Chapter 4: Riley

My birth should never have happened. My parents weren't in love; they were searching for love and in the process had me. My dad Earl was married before my parents met and they had a son together, but his first wife couldn't deal with his drinking, so she left him. Earl was upset that I wasn't a boy and my mom, Abby was only 18 when I was born, drop out of high school and struggling to make things work between her and him. My mom moved us around all the time and tried to keep my dad away from drinking and other woman, but nothing ever worked. The night before we moved to Tulsa, she got into a fight with him and he smacked her. That was the last straw for Abby, she packed up her stuff and left. She promised me she'd be back for me, once she was settled in New York I would come live with her.

I know Ponyboy and his brothers said I was welcome at their house, but I didn't feel right leeching off of other people. I left that morning before any of them woke up. At school, everyone told me Ponyboy had been asking about me, but I avoided him. I used make up to cover my black eye the best I could and I didn't want it talked about school. I knew that what my dad was doing wasn't right, but I also knew that sometimes when people get mad they accidentally take their anger out on other people. I just had to survive a few weeks of torture and then mom would send for me. I would move to New York and I'd never have to think about Tulsa, or Earl, or Ponyboy and his beautiful dark eyes and sweet smile...

I was able to avoid Ponyboy for a month. Sure, Earl got mad at me a few times and pushed me around, but if I basically stayed in my room, he would leave me alone. I learned to stay out of Earl's way; it was easier than running away every night. Like I said, we'd been living in Tulsa for almost two months, I thought by now mom would have sent for me, Earl and she went through dissolution, so it only took about a month for all the paper work to be finished.

I remember when I walked into the house that day after school, the whole place seemed like cheaper beer; it was disgusting. I had planned to just walk to my room and avoid even looking into the kitchen, Earl's favorite spot in the house...sometimes I wondered if he slept in there. As I walked by, Earl threw a beer bottle towards me, but it shattered on the wall next to me, forcing me to turn around and stop.

"Worthless..." Earl spat at me. "Good for nothing...what the hell am I suppose to do with a bitch like you?"

I stared at him. "Mom is going to send for me soon...then you can pretend I never existed...go find your son and forget me."

Earl laughed as he threw a handful of papers at me. "She doesn't want you...who would want a pain in the ass like you..."

I got onto my knees and looked at the papers in front of me. They were the final papers for Earl and mom's dissolution...she had given sole custody of me to Earl, no visitation...no nothing...how could 

this be? My vision started to get cloudy from tears as I sniffed and tried to figure out Abby's reason for this.

"Shut the hell up!" Earl roared as he threw another bottle at me, this one hitting right in front of my feet.

My head was screaming run, get out of here before he throws another one; but my heart wouldn't let me move. I was too stunned by this realization to even protect myself; I just sat there mortified by the news and weeping in pain.

Earl walked up to me and slapped me across the head, slamming my head into the doorway. I screamed in pain, I wasn't bleeding or bruised, it just hurt very badly. I kept my head against the doorway, crying, holding my head, and in my head I was begging him to just leave me alone.

"Shut the hell up now or I'll make it you never see the light of day again!" He roared at me and kicked me in the stomach. I clutched to my stomach for a minute, then grabbed the paper and flew out the door. I think what they say about having super human strength in a time of need is true because even though I had just had the wind knocked out of me, I ran faster than I ever had in my life.

Without knowing it, I was heading towards Ponyboy's house. I guess it was an instinct, I had felt safe there that night. But they would get annoyed with this girl running there all the time needing a place to sleep. Besides I hadn't talk to Ponyboy in over a month...he probably wanted nothing to do with me; I had blown him off like he was nothing.

When I finally stopped, I was on Ponyboy's block. Wow...I didn't mean to head over here. I look around and find an empty lot full of random trash and a back seat from a car. I walk over there and sit down, pulling out the paper and studying it.

It was Abby's signature...I use to watch her sign checks for bills and worry about if the money would be in the bank by the time the person got them. It felt like a piece of my heart was gone, this gabbing hole that throbbed and beat inside my chest. I never felt a pain like this before...I wish I had better words to explain how empty and incomplete I felt. Abby didn't want me...Early didn't want me...No one wanted me. What was I going to do?

"Hey!" Someone yelled at me from the sidewalk. I turned my head, ready to take off a moment's notice as I watched the black figure walk to me. It was Ponyboy, in blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. He looked surprised to see me. "Riley?"

I wiped my eyes. "Hey Ponyboy...what are you doing out here?"

He looked around than looked back at me. "Umm...I live down the street...remember?"

I sighed. "Oh yeah...right..."



He sat down next to me, I could smell the scent of smoke on him and it made me want a cigarette badly, but I had left my pack at home in my coat pocket. I looked at him and tried to force myself to smile. "Got a cigarette I can bum?"

He held out his pack and a lighter. I took one out and lit it, taking a long drag and inhaling as much of the smoke I could. I felt light headed at the first hit, that's why I loved to smoke...that light headed feeling made me feel at peace, if only for a moment. Ponyboy took one out and lit one himself as I sat there, not wanting my high to end.

"Riley...are you ok? You look like you've been crying."

I didn't look at him. "It's nothing..." I took another drag of my cigarette and hoped he wouldn't ask more...I knew he cared, but I didn't want to admit out loud no one wanted me.

"Get in your dad's way again?"

I half laughed at Ponyboy's comment...in my dad's way...I didn't have a dad...I had an Earl and I was always in Earl's way. I looked over at him. "Yeah...something like that..." I tried to smile and looked back down at the paper I was holding.

Ponyboy noticed my gaze. "What's that?"

I looked back up, but not at Ponyboy...if I looked at him I would cry, I didn't need to cry to him. "My parent's dissolution papers...they're officially no longer married as of today."

He took my hand. "I'm sorry Riley...bet it's hard..."

I looked down at my hand and watched as a tear from my eye landed on his hand and splat into a million pieces; god I wanted to be that tear. "It's been almost two months since I moved here...she was suppose to send for me after she got settled in New York...I would live with her...happy and away from Earl."

Ponyboy rubbed my hand. "I'm sure she'll send any time now..."

I half laughed and half cried and turned to face him. "Look at the paper Ponyboy...she gave all rights to me to Earl..." I sniffed as I turned away, anger building in my voice. "She doesn't want me! He doesn't want me! Nobody wants me!" I pulled my hand away from his and put them to my face, sobbing uncontrollable; I struggled to breathe through sobs that racked my body in slightly violent shakes.

Ponyboy threw his arms around me and held me tight to his chest, trying to get me to stop shaking. "I want you Riley...I want you move then anything..."

I stopped crying when he said that. Someone wanted me? Impossible! I still struggled to catch my breath as I lifted my head up and looked into his eyes. His dark eyes were comforting...I felt safe next to him and looking into his eyes. This boy made me feel like I had never felt before, complete and 

welcomed; my parents fought so much and moved around so much I never felt complete or welcomed anywhere. It felt so good to feel that way and I didn't want it to end.

I don't know how it happened; I can't even remember moving closer to him like I had. Our bodies were pushed against each other and my hands had moved to his shoulders and were gripping them tight as if I had let go he would disappear. We were looking into each other's eyes and it felt warm and safe there. He put his hand to my cheek and wiped away my last tear, then he leaned in and he kissed me.

It felt like a bolt of lightning crashed into me. I suddenly felt warmer and safer. His arms were wrapped around me and holding me close to him. I gripped tight back to him, not wanting this moment or feeling to end. His lips on mine felt right and perfect. It was as if the world around us disappeared and it was just him and I in oblivion. No harm could come to us here, I was safe...I was safe with Ponyboy.