I still don't own Naruto, or my little pony, or jello. I do however own a packet of blue jello which is totally the best jello flavor ever.

"And make sure to name your culinary masterpieces!" The counselors voice drifted back

Everyone glanced around at the various baskets stacked high with food and the magical microwaves, stoves, and ovens that were somehow running outside despite the lack of electricity, or even sockets. And then they got to work, creating the worst food products possible to avoid having to get the scary pink prize Thing. That's right, it's so freaky it gets a capital T. Look upon it, ye mortals, and despair! Ia Ia pink pony Thing Ftaghn! Yes. That is what I say. Moving on! Let's take a look at each contestant in turn. We'll start with Kiba!

Kiba had cheerfully filled a large pot full of Cheez Wiz and set it on top of the stove. As it melted into an unspeakable gooey mess, he gleefully added handfuls of marshmallows, giggling like man on the edge, before emptying most of a jar of spicy deli mustard into the gloop.

"Yes Akamaru! No one will even be able to look at it! No one will be able to eat it! And the scary pony Thing will go away forever! And it will just be us again, all alone, yes precious, meeheeheeehee!" he muttered rocking back and forth, and letting the mess in the pot boil some more.

Hinata, being a rather mild mannered person, wasn't making a horrible dish as avidly as Kiba. She'd simply settled for dumping a carton of Zesty Squid Ice Cream (now with extra raisins!) into a bowl and letting it melt, and tossing in a jarful of cayenne pepper flakes.

Shino had filled a bowl full of bananas, and used his affinity with bugs to let a few dozen maggots run rampant through it, then covered it with chocolate syrup and sprinkled, with surprising delicacy, a handful of cilantro over it. Before smashing the entire thing by dumping a big slab of raw tofu on top.

Mika had gone for the option of making normal food totally inedible, and had tossed a bunch or random stuff into a pan and set it all on fire until it was a pile of charcoaly lumps. Deciding that it needed a little color, she set a little paper umbrella over it. She stepped back to examine it.

"Hmm. Maybe it needs some parsley to garnish it..."

Kabuto had a pot of who knows what on the stove, bubbling. Occasionally lumps floated to the surface and tried to climb over the sides until he beat them back in with a spoon. He had a brief pitched battle with it, as it extended a tentacle to grab him by the wrist and try to drag him in. He bravely stabbed at it with a fork until it let go with a shriek

"Ugh, I hate it when the food gains sentience." he muttered.

Gaara had put a few poor innocent vegetables on a plate and pulverized them with a fist of sand until they were mangled and unrecognizable, but other than that seemed disincline to do anything more.

Kankuro, after staring in perplexity at the stove for ten minutes, twiddling various knobs and burning his fingers, had given up and slapped a raw fish into a taco shell.

"It's a fish taco!" he muttered when Temari gave him a questioning stare.

Temari had discovered a jar of pickled pork rinds, and was heaping them over a loaf of fruitcake like there was no tomorrow, which would probably be true for whoever ate it.

Ino had tossed a bag of potato chips into a pot and poured in a jug of grape juice to go with it. Glancing down she shrugged and pulled up a handful of grass and threw it in as well.

"Eww, I got a grasshopper in with that." she said.

"What?! Noooo! My poor baby! Why! Why did you die so young? Oh why couldn't it have been me?" wailed Shino.

"Oh stop whining. What can you do with a grasshopper anyway? Eat all the grass in the yard of someone obsessed with their lawn jutsu?" snapped Ino. Shino gasped.

"How did you learn our secret technique?"

Choji was just sitting and wolfing down the food all around him.

"Oh my precious food, how could I ever defile you by making you into something awful? munch munch Oh it's terrible! Horrible! chomp chomp I don't think I can do it! I'd sooner die! I'll, oh, here's a cabbage, I don't like those, this can be my entry."

Shikamaru had put a pickle on a plate and stuck in a pickle with a maraschino cherry on top. He flopped back, looking exhausted.

"Ugh, all this cooking is so troublesome." he complained.

Sakura, of the opinion that the worst possible thing would be something that looked good but tasted horrible, had spent a little bit of time creating what looked like a normal pizza. But, the crust was made not out of pizza dough but of sourdough bread (I hate that stuff so much, I really do) that was burnt on the bottom where you couldn't see it. Her pizza sauce was in fact a mixture of pulped chili peppers and clam juice that looked almost exactly like what it was supposed to be. The cheese was melted cheese, but of a horrible smelly variety which she had found in the back a cabinet. And hidden under the cheese were all sorts of nasty things like slices of lemon, pieces of frog legs, licorice (I also hate licorice. If you don't, it still wouldn't taste good on a pizza like this) and beet slices. Then, with the lumps covered by slices of cow tongue masquerading as pepperoni, all that was left was to drizzle vinegar over the whole thing and sit back.

Naruto had cleverly decided that the worst possible dish would nothing at all. So he had simply put out an empty plate.

"Hah! This will totally be the best worst dish ever! I'm the hokage of making bad dishes! Believe it! Take this Sasuke! Mine is totally better than yours!"

"Oh yeah?" said Sasuke. "Well take a look at this! A hideous concoction of raw squid, cauliflower, sour cream, onions, and something green and fuzzy I found on the ground, all blended together into and recognizable paste and put on crackers! No one can beat it for sheer horribleness!"

"Shut up Sasuke! Mine is totally worse, right Hinata?"

"Um, well"

"No way! Mine is the worst, isn't it Sakura?"

"Well I think"

"See! My girlfriend agrees with me!" snarled Naruto and Sasuke at each other.

Tenten, being rather tomboyish, hadn't been too great at cooking in the first place, so she just went ahead and tried to bake a cake, being deliberately worse than usual. After dropping in too many eggs, shell and all and adding salt instead of sugar, and deciding that a pack of grape jello was a great secret ingredient, then setting it on fire in an attempt to cook it, she ended up with a wobbling, half burnt mass of something which she dumped on a plate.

Neji was having considerably more trouble, having never been introduced to the fine art of cooking before. He was currently trying to douse the his creation, which had caught on fire, by repeatedly hitting it with a frying pan.

"Tenten! Help me!" he yelled. Tenten sighed and dumped a conveniently placed bucket of water over everything. She glanced at the smoldering green goop in his bowl, which didn't seem to have been particularly affected by catching on fire.

"What did you even put in here?" she asked.

"I really don't know." said Neji staring at it.

Ironically Lee, the only one really trying, was making a really horrible dish.

"Why I think that curry would go great on top of this eggplant and squid brains, don't you Gai Sensei?" he asked the small effigy of Gai he had carved out of a zucchini. "And then if I add some raw eggs for strength, and milk for protein, and some healthy broccoli it will be even better! And, ooh! Look! Those mushrooms growing on the ground over there will make it even better! I'll just toss them in, and there! Yes! The power of youth had prevailed in making a wonderful food! Oh, Gai sensei, if only you were here right now!"

Just as they were all finishing up, the counselor came waltzing back in.

"Tim!" she yelled. "Time to show off your marvelous creations!" Everyone glanced around guiltily. "All right, get to it! Start tasting each other's foods, and then decide which one is best!" she said happily.

"What?" Everyone whirled around to utter some form of this exclamation.

"But, weren't you going to judge them?" asked Temari in the faint voice of someone who had just seen her brothers do unspeakable things to poor innocent food.

"Why, of course not! I thought it would be more fun if you all got to do it!" said the counselor, oblivious to their panicked stares.

"Oh fate, why did you have to do this to me?" moaned Neji.

"Allright, come on! Let's start with you!" said the counselor, pointing to Kiba, who gave the panicked grin of someone who knew that the people who would have to eat his creation knew where he slept. "What do you call this?" she asked.

"Umm. It's, um, cheese, soup?" he said. Everyone stared at it, watching a bubble rise to the top and pop as though with great fascination.

"Well, everyone grab you spoons and dig in!" said the counselor. Everyone tried their hardest to get the tiniest possible amount of "soup" on their spoons. Finally, when it was unavoidable, they tasted it. Everyone shuddered. Sasuke summed up the general consensus.

"Not incredibly awful, just overly cheesy, and I don't even want to know what that sweet flavor I tasted was." Everyone sighed with relief and moved on. Little did they know, it would only get worse. Hinata cringed as the gathered around her bowl.

"And what do you call this?" asked the counselor.

"Umm. Melted ice cream with with cayenne pepper in it." said Hinata truthfully.

"Well, that's, an...interesting name." said the counselor sounding puzzled. "Dig in everyone!" The general judgment on Hinata's was

"Oh my god is that squid?"

"Agh! My mouth is on fire!"

"Eww, I hate raisins."

Then they moved on to Shino's. Everyone stared at it for a moment.

"Well, what do you call this one?"

"It's, well, I guess it's, bananas. And tofu."

"How...original. Well, get to it." The general feeling on Shino's dish was as follows.

"If you just get some of the tofu on top it's merely disgusting."

"Why is it wiggling?"

"I taste chocolate. Why do I taste chocolate? No don't answer that, I don't want to know."

"Really? Mine tastes like chicken."

"That's because you got a maggot."

"I got a WHAT?!?!"

They moved on to Mika's creation. If possible, it appeared to have gotten even more burnt in the interval. It was still smoking.

"After Shino's food, this looks almost edible." observed Kabuto. "The umbrella's a nice touch. Festive."

"Well, what do you call this?" asked the counselor.

"Well, it's flambe of, um, stuff." said Mika. The opinion on hers was

"Not too bad, compared to everything else."

"At least the overly burnt taste gets the squid taste out of my mouth."

"Ow! It's pointy! Believe it!"

"That's because you're eating the umbrella stupid."

"And sadly, it's still the best thing I've had so far." Then they moved onto Kabuto's.

"It's. Um. Soup." said Kabuto without elaborating further. His dish caused a quick discussion among the judges. They emerged from their huddle to pronounce judgment.

"I can't get a spoonful of this because it dissolves my spoon."

"Yeah. And then it winked at me." Everyone moved on in relief at being spared, while Kabuto's whatever it was crawled out of the pot and ran for the woods. Only to stare at Gaara's food unhappily.

"And what do you call this, thing?" asked the counselor.

"What does it look like?" snapped Gaara. Mika leaned in closer.

"Looks like vegetables. A la sand."

"Ooh! I like that! It sounds French!" said the counselor. The pronouncement of Gaara's food was "It's not too bad if you're okay with vegetables, but all that sand makes it really gritty." And then it was Kankuro's turn. Everyone stared at his creation for a while too.

"It's a fish taco!" he protested to all their accusing stares.

"I am not eating raw fish."

"Absolutely not."

"No way."

"Well if the temperature here was right instead of being all cold and messed up it would be cooked by now!"

Luckily for everyone and their fear of having to eat raw fish, Akamaru spied what seemed to him a tasty treat and snatched the fish away to run off somewhere and eat it. Or perhaps to sing it love songs and dance the night away, I really don't know. So they moved on with short lived relief to Temari's dish. They stared at her soggy lump of pork rinds and fruit cake. Everything was stared at as long as possible, to prolong the moment before they had to eat it.

"So, what is this?" asked the counselor.

"Umm. It's fruitcake surprise?"

"What's the surprise?"

"It's covered in parts of the pig sane people throw away."

"Well that's, certainly surprising."

I'll spare you their trials in actually eating it (picked pork rinds are very rubbery) and give you the opinions.

"Why does it have to be rubbery?"

"I need to go wash my mouth out now with soap and holy water."

"A merciful god would never have allowed this to be created!"

Then they moved on to Ino's creation. There was more mourning for the grasshopper on Shino's part, and he insisted on it being given a proper burial (picked out and flung into the woods when he wasn't looking) before he could go on.

"So this is?"

"Um, potato grape soup. Yeah." The pronouncements were as follows.

"It tastes like salty kind of dirty grape juice."

"I have some sort of soggy lump. It's either a dirt clod or a potato chip."

"Not the worst, but still something no person in their right mind would eat."

They moved onto Choji's cabbage with absolute glee.

"At last! Untouched food!"

"It's like ambrosia! Only with cabbage!"

"Come to me sweet sweet vegetable of delight!"

Shikamaru's was greeted with joyful tears.

"It's pickle surprise." he said.

"What's so surprising about a pickle?"

"It's got a maraschino cherry on it you troublesome woman? What more do you want?"

"It actually tastes good!"

"I like pickles!"

"Ow! This one's pointy too!"

"That's because you're eating the toothpick moron!"

After two comparatively good dishes, everyone had been lulled into a false sense of security, and thus were completely taken in by Sakura's fake pizza.
"Wow, this actually looks good!"

"Eh heh. I call this pizza surprise." said Sakura, emphasizing the surprise. "Yes, it would be very surprising to someone expecting pizza because it contains a surprising surprise yes indeed!" she said, making furious "no" gestures. Sadly, everyone was a bit too dense to figure it out. They all grabbed a slice and got ready to take a big bite. Sakura watched Sasuke lift it to his mouth. "Sasuke, nooooooooooooo!" she cried, leaping at him in slow motion. But it was too late. Everyone had already taken a bite and chewed.

"Oh dear gods, why?"

"The horror! The horror!"

"Nooo!"

"Why me! Why couldn't it have been Naruto?"

"This tastes so horrible, I can't even think of a nasty reply!Believe it!"

Naruto's empty plate was greeted with some confusion.

"Why did you not participate in the happy fun cooking?" wailed the counselor.

"I did! It's just, uh, invisible! Yeah, invisible! Believe it!"

"Oh, how original!" Everyone nodded as the pretended to take a bite of Naruto's nonexistent food.

"That's...great!"

"Mmmm good!"

"Yes! Utterly!"

"I quite agree with the aforementioned comments!"

But it was only so long that they could pretend to eat Naruto's food before they had to move onto Sasuke's...whatever it was, on crackers.

"What's this?" asked the counselor.

"It's, umm. Cracker spread. On crackers."

"Well, as long as it's on crackers it can't be so bad right?" said Tenten. Little did she know...

"I was wrong!"

"Oh crackers, why have you betrayed me?"

"It's like you pulled up some random thing you found on the ground and put it on a cracker!"

"Well actually I,"

"No! Don't finish that sentence!" They moved on.

"Even something Tenten made has to be better than that."

"Hey!"

"Now now kids, be nice!" said the counselor cheerfully. "So, what do you call your dainty creation.

"Jello cake!" said Tenten, grinning in the direction of the previous commenter.

"Come on, eat it while it's, uh, wobbly!" They stared at it. It wobbled. They stared. It wobbled. Stare. Wobble. Stare. Wobble. Finally one brave soul took a bite, and was followed by the rest.

"I Neji, being sound of mind and body..."

"It wobbles all the way down!"

"Make the jiggling stop!"

"What are you talking about guys? This is almost as great as the power of youth!"

They moved on to Neji's food next.

"Only two more left, only two more left..." Shikamaru chanted to himself.

"So, what do you call this concoction?" asked the counselor.

"I really have no idea."

"How fascinating!" Everyone reached in. It stuck to the spoon in a large gooey mass that sloooooooowly oozed down it. Everyone hurried to taste it before it dripped on them.

"Neji, you're an even worse cook than Tenten!"

"Hey!"

"HEY!

"It tastes even worse than it looks!"

"This is worse than the time Gai tried his stripper no jutsu!"

Finally, (drumroll please) they moved on to the last dish. Lee's. Everyone grabbed a spoonful, just to get it over with. Sadly, the wild mushroom Lee had thrown in their caused some interesting results."

"Ohmygod they're coming through the walls!"

"The whale! The great...white...whale!"

"I can bend the very fabric of time and space!"

"Weehee heee am dizzy I spinning stop ground won't!"

"I...am the king of all sloths!"

The only people not affected were Lee, because no one had to eat their own creations, Choji, because he could eat anything, and Kabuto who had wisely pretended to but not actually eaten the stuff in what was not a blatant display of favoritism by the author for her favorite character.

"What has happened to our youthful companions?" asked Lee. "This strange behavior is not conducive to youth at all!" Kabuto sighed.

"Just, start dragging them back to their cabins so they won't run off and get eaten by alligators or something."

"I hear alligators are pretty tasty." said Choji.

"And you, no talking."

"Why, how could you even contemplate eating our youthful alligator friends?"

"That goes for you too."

They glanced at the poor saps who hadn't been so lucky and had mostly fallen over babbling, then sighed and dragged their respective cabins, where Sasuke would wake up to find himself in a sink which had been inexplicably left on.

Why yes I did have way too much fun with this chapter, thanks for asking. But don't worry, after being so mean to them in this chapter, I'm going to be nice to them in the next chapters. For a given value of nice. Or something.