24/10/2017
Chapter Summary: As the Normandy flees the Citadel after the shoot-out that killed Garrus, Tali makes a call. This was given out with Chapter 28, The Importance of Loopholes
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The Catalyst for Revenge
Extra: Things Left Behind
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Human Year 2183, Normandy
Tali ignored the crick in her back. She wished she could move slightly but she'd just gotten Shepard to sleep and he was holding her waist tightly. She was sitting against the headboard of his bed. She let her gloved hands card through his hair as she looked gently down at him.
It hadn't been a good day but they were safe enough for the moment. The Normandy was traveling FTL in the Horsehead Nebula. They had wanted to take the direct route to Sol but the Council had blockaded that Relay, so they had to go the long way round.
"Shh," she murmured.
He nuzzled into her, squeezing tightly. "Shh," Tali crooned again, brushing his forehead. When he was asleep like this, it was hard to remember that this was someone capable of extreme violence. He was trained for that.
She didn't think about it. Shepard wasn't like that. The Council was making him out to be uncontrollable, dangerous. He wasn't. He was a soldier. He knew when to use force and when to use diplomacy. That's what made this so hard.
Nothing was working out. Nothing was as it should be. With the destruction of Saren's flagship, the galaxy had turned topsy-turvy.
Tali reached down carefully, wiping away one tear that balled at the corner of Shepard's eye. It was a tear he'd never shed while conscious. He couldn't. But she was here for him and she would remain here. She'd promised him that. She'd promised that to herself.
That's why she hadn't told him about the message from her Father. She wasn't meant to have it but… She could see the situation as clear as the Admiralty. Except one Quarian would not make a difference to them. Not really, not to them. But one Quarian here, with Shepard, with the Humans might. She'd make a difference to Shepard, at least. That's why she was staying.
Tali didn't begrudge the Admiralty their choice. It was a hard one. She had felt slightly betrayed that they hadn't decided to support the Systems Alliance but there was no history there. She understood that much. And the risks… They were large. The Quarians weren't like the Krogan. They weren't simply ruled by the whim of the strongest. That's where Wrex was now, telling his clan that they were going to fight again.
The Krogan would probably remember Wrex as a god for that choice. They wouldn't realise he was doing it to support a friend. She hoped it went well. They didn't have to win in the way that the Humans were but they were trying for that anyway. She knew differently. She knew they only had to make it expensive for the Council. That would force them to rethink their position.
She hoped they remembered Shepard was a soldier. He didn't make political decisions. He made military decisions. The decision to destroy Sovereign was a military decision. Tali sighed, continuing to card her gloved fingers through his hair. It had grown in the time she'd known him. She could do this now. When she first met him, it had been much shorter, almost stubble on the top of his head. It was a nice change.
"Shh," she let out the small susurration. It seemed to calm Shepard.
That didn't really comfort her. A few days ago, it would have. Now, it was like her hope for the Council. She hoped they remembered. She didn't believe they would. They'd already decided to be violent.
The blockade was proof enough of that. Their actions on the Citadel were further proof. The fact that Garrus was… Garrus was… She didn't want to think about it because once she started, she wouldn't think of anything else.
Except it was almost an impossibility not to think about it. Garrus was dead. And the Council were claiming it was Shepard's fault. His status as a Spectre was being called into doubt. She knew what that meant. They'd remove it soon. Not that it meant anything in the current environment.
Tali sighed heavily. That's why she was going to stay here. Shepard needed her. Needed her support. He needed all their support but… another topic she didn't want to think about. Liara. The Asari had been odd recently. She'd changed. Shepard had said to give her time but Tali wasn't sure what that time was for.
And now, Liara was gone. She hadn't been onboard when they'd been forced to launch. She should be safe. It was a shallow thought, a political one but the Council ran on that. As the daughter of Matriarch Benezia, they'd make sure they treated Liara well. Her mother's name still had enough political clout for that. It was how she was treated within the Quarian Fleet. Her father's name had clout. She knew the way the galaxy worked. Still, it would be good to send Liara a message. Maybe they could meet somewhere. They hadn't realised she wasn't onboard until it was too late.
Tali left one hand in Shepard's hair. He'd notice if she took them both way and carefully brought around her omni-tool. She tapped the screen, activating a comm link. She didn't think the Council would have restricted things that much yet. Then Tali covered its speaker. She didn't need the beeping to wake Shepard. Hopefully the few words she'd leave for Liara wouldn't.
"Liara!" she exclaimed softly, surprised. The link had gone through. She hadn't expected that.
"Tali," the Asari seemed equally surprised but recovered easily. "You shouldn't have left."
"We didn't mean to leave you!" Tali objected. That's why she was calling now, to reassure Liara that was the case.
The blue alien shook her head. "No. You shouldn't have left," she repeated.
Tali let her mind run through almost every scenario she could think of. Was Liara saying this because there was another watching? Was it what they wanted to hear?
"We had no choice," Tali replied. "The attack came without warning."
Liara looked at her for a few moments. It felt as if the Asari was weighing up her words.
"I can send you the Normandy's security files," Tali continued. Those were pretty clear on who started shooting first. It wasn't Shepard and Garrus… No… not something to think about but… did Liara even know that yet? And Wrex… he was going to go spare. He liked the Turian.
"I've seen the Citadel's dock records," Liara replied, dismissing her offer.
"Then you know we had no choice. The attack came from nowhere."
"I know that you ran. You shouldn't have run. Not now, not with the situation as it is."
Beneath her mask, Tali blinked again. She was hard pressed not to yell at Liara about this. It wasn't that simple. "So we should have just been boarded?" she extended Liara's logic. "A Spectre should just have allowed his ship to be boarded by unknown and hostile parties?"
"They announced themselves as coming from the Council!" Liara objected.
"They did no such thing!" Tali hissed. She didn't care now about waking Shepard. "They were mercenaries, attacking without warning, though I have no doubt that they came from the Council," she spat the last. If Liara wasn't going to listen to reason then she wasn't going to be reasonable. But she would be truthful.
At least, the truth she believed.
"Do you even know what happened? Do you know what they did?" Did she know about Garrus?
"That is not what happened," Liara countered. "The Dock vid is clear."
Tali felt her stomach sink. It was a human expression. It worked so well. Liara was capable of bucking authority but she always had a respect for it. It was probably ingrained in all Asari, especially those who were born to high ranking Matriarchs. Liara was late born to her mother, which just meant all the more attention had been paid to her by her mother's followers.
"The Dock vid has been doctored," she replied flatly, already knowing it was a losing battle. "We did not fire first, and the attackers did not declare for the Council. They declared against the arrogant human scum, and then killed Garrus."
For a moment, for one shining instant, Tali thought she'd gotten through to Liara. The Asari looked absolutely stricken at that news. The entire crew was stricken, even if they hadn't known the Turian that well. They knew what this event meant for relations between the SA and the Council. They were deteriorating but they were not gone yet. There was hope but if the Council had already spread doctored footage, that hope was quickly evaporating.
"Tali, I know you want to believe the best in the Humans but sometimes-" Liara shook her head sadly "-there isn't any way to make things better. They are a young species, compared to ours. They are prone to wishful thinking-"
Tali just watched the screen, not listening further. This was not the asari she had known. "You know everything Shepard does about the Reapers," she whispered. Liara had melded. Shepard had said the experience was odd, but it had given him someone to talk to about what he had learned from the beacon.
He'd never said, but Tali knew from observations, it had also freed more information. Or maybe not that. It had ordered the information, given it context so he understood more of it. She knew he'd been speaking to the SA about it and what it meant. They'd struggled with it at first, but now seemed to be accepting. Or at least willing to plan for contingencies.
That seemed to be more than what the Council was willing to consider. Actually, there was no "seemed" about it. They were firm on their line that the Sovereign was a Geth super dreadnought. They agreed with the decision to destroy it, they just doubted the actions taken in battle. It was probably the fact that one Spectre had allowed the former Council to be killed. If he did that once, held the galactic good above their lives, he could do it again. Tali was pretty sure that thought was driving at least some of the hostility.
Except if the Council had manipulated Liara, they were showing more than just a passing hostility. It was begging for war. She couldn't believe they truly wanted that. At least not all the Council. And the citizens didn't. No one really wanted war. Arrogant, speciest idiots said they did, but they had no real knowledge of what it meant. Liara didn't want a war. She knew what was coming, in the same way that Shepard did.
"I know what he wanted me to think," the Asari countered. "Do you know I've studied Humans since then," Liara continued. "I haven't been alone. The Asari studied them, as did the Turians and I can only imagine the reams of reports the Salarians have on them. Especially on Human Psychology. Physiology is easy, but their psychology." Liara again shook her head. "I don't know what Shepard has. It seems to be some sort of Delusional Disorder with that one hallucination. He believes it so strongly that he's gotten the Systems Alliance to believe it. He's gotten you to believe it and I did for a while. But Tali, it's not the truth. The beacon didn't give him information, that was just his mind forming that from memories and stories he'd already heard. He grew up in a tense time for the Humans. All the Beacon did was scramble his mind, gave this condition a helping hand, as it were. And we helped it by giving him vindication."
Tali stared. "You don't believe that," she whispered. "You know what you found on Therum. That wasn't a delusion." There were times when Tali wished people could see through her mask, now was one of them. Liara needed to see that she was sincere, not just hear it through every nuance she poured into her voice.
"The Protheans remain a mystery," Liara nodded, almost accepting. She seemed pleased at that. It reminded Tali of how Liara had been when they had first met her. The Asari's belief in the Protheans was almost childlike. It had matured while Liara was with them. It wasn't mature now.
"You know what killed them," Tali said coldly. "They left images on Therum. Images you have seen the reality of in Saren's ship. You know it wasn't Geth." Let Liara deny that. How could it be Geth when the Protheans recorded the images 50,000 years before the Geth even existed.
"This is not about the Protheans!" Liara snapped. "This is about now. Shepard shouldn't have run. It just looks worse."
Tali didn't feel vindicated that Liara had to change the subject. "We didn't want to leave you," she tried a different stance. "We didn't know you weren't onboard."
"You shouldn't have run," Liara repeated.
"I'll send you our files, then you will know there was no choice."
Liara shook her head. "No. There is always a choice. The Humans just want to make the wrong ones."
"You know that isn't true," Tali countered.
The Asari just stared at her. Tali sensed there were things Liara wanted to say but couldn't. It was related to the thing Shepard had told her to give Liara time about. Tali felt stupid for a moment before everything fell into place. This wasn't about the Systems Alliance. It wasn't about the Geth or the Protheans or the Reapers. This was about them. This was about Shepard's choice.
She didn't know what to say.
"Saren's ship was the representative of the greater threat. It had to be destroyed," Tali began, hoping to avoid the minefield of emotion that could be brought to bear. "You know that. Even your mother knew that," she added, attempting to draw on that link. "And now we have to prepare to fight them. We can't fight them divided."
"The galaxy needs a symbol," Liara agreed. "One of unity, one that displays the fact that the Council is strong."
Tali closed her eyes. She knew what Liara was saying. A symbol between Humans and Asari would bring much of the Council species onside. It was the symbology they were used to, an Asari standing beside a non-Asari mate. But she couldn't step aside. It wasn't her choice, not alone anyway and the fact that Shepard was squeezing her now, that made his choice clear.
"It's not about that," Tali began. "It would be the traditional symbol but it would not bring in those who are disaffected with the Council," she said. That was the truth. The Krogan would not rally behind the Asari. Wrex agreed to side with Shepard, not the Systems Alliance, not the Council. It was Shepard. Even though he was a Spectre, the Krogan overlooked that.
The Quarians wouldn't side with the Council either, not without inducement and after 300 years there was only one inducement they would accept. The Council had offered that but it was a poisoned chalice, and the Admiralty had made their choice. The galaxy didn't know it yet. They would soon. Not even her being with Shepard had made them reconsider, though Tali knew a few would have. No, the Admiralty had to look to the future and the Quarians' future was not with the Council.
She reopened her eyes, looking at Liara's image. She was young for an Asari but Tali knew Liara was politically astute. She must have considered all these implications. But had others helped her consider, had they guided her thoughts? Had they already gotten to her because surely, she wasn't just thinking this because Shepard hadn't chosen her?
"They will fall into line once the battles begin," Liara dismissed her logic.
Tali shook her head, keeping the motion small as to not wake Shepard. It was amazing he hadn't awoken with their conversation. Liara's stance was probably true, on one level but it was not good planning. "That is a temporary unity, brought on by circumstance. It does not last." It couldn't last. She knew that. History proved it time and again. There would be good will immediately after the battle but it would quickly fade. It was only if the relationships were already established would that sentiment endure.
"Look I'm…" No, she wasn't sorry Shepard had chosen her. She wasn't going to say that. Not when she was now giving up so much. Liara didn't know that and Tali wasn't about to tell her because it wasn't her business. Yet she wasn't going to pretend. "Would-" Tali sighed deeply. "If Shepard had chosen you, would that stop this hostility?"
Liara looked uncertain for a moment. "I might have been able to intercede," she admitted.
"Then do so now. You know what killed the Protheans. You know what is coming. This is bigger than all of us!" Tali cried, before almost gasping, glancing down to ensure Shepard was still sleeping. Amazingly, he was. He must have been exhausted.
"I know what killed the Protheans," Liara admitted. "But that just means we need to be united now. That means the Systems Alliance has to fall into line with the Council."
"And they are willing to," Tali reminded Liara. "They've been working towards that for the last few decades."
"They want to go too fast. They want to have a Councillor! That's unheard of," Liara told her. "They need to accept their place. They need to conform. If they admit they were at fault for the destruction of the Destiny Ascension, and cease seeking a Council position, then this will all go away. We will be united against the Darkness."
Tali swallowed hard as she saw what the future held. If the Humans gave ground on this, they'd have to give ground on other things. They'd have to limit their military. There were parts of the Turian populace already screaming that the Systems Alliance was too much, that they should bow to the Council. It would be peace but it would be a false peace. It wouldn't last. Maybe a few centuries but then the Humans would Rebel.
Or the Reapers would come, to find a galaxy not truly united against them.
She saw all the possibilities. None of them were nice. The Humans weren't meant to be caged.
"And Shepard?" she asked. The Council had obviously spoken to Liara already. Or at least someone had.
"He will have to resign. The Humans will not have another Spectre," Liara announced, as if this would go away.
Tali read the truth. If Shepard accepted Liara, he would be able to remain a Spectre, at least in name. The Humans still would not have another. She lifted her head, fighting back the tears that threatened to stream from her eyes. When had things become so shallow?
"It's not my decision to make," she murmured.
"Because you are selfish," Liara said it with a knowing smile. Tali caught it even though she was looking upwards.
She tilted her head back down, lowering her mask so that the glow of her eyes glared at Liara. If looks could kill, the other woman would be dead. "Do not speak to me of selfishness," she growled, the noise reverberating through her. It passed into Shepard by the way he gripped her tighter, nuzzling into her. It was touching in a way.
Liara didn't say anything. Tali knew what she was thinking. All she needed to do was step back, to encourage Shepard into the Asari's arms and Liara would use her influence to attempt to calm the rising tensions. She wasn't going to do that. Not now. Not with Garrus lost, not because it was just Liara being selfish. She'd given up enough!
"Don't let your covetousness bring the galaxy to war," Tali said, nodding once before she closed the connection.
Her hand clenched in Shepard's hair. Tali quickly forced it open but she couldn't stop the small, tight breaths that constricted her breathing. It had nothing to do with how tight Shepard was holding her. Tali turned her head downwards, looking at Shepard.
Should she listen to Liara? Should she take a step back? Would that really make a difference? The doubts raced through her mind. Tali didn't know the answers. She'd never know the answers.
"But…" Tali whispered the word. The sentence then could go anywhere. If she stepped back, Liara would step forward. That much was certain. Yet Liara wasn't on the Normandy. That much was also certain. With the Council behaving as they were, it was doubtful Liara would get back. Or she could but what purpose would that serve?
She imagined the future. Shepard standing beside Liara denouncing the Systems Alliance as things became ever more chaotic. Tali almost laughed at that. That wasn't going to happen. Yet the picture reminded her of something. She should have remembered it.
It wasn't her choice alone. She could make all the decisions she wanted but Shepard didn't necessarily have to agree. In fact, there was a strong possibility he wouldn't. Tali knew he kept his personal life separate from his professional life.
And Liara didn't have the power she wished for. If she did- Again, Tali was amused by the thought. If the Asari did, Shepard would have chosen her. He hadn't.
No, this wasn't her choice alone and she wouldn't make it alone.
She wriggled against the headboard, settling herself as comfortably as she tilted her head back, so that the back of her helmet was secure as she closed her eyes. Her second hand went back to Shepard's hair. It was therapeutic.
"We'll get through this," Tali whispered. Even if the Council had a change of heart tomorrow, the galaxy would be changed. It was always changing. Garrus would no longer be there, and it would be a long time before the Systems Alliance trusted the Council again. "We'll get through this," she repeated, her own tears threatening to fall for everything that had been lost.
With her head up, Tali never noticed the tiny sliver of white under Shepard's eyelashes. All she felt was him shift his grip, moving slowly to settle more comfortably. She drifted off to sleep with his warmth in her lap and under her hands, secure in the knowledge that he was here.
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