained from him like a punctured water pouch. "I'm scared, Egwene," he whispered. "I don't know what's going on. I have this feeling that I need to go somewhere, and I don't know why or how to get there. Worse, I'm starting to remember things, only they're not my memories." He knuckled his forehead. "I feel like I'm losing hold of what's me, and there's nothing to stop it from happening."
All frustration drained from her as he went on. After all, he may have been able to try a stone's patience, but in the end he was the same person she had grown up knowing. He was still Rand. She uncrossed her arms and closed the gap between them, hugging him close to her. "There's always me," she offered. "Don't you ever think that I'll let you forget who you are, Rand."
She felt him embracing her, forcing a laugh as he did. "I don't think the Women's Circle is going to let us marry anymore," he managed in a broken voice; and if the hug she gave him afterward was stronger, at least his was just as fierce.
"I miss you so much," she admitted. "You and Nynaeve and Mat. I feel like there's no one I can talk to him, and Perrin doesn't visit anymore." She buried her face into his shoulder, leaning into him. "Light, some days I feel like there's no point in getting out of bed."
"It was all because the Myrddraal found us," she felt him saying with a shake. "I wish it hadn't come to the Two Rivers. I wish we could have stayed."
They wept together, holding each other in between the glow of the strange tree and the vacuum. Months of stress constrained over the long days of study in the Tower slowly drained out of her, every tear a cathartic release. She could not say how long they stood there, for time seemed to be a foreign concept in that place. Eventually they came to a natural end, sinking down to a floor they couldn't see and admiring the spectacle before them. They spent a long while enjoying each other's silent company. Egwene didn't want to admit it, but her heart felt that there was truth in what Rand had said. Ever since she had set her sights on the White Tower, her sole focus had been on becoming an Aes Sedai. Such a monumental goal didn't leave room for anything else. A last bit of stubborn denial allowed her a tiny smile as she nestled closer to Rand. Just because it wouldn't have worked didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the moment while it lasted.
She watched the leaves dance before them, colored in greens and golds and reds and all sorts of impossible hues. Each frond swayed in an unfelt wind, dancing its slow pattern as they grew and died and grew again, the growth always slightly different. It was mesmerizing, in a way. The limbs were hidden from sight, but they must have been truly gigantic to support as many leaves as there were. And the trunk must have been just as massive, at that; she wondered if it truly did stretch on forever, or if it was simply a trick of this strange place. As she watched a section of turquoise wink out of existence to be replaced by a brilliant patch of scarlet and amber, she squeezed Rand's arm contentedly. "I wonder what the tree feeds on to give its leaves such strange colors."
She felt Rand shift next to her. "What tree?"
Egwene gave him a playful shove, looking up to meet his gaze. "The tree right in front of us. What other tree would there be?"
His gray eyes were filled with confusion. "You see a tree? It looks like a giant mess of ribbons to me."
She shot him a warning glare. "Rand, if you're trying to lead me on just to have a laugh I won't be happy."
That made him stutter for a heartbeat. He pointed with his free hand, shaking his head. "I'm serious, Egwene. It starts that way and goes all the way over there, and there's so many threads that make it up I couldn't begin to count them all. It looks like the tapestry the gleeman brought for his stage for Bel Tine when I was seven, only there's no pictures in it and the pieces are of all sorts of colors."
It made no sense, but it sounded like he was telling the truth. She sighed and let the matter go, watching more of the leaves quietly wave to their own rhythm. She felt the need to confide in Rand, about what happened after the night at Shadar Logoth. It was so nice to just be there with him, but somehow she knew it wouldn't last. "After we escaped from Shadar Logoth, the whole city collapsed in an earthquake," she told him softly, forcing herself through the memories. "There was a terrible dark energy that was released, and it split the earth through the world. Moiraine Sedai told us that you were the Dragon Reborn. She thinks the Darkspawn attacked you to prevent you from challenging the Dark One."
Rand sat motionless for a long time. As the silence stretched on Egwene began to worry that she had somehow pushed him away, that he would find some excuse to leave. Eventually he sighed. "I think she's right. I don't want to be the Dragon Reborn, but I think that's what I was going to be whether I wanted to or not." He ruffled his hair, staring at the giant tree with an unreadable expression on his face. "Maybe I'll still be the Dragon Reborn," he mused, as if to himself.
Egwene chewed on her bottom lip, turning to face him. "How? You can't be the Dragon Reborn now, you're...you're not in a position to be that person. I don't see how exactly you're supposed to break the world from here."
Rand exhaled loudly through his nose. "I don't know. Maybe it's not possible. I just thought that there was some truth to the stories, how the great heroes would always promise to do something 'under the Light and by my hope of rebirth and salvation.' People don't use that kind of oath lightly, so I suppose I thought there was something more to it." He paused for a beat before carrying on, each word propelling him forward. "And if you think about it, the Dragon Reborn would have to be reborn in order to be who he is. If anyone has a chance at rebirth, it would be him. And then there's the Heroes of the Horn! They're all supposed to get reborn throughout the Ages. I mean, think of Birgitte Silverbow and Gaidal Cain! No gleeman worth his salt would think about a performance without at least a few of their adventures ready to be told."
He brought good points to bear, even if she was loathe to admit it. Of course, she couldn't let him think they actually were good points; his pride had to be kept in cheek, else his stubbornness would be impossible to deal with. She patted his arm, settling back against his shoulder where she could look upon the impossible tree and its leaves. "Men of legends and mythical heroes. Are you certain you haven't just been listening to a gleeman's tale the entire time?" When she felt him deflate she shook her head, grinning to herself. "I didn't mean it as an insult, Rand. It would be nice to know you could come back." Her good cheer lost some of its mirth as she reminisced on the events which had brought them to that place. "I just wish you hadn't left in the first place."
Rand let out a pensive grunt, carrying on as if he hadn't heard her. "Of course, every time they were reborn the heroes never knew it. They came back with no knowledge that they had been legends before, or would be legends once again. The Hundred Companions certainly never knew what infamy awaited them." His voice had a strange timbre to it, reminiscing on the statements as if he had somehow lived them. "Perhaps that was the Light's way of protecting them, or allowing them the chance to prove themselves. Maybe they have been rewoven into the Pattern, to right their wrongs and prove themselves yet again. Maybe the Pattern wanted to have the mad Dragon prove himself as well, by allowing him life through a sheepherder's eyes." He chuckled, and Egwene felt a kernel of fear growing in the pit of her stomach when she realized she could not say who was speaking anymore. "This minds me of Emar Dal, and the discussions I would have with its philosophers. They always said the art would keep the city's memory alive through the Ages, and to be fair it did have talented artists, but I would always travel there to hear the speakers. I remember the debate Arik Ciran Pelea held with Akukain, on whether the cycles of the Pattern meant that men were fated to make the same choices. Five days it went on, and it felt like the whole of the city stopped to hear them speak."
Egwene repressed a sudden urge to shudder. Never mind that Rand was talking about things that made no sense and about which he could have no knowledge of — there was no city called anything close to Emar Dal from what she could tell; the closest she had heard of from a single class on the study of the nations was Ebou Dar, and from the descriptions given she doubted very much that the two were remotely the same — what concerned her was that there had been no pause between Rand as she knew him and whoever else's life Rand was speaking from. She clung to his arm, forcing her voice to be calm despite her unease. She could not bear to look at him. "Rand, you're beginning to scare me."
As if his name dispelled whatever had taken hold of him, he jumped. "Egwene, I..." Rand paused, unmoving, and Egwene chanced a glance upward. Myriad emotions played across his face, and he stared at the tree as if transfixed. Of a sudden he tried to wrest his hand away. "I have to go."
She pulled against him. "I promised to be there for you, Rand, so you would never forget who you are. I wasn't trying to make you leave."
He succeeded in freeing himself from her grip, rising from the ground. "No, it's not like that. I have to go. I think this was part of what I've felt, ever since..." His voice faltered, and he covered his face with his hands. "Ever since I died. Oh Light! I know it's true, but it's so hard to say out loud."
Egwene forced herself to breathe, searching for the Aes Sedai tranquility as she stood. There would be no more tears from her; she had given her share. "If you are the Dragon, and I believe you are, then you will come back; and when you come back, I will be there to remind you of home." How did those women manage to stay so calm? If she hadn't just vowed to remain in control of herself, she would be bawling like a spring lamb. Breathe. "So go where you are called, Rand al'Thor, and the Light willing we will see each other again."
The pain on Rand's face nearly broke her, but as she was stretched to the limit of her composure he gave a solemn nod. "The Light shine on you, Egwene al'Vere. May you be well in the coming days." He gave her one last smile tinged with sadness, turned away, and was gone. There was no flash of light, no great fanfare; he was simply there with one step and gone the next.
She took one last look at the glowing tree, and it struck her that there was something different about it. She could not say for certain, but it was almost as if there had been a missing branch until that moment. The tree looked whole to her, complete in its ever-changing pattern. With nothing else tying her there, she stepped out into the oblivion, feeling the radiance shrink behind her. After a time, she lost all awareness of anything else and drifted into a dreamless sleep.
Egwene had the right idea. No more crying from here on out, I promise; only progress and the way forward. Thank you all so much for reading!
Side note: You would not believe how many notes and reference markers I have in my books right now. It's to the point where I've been carrying a portable library with me wherever I go.