Chapter 4

"I- I can't."

Yuri's mind scrambled to form a coherent thought, to no avail.

Yurio's eyes were wide, his face flushed, at a total loss of what to do. Otabek's eyes were strangely unfocused as he tried to determine Yuri's train of thought.

"Yuri, are you…" Viktor trailed off, not bothering to finish his sentence, because there was no point in doing so. Yuri was obviously not okay. And Viktor had no idea what to do.

Yuri, after failing to calm himself, turned to Viktor and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his fiancé's warm chest. Viktor hugged him back, doing his best to comfort him.

It seemed to Yuri that, when in Viktor's loving embrace, nothing could hurt him. Nothing would ever get to him, not when Viktor was by his side. That thought was enough to stop the violent shudders coursing through his body, and to slow the tears welling in his eyes. Viktor rubbed his back, and Yuri slowly lifted his head to face reality.

His two guests were staring at each other awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with either of the older adults as they had a silent conversation through their eyes.

After that, conversation resumed and the atmosphere became light once again. However, there still remained an air of tension as, through all their banter and friendly discussion, there was the fear of bringing up that subject again.

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It was 10:00 at night. Yurio and Otabek had left a few hours ago, and Viktor and Yuri had gone to bed.

"Good to see they're doing well," Yuri murmured, referring to Yurio and Otabek.

"Yeah." Viktor exhaled heavily, the sound rippling through the still and silent air.

"Look, Viktor, about what happened earlier… I- I just wanted to say… I'm-" Yuri's voice broke.

Viktor's heart ached. It might as well have killed him to see the person he loved the most feeling like this. He rolled onto his side to face Yuri, pulling him closer.

"Yuri, it's okay, you don't have to apologize for anything. It's not your fault."

"What if it is?"

Viktor blinked in surprise. "What do you mean by that?"

"What if it is my fault? I- I got injured, what if it was my fault? I was- I was never good enough, not for any-"

"Yuri! Why would you think that? The injury wasn't your fault! Didn't you see how your skates broke? The screws holding the blades on had been loosened, there was no way it could have been you. Didn't you see?" Viktor was shocked that Yuri could even suggest that it had been his fault. Sure, he had his anxieties, but what had happened was clearly an accident. These things happened.

"Skates breaking accidentally isn't normal! I must have done something wrong, something- I failed! I got hurt, I got better, but am I ever going to be able to skate again? I can't do it! I'm too weak, I'll never be able to get back up. 6 months, Viktor. It's been too long. I can't even stay competitive for that much longer!" Yuri was practically shouting now, streams of tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Yuri, you haven't even- you haven't been near the ice after that. You were- you are amazing. Can you at least try? For me, and yourself. I just… I can't stand seeing you like this." Viktor cupped Yuri's face with his hand, stroking his hair. "I love you so much, I don't think I could forgive myself if you stopped skating. You love it. You're incredible at it. I'm not even being biased when I say you're better than I am."

"Liar," was Yuri's muttered reply.

"I'm not lying. Anyways, skating brought us together. I want to skate on the same ice together with my spicy katsudon again in the near future."

This brought a faint smile to Yuri's face. He reached his arm out to move Viktor's hair out of his face. "I love you so much, I don't even know what to do with myself."

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuri, his azure eyes getting lost in the depths of Yuri's inky ones.

"I'll- I'll try again. I promise," Yuri managed to say.

Viktor pressed his soft lips against Yuri's.

"Thank you."

—————

It was the day after. A Friday. The clouds still refused to clear, hanging in the atmosphere, dark gray and heavy with rain they had yet to release. A far cry from the golden sunlight that had been present the last time Yuri had been to this place.

At the center of St. Petersburg, a city in a country full of aspiring skaters, lay a public ice skating rink. Currently it was deserted, due to Viktor having booked it for several hours.

The nervousness Yuri was feeling at that moment was greater than all the anxiety he'd felt before competitions, and the terror he had had when he found out he'd lost yet again.

Yuri held Viktor's hand tightly as they walked through the sliding glass doors, a bag of equipment slung over Yuri's shoulder.

Yuri closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, then let it all out, preparing himself.

His eyes snapped open, and he stared into the room where his worst nightmare had taken place.

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Author's Note: Ok. Wow. I didn't update for like a week, so I apologize. I'm also very sorry, that was my first time in my entire life even attempting to write something even vaguely romantic, so please tell me if I actually did okay. Anyways, I hope y'all liked it, and any feedback/tips would be much appreciated. Thank you!