My mom was hospitalized this week. She didn't have to stay too long, but that put me off doing much of anything. Sueb262 was kind enough to beta the next part of Merciful Dreams, but I've been out of it and have not finished the fixing yet. Give me a few more days, please.

On more pleasant topics: Anyone in CA going to Fanime on May 26-29? I'll be there, dressed as Okita and carrying one of my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls in a pig suit. Though the costume will be worn only on Friday and/or Monday, as Saturday and Sunday will require me to be most of the day at show rehearsals. If I am there those mornings/nights, watch for a girl wearing a pig hat, instead.

Me, obsessed? I don't know what you're talking about.

Dear Shishou,

It's been a long few weeks. I still feel - numb, I guess, is still the word for it. I don't always have an assignment, but everything seems to run together, and I am barely sure what day it is, sometimes.

Not long after I last wrote, my room mate got himself a new assignment in another city. I tried to congratulate him on his promotion, but when I spoke to him his eyes became panicked and he nearly froze. I think he asked to be transferred to get away from me. I don't know quite what to think about that.

No one else has moved in to take his place. I know not every room in the inn has people doubled up, so I'm unsure whether this is chance or if everyone is avoiding me. The solitude is nice, sometimes, when I don't think I can deal with anyone after... after. The inn keeps some books in the common room, and if nothing is going on I take one up to my room to read. I feel like I can hide away, and no one will find me.

...I wish that were true for everyone. My superiors... tested me, with an assignment last week. My target was to be killed inside his home, which required me to get inside myself. As I didn't want to have to eliminate a witness, this took a while, and there were close calls, but I managed. I didn't like it, but my superiors are pleased. They shouldn't be so happy about a life taken, should only care about knowing the capabilities of their tool. I wonder if I should say something about that.

Some other things have happened, but I can't talk about them, so I can't tell you.

I hate this killing and I wish I didn't have to, but I must keep in mind this is for the people. I must. But how does one do that, when everything is so -?