Disclaimer: If you missed this in chapter 1, go back and read it there!
Warning: A bit of swearing here and there in this chapter.
Spoilers: "Grace" & "Death Knell" for sure, but unless by some miracle you've not seen any episodes beyond that I doubt there will be anything major.
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Ch. 4 – Dads and Delusions
"Carter...shouldn't you be getting some sleep? Because unless I missed another memo, you're supposed to be shipping out to the Alpha site early in the morning."
Sam looked up from the microscope she'd been studying, only slightly startled by Colonel O'Neill's sudden appearance in her lab doorway. She had noticed a couple minutes before what time it was and figured he'd be making an appearance soon.
"You know what they say, sir, 'no rest for the wicked, and the good don't need any,'" She replied with a half smirk. "Besides, I could ask the same of you..."
"Yeah, well, insomnia and--"
"And poor bladder control are common afflictions of old age...sir," was Sam's swift and teasing completion of her Colonel's sentence.
"Ack, Carter, you wound me! My bladder control is just fine, thank you very much. Oh, and you're docked 50 points for exceeding our cliché quota for the week!"
Sam's face was stretched in a full blown grin now at their pointless but, for some strange reason, still enjoyable banter. As she studied her CO, his grin slipped off his face and his eyes became serious before they broke contact and began wandering around the room in, what was for him, a sign of nervousness. She had a suspicion what the topic of conversation was about to turn to.
"I...ah...just got off the phone with the Denver PD."
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The officer moved towards where Sam was standing stiffly by the couch.
"Ma'am, the man you hospitalized is a police officer; you need to come down to the precinct with us for further questioning."
"No, I don't think so."
Up to this point Jack had remained silent, aside from the brief statement he'd given to the officers soon after their arrival. However, it looked like the officers were already taking Shanahan's word as gospel even though the man had yet to actually say anything. He could respect that, fellow police officers sticking together and giving each other the benefit of the doubt, but it didn't mean he'd just surrender Carter to a hostile interrogation. Especially when she wasn't at fault.
"Excuse me, sir?" The officer's voice was tense and his hand was already resting on his sidearm. "She just hospitalized a law enforcement officer, yet only has a couple bruises to show for it. I have probable cause to suspect she assaulted said officer, so she comes down to the station with us. It can be of her own free will, or in cuffs. It's your choice."
Colonel O'Neill's voice became authoritative, "I said no. First of all, Samantha Carter is a Major in the United States Air Force, and I'm her commanding officer. So she'll be returning to Cheyenne Mountain with me. You can follow if you like, but you don't have the authority to arrest her since I'm here. If you decide you have enough evidence to actually press charges, you can contact us there. Secondly..." O'Neill leaned in as his voice dropped an octave, becoming low and menacing, "...she is highly trained and experienced in hand-to-hand combat. If she had struck that piece of shit Shanahan first, she wouldn't have any bruises on her."
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"There's not enough evidence for either party to actually press charges. The cops are treating it as a 'domestic disturbance' call." O'Neill's displeasure at that was plainly written on his face with a scowl, but Sam honestly didn't know how she felt about it.
On the one hand, she wanted to make sure Pete paid for what he'd done, but on the other hand she just wanted to rid herself of the whole thing and get on with her life. Any trial involving something like assault & battery was just more trouble than she felt like dealing with. But neither did she relish the thought of Pete being free to come around and cause trouble again.
The Colonel wasn't finished, however, "The head honcho up there agreed to have Shanahan transferred to some place back east a ways. That should keep him out your hair. Oh, and I'm getting a judge to issue a restraining order. So if he gets anywhere near you, well...you'll have legal freedom to kick his ass again...more or less. All this is gonna take a week or two to wrap up, but it should be taken care of by the time you get back from the Alpha site." He stopped abruptly, and Sam got the impression he'd said a little more than he intended to.
She narrowed her eyes at him, "Is that why I'm going on temporary assignment to the Alpha site? I can deal with Pete if he shows up again, I don't need to run away until you solve my 'problem' for me."
His hands shot up in a placating gesture, "No, no, I have no doubt you can deal with him, but you don't really need to. Besides, I wasn't lying when I said your presence was requested specifically." Seeing her 'are-you-feeding-me-a-line-of-crap' expression he stuffed his hands into his pockets and let out a sigh.
"It was going to be a surprise, but...well...Dad is the one that requested you." He looked sideways at her trying to gauge her reaction, all he saw was her face still set in a dubious frown. "Ok, ok! I may have...hinted...that you could use some time away from Earth. Just hinted mind you!" he said emphatically, wagging his finger at her and grinning innocently as he did so.
She finally relented and gave him a half smile to let him know she really was OK with it, "Thank you, sir, I really do appreciate everything you've done to help me with this."
He was right; Sam didn't need to deal with Pete, and really didn't want to anyway. Besides, she couldn't turn down an opportunity to spend time with her dad, even if most of it would just be work related.
She was interrupted from her musings as Jack abruptly headed for the door, but before getting there he stopped and turned around to face her again. He looked like he was trying to formulate words and he was madly fiddling with a pen it looked like he'd swiped from her desk.
"Um...I...uh...don't say this nearly enough...ok, maybe not at all...certainly not as much as you deserve...but Carter...Sam..." as his eyes suddenly slammed into hers, she nearly gasped out loud at the emotions screaming from his gaze; compassion, pride in her, respect, and affection all seemed to be projected near telepathically. "...I'm really proud of you, especially with how you dealt with that...well...I won't say what I think of him."
As quickly as it had arrived, his intense look was gone and his trademark smirk was on his face. Sam found herself once again wondering dazedly how in the world this supposedly 'stupid' man could change gears so fast. As he resumed his journey toward the door he delivered one last parting salvo.
"It's past your bed time, Carter, don't make me tell Dad on you!"
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Major Sam Carter stepped down the stairs in front of the stargate as it disconnected and walked quickly to where her dad was waiting for her. Sam's burgeoning smile was willingly answered by her father's enthusiastic greeting.
"Hey, kiddo!" Jacob Carter was ecstatic to see his daughter. It'd only been a month or so since he'd last seen her, but as far as he was concerned you couldn't have too much of a good thing. He wasn't the least bit bothered to be asking her for help, and since blending with Selmak he'd been much more able to freely admit such things to himself. Like how very proud he was of his daughter and all her accomplishments. He laughed quietly to himself as he recalled how offended he'd been when she'd turned down his offer to get her into NASA, only to find out a couple months later she was already going way farther than NASA could have ever taken her.
As she got closer, his smile turned into a look of concern as he noticed the oddly shaped bruise on the left side of her face. He gave her a heartfelt hug before pulling back and tenderly touching it.
"Hey, Sam, that's quite a doozy of a bruise you got there. I thought you came back from your last mission without a scratch?"
She flinched minutely and Jacob noticed that while her smile didn't fade, it became brittle. "Well, if you think this is bad, you should see the other guy!" Before he could respond to her scarily O'Neill-esque quip, she had let the smile and a big sigh slide from her lips.
"I'll tell you about it over breakfast, I haven't eaten yet."
"Ok, sounds good to me." Jacob wasn't surprised by her delaying tactic; she was too much like himself. He was also beginning to suspect the story behind it might be related to the reasons for O'Neill's bumbling hints that the Tok'ra could use her help in developing the weapon against Anubis' drones.
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Ten minutes later they were situated in a quiet corner of the Alpha site commissary busily tucking away breakfast.
"Dad, aren't you going to have some coffee?" As far as Sam still knew, her father was a caffeine addict of near rival to Daniel Jackson, so she was a bit surprised at the notable lack of such a beverage on his breakfast tray.
"No, I'm not, Selmak doesn't like coffee."
"What? You gave up coffee for your symbiote?"
"Yep."
"Wow, I didn't know that."
"Well, we never really talk any more, Sam."
At that comment, she glanced away guiltily. While things between them had certainly been worlds better since her father's blending with Selmak, she still found it incredibly difficult to have personal conversations with him. As a result, they'd alternated between being close and being distant with each other over the past several years.
Jacob, I think the root of her unhappiness goes beyond whatever the story behind that bruise is.
I think you're right, Selmak, and I think it's about what you and I have discussed before.
"Are you happy, Sam?"
A strangled "What?!" was her startled response.
"Just answer my question, and be honest with me."
As Sam's eyes snapped to her father's concerned gaze where he sat to her left, she was hit with an utterly overwhelming sense of déjà vu. Suddenly, she was back on the Prometheus with a mind scrambling concussion, and she began to answer her father's question as she had answered it there.
Jacob watched his daughter as her eyes lost themselves in memory and her mouth open and closed as if she was trying, and failing, to speak. Then she visibly deflated like someone had actually let air out of her.
"No. No, not really." Then her voice went from defeated to frustrated, "And it doesn't make any sense, I have a great job that I love, I've seen and done incredible things because of it, I have awesome friends that care for me, and yet…"
"You're alone."
"Yeah…"
The pain and loneliness coated that one quiet word and echoed in her eyes so strongly that Jacob's heart ached with sorrow for his only daughter.
"You know, for as long as she was alive, your mother showed me a world beyond just ambition and career. She gave my life meaning and balance beyond work and it was my honor to love her for the short time she was with me. And if I were young again and I met her for the first time even knowing her fate, I would do it all again. That is love." Jacob's soft voice trailed off as he continued to study Sam, and was intrigued when a wry chuckle was her response.
"That sounds familiar."
"It should," he responded with a sad smile, "it's what I said at her funeral."
"Oh." Sam was startled, she clearly remembered the hallucination of her father saying that aboard the Prometheus, but she honestly didn't recall him saying that in the short eulogy he had given at her mother's funeral.
"Sam, it's time to let go of the things that prevent you from finding happiness. You certainly deserve to love someone and be loved in return." Jacob reached for her hands as her eyes began to brim with tears.
"I tried, Dad, and look what it got me," she mournfully replied as she gestured to her bruised face.
Her father's scowl was immediate and fierce and Sam knew that Pete's life would've been in jeopardy had he been anywhere in the vicinity at that moment.
"I think you'd better explain, Sam."
"Well, this isn't the first time I've had a conversation of this sort with you, or rather a hallucination of you, almost verbatim in some respects." She quickly raised her hand to forestall the questions she knew would be coming. "It's a long story I'll tell you later, but as a result I accepted Mark's offer to set me up with a friend of his."
Sam proceeded to describe what transpired in her somewhat brief relationship with Pete, including her final confrontation with him in her house a couple days after he'd gotten out of the infirmary. By the time she finished, she could see the muscle in her father's jaw working at a furious pace.
A smirk crept onto Sam's face, "Dad, really, don't worry. He came out much worse than I did; I broke his arm, dislocated his elbow, and crushed his larynx."
With a drawn out exhale, Jacob let out the tension that had been building in him during the telling of her story.
"Why did you start dating?"
"Um, because like you suggested, I was…am…trying to let go of the things that are keeping me from having a life outside the SGC."
Jacob smiled sadly, "I think you misinterpreted what I, or maybe what your hallucination of me said in regards to what you should let go."
She was confused, if he didn't mean to let go of whatever it was she felt towards her CO, then what was there to let go of?
Jacob could see the confusion on her face and in her eyes. He knew she was so practiced in self denial that she really did not know what he meant. Selmak and he had debated this very issue some time before, and argued about whether to confront Sam with their thoughts. But in the end they had decided that she just hadn't been ready to really listen to what they had to say. Perhaps she was now.
"Sam, don't let rules stand in your way."
Her confusion only grew, "What are you talking about?"
"You joined the Air Force because of me."
"Yeah, and like I said, I love my job."
Jacob, and Selmak within him, let out a heavy sigh. It looked like he was going to have to be blunt.
"I know how you and Jack O'Neill feel about each other." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he could see the automatic denial spring to her lips, but he just leveled a no-nonsense glare at her and the denial died before being voiced.
Instead, she just grimaced, "I don't think he feels the same way anymore. I haven't seen any indication that he does for a long time." Much to her surprise and chagrin, as it attracted attention from others in the commissary, her father burst out laughing. Sam really didn't see what was funny about what she had just said, and was perturbed that her father would make light of it.
"Sam, this is Jack O'Neill we're talking about! Since when does he show how he really feels? Not to mention that we both know that the stronger his feelings on a subject, the greater lengths he goes to try and conceal them! You ever consider the possibility that the reason he's stopped 'showing' how much he cares is because his feelings have strengthened, instead of lessened? That he's just putting more effort into hiding them?" He stopped as he was still trying to keep from laughing any further. Apparently as much a genius as Sam was, and as well as he knew she knew O'Neill, it appeared she was still startingly blind to what had been plainly obvious to him and Selmak.
"Oh…I…ah…hadn't really thought of it that way," Sam was surprised to hear herself admit.
Her dad was right, that sort of behavior sounded just like the Colonel O'Neill she knew. In the end, the only way she could really know for sure would be to ask him outright. Then what's stopping you if you really wanna know? Again, her mind flew back to her experience on the Prometheus. Those had been his exact words. In retrospect, she had made a lot of assumptions and jumped to conclusions about what her hallucinations, or rather her subconscious, had been trying to tell her. As a scientist she should've known better than to make life altering decisions based solely on the side effects of a massive concussion.
Sam. I'm a safe bet. Was that true too? And if so, was it true in the sense she had thought it was? Did it mean that her feelings for him were merely a mechanism to keep her from getting hurt by others, like Pete? Or did it mean something else entirely. Like did it mean he would always be there waiting for her? Or that he would always be there for her if she needed him? Or was none of it true, and she had driven him away by dating Pete? Again, the only way she could really know the answers to her myriad questions was to ask the man himself, in a conversation that was sure to be insanely difficult under the best of circumstances. At least so far, he'd always been there for her whenever she'd needed him.
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With a start Sam realized that the sirens that had been slowly growing in the distance were nearly there, and all hell was about to break loose.
"Carter? The EMTs and cops are nearly here, you ready for this?"
She could feel him watching her as she refocused on her surroundings and stood up, pulling her military bearing on like a coat.
"Yes, sir, I'm ready." She paused a moment, waiting for her CO to rise to his feet as well, and then preceded him towards the front door.
"Ok, I'll be right here beside you."
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Meanwhile, her father had watched the emotions play across her face and could tell how lost in thought she was. Which was a relief really, it was good she was actually thinking about what he'd said without automatically dismissing it. So he was mildly surprised when she suddenly came out of her reverie with a defeated sigh.
"It doesn't really matter anyway, I can't have him becau--"
Her father was quick to interrupt and Sam recoiled at the glimmer of anger in his voice, "Can't? Can't!? After all you've done in your life, one supposedly impossible mission after another, and countless supposedly insurmountable obstacles, why is that word still in your vocabulary!?" Jacob admitted to himself, and Selmak, that he was royally pissed that it looked like his daughter had given up on what she wanted before she had even tried to reach for it. It was so unlike her.
As he gathered the remains of his breakfast and prepared to leave, Jacob leaned across the table towards his daughter where she still sat, seemingly in shock.
"I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, Sam, as it never worked anyway. But I will tell you that you can still have everything you want. Don't give up without a fight." With that said he picked up his tray and left the commissary, leaving a stunned Samantha Carter behind.
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Several harrowing days later, Jacob Carter opened the door to SG-1's locker room, took a half step in and immediately spotted Jack O'Neill in front of his locker pulling on a fresh set of green BDUs.
"Jack."
"Jacob! Good to you see you up and around again." He paused a moment, looking up briefly, "Ya know, the locker room isn't the greatest place to stand around with the door open. It gets kinda drafty in here when you do that."
Jacob grinned in response and closed the door, after which he walked over to the bench in between SG-1's lockers to sit down.
"I wanted to talk to you for a minute before I went to the infirmary to see Sam."
"Sure, fire away," Jack flippantly replied as he threw himself down on the bench to put on his boots.
"As you know, or may soon hear, the Tok'ra-Taur'i-Free Jaffa alliance is in trouble. We're all pretty much going our separate ways now. It also turns out the High Council no longer trusts Selmak and me, they think we're 'too close' to the Taur'i. So…I have to go back to them for a while to mend fences."
Jack's trademark sarcasm was delivered without pause, "Why would you want to do that?"
Jacob just leveled a glare at him and continued, "To be honest, I have no idea how long that will take, so I have no idea when I'll be able to visit Earth again."
Several long moments passed in silence as he stared off into space trying to formulate his next words, "Jack, Sam is at a crossroads in her life right now; she has some pretty big decisions to make in the not-so-distant future. And I'm not going to be able to be here for her. So I'm going to tell you what I told George, if she decides to make some big changes, don't try and stand in her way. It'll only make things harder for her."
"Why are you telling me this?" Jack asked with a confused frown.
"Don't play dumb with me, we both know why," Jacob responded as he slapped his thighs, stood up, and headed for the door. He paused halfway into the hall and looked over his shoulder.
"Take good care of her, Jack."
"I always do my damndest, Jake, you know that."
"I wasn't talking about in the field," was his parting shot as he strode down the hall. He hadn't made it more than a couple steps when his keen ears picked up Jack's whisper of a response.
"Neither was I."
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A/N: I know, I know, I practically ripped off some dialogue from "Grace" and "Threads". But I figured why fix something that ain't broke and I think those words would really have been spoken if the circumstances had been right, like they were here.