DISCLAIMER: I do not own Code Lyoko or its characters.
A/N: pleeeeease if you read this, review. I like knowing what I should/need to do to make this better. Just no flames please, you can be sweet and give constructive criticism at the same time, I believe in you
Yumi sat quietly on the soft ground, attempting to find the words she needed to carry on.
She felt the eyes of the other, nearby mourning families on her. Still she sat, not moving; wondering if opening old wounds, painfully deep cuts that reached her heart and soul, would really help her move on. Then again, had she ever truly recovered in the first place?
She shifted her weight, and pulled her legs up to sit on her knees. With shaking hands, she took each little piece of ribbon and tied it in a bow, then lay in carefully on her lap.
She found her voice.
"In case you were wondering, they're all white because we didn't get to find out the sex of any of them…so they're 'our little angels'…That's what we had engraved on the memorial. Nothing big, just something we had done for Cache'; and after this last…this last loss, we decided so many fragile souls needed to be remembered in some way. Even if it's only on a small marble stone in the garden mom and I started together, the day Ulrich and I signed the papers for our first home…" Yumi laughed.
"Mom had gone to the store and pulled up as the realtor was leaving," she giggled, "so the realtor got to see mother hop out of her car wearing this ridiculously oversized, red hat. Which didn't, by the way, match her bright orange tennis shoes, or the pink capris partnered with a homemade tee-shirt that I had made for her in the 3rd grade. Do you remember? It had my handprints on the back in purple paint, and on the front it said 'Proud mommy of Little Yumi'…Only the L was backwards because I had insisted on writing it out myself…" Her laughter faded.
"I can't seem to relate to that little girl anymore. I don't feel as though she was my past just that I stood by and watched hers. I want to protect her. Every tie I had to my childhood was broken along with my arm, and when I look back there's just…just that little girl I can't help." This time her eyes stayed dry.
Yumi let the little ribbons slip into the ground.
"You tormented us even after it was all over. Momma had terrible nightmares….always the same. You came to the door, the young man she fell in love with pleading with her. Begging for her to take you back. And she did. She said things would go dark then and she'd wake up and swear she caught a glimpse of you in her room before she turned the light on…" Yumi pulled a picture from the bottom of the box.
"This was taken of mom and me 3 months ago. We had a girl's day, just us two. I convinced her she wasn't too horrid looking to get her picture taken on the pier with me. The Ferris wheel was glowing behind us. She looks beautiful. We weren't thriving by any means. You still had this unexplainable hold on us both; but there on the pier, the sun setting and the wind blowing just enough that we both reached up to keep our hats on, we were whole. In love with our new lives, happy, really smiling; perfect and whole." This picture Yumi kissed and slid into the pocket of her dress.
"You don't get that part of us. I just…I just needed you to know that you never truly defeated us. And that you may have taken her from me but you can't take that day. That moment when we both new it was okay. That we would be alright.
The police said you just walked through the front door. She must have thought it was me. I was supposed to come over later for coffee and cake but I often surprised her on our little dates by showing up early. She didn't scream. The neighbor who walked past and saw you standing in the doorway with the gun to your head said that mom just stood there. Just watching you. Her neighbor of course didn't want to alert you so she just ran back to her home to call the police. I wonder if she had said something or screamed, if you would have just ended it for yourself. If mom had just kept quiet maybe you would have just done what you had gone to do. In therapy they say that often time suicide is way to affect or get at other people. Of course that's what you would do it for; just one more thing to haunt her. The cops said you were sobbing over her on the floor. Just rocking back and forth saying 'she forgave me, the bitch said she forgives me!'. Maybe she had hoped I would hear about it. So I'd know what I needed to do." Yumi took a deep breath and released it slowly, "You shot yourself before the police could stop you."
This time Yumi took a piece of folded notebook paper from the box, unfolded it, and read aloud.
"I realize now that the only thing giving you any power over me, was my own unwillingness to let go of all the pain you have caused me. But in the light of my mothers undying courage and unending love for even the darkest of beasts, I have found the strength to follow her lead. I forgive you Daddy. For everything. I only hope I can forgive myself as easily, for the years wasted on building my hate…" Yumi let a few tears wet the paper before letting in to drop in the grave.
She stood with the box in her hand, a piece of her father she would never let go, that had never really slipped in the dark; and in her pocket, the reminder that she had every bit as much strength as her mother.
Ulrich got out of the car and opened the passenger door for her, she kissed him in thanks. He smiled and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.
"Say all you needed to?"
She smiled.
"Yes…You are wonderful you know that don't you?"
He smiled.
"Only because I have you to keep me floating." They kissed again. This one longer, an understanding kiss. One that said more than a million words ever could.
When they pulled apart Yumi settled into the passenger seat of the car. There was a fluttering in her chest, she was excited.
When Ulrich got in and fastened his seatbelt she glanced at the back seat, then looked at him.
"I am so sorry I put us through all of this." He took her hand and kissed it.
"You didn't do anything wrong."
He would always be her defender…She smiled and looked out the window as he started the car.
The was a new light to everything. Almost as if this new world of hers were shining..
"I changed my mind…" She said suddenly without fully realizing she had decided to.
"About what?"
"Remember I said only one? One child was enough? I changed my mind…Ulrich I want to fill our house with them! I want at least four.." She laughed as he smiled, and squeezed her hand.
"You want to try again then?" She could tell he was trying hard to fight the relief he felt.
"Oh, yes. I want a family…" Yumi smiled and looked out of the window again, towards the sinking sun, "I want to fill our home with lovely light.."