I'm baaaaaaaaaaack :) Again.
So my computer busted and I don't know when I'll be getting another one... needless to say, I hope it will be soon, but until then, I have my old crappy cracked screen one just to get me by.
Super excited about this chapter. I think it turned out a LOT better than expected. So make sure to R&R and let me know what you guys think!
As always, Disclaimer: All belongs to Craig Bartlett :)
enjoy!
xoxo
Polkahotness
She stood quietly in the gymnasium as she looked down at the sea of black graduation caps that littered the freshly polished wood floor. I silently stepped up behind her and unzipped my gown enough to feel comfortable for once since the graduation ceremony started two hours ago.
It was over.
But it didn't have to be.
She kicked a cap that lay in front of her and sighed. Her parents hadn't even bothered to show up.
I had looked. And I wasn't a fool to not notice that she had been looking too.
"Helga?"
She spun around; her gown twirling with her.
"What do you WANT football-head?"
I shrugged my shoulders while taking a few steps towards her only to sit down on a chair nearby.
"Just thought I'd say hi."
"No. You thought I needed company because my parents didn't show up. Well BUCKO, I don't need your sick sympathy. I'm just peachy."
"I doubt it."
"Well DON'T. Don't act like you KNOW me because you just DON'T."
"Helga, I'm not saying that I know you, I just thought-"
"CRIMINY! You don't take a hint do you? You haven't taken a hint since that dumb assembly have you? LEAVE ME ALONE."
"No." I stated simply.
She shot me a look of disbelief.
"And just why not?"
"Because, despite what you think, I'm not completely dense."
Her stature shrunk slightly and for as fast as my heart was beating, I never once backed down. I kept my eyes locked on her as she slowly made her way over to me sitting in the chair.
"Excuse me?"
"You know what I'm talking about, Helga."
Faster. Faster. Fastest. My heart was pounding in my chest.
I was guessing. I was taking Gerald's crazy theory and putting it into the real world just to see how 'right' he was.
And I was fearing the worst. Because before my eyes, I was seeing just how 'right' he had been.
Helga's eyes dance around as she struggled for a response to my accusation.
"I don't... You... It isn't like you GET what you're... Psh. No. You know NOTHING."
I crossed my arms smugly.
"I think I do."
"Wh-Which is?"
I stood up from the chair and took a few steps towards Helga until we were a few feet away from each other.
"Before Spring Break. The hallway. Remember when I told you about flight school?"
She shrugged nonchalantly.
"Yeah. So what?"
"So, ever since then... you've treated me like-"
"Shit. You can say it, Arnoldo. I've treated you like shit."
"Uh... okay. Wh-Why?"
"Piss off."
"Helga..."
"I mean it. You don't need to know why I do what I do. Just DEAL with it. And you won't have to for much longer, so just suck it up, Hair Boy."
Turning around, she made her way to the gym doors with a fast pace, and I ran after her just a beat behind.
"HELGA!"
"What?" She yelled back without turning or stopping to speak to me.
"Helga, WAIT!"
"NO!"
"HELGA!" I stopped running and panted as I continued to call out after her. "Helga, why me?"
Her pace slowed as her steps grew shorter until they too, stopped completely.
She didn't answer.
Without moving, I continued speaking; my words echoing in the hallway as we stood alone.
"Why did you choose me? Out of everyone else here... out of all the people you COULD have... picked on... why me?"
I was speaking in code. Helga wasn't dumb. She had some of the best grades the high school had seen. So I knew she was aware as to what I was talking about.
Silence. My echo was the only response.
"Helga,"
"What." She muttered just loud enough for my ears to catch.
"Helga, why did you choose me?" I asked in a small voice.
I watched as she shook her head; her footsteps soon picking up again into a sprint before she was completely out of sight, leaving me and my question alone in the hallway.
I fluttered my eyes open and yawned as I rubbed my eyes hard; little fireworks exploding behind my lids.
Ever since graduation, I hadn't been able to shake that memory. Often times, I'd wake up in the middle of the night to look over to Ray in his dorm bed next to mine and realize I wasn't in Hillwood.
But this time, I was in Hillwood. It had only been a dream of a memory I had longed to forget. Or rather, put an ending to.
I sat up in my bed and stared ahead at the steps that led up to the roof.
Counting today, I had three days left in Hillwood before my plane took off for Florida yet again. Three days to get the answer I had so desperately searched for since graduation.
I glanced over to my clock to see the numbers 9:37 am looking back at me. Helga and I had gotten pretty into it the day before, and I sighed unsure as to what I was supposed to do for her forgiveness.
And maybe it had never come.
But I didn't think that. I focused on making it happen.
I had to.
I tossed the covers off of me and stood up from my bed to rub the back of my neck and head for my duffel bag I had brought from Daytona. Digging through the neatly packed clothes I had proudly folded all by myself the morning of my departure in my dorm room, I pulled out a shirt and some jeans and yawned once more.
Today would be a long day.
It was warmer than expected at Noon in January, and I found it nice enough to wear just my windbreaker and some thin gloves. Hillwood had always been a great place for a walk. I found the walk around the blocks to be fun and the familiar faces in the shops comforting. It was nice to see the city thrive after all it had been through.
Though I had to admit, some things had definitely changed.
Much to my dismay, new outlets had sprouted and put other small shops out of business, but that was to be expected in a growing city with a growing population.
However, for the most part Hillwood had remained almost the same as it's old self, and I smiled at the thought that it would stay like this for years and generations to come.
I made my way to the park and sat on the first bench I saw.
The people walking by must have found it warm too, as I wasn't the only person dressed in as little as I was in. Some people were in even less. Some power walked passed me in cropped pants and t-shirts, others jogged passed me in sweatpants and t-shirts, but the one that got me was the girl in tight shorts that were MUCH too short to wear in public (I thought), and a tank top that barely covered her stomach.
Now, I'm not necessarily comPLAINing, because after all, I am a guy and a guy my age is still pretty overruled with hormones, so naturally I may or may not have looked her over and come to the conclusion that indeed, it was appropriate clothing for such weather. Especially for a girl like her.
She ran passed and I watched as her steps stomped passed me on the pathway. There was something about the way she ran that reminded me of something, or someone that I had known.
And as my eyes made their way up from her feet, I realized just why it had seemed so familiar.
I swallowed hard for a moment before jumping to my feet and taking off after her.
"HELGA! Hey Helga!" I called out, waving my hand like an idiot in front of me.
Her steps gradually came to a stop, and breathing heavily, she turned around with a nod of her head in my direction.
"Hey...there...Arnold...o... What's... What's cracking?" She panted and I suddenly found that I had no idea as to what I was going to say next.
"Just uh... just going for a walk."
"While... sitting... on a... bench?" She smirked, her right hand resting on her hip as she waved for me to follow her once she started walking at a slow pace.
I chuckled and blushed slightly as I followed beside her, my mouth at a loss for words.
"So Helga, about last night..."
"Don't sweat it. It's fine." she focused ahead at where the path was taking us.
"Are you sure? I shouldn't have pushed you for-"
"Hey Arnold?" She cut me off and I turned my head to look at her only to realize she had stopped walking completely.
"Yea?"
"You busy today?"
We opted to go catch a movie, and while the plot was 'sketchy' as Helga put it, it turned out to be pretty decent and fairly worth the arm and a leg it cost just for a ticket.
Hillwood sure had raised their prices since our childhood.
And of course after the movie, Helga invited me to catch some pizza and reruns at her place.
I didn't realize that 'her place' meant the hotel room she had rented a few blocks away from the mall to stay at while in town.
"Yeah," she continued as she slid the plastic key through the scanner and waited for the blinking green light to signal her entry to the room. "Pheebs came over and thought it pretty stupid of me to rent a room when I have a house down the road."
"Well, I can understand why." I said while closing the door behind me and looking around and the fairly big room they had provided.
"See, I can't." she countered as she made her way into the bathroom and closed the door while she changed and I 'made myself at home.' "I don't really have a home to go back to after what happened."
"And just what was that?"
She opened the door and turned off the light, now in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, her hair swiftly being tied up in a loose ponytail.
"When I got all my scholarships for college, Miriam through some big bullshit fit about how I was 'throwing my life away' though I'm still pretty sure she was just agreeing with the cock and bull story Bob made up in his mind about my 'life choices' versus what Olga had chose to do with her life."
"What do you mean?"
She sat down next to me on the bed and crossed her legs pretzel style, her hand folded in her lap.
"I mean that once he found out I was going for writing and not whatever it is HE wanted me to do, he practically said he disowned me and that I was making a stupid life choice and when I was broke, he wouldn't give me any help because it would have been all my fault." She shrugged it off.
"Is that why..." my voice trailed off, unsure if I should ask what was on my mind.
But it was too late. I had already started.
"Why what?" Her voice had transitioned to one of a serious tone, one that I rarely had the chance to hear.
"Why... they didn't show up for graduation." I stated more than asked.
I kept my gaze on her as her eyes focused downwards on her hands. She picked at her nails for a moment before nodding her head slowly.
"Yeah. When I got home, Miriam was passed out behind the couch as usual, and Bob was sleeping on the recliner with a bag of Cheezy O's in his lap and the cheese dust all over his fat fingers."
They hadn't even made the effort.
I remember that morning, Grandpa put on his 'nice church pants' and grandma did her hair into a french twist and she donned her cleanest green dress with the biggest of grins. The rest of the boarders dressed up too, and as a group (but more of a cheering squad), they all climbed in the Packard and sat in the stands cheering when I walked up for my diploma. The rest of the night was full of fireworks, food and the greatest celebration to be had at Sunset Arms in it's history.
But Helga's family, her BLOOD RELATIVES hadn't even TRIED.
The feeling of that knowledge made me sick.
"So. Enough of this moping crapola. How about some grub? You game, Hair Boy?" She twisted her torso to look, my way with her eyebrow raised, which was when I realized her usual unibrow that she had been picked on since as far back as I could remember, had been freshly shaped into that of two individual thin brows that complimented her face pretty nicely. It took a moment for me to snap out of staring at her face before I answered.
"Uh... yeah. Uh- that'd be nice." I smiled softly and blushed as I turned to look at the blanket; examining it's every loose stitch and laughable pattern and color choice.
Helga chuckled and made her way to her phone that had been plugged into the wall to charge.
As she dialed the number of the local pizza place we had the number memorized for since middle school, my mind took flight to the questions roaming in the corners of my head.
That party... why stay so late?
Graduation... why avoid my question?
Us... where did we stand?
Helga tossed her phone back on the dresser it had been laying on and reached over to press the power button on the bulky television set; it taking a few moments to turn on before the picture sprung to life on the screen.
"They said twenty minutes-"
"Helga, I have to ask-"
"-which I mean, is as usual the amount of time it takes-" she continued
"-why was it that when we were in the hallway at graduation-" I kept going.
"-to make a flippin'-"
"-Helga..."
"-pizz-" she wasn't looking at me now.
"Helga why wouldn't you answer my question?"
"-a..."
She immediately stopped talking. I could feel the weight of the silence settle on top of my shoulders and at that instance, I knew this could go either one of two ways.
She could kick me out of the room and avoid the question entirely... again.
Or, she could tell me the way I'd imagined so many times since I first asked.
I watched as she turned away from me further and stared out towards the opposite wall. She seemed to be focusing hard on the curling of the wallpaper and the mild dancing of the curtains from the heater just below.
"I..." she sighed, defeated. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Though the statement was hard and unmoving, her voices tone told another story entirely.
She was ready.
Something at college had changed her, and while so much of me wanted to know the answer to my question from a year and a half ago, there was that one part of me that liked it as a well-kept secret that I would never attain. Part of me was afraid what would happen when it was all out there.
What if Gerald had always been right?
Who was I kidding, he was ALWAYS right.
But up until now, I was never really sure. The confession Helga gave so long ago on the roof of the FTI building had been brushed off as "heat of the moment" I had no solid proof of what apparently everyone had been so aware of.
Despite how ready I imagined myself to be or how ill prepared I actually was, the time for knowledge was now.
And that knowledge, was enough to stop time for me. Stop it so long that the moment between her words and my reply took ages.
"You know what I'm talking about."
"And so what if I do?"
"Can't we, for one moment, skip this part?"
She turned her head just enough for me to hear her more clearly.
"What part, Arnold?"
I stood up and walked to squat in front of her and look directly at her as she sat on the bed.
"The part where you fight me until you tell me just enough to get both our minds turning and then shut yourself up until the next time we do this. Why not just tell me everything now? Why don't you just let me in?"
"Because... because I CAN'T, Arnold. I just can't. I told myself this part of my life was over and-"
"But WHY, Helga. WHY does it have to be over?"
"Because it just DOES. I can't keep going on loving you knowing you'll never love me back..."
Her voice had begun to trail off. I didn't let the silence take over again. I wouldn't.
"You never gave me a CHANCE to love you."
Her gaze shot over to me as I looked up to her from my position on the floor.
"I didn't think... you..."
"Why was it me, Helga. Just tell me. Why did you choose me."
"I didn't."
"You had to."
"But I DIDN'T. Okay? You chose me."
I rolled off the balls of my feet to sit on the floor completely.
"I did?"
Helga rolled her eyes around in her head and moved to sit beside me on the floor.
"You don't remember do you?"
I shook my head.
The next hour was full of pepperoni pizza, two liters of Yahoo soda and all the things I never knew. Full of Helga, for once, telling me the things that she had never shared before to anyone (besides Dr. Bliss and Phoebe I imagine) else. And despite it all, I was fascinated. I couldn't imagine that all the things I had done could impact someone's life.
"So now you know."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"What? What could possibly be funny, bucko?"
"I just... I always thought you hated me."
"Well I couldn't tell you! Doi!"
"And why not?" I turned to look at her with an eyebrow raised and I could see the blush creep onto her cheeks.
"Shut up." She nudged me and I laughed while playfully nudging her back.
"You know I'm right."
"Well you aren't, football-head."
"And why's that?"
"What's with the questions? I want to ask some questions too. Criminy."
"So ask me."
I crossed my arms across my chest and grinned; waiting.
She furrowed her brows together in concentration as if searching for a question, though we both knew that she only had to choose one of the many she'd longed to ask.
"Why did you want to know so dang bad?"
"Gerald." I replied instantly.
"Tall Hair Boy? Why him? You didn't just want to know?" Her expression drooped slightly in disappointment and I shook my head quickly.
"No, no, not just because of him. He was more... what made me keep thinking about it. Or... pursue it I guess."
"Pursue it?" She turned to face me as I turned to do the same and face her.
"Well, yeah. After I told him what happened on the roof-"
"You told him?"
"And you didn't tell Phoebe?"
"Touche, Arnoldo. Go on."
"Anyways, after I told him, he never let it go. And since you clearly wanted to, I really tried to forget all that had happened. But Gerald kept telling me to ask you."
"Ask me what?"
I looked down to my hands resting in my lap.
"Ask you if what you said was really true."
"Well of course it was."
"But you said it was in the-"
"Heat of the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it OBVIOUSLY wasn't. You really didn't GET that?"
"You said it was though."
"And you believe everything you hear? That's gonna get you into trouble one day."
"Hasn't it already?"
I looked up to her to find her looking at me directly.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean... If I hadn't believed you, then... maybe things would be different now."
I swallowed a hard lump growing in my throat and I felt my cheeks instantly heat up.
"You mean...?"
Not much more had to be said.
"We have two more days, Helga."
"Hmm?"
"Two more days until we both go back to the airport and back on planes to go back to our lives on other sides of the country."
I caught Helga's glance dart over to the clock as it's red hue glowed a bright 9:29 pm.
"And?"
"And... what are we going to do?"
The sounds of footsteps passed by the hotel room in search for something, followed by muffled voices and a kid yelling downstairs for his mom. All the while, my attention remained locked on Helga.
"I don't know, Arnold."
I felt my phone buzz for a seventh time in my pocket since I got to the hotel and I dug my phone out to see four separate text messages from Gerald.
"I'd... better get going."
"Right. Thanks for hanging out here today. I mean... I had plenty of BETTER things to do and all, but-"
"Helga..." I said as we made our way to the door of her hotel room, "you don't have to do that anymore."
She blushed.
"Uh... right. Force of habit." Helga opened the door and held it as I entered the hallway.
"You want to do something tomorrow?"
Shrugging her shoulders, she leaned against the door with the side of her forearm and crossed her right leg over her left.
"If you insist."
I leaned in before I lost my nerve and gently pressed my lips against hers for a prolonged moment.
"I do."
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I turned to leave a jaw-dropped Helga and call Gerald.
Needless to say, I had a long 'I told you so' lecture ahead of me to listen to tonight.