Here is the fourth chapter. I think I'm changing the title of the story to Saving Grace, due to my plans for the rest of the story.
Thank you to all of the reviewers and thank you for your patience! Thanks to Verovex, NekoSparky, lady Alexas, Rikus-Wife-XD, Phantasmal Abduction, Arcadia Moonspark, Your Alien, Chrisdaee13, xXJuliets SecretXx, Divine Soul, and Eus-mylus for your reviews!
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters sadly. Just my own storyline.
Pairings: Officially SoraRiku, SoraAnsem, SoraCloud, AxelRoxas, SoraLean, later Riku will be paired some more. But basically it's SoraxA lot of people. Dang, that still sounds bad.
Warning: This is a YAOI! And there are many scenes of it contained in this story. You've been warned. Also rated for language.
Sora's POV
Riku seems unnaturally aggravated with me.
I intertwine our fingers under the lunch table, stroking his palm with my thumb reassuringly.
I know why he's upset and on end, back stiffened in his chair. It's because of me. I know he's uncomfortable with Leon's presence, and he's usually the last person to pass on judgment. But Leon threatens our relationship. Why? Because I'm immediately attracted to him.
He's taller than Riku, larger, more defined muscles, and this look that flashes across his face. He's not shy...but he's distanced from the others, reserved and mysterious.
His narrow, sky-blue eyes are captivating and every time he moves, his muscles ripple beneath his top.
I couldn't go as far as to say that he was more attractive than Riku. Riku has these deep, aquamarine eyes that contrast strikingly with his silver hair and pale skin.
None of my boyfriends, past, present, or future could compare physically to him. I wish he knew that.
The way he refuses to react to my touch is a little disconcerting. I lean heavily against his stone frame and reveal our clasped hands from beneath the table, setting it in my lap. All of this is done while I'm talking to Leon. He raises his eyebrows a little and the shy smile on his face falters for a millisecond.
He's having second thoughts about pursuing me now. Because I've cleverly labeled myself as "taken".
This isn't like some demented game that I've mentally created in my head. No, this is just me. I've learned what entices a guy to chase you even when you're long gone. I mean, Riku's my solid, tangible proof right there.
Well, maybe he doesn't really count. Because I'm the one who regularly sleeps with him. But on the other side of the spectrum, Riku hasn't been with anyone else since me. That's been four agonizing, conflicting years.
"How long have you and..." he motions towards Riku's turned face, "been together?" His voice is oddly controlled.
I shrug. "We're on and off," I admit, disguising my voice in a whisper so that we won't be overheard by Riku. I don't want to purposely hurt his feelings, especially after the dainty compliment earlier.
He rarely illustrates his affection for me with words anymore, mostly because we're often busy insulting each other and shouting strings of crude curses to piss the other person off.
Leon chews on his lip thoughtfully, sitting back in his seat. I feel my cheeks blush slightly.
"That wasn't my question," he says harshly, enough to make me redden more but not trying to push me away. He just wants answers before he goes off with some kid he's never known before.
"Umm, there's not really a numerical value," I say truthfully. "But...the longest we were together without officially breaking up was about a year."
I figured that Leon would be able to sum up the truth anyways, and I didn't want him to hear it from anyone besides me. If Kairi was to reveal that, my name would be slathered with repulsion and distaste. I'm basically the antagonist in her life.
Well, now I am.
I remember vaguely when we used to be joined at the hip; best friends.
Sure, she still exuberated the same sarcastic undertone in her voice that strived to diminish your confidence, but it was always in a teasing manner that you knew wasn't meant from the heart.
Things sure have changed.
I think our relationship is more crumbled than mine and Riku's. No matter what shit I pull, like getting pathetically hammered, waiting outside his door at three in the morning or fucking some stranger at the club and then coming home, shirt wrinkled and skin sticky and climbing into bed with him like nothing happened, no matter what, he still always opens his arms up.
Kairi would rather have her skin burned and filleted off than put up with that.
She disapproves of our relationship so much, but she knows that the second she argues or shoots below the belt with me, that Riku suddenly stands in her way.
Since then, we only share passing moments without strangling each other.
Like this morning. When we had that short, but meaningful embrace. It meant that we were still friends, that she utterly despised the direction I was swerving my life to, but she wasn't going to give up on me.
"Freshman year," I finish explaining with a deep breath, peeking up at Leon to see his reaction.
He only nods solemnly. I've never dealt with someone of this caliber before. He doesn't look revolted which boosts my low self-esteem marginally.
Friends. We have to start as friends. Leon isn't going to be someone that I can simply seduce and move on with. And I'm not so sure that that's what I want this time.
Something different. Leon is someone different. A different approach is what I'm going to have to use. For now, I have to control my damn raging hormones and be satisfied with his friendship.
I smile shyly, and slowly wrap a scrawny arm around Riku's waist, finally attaining his attention. His eyes are narrowed in an icy glare that softens when he finds that Leon and I are closing our blundering conversation.
"Have your priorities straight yet?" He asked, a slight growl glazing his voice, but he still pulls me protectively into his lap, arm around my waist and hand caressing my thigh.
He sets his head on my shoulder and I crane my neck backwards, teeth grazing his ear lobe. His finger hooks into the hem of my jeans, eradicating my breathing for a moment. I nearly forget that Leon is watching every single movement that we're making.
"What are my priorities supposed to be?" I ask mockingly.
"School, your studies, and not fucking the first new kid you see at school."
Leon starts chuckling, almost sounding like a deep growl, as he watches me protest.
"You two are like a married couple," he remarks coolly. Riku's lips curved upwards and he was actually smiled at Leon.
I'm embarrassed, cheeks burning and my blood is running warm. What was Riku playing at? Wasn't he supposed to be the loving boyfriend who didn't give a fuck what I did? When did he suddenly become...jealous?
I struggle against his arms, clearly demonstrating my urgency to punch him. Kairi was the one who embarrassed me in front of complete strangers, not him.
"Chill," he comments, restraining me and pinning my arms to my side.
"You're such a fucking-"
He claps a hand to my mouth and his fingers brush my lips. I do the only thing I can think of, and I disregard the fact that Leon, my new love interest, is watching intensely. I bite down. Hard.
"What the fuck, Sora!" Riku shouts, hitting me across the back to release his fingers. He pulls away as I gasp, and I see angry, red welts imprinted on the digits. One is even bleeding.
"You started it!" I snap as he shakes his hand in the air, trying to relieve the pain. "Who ended it this time?"
Wow. We are so ridiculously immature. We're not like a married couple. We're like two fucking little kids arguing about stupid, petty things.
Our lunch table, and several surrounding it, became quiet, turning their undivided attention at our argument. After realizing that it's just the two of us, they ignore our rather loud discussion.
"I'll fucking end it right here!"
I don't think I realized how badly I pissed him off earlier. I expect his fist to collide into my mouth or something, not what happened next.
Arms and legs hidden underneath the table after our hassle, he shoves a hand between my legs, suddenly grabbing my jean clad length.
A moaned cry escapes my lips as his hand creates electrifying friction and heat in my groin, and this time, I slap a hand over my own mouth, biting my tongue and clenching my jaw to prevent myself from moaning out loud. My face heats up as Leon's eyes bore into mine.
I feel tears pricking angrily at the corners of my eyes.
"You fucking bastard!" I scream, my hoarse voice catching in my throat.
Now he's done it. Now I've done it. It sounds like the entire lunchroom is specifically fixated on our table. He rubs me hard in a matter of a few seconds before I finally wrestle out of his grip, storming away, ignoring Leon's wide eyes.
Sick, demented freak. I hate him. I never knew he would go so low as to fucking arouse me in public.
Stupid bastard. That was getting back at me, but for what? Being friendly? It's not like I was advancing on Leon or anything. I was holding hands and everything with him. Him! Not Leon.
I sniffed loudly as I reached one of the school's bathroom, slamming the door into the first stall and sitting against the wall, head hiding in my knees. I wasn't really hard enough for a release. In fact, the heat that had started to build became an unnoticeable simmer. He hadn't really gone to the point of no return. Thank God I escaped.
But just the fact that he...
God I hate him. Leave it to Riku to be the one to fuck things up when we were okay for the time being.
I knew I had to stop. What high school boy cowered in the bathroom, crying?
I wasn't really crying, mostly just furiously blinking back tears.
Thoroughly mortified twice in one day; I hope they are both fucking happy. I hope they can sleep at night, knowing that they fucking ruined my life.
I know I sound like a damn drama queen right now, but that's exactly what it feels like.
Shit. Leon probably won't ever speak to me again. Besides, I'm too humiliated to talk to him again.
Riku was never going to hear the end of it from me when we got home.
Never. He better hope his bedroom door locks and that he owns a pair of headphones, because he is never going to hear the end of it from me.
The bell sounds obnoxiously, echoing against the tiled bathroom walls, making me jump in shock.
Fuck. Time to face the entire school again. I'm still in disbelief that Riku did that. I must really have pissed him off earlier.
This is our relationship from hell.
Slowly, I stand to my feet, stretching my cramped muscles. I unlock the stall door and check my haughty appearance in the dirty mirror, inspecting my eyes. Luckily, I don't look like I've been crying. At least one thing is working in my favor.
I head towards my next classroom with my head down, intently watching my feet.
Damnit. I left my bag at the lunch table.
Great. And I thought things were looking up for me. I guess not.
I slide into a chair towards the back of the room of my next class, trying to be as discreet as possible. I refuse to attract more attention to mine and Riku's demise than already has.
Thanks to that stupid dick, I am completely unprepared for class. Not like it matters anyway.
It's not like I pay attention.
I hate school. I don't understand why the hell he takes these difficult, college-level classes. I suppose I technically could apply for those classes, but there's too much tedious work and studying.
An audible sigh escapes my lips and I fold my arms across my wooden desk, resting my spinning head against the cool surface. This first day has been more eventful and distressing than I'm used to. Usually, our pathetic and useless conflicts last a few minutes of the day, though they seem purposely scheduled either in the morning where I am forced to endure the guilt ebbing in my side for the entire day, or at night so we both have to grudgingly sleep in the same bed.
Our relationship must really be disintegrating if we can't hold off of each other for an entire day. It's been nonstop bickering since this morning. It's pathetic.
Someone prods me in the back with their forefinger, something I promptly ignore. I'm in a bitter mood and I really don't feel like talking to anyone.
The prodding continues and finally, my simmering anger boils over.
"Fuck off-"
I clap a hand to my mouth, eyes wide open with astonishment, mentally cursing my damn tongue. The finger belonged to none other than Leon.
"S-sorry," I mumbled, trying to hide my face. My cheeks are flooded with humiliation.
How many times have I been publicly humiliated today? Once because of Kairi and her obnoxious mouth, once because of Riku and his unexpected bout of jealousy, and then finally, by my own damn stupidity.
Damnit, damnit, damnit.
"You left your bag," he says indifferently, reaching down and lifting my black and silver backpack off the floor.
"T-thanks," I mumble gratefully, interesting myself intently on the lined patterns of the wooden desk. I'm still infuriated with myself.
"Do you guys always fight this badly?" He asks, leaning back heavily in his seat, crossing his arms.
I glance up nervously, meeting his steady gaze. He doesn't look annoyed, just thoughtful.
I nod, my eyes saddening. "We didn't used to be this bad," I explain, nimbly fingering the wooden strands decorating the desk. "It used to be...nice...now's it just-"
"Sex?"
My head shoots up and my eyes widen with fright, my mouth agape. "I...uhh...what?" I stammer, disbelieving the words that he had just uttered.
Leon shrugs, brushing his blonde bangs out of his eyes to stare at me with his direct, piercing eyes. "I've heard some things," he explains.
I can't help it. The tears that I've managed to disclose this entire miserable day finally falter. Tears start briskly running down my tan cheeks.
I was utterly stupid to believe that maybe he wouldn't hear anything about my infamous reputation. Steady streams of gossip and cruel curses have followed me since my first break-up with Riku. Rumors have spread like a wild fire around the school; they got around as much as I did.
Still, I hadn't expected them to reach Leon before the first day of school had even finished.
He stared at me, completely dumbfounded at my unforeseen reaction.
He sits straight up in his chair, hand instinctively brushing my hair out of my waterlogged eyes.
"I didn't mean anything by it," he says earnestly. I shake my head, tears springing into the air.
A brisk snap of a ruler against the white board secures my attention and I turn numbly in the seat, head cowering in my arms as the tears blatantly refuse to stop.
Everything I am contained in that one, notorious word. Whore.
Slut. Whatever the fuck they want to call it.
Self-loathing withers my already low self-esteem away. I'm diminished to mere skin and bones, incapable of feelings other than lust, rage, and dejection.
Leon chooses to mind his own business, for which I'm grateful for. I need time to gather my bearings again.
Crying on the first day of school.
Well, there's a first time for everything.
The bell rings and I feel like I've been wallowing in my own self-pity for only a few, mere seconds.
I sling my bag across my shoulder and start forward, hopelessly trying to vacate the room before Leon could unintentionally devalue me again.
My tears have finally subsided, but I sure as hell don't trust them not to return. I just want to go home.
Shit. That means Riku's place. I don't have another place to go unless I aimlessly wander around the glum streets and feebly curl into a ball in a gutter somewhere.
Leon is following close behind, eager to pull me aside and figure out why his comment had troubled me. I walk faster, narrowly dodging elbows and scurrying bodies as students stream out of their classrooms.
I'm hoping I can evade him in the clustering hallway.
Of course, it's just me and my wishful thinking.
He's in my next period. Gym, of all classes. Where my mischievous eyes can scrounge his body hungrily.
I know he didn't mean to hurt my feelings when he made the sudden comment, and I wasn't really upset with him. I was angry at the world. Angry because my constant struggles to find a meaningful relationship are never-ending.
And angry because in worldly terms, it meant that I was tramp.
He doesn't pester me for information, but he hovers behind me like he's aching to figure me out. This whole day has been so mortifying though. I just can't face him. And plus, I'm still seething at Riku.
I've gone from anger to humiliation to desolation back to anger again. I'm exhausted already. I dress out numbly, focusing intently on pulling my gym shorts over my slim hips.
I'm almost dangerously skinny, thinner than most of the girls that go to this forsaken school. And there's literally not an ounce of fat on my body. I have average defined muscles, just enough to ward off a common speculation that I'm anorexic. That's exactly how frail my body looked.
The whole damn female population of the school had thought at one point, that I was anorexic.
As morbid as this sounds...I self-mutilate myself, whether it was desperately cutting to feel alive or whatever the fuck people like that said, or cruelly punishing my stomach by forcing myself to retch. Morbid.
It's never enough to really punish myself, just enough to remind me that I'm human.
My stomach twists uncomfortably just thinking about it. It's sick. I get easily nauseated, hence my passing out after getting jumped by the gang. Endless physical pain is too...gradual. If I ever became so inanely desperate that I felt the clawing urge to cripple my own body, it would be something quick and painless.
Luckily, I had never demolished my esteem to the point of no return. But I had increasingly started to close the gap between simply proclaiming my uncertainty to taking action.
To be completely honest, I don't think much of myself physically. My comment about hating my smile, the one that made Riku inwardly roll his eyes, was just one of my features that I hated about myself.
It was just too big, too wide...
And too fake.
My eyes. I adored the color, I really did, but they were also too big. I felt like they took up half my face.
My knees. Knobby and lightly scarred from my childhood, scraping limbs against the rough pavement.
The least I could say for myself was, at least I was proportionate.
This is how poorly I regard myself.
Worse than a girl, I know.
Maybe this was the consequence of getting around. It's not like I meant anything more than a piece of ass to any of my dates anyway. So I suppose that after months of exposing myself to their reckless words started to rub off on me.
I'm the last one out of the locker room.
Or so I thought. As I lazily shut my locker, tossing the lock inside because I can't remember the dumb combination anyways, I realize Leon is still standing a few feet away.
His arms are crossed and he leans heavily against a set of lockers. "Sorry about earlier," he says in a rough voice.
I cringe at his pity. I don't need it. But I sigh, gingerly lifting my head to look directly into his eyes.
For a while, I've forgotten the persona that I've been playing up. I flash a smile, knowing that it didn't quite meet my eyes.
"Don't worry about it," I assure him, shrugging. "I get it a lot. It's not like I don't deserve it."
He frowns, his eyes narrowing in a fierce glare at my frank disposition.
"Why demoralize yourself?"
"Why do you care?" I didn't mean to sound so hostile, but Leon was confusing me. I just didn't understand what he wanted from me, what he was playing at. No one before him had cared about my tainted name.
He shrugs, ignoring the irritation in my voice. "We should get out of here before people start thinking we're doing stuff in here," he comments, walking briskly across the room.
I don't really give a shit what they think anymore. But for his sake and unadulterated reputation, I agree solemnly.
Did I mention before that I hated school? Well, I did, and gym was no exception.
Mostly, I kept to myself, refused to participate in flag football or any other sport that would allow some perverted freak to grope me. At least I had some virtue left. Though only marginally.
I kept my distance from him, and he did the same to me. I really had to think some things over.
Starting with Riku.
With Leon leaving me to my own mangled thoughts, I returned my attention on Riku and his barbarous behavior. Without a distraction to distant my thoughts, I immediately plotted revenge on his low attack.
He's angered me before, but he had never accomplished this much of a retaliation from me.
That's because he took it too far.
I didn't speak to Leon for the rest of the day, too preoccupied in my own scrambled thoughts.
When the bell rang, instead of venturing out to the school parking lot to accompany him home, I pivoted on my heel and took to the beige sidewalk, just strolling, sparing my time before I had to face his malice.
Or my malice. He probably knew it was coming.
I'm not paying attention where I'm walking, I'm too immersed in my own raging mind to notice anything, when I slam into what feels like a brick wall. I gasp, losing my balance and falling ungracefully to the ground.
"Ow," I hiss, rubbing my shoulder irritably as I look up to see who or what I walked into.
It's Axel, someone you could easily pick out of a crowd, what with his bright red spikes that jets down his back, making him look like an oversized porcupine.
"Fuck, Sora, you okay?" He offers a strong hand, which I take gratefully.
"M'alright," I mutter, brushing off dirt from my shirt and stooping over to collect my fallen bag.
He looks at me with these piercing green eyes, so much like Riku's, narrowed in thin slits like he's suspicious about something.
"What are you doing walking home?" He asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets and striding along as if we had been talking the entire time. "I thought that..."
I roll my eyes. "He's an asshole," I snap bitterly, cutting him off, "in case you didn't notice at lunch."
Axel gave me this hopeless look, sighing deeply. "So...what's up with you and this Squall guy?"
I snap my head up and glare icily at him, growling low in my throat. "Nothing. Whatever shit you've heard from Riku isn't true. He's just being an insensitive, jealous bastard," I retort.
"Kairi, actually," he admits, ignoring the sharpness of my tongue. "And she didn't say anything, she was just curious who you were trying to impress."
I roll my eyes moodily. I can't do anything about Kairi, but I sure as hell can kick Riku in his place. Quite literally, actually.
"Let's not indulge ourselves into the deep meaning of my sex life," I suggested mockingly.
I was already angry with two of my friends, and Axel meant nothing by it either. He was just curious. Everyone was. Although it was old news, there was always a string of curiosity that drew people in.
"What about you and Roxas?"
Axel shrugged, smiling appreciatively. "We're good," he says, nodding his head. "Better, actually. Not as interesting as you and your little facades though."
I wind up for a moment and punch him hard in the arm, being rewarded with a soft grunt.
"You pack a solid punch, punk," he comments in a bemused tone. "Riku better watch out."
You have no fucking idea.
Axel more or less walks me to Riku's house. Apparently, he's also heard that I got jumped a few weeks ago when I was out walking by myself.
Good God. What else does Riku confine in all his moronic friends?
Axel's taut little comments have just added to the trembling anger that's dormant inside me. Just more to take out on Riku.
Because, fuck, after today, he deserves it.
That was it.
Like I said, there's an obvious maturity difference between Sora and Riku. Next chapter will be an infamous SoraRiku fight, then who knows what else.
Please review. Remember, anything, concerns, spelling errors, ideas, thoughts and anonymous comments are all appreciated!