"What do you want, Stark?" Loki asked as he took a bite of his apple, not even looking up from his book as Tony sat at his table.

"I've been thinking – "

"Congratulations," Loki drolled. "Would you like me to phone the press?"

"Nah. I'll have my P.A. do it later," Tony grinned.

Loki put down his book and set his icy stare on Tony. Tony's grin faltered slightly. "Is there an actual reason you've decided to invade my space or do you just enjoy the attention?" Loki questioned as he nodded his head in the general direction of the rest of the world.

Tony looked over his shoulder only to note that Loki was indeed correct. He was the center of attention. A usually noisy and chaotic cafeteria of adolescents had suddenly become as quiet as a library with only the scraping of chairs and a whisper or two to break the silence.

Now Tony was used to being the center of attention. He was accustomed to people taking notice. Not Loki.

Beneath Loki's cool and unexpressive stare, he was having a panic attack. Loki chose this table for one reason and one reason alone: it was away from everyone else. Sure seventh period lunch had less students than, say, fourth period, but it was still an unreasonable number to Loki.

He sat in the back where no one could spot him if a crazy axe murderer decided to go on rampage. It was close enough to two exit doors and by several large… things (Loki could never figure out what they were) that could easily hide Loki from the above mentioned rampager.

But what made Loki's spot so convenient when filled with students was what made it so inconvenient when they all stared at him. Loki's table was good because it was surrounded on three sides by idiots. But each side had perfect view of his table if anyone bothered to look at the back corner. As they were currently doing.

Tony merely waved at the students. "Hi."

"Hello!" came a voice from within the crowd causing the lunch room to erupt in laughter. Tension broken and life returned to normal, Tony could proudly say it was a job well done. But before he could pat himself on the back, (or get Loki to pat him on the back) Loki had gone.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Loki had to use all his willpower not to run down the hall. Firstly, he was pretty sure running in hallways was still frowned upon. And B, he didn't want anyone thinking he was in any way affected by Tony's antics.

It was clear that Tony's only intention was to embarrass him. Not that Loki expected anything else. Tony Stark was a self described jack-ass. He didn't need to do anything physically harming. No, Stark used psychological warfare. And Loki read enough books to know that that was the worst kind.

If he wants war, Loki thought to himself as he practically strutted down the hall, then he sure to hell was gonna get a war. Loki may have avoided pranking Tony but he certainly wasn't going to anymore. His car. Loki could do something to his car.

"Hey."

Loki didn't react.

"Hey!"

Nope.

"IBM!"

Loki stopped but didn't turn around. Tony stood a good ten feet away.

"Did you expect me not to know your shirt was a floppy disk?" Tony snarked.

"What do you want?" Loki all but yelled. The hallway was empty but that didn't mean this (hopefully nonexistent) conversation would be heard in nearby classrooms. Loki might not care about a lot of things but the last thing he needed now was getting caught roaming the halls.

Tony held out his hand to reveal a bag of carrots. "You forgot your lunch," he said while tossing the bag.

Loki snatched the carrots from the air without turning around and returned to storming off. "Woah, that was cool," Tony said to himself as he followed Loki. "Look, I'm sorry if I interrupted your lunch, alright. I didn't realize the entire lunchroom would stop functioning if I sat at your table."

Loki whirled around to face Tony causing the teen to bump into him. "Of course it would. What did you expect would happen when the 'great Tony Stark' sat down next to the greatest social pariah to ever grace the halls of this sad excuse for higher learning?" Loki hissed. "Did you expect the lunchroom to applause for your gallant charity? Or perhaps you were hoping no one would notice. You're not invisible, Stark. You go out of your way to get attention. This was no different, now leave me alone."

Tony blinked.

That shut him up.

"I just want to help."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, what?"

Tony's trademark grin was back. "Help," he said. "You know… help! I need somebody…Help! Not just anybody – "

Loki shoved his hand over Tony's mouth. "Please refrain from destroying the perfection that is Lennon/McCartney."

Loki returned his hand to its rightful place only to reveal a still grinning Tony.

"Stop that."

"I'm not allowed to smile?"

"You're not smiling, you're plotting. You're scheming. And I refuse to be part of your little experiment," Loki said as he slowly backed away from Tony.

"What if I told you I could make high school a million times better for you?" Tony asked. He shoved his hands in his pockets as if to feign indifference.

Loki didn't react. His face remained blank.

The gears in his head were turning.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

True, high school sucked. But Loki survived everyday with hardly a scratch. His idiot brother Thor saw to that. But what exactly was Tony offering him? It's not like he could erase all the horrible things Loki had done. Loki doubted Tony had enough money to pay everyone off. Not with his track record.

Considering his brother thought high school was fantastic, Loki began to analyze what Thor had that he didn't:

1. A girlfriend. Probably not the best way to start the list. Sometimes Thor and Jane were content other times they hated each other. Not sure how that made school life better. Sure, Thor had someone to root for him on game days but he also had everyone else in school. There was also… other stuff. But Loki didn't want to think of his brother doing… things.

2. Minions. Perhaps politically incorrect but Loki was pretty sure if he ever tried for friends they'd be nothing more than minions. Someone to do the dirty work he was too bored to do. Isn't that what Thor did anyway? Didn't he push things off on Sif and the Warriors Three? And since he was on the subject, what kind of name is Sif and the Warriors Three? If anything it was Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three. Or the Five Fucking Idiots Who Deserve A Slow and Painful Death. Or FFIWDASLAPD for short.

3. Muscle mass. That would be impossible for Loki. He knows. He's tried. His father pointed out to him nearly everyday that he was hardly as physically strong as Thor. His father practically called him a runt. And then if, by some miracle, Loki would be able to achieve physiology similar to Thor he'd have to buy new t-shirts and Loki really didn't want to do that.

4. Adoration. Thor was loved by everyone. That went in hand with everything else, didn't it? Nobody liked Loki. Thor did but he had to. That's not true. But Thor always was weird. Loki's teachers liked him. They thought he was clever and they appreciated the fact that he got their jokes and references. But that's what made him hated by everyone else.

5...

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Oh no. I broke him.

Fuck.

Shit.

Thor is going to kill me.

No! Yes. No. First he's going to gouge out my eyes. Actually, that seems a bit too complicated for the big guy. He'll probably punch me in the face repeatedly. That's much more likely. Until you can't tell it's my face. Oh, my beautiful face!

Then he'll break each single finger, individually. He'll probably let those weird friends of his do the fingers. And then. THEN.

Then he'd kill me.

Unless he wants to keep me alive as a lesson to everyone not to mess with his brother. That sounds like a Thor thing to do. He could keep me around and anytime someone gets an idea he'd say, "Have you forgotten Tony Stark? The heathen who broke my brother?" and then he'd pull on my leash and show my now unrecognizable, once beautiful, face.

Oh God. This is bad. This is bad. This is very very bad.

"And how exactly do you plan on doing this?"

Tony blinked and realized Loki was addressing him. What was probably five seconds to Loki felt like an hour to Tony who properly began to panic. Tony replied with an enthusiastic, "Huh?"

Loki bit his bottom lip and avoided eye contact all together. Interesting. "How exactly do you plan on making" – Loki waved his arms about – "this… bearable?"

"By following the Stark 5 point plan. Patent pending."

The two boys eyed each other warily. Or more accurately, Loki eyed Tony warily while Tony gave his best "I'm just a good Samaritan, please don't murder me" smile.

The bell rang but neither boy moved. Doors began to open and students clamored out ready to get to their next class and out of school.

"Fine," Loki answered, shoving his hands in his pockets and turning into a classroom.

Tony let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. It worked. His plan worked. Sort of. His plan wasn't quite in action but he got permission which was just as wonderful. It was practically brilliant.

Tony began to laugh triumphantly causing his fellow classmates to stare at him. But Tony didn't care. He grabbed a poor kid's backpack and shook it vigorously whilst yelling, "I'm a genius!"

He sung in the halls and was properly shoved into his last class by Rhodey who was only taking Metalsmithing because Tony said it was a blow off class.

"When I was younger, so much younger than today – "

"Shut up!"

Author's Note: Yesterday was a crazy day and I couldn't find time to write. Hopefully grammar, spelling, and tense is all right. Also, everyone go watch Help! I don't even know why I had the biggest urge to rewatch it while I was writing this but it's a great film. Unless you like movies that make some logical sense. Then you're missing out. This is all unimportant information. So ignore me and enjoy.