Chapter 156- All The Young Dudes (that Skulduggery consistently scares away)- David Bowie
Valkyrie tries to date.
My God, she tries.
It's not like she chases every man she meets, by any means. No, she would sometimes meet a guy, maybe on the job, maybe in the sanctuary, or even a few mortals. They talk. They laugh. They flirt. Drinks are suggested by one and the offer is happily accepted by the other and Valkyrie thinks "maybe this will actually work out."
Of course, then there's the slight problem of the skeleton.
Skulduggery Pleasant. Valkyrie's best friend and partner in crime and the preventing of crime in equal parts. Her mentor, idol and protector since she was twelve; her soul mate. Until the end, those two.
Of course, never once in their vowed "until the end"s had it ever been even implied that this meant Valkyrie could never have another man in her life ever again. But that was how Skulduggery was taking it, as of late.
He wasn't being a control freak. He wasn't being horrible and shooting any man in the face that came within four metres of his Valkyrie. No, that wasn't him (sort of). He was just scaring them away and cackling about it later. Valkyrie knew, deep down (very, very deep down), that he was just trying to protect her, make sure she'd found the right man, but my god did the constant irritating (albeit hilarious for onlookers) putting-off make her wish Skulduggery had skin just so she could stab him.
The first time wasn't too bad. She was flirting with a young sanctuary medic at a crime scene, Christopher Strange, his name was. They were on the cusp of exchanging phone numbers, when Valkyrie's phone rang. She smiled apologetically at the young lad and answered the phone.
"Valkyrie," Skulduggery whispered down the phone, sounding panicked. Valkyrie's heartbeat instantly quickened.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Come quickly."
"Oh god, are you okay?"
"I don't know, just hurry. I'm in the Bentley."
Valkyrie hung up and turned and ran to the car, throwing a quick "Sorry, see you later!" across her shoulder. She didn't hear the reply.
Valkyrie wrenched the Bentley door open and jumped in, turning to Skulduggery who looked quite at ease.
"What's wrong? Are you alright?"
Skulduggery didn't reply, and instead drove off from the crime scene. They took country roads at a leisurely speed until they reached the outskirts of Dublin, upon which Skulduggery rolled the Bentley to a gentle stop outside a little ice-cream shop.
"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie asked, frowning at Skulduggery who was looking out the windscreen rather calmly. "What the hell's going on?"
Skulduggery turned to look at her.
"Lovely day, isn't it?"
Valkyrie frowned. "What?"
"I said, 'Lovely day, isn't it?'. Nice and sunny. You must be warm."
"Uh..."
"You know what I'm going to do?"
"...What?"
"I'm going to get you an ice-cream."
"What?"
Before Valkyrie could demand further explanation, Skulduggery was out of the car and striding to the ice-cream shop. Valkyrie stared after him, completely baffled. He returned a few minutes later, hopping into the car and handing her a rather large strawberry ice-cream, complete with a rabbit face constructed from two chocolate Flakes and some chocolate buttons.
"It's a rabbit," Skulduggery pointed out, nodding proudly.
Valkyrie held the ice-cream, staring at Skulduggery.
"What?" Skulduggery asked, sounding confused.
"What do you mean 'What?'?" Valkyrie demanded. "You rang me, sounding completely freaked out, and when I left a really cute guy standing there so I could go and see if you were okay, you drove off and bought me an ice-cream."
Skulduggery paused, and then turned to face forward, starting the Bentley and pulling away from the curb.
"I didn't like him," he said simply as they cruised down the street.
Valkyrie blinked. "What?"
"That boy. You were talking to. I didn't like the look of him."
"Are you seri-"
"His ears, Valkyrie. They didn't look like the kind of ears a man could trust. I didn't trust those ears."
Valkyrie stared some more, processing this information, and then a slow, disbelieving smile spread across her face.
"Did you just pull me away from a crime-scene in the most ridiculous way possible to get me away from a boy?"
"I will gladly save you from the machinations of any boy who has untrustworthy ears."
"Oh my god, you actually rushed me from a crime scene to keep me away from a boy."
"...Eat your ice-cream."
"You're unbelievable," Valkyrie said, dumbfounded. She bit the top off one of the make-shift rabbit ears.
Skulduggery turned to look at her, and spoke after a few moments. "You're too young for boys."
"Skulduggery, I'm eighte-"
"Wait until you're at least one hundred and twenty, then we'll see."
"I hate you."
"But I bought you ice-cream."
Valkyrie considered this, licking the ice-cream to see whether it was worthy or not of her forgiving Skulduggery. She decided it was.
"It was very sweet."
"What, the ice-cream?"
"No, you moron. You. Saving my poor innocent self from some evil boy."
Skulduggery nodded, patting Valkyrie's leg consolingly. "All boys are evil, Valkyrie. Never forget that."
Valkyrie smiled as she took a bite from the other flake.
"Where would I be without you?"
"With some maleficent boy, no doubt."
"Oh, heaven forbid."
"Agreed, my dear Valkyrie. Agreed."