Sanji was standing staring at the ocean, watching the dark waves lapping against the ship left him in an almost meditative state, so when Chopper came up behind him he was slightly startled.

'Um Sanji, I was wondering if we could talk, you know in the medical bay' he sounded nervous.

Sanji felt his stomach drop, had Robin spoken to him before dinner?

He nodded and followed the reindeer across the deck and into his room.

There was a bed to the side but Sanji figured he didn't need to go on that so took the seat next to Choppers desk, as the reindeer took the seat at the desk.

'So uh what's up Chopper?' he had a feeling he knew where this was going but he could hope that maybe it was something else.

'I've been worried about you since Zoro left, I was hoping you'd get better on your own or come to me yourself but there's no more time with us arriving at Dressrosa soon' Chopper sounded genuinely worried about him.

'I'm fine Chopper' he plastered a grin in place.

He didn't look convinced 'Then answer a few questions, and no lying Sanji I'll be able to tell'

Sanji nodded and Chopper pulled out a notepad and pen.

'How have you been sleeping recently?' Chopper looked up from his notepad and his eyes locked onto Sanji's.

He sighed, he hated lying to his nakama and Chopper wasn't going to accept anything but the truth anyway.

'Not well, I'm getting a few hours if I'm lucky' it wasn't like he didn't try, what he wouldn't do for his brain to just give up for one night.

'Can you tell me why?' the medic was writing away in his book.

He sat back in his seat and let his head fall back so that he was staring at the ceiling.

'When I try to get some sleep' he let out a deep breath 'When I close my eyes it's' he fought round the tiredness trying to find the right words 'every bad memory, every fuck up big or small runs through my head' he felt his body tense 'Not just what happened with Zoro but things from when I was a kid and I can't shut it off'

It was as though there was a second voice in his head, during the day it questioned his self worth. Did his nakama need him or could anybody that could feed the Captain replace him? Sometimes it would point out how easy it would be for him to leave and nobody would even notice.

'What happened with Zoro? And other than when you're trying to sleep do you have negative thoughts?' he could still hear him writing away.

'I cheated on him, he left and yes I have them all day' fuck it he'd cut straight to the point.

'You two were in a relationship?' he had to give Chopper kudos for being professional, no over the top reaction.

'Yea'

'For how long?'

Sanji stared at the wooden beams above him, tempted to just let his mind drift into the pattern in the wood; Chopper was trying to help so he forced himself to focus, even though it was so difficult recently.

'Since Skypiea' it seemed like an eternity ago they were all together on the Going Merry.

'You think that's why Zoro left?'

Sanji nodded he knew it was.

'You blame yourself?'

Sanji lifted his head to look at Chopper, he looked at the reindeer in confusion. There was no blame on the medic's face only….pity? He wasn't sure.

'Of course it's my fault'

'It's not' the medics dark eyes locked with his again 'Zoro's an adult, he made his decision. Luffy seems pretty certain he'll come back but if he doesn't that's his decision not your responsibility'

'But he wouldn't have left if I hadn't cheated' Sanji felt the tension building up again 'I did something stupid and it hurt him'

'You didn't do it on purpose though did you?'

He shook his head vigorously god no he would never hurt someone he loved on purpose. If only he'd realised how he'd felt earlier, he'd came close at Thriller Bark. It had been a mixture of relief and anger when he'd found Zoro alive. Relief that he'd survived but he had felt put out that Zoro hadn't trusted him to take his place and protect his and the others dreams. Then as he'd started to calm down and he and Zoro had gone back to a version of their normal, they'd ran into Kuma again.

'People make mistakes Sanji, it's part of being human. What counts is what you do after. Do you think he'd leave just so that you could break down like this'

Sanji shook his head again, no they may argue and fight but they would never intentionally hurt each other. Zoro had no more planned this than he had.

'You're showing all the signs of being depressed Sanji, I think a big part of that is you've shut down and not talked to anyone' Chopper wrote a bit more in his note book 'I'm in charge of the health of the crew, that's not just about stitching you guys up after a fight or in some cases fixing constantly pulled stitches'

Sanji gave a small smile and a chuckle, he swore Chopper would tie Zoro up if he thought it would stop him from working out and pulling his stitches.

'I'm going to give you some medicine, usually these take about three weeks to work but the ones I've made work in a few hours' the medic grinned looking happy at his accomplishment.

'I'd expect nothing less of the Straw Hats amazing doctor' he smiled at Chopper.

'That doesn't make me happy you bastard' he replied wiggling in his seat.

Sanji found himself laughing hard for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

He felt some of the dark weight lifting, he'd been so focused on the negative that he had forgotten the positives. He was so used to getting by alone that he hadn't saw that his nakama wanted to help.

'I was so worried with how upset you'd been that you'd hate me' he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

'You're my nakama Sanji, I'd be just as upset if anything happened to you'

Chopper got up and looked around his shelf's, finally pulling out a bottle and handing it to Sanji

'Take one a day for a month and I'll decide where to go from there' Chopper eyed the label 'No drinking alcohol though'

Sanji let out a small chuckle 'Don't worry I don't think I want to drink again anytime soon'

And when he did finally feel like drinking again he was never going to let himself get that drunk again.

'Now the tablets rebalance the neurotransmitters in your brain, they don't make you happy they just make it so that you can be' Chopper paused 'It will let you challenge your negative thoughts, you need to tell them they're wrong and for sleep you need to focus on it all being in the past, there's nothing you can do now but I'll give you breathing exercises to help.'

He took the glass of water that Chopper was offering and took one of the tablets out of the bottle and downing it.

He handed the glass back and Chopper smiled at him.

'Now Sanji, what do you want to talk about?'

Sanji let out a sigh and shifted into his seat to get more comfortable, where should he start.

Sorry it's taken so long to write, I wasn't in the mood to write it and anytime I forced myself it came out really bad.

Disclaimer - mental health is different for everyone. Negative thoughts are real and I've built the ones here on three different people's explanations and the information in my counselling book. The rest is built around different treatment types but please remember this is just a story.