The White Knight
By Hazelmist
Summary: He was her white knight but he was no angel… He didn't flinch, he shivered where she touched him and shut his eyes. "Tessa."He cleared his throat…Jem/Tessa.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Cassandra Clare.
A/N: Holy guacamole it's been a while! I'd like to thank every single person that left me a review. I love you all. I FINALLY READ CLOCKWORK PRINCE AND CLOCKWORK PRINCESS! And OMG the whole triology was so perfect and totally worth the wait. I love, love, love how she treated the relationship between Jem, Tessa and Will, and I loved all the new characters, and my only regret was that it had to come to an end. I mean I LOVED the ending, but I'm really going to miss those three kids that we first met in Clockwork Angel. That having been said, this was started BEFORE CP and CP2! I had a very rough idea of what I was planning on doing before I read either one of those books and I'm going to continue on that path picking and choosing what I want or don't want to include.
PART 4
Tessa sat in the library with a novel in her lap that failed to hold her attention. Her gaze once again was on the courtyard below. Had it been two week since she had seen the pair come in: her white knight and his darker counterpart? Only days ago, Will in all his complexities and novel beauty had been the primary focus of her attention. Jem had been like an angel, something so ethereal that she wasn't worthy to touch him, but he had still paled in comparison to her lingering smoldering feelings for Will. Somehow, even with his flaws, Will had seemed more human and more capable of returning her love. After her hallway encounter with Jem, though, her view of both beautiful boys had shifted and everything had begun to change.
Her eyes searched the courtyard, seeking out the boy that was never far from her thoughts now. He had accompanied Charlotte on Shadowhunting business and wasn't to be expected for hours, but she couldn't help but look for any sign of the carriage that would bear the tiny strong woman that ran the Institute and the boy with the pale hair and eyes that could brighten like stars when he smiled. It surprised her when she realized that more than anyone, she wanted Jem by her side to give her that reassuring smile she so desperately needed.
But it wasn't Jem she was waiting for in the library.
"I got your note."
Tessa jumped and the novel slid off her lap. Will caught it before it hit the floor. He straightened up and their gazes met. His eyes stroked over her with an intensity that Tessa couldn't ignore, and Tessa wondered how it was possible with those eyes that he'd managed to get so close without her sensing his presence. With a jolt, she realized she had been distracted again by her thoughts of Jem. And that was why she had called him here, despite how much revulsion and pain it might cause in either party.
"Will, we need to discuss something."
"I know," Will agreed. He paged through the book she'd been reading and made a face. "We should probably begin with your questionable taste in books. I've read a thirteen year-old girl's diary and this novel is worse than that, then again I did quite enjoy the diary, mostly because it featured me and the author spent a considerable amount of time singing my praises."
Tessa stood and snatched the book back from him, even if she couldn't help but agree with him about the quality of this particular novel. She didn't even want to know if he was telling the truth about the poor girl's diary.
"I didn't call you here to discuss our reading habits," she snapped, tossing the book aside. "I wanted to talk to you about something important."
"Reading is important," Will insisted stubbornly. Tessa almost smiled because it was probably the only thing they still agreed on, reading and of course, their mutual concern for Jem. Taking a deep breath, she plowed forward.
"I want to talk to you about Jem."
Will's face closed off immediately. If he had been still holding the book, Tessa was sure he would've hurled it at something, probably her. It took a great deal of effort, but he managed to hold himself in check and even adopt his usual mask of careless indifference.
"This is disappointing. I was so hoping you'd come here to tell me you were secretly running away with our sweet Jessamine instead."
"What?" Tessa was so flabbergasted that Will smirked.
"Well, she has been sneaking out on a regular basis, dressed as a boy as a matter of fact, I just assumed that maybe she was going to visit our resident –"
"Stop it!" Tessa cut him off with enough force that he shut up for once. "I have no idea what you're going on about with Jessamine, but I'm not running away with Jessamine or anyone else for that matter!"
"But I thought you said Jem-"
"Jem and I are not – I mean to say that we're friends," she corrected herself, knowing that it was an inadequate choice of words to describe what exactly was going on between her and Jem. Ever since the night she'd spent in his bed and the brief moment they'd shared in the Weapon's room, Tessa had been thinking about Jem in a whole new light but she would never act on it. When she encountered Jem, he was warm toward her and as reassuring and kind as ever, but she feared that he saw her as nothing more than a friend. And that was fine, especially since Will had been partially right about one thing.
"He's running out of time, Will. Isn't he? Jem told me about the dead Warlock. He's nearly out of the drug now, but he told me the Clave, or Charlotte, or you had some set aside – " She stopped herself when she saw his face fall. "You don't have anymore, do you?"
Will neither confirmed nor denied it, but Tessa could see everything in the slackness of his features and his frightening pallor. It reminded her of the doctor they'd called on for her dear Aunt Harriet, moments before he gave her the harsh diagnosis of her imminent death. Tessa had to shift her focus to something above his left shoulder and clasp her hands in front of her to keep them from shaking, just so that she could continue.
"But perhaps the Clave – or surely Charlotte must have-"
Will turned around and left the Library before she could end the sentence.
"Will, I'm not finished!" she protested but he was already in the hall, well out of ear shot. "WILL! Wait!" With a muffled groan, she gathered her skirts and chased him out into the corridor.
The witchlight torches flared up as he passed, making it easy for Tessa to track him through the Institute even as he picked up speed and she struggled with the ruffled skirts of Jessamine's latest torture instrument. She was so focused on the light and her silly dress that she nearly ran right past him. Noticing the dimness of the torches up ahead, she slowed to catch her breath. And a hand reached out from one of the doorways and yanked her inside the room.
Tessa gasped as Will slammed the door shut and spun her around to face her. He shoved her too hard and her back hit the wall with a bruising force.
"What was that for?" she demanded, wincing. But all of her confusion vanished when she realized what he was holding in his hand.
They were in Jem's room and Will now held the silver box that contained Jem's medicine. He flicked it open and held it out toward her. She looked inside and saw to her disappointment, that though the box contained more of the silvery powder than the last time she had peeked inside, it was still low, frighteningly low.
"In answer to your question," Will began haltingly as if each word hurt as it whistled through his gritted teeth. "I did have an emergency stash. It should have lasted Jem two months, maybe three. And after that night - when you – when you found him. I gave him everything that I had."
"So, this is it?" Tessa whispered. She reached out a hand toward the box, horrified and awed that something so benign looking could measure the amount of time one had. And Will slammed the lid back down, nearly taking her fingers with it.
Will locked the box up with infinite care and gently replaced it on the bedside table. He stepped back from it, but didn't seem to be able to bring himself to look at her. Instead he caught hold of the bedpost, focusing on the violin that Jem had absently left on his bed that morning.
"What's left in that box will give him three weeks, probably less since he seems to be taking three times as much as he used to," he said bitterly. "We emptied Charlotte's stash months ago and the Clave gave up what little they had years ago when they turned Jem over to the Institute. The Warlock that we usually went through is dead and though we've searched it's unfortunately a rare commodity, so rare that there may not be any more left in the world."
Tessa felt that sinking feeling that was becoming alarmingly familiar when it came to discussing Jem's future. For a split second, she saw a future scene before her, where Will and her stood in this very room, gazing at Jem's violin and grieving the beautiful soul that had bound both of them. Without Jem's physical presence, the room was already beginning to feel like a cold and empty tomb that threatened to close in around them both with the gravity of an impending loss. But Jem wasn't dead yet, far from it. Forcing the morbid images aside, Tessa took a deep breath and approached Will.
"Will," she said softly. He looked up and for a moment there was a flash of something raw and painful that confirmed the fact he'd forgotten about her altogether. It still shocked her that though Will may not have the capability to love anyone else, he did love Jem. Their bond was years in the making and she believed that it ran deeper than any of the friendships or familial ties she'd ever had. And that was how she knew that no matter how much Will despised her, he had to be the one to help her.
"I know you stopped looking for a cure –"
"I didn't stop," Will interrupted her, his blue eyes flashing. "I never stopped looking."
He abruptly let go of the bedpost and moved toward her. His hands reached out toward her, to shake her or hold her, she wasn't sure. She took an involuntary step back and he instantly caught himself. He lowered his arms to his sides, clenching and unclenching his fists. When he finally did speak, it was in a measured tone, but Tessa could tell but the way he was breathing, that he hadn't quite regained control.
"Tessa, I may not be able to spend all of my time in search of his cure, especially when he explicitly told me to stop. But that doesn't mean that I didn't spend endless hours researching in the library and countless nights talking to Downworlders. I know more about that demon drug than he probably does, but no matter how much time I devote to the search, sometimes Tess, you have to accept that you're never going to find what you're looking for. You're going to have to accept that this isn't a bloody novel and that not everyone gets the ending that they want or deserve. The truth is that you're going to lose the ones you love and that there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do about it."
He spat the last words out with such venom that Tessa wondered if this wasn't just about Jem. But there was no time for questions, especially now that the anger had finally drained out of Will. Now he just looked tired and sad. Tessa knew that she had to act now.
"Will, what if there was something you could do about it?"
"There isn't," he said, and when he looked at her his face was blank and his eyes were empty. Her heart ached for him. A sudden impulse to hold him and reassure him that everything was going to be okay came over her but she knew that he wouldn't allow that. Instead when she spoke her voice was like the caress he would never accept from her again.
"Will, you know that there is something that you can do," she said softly. Carefully, she inched closer to him and the request she had to make on Jem's behalf. "Let me help you, Will."
To her surprise, Will's face softened. He laid a heavy hand on her shoulder with a startling gentleness. A helpless weariness accompanied the words that followed.
"Tessa, you can't help me. There's nothing more I can do for him."
Tessa looked up into his face, taking in the dark half moons beneath his eyes and the fine lines she could have sworn weren't there when he first caught the book as it slid off her lap in the library. She fought the impulse to touch his face and smooth the lines and the shadows away. She wondered if Will would allow her to touch him if she were an ordinary mundane or a Shadowhunter or if it didn't matter. Perhaps he pushed everyone away, everyone except Jem. She cleared her throat.
"Maybe you can't do anything more for him. But I can."
Will looked at her and then his eyes narrowed as if he had already predicted what she was about to suggest. Or perhaps he didn't know, he just knew that he was going to disagree with whatever she had to say. He was right of course.
"No," he cut her off before she'd finished explaining what she wanted to do, shaking his head. "Absolutely not."
"Well, then, I guess if you're not going to help me then I'll just have to do it alone."
She brushed past him, and after a quick scan of the room she went straight for the silver box.
"Stop!"
Will was between her and the box before she'd taken more than two steps. His face was pale and his eyes were bright with anger, but there was a resignation there.
"Fine," he sighed, rubbing a hand up over his face and into his hair. Inhaling, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at her. "I'll help you, but you do exactly what I tell you to do. Don't touch anything unless I give it to you and under no circumstances should James ever find out about this, understood?"
Tessa nodded, ducking her head to hide her triumphant smile.
"And just remember that this wasn't my idea," Will grumbled. He took out his stele and marked the door, and then with a muffled curse he started searching Jem's room for her.
The first thing that he brought her was the violin. Tessa raised her eyebrows, wondering if this was a test. Perhaps Will wasn't taking her seriously at all and just wanted to see her transform into a man and parade herself around the room like a fool.
"It was originally his father's," was all Will would say, when she did eventually look up at him with some skepticism.
Warily, Tessa closed her eyes. She had changed enough times that she knew how to recognize the imprint without transforming herself bodily. The moment her fingers positioned themselves on the strings of the instrument, she knew who she would become. It would be a sinful invasion of privacy, she told herself firmly, but curiosity was a fickle friend. Perhaps, she could take a peek, just a tiny glimpse, she mused as one of her fingers plucked at the second string and then the third. Sweet trilling notes resounded through the room and she felt the pull before she could stop it.
It was terribly easy to wrap herself around that instrument as those few notes swelled to a crescendo, swallowing her whole and bringing her through the darkness and back up into the light before the echoes had been lost to the air. There hadn't been anything stopping her, she thought, because there was nothing to hide. A level of openness was here that she hadn't encountered before. She could feel Jem's overwhelming kindness, his intelligence, his mildness, his gentle sense of humor, and his inner strength, easing her through the transition like the hand that had kept hold of her when she had changed into Camille. And now those were her long elegant fingers, gliding over the instrument with practice, bringing forth the notes in a playful pizzicato. She smiled and she saw herself in his mind's eye, just for a confused moment, and then she felt a sharp shooting pain and doors started slamming shut. She let go of the instrument, letting go of her hold on Jem with a soft gasp.
"Tessa?"
Abruptly, she found herself back in Jem's bedroom, seated on the trunk at the foot of his bed. Will hovered over her anxiously with the violin in one hand.
"Are you alright?"
Tessa nodded, folding and unfolding her fingers that now smelt of rosin.
"You shouldn't have done that," Will scolded her. All of his concern was gone and his face loomed over her like a black storm cloud. Tessa marveled at the fact that even when he was so angry, his face was still so much more masked and clouded when compared to Jem. Jem was so open with his kindness that he'd let her in immediately. It was only when she'd caught sight of herself that his mind had shuttered itself and she had felt the sudden pain. Shuddering, she wondered if that was a result of losing the change or if Will had forced her out of it because he knew she had felt Jem's pain.
"I think we should stop this," Will was voicing his disapproval yet again.
"No." Tessa clasped her hands in front of her, remembering that brief moment when they had been longer and musically inclined. She had barely scratched the surface of Jem's mind, but it made her all the more determined to save him. She wanted to know everything about him.
"You're completely mad if you think that this is going to help," Will told her.
"Well, I'd like to see you come up with a better idea," Tessa huffed. Will just shook his head and murmured something under his breath that sounded a lot like Welsh. Tossing the violin back onto the bed, he resumed his search.
This time he was a lot more careful about what he selected for Tessa. He handed Tessa a small sword with an engraved hilt, but Tessa immediately felt the tangible imprint of Jem and reluctantly gave it back to him with a slight shake of her head. A few more of Jem's things were turned over to her but these either evoked the same response in her or gave her nothing to go on at all.
"This is stupid and a waste of time," Will complained. "I had high hopes that I would be thoroughly drunk at the Devil's Tavern by this hour," he lamented, "Instead I'm cleaning my parabatai's room. If I had known that this would be a necessary obligation that came with the partnership, I never would have asked James to be my parabatai."
Tessa knew he was just as frustrated and disappointed as she was that her plan didn't seem to be working, but it didn't make her any less annoyed with him for making sure she knew it.
"My apologies, Mr. Herondale," she replied stiffly. "I suppose your plan to thoroughly ruin your reputation will have to be put on hold. You'll have to give your regards to poor Six-Fingered Nigel."
He gave her a terrible grin that never quite reached his eyes.
"If anyone catches me cleaning his room, I'm going to convince Charlotte to let Jessamine take you shopping every day for the next fortnight," he threatened with a wicked glint in his eyes.
"Don't be ridiculous, Will. No one could possibly want to shop that often," Tessa retorted, but Will's grin widened.
"Obviously, you don't know Jessamine very well," he chuckled darkly.
"And obviously, you don't know Jem very well, either," Tessa said sharply, finally realizing what was at the heart of the matter.
Will's head snapped up, but he didn't turn. He had shooed her to the other side of the room and had been rummaging through Jem's trunk for several minutes, reorganizing it as he went along. But now he slammed the lid shut with a bang and locked it.
"What do you want from me, Tessa?" he demanded, standing and rounding on her suddenly. Tessa tried desperately to put what she needed into words and to tamp down on her own frustration. She gestured wildly with her hands as she spoke.
"You already know what I want. I need something, like a watch, or a hair ribbon, or a ring, something that belonged to them."
Will was fuming by this point and he wasn't even bothering to mask it from her. It poured out of him in a wave of biting sarcasm.
"Of course, let me just find Jem's hair ribbon collection, I'm sure it's around here somewhere. I do hope he has something that matches my eyes –"
"Will, please," Tessa hissed, bringing a hand to her aching head. He had called her mad, but he was the one that was driving her to that madness.
"Since you asked nicely, I suppose I could find something for you as well, and then we'll go looking for his jewelry box so I can find a bracelet that won't clash with all the ichor and demon's blood and a nice set of earrings for myself –" Will stopped abruptly.
"What?" Tessa barked.
Will roughly pushed her aside and moved with purpose back toward the wardrobe. He flung the doors open and started pulling various articles of Jem's clothing out of it.
"Will what are you doing?" Tessa wondered, watching in horror as Will made quick work of the wardrobe. When he had tossed nearly everything out of it, and Tessa was about to stop him, he finally emerged victoriously, clutching something in his fist.
"I've got it," he said to her, gesturing for her to come closer. Tessa waded through what had been left behind in the wake of Will's madness until she was standing in front of him. He cracked open his fist and Tessa saw a silver ring. It was very much like the one Will wore, but this one was engraved with a castle tower.
"It's Jem's," he confirmed. "But it belonged to his father and Jem rarely ever wears it. I think he wanted to preserve it because it is the last thing he has left of his parents or perhaps it's simply a reminder of the bad memories…" His eyes flickered up to Tessa's and she saw a flash of worry.
"Tessa, maybe you shouldn't do this," he suggested hesitantly, closing his fingers over it.
"Maybe not, but that wouldn't have stopped you," she replied boldly meeting his gaze.
His fingers were clenched around the piece of metal so tightly that they had turned a bloodless white. But when her fingers brushed over them, they trembled and sprung open like the petals of a flower. She extracted the ring from his calloused palm and held it between her fingers.
She could already feel the imprint, and this time it wasn't Jem's touch that brushed at the corner of her consciousness, but someone unfamiliar. The look that Will was giving her was unfamiliar as well. He was anxious, but he was wary too as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of her. She remembered when months ago, while practicing in Camille's form, Jem had once casually asked her if she could do exactly what she was about to do now. She recalled the alarmed look on Will's face as he'd warned them both against the idea and seeing it now again, she began to suspect why he had been so reluctant to agree to her plan. Swallowing hard, she tucked Jem's father's ring into her hand and hid it behind her back.
"Jem will never have to know," she reassured him.
Outside night had begun to fall. When Will looked at her, his eyes were the same shade the night sky would have been if only the thick London fog would have allowed it.
"Let's hope so," he said thickly. His eyes traveled downward, raking over her from head to toe. For the first time, Tessa was aware of her appearance. The dress that Jessamine had taken so much time to select had not fared as well as she had expected during her change into Jem. She had forgotten that though he was thin and seemed delicate, Jem was taller than her and still a Shadowhunter. Blushing, she remembered how she had ran her hands over those muscles and been held within the circle of those strong arms.
"I don't quite know what Jem's father looks like, but after scandalously seeing Jem in it, I strongly suggest you change out of that dress, unless you want the poor soul rolling over in his grave," Will recommended, scathingly.
"I can't do that until you leave the room," Tessa reminded him, opening the door for him.
Will seemed to size her up for a minute, but then thought better of it. He marched over to the door, pausing just before he stepped outside.
"Guard the door," she told him. "Don't let anyone in until I'm finished or scandalized souls will be the least of your worries," she threatened him.
Will acted as if he hadn't heard her at all. He lifted his hand as if he was going to touch her arm again, but drew out his stele instead.
"Don't lose yourself, Tessa," he warned her.
Tessa frowned, wondering what he could possibly mean since she'd transformed into hundreds of others and the only problem seemed to be holding the Change, but never losing herself in it. He closed the door behind him, leaving her alone with this thought in Jem's room.
Shaking her head, she picked her way through the clothes that Will had strewn all over the room. It had been very unkind, but made Tessa feel a lot less guilty about stealing an article of Jem's clothing, now that the wardrobe had practically been slashed open and overturned by Will. She knelt down, choosing a collarless white shirt that was obviously to be worn to bed and appeared to be bigger and looser than the others. As she lifted it, she caught a faint whiff of the familiar scent she now associated with Jem and she remembered the last time she'd met him in this room.
Her eyes moved to the bed and her heart skipped a beat. Blushing, she realized that she was breaking all kinds of rules of propriety being here in Jem's room. She was sure, if Charlotte had only known, she would never have approved of her idea. But if it meant saving Jem, Tessa had decided that she would be willing to break almost any rule for him, regardless of the consequences.
She put the ring down on the trunk, turned her back on the bed, and quickly and clumsily started to undress herself. Fortunately, changing into Jem had had its advantages and the dress had been loosened and damaged just enough that she managed to free herself from it without the usual help of Sophie, or God forbid, Will, who was still hopefully standing outside the door on guard. How she was going to get back in the dress was something she didn't want to think about.
She kicked her clothes aside, reveling in the freeness she felt now that the restraining torturous dress was off of her. It felt almost natural to pull on Jem's nightshirt. As she had hoped, it was very big on her, swallowing her up like the Change and yet it felt good on her as it fell softly at her knees. The scent of Jem comforted her and she picked up the ring and sat back down on the trunk at the foot of his bed.
She examined it again, holding it up so that it could catch the last of the natural light that filtered in through the window. Replacing it on her palm, she weighed it and then, almost without thinking, she slipped it onto one of her fingers. The ring to her surprise shrunk to fit her finger like magic. She held her hand up, admiring it, and then she felt it.
The Change came on so fast, that she barely had time to brace herself. The last thought she had, as she bent over and let the Change drag her into the darkness, was that she finally understood what Will had been trying to warn her about. But it was too late.
Memories swirled up and around her. But these were his memories. A beautiful woman appeared with long straight black hair that fell to her waist when the long slender pin that had been holding it in place slipped out. Her eyes were the same shape as Jem's but they were as dark as midnight, and yet they somehow shone with a warm light.
Her eyes were laughing now as she disarmed him suddenly, with a gracefulness that made it look embarrassingly easy. In awe, he watched as she bent to retrieve his sword and offered it to him with a mischievous smile. She said something in Mandarin, which he was too distracted to fully translate, but she was obviously teasing him, telling him he had to be more careful with a precious sword like that.
"I think it's too late for that," he told her in Mandarin so bad that she laughed out loud. Their hands brushed as the hilt of his sword passed from one hand to another and there was a spark, so strong that their gazes met and locked. He knew right then that he would never leave Shanghai as long as this lovely woman remained. He would follow her anywhere.
The scene shifted and once again Tessa was looking down at the same sword. She immediately recognized the pattern of runes on the hilt. This time though, the pretty woman wasn't present. In her place was a small boy with black hair and dark eyes like the woman. This was their son. He was so short that he could barely see over the high table, but his face was alight with curiosity and almost the same awe that his father had looked at his mother with the first time she'd disarmed him and claimed his heart.
"This sword is Cortana," he told his son, putting his arm around the boy. "And one day, it will be yours."
The boy looked up at his father and Tessa saw that the boy was not so much in awe of the sword, but in awe of his father. And that was why it was such a shock to both Tessa, and the boy's father when the boy politely refused the gift from his father.
"I don't want it."
"Why not?" his father asked in dismay.
"It's yours," his son said slowly.
"Of course, but one day when I'm tired of fighting-"
"You're a Shadowhunter. I thought Shadowhunters, never tired of fighting," the boy looked adorably puzzled and his father chuckled.
"Fine, I won't get tired. But one day, when I'm gone-" he broke off as his son suddenly wrapped his thin arms around him.
"What if I don't want you to leave me?" the boy asked, snuggling closer to his father as he hugged the boy to him. He brushed back the boy's hair from his forehead, and the amount of love he felt for this child was almost painfully overwhelming for Tessa. His father sighed.
"One day, I will leave you, you must understand that."
"I'll go after you then! I won't stop until I find you!" the little boy said with a gravity that probably would have been comical if they had been discussing anything else.
"My son," he began and shook his head. "This is a place that you cannot follow me to and you will never find this place until it is your time to go. And that will be years, many more years I hope, after I am gone."
The boy stilled, resting his head on his father's chest. Then he tilted his head back and looked his father in the eye.
"But we will see each other again, won't we?"
"Of course, my son," he soothed him. "I'll be waiting for you when it's time."
His son was too young to grasp the concept of death and even if he was exceptionally bright for his age, his father hoped he wouldn't have to learn first-hand what death really meant for a long, long time. He wanted to protect his son for as long as he could despite the fact that he knew he would grow up to be a brave Shadowhunter, just like his parents. Their life was a noble one, but it often came at a brutal cost. Turning his back on the sword, he lifted his son into his arms and carried him off to bed.
And Tessa went hurtling through another whirlwind of memories. She caught snatches and glimpses of the boy and his mother, sometimes together, sometimes separately. There were voices, small bits of conversations that she grasped at as she went hurtling faster and faster toward something up ahead like a bright light that was calling her home.
And suddenly she was there, back in the Shanghai Institute, back home. He was running through the Institute, following a scream that left his blood curdling. He leapt over something, glancing down for only a moment to see what it was that was lying on the ground. His stomach churned at the sight and he immediately wished he hadn't looked. The Guards were dead and his wife was screaming.
He stopped only to grab Cortana and then he was rushing into the great room of their house and screeching to a stop. His wife had thrown herself into his path, and they stumbled backwards.
Years had passed since their first encounter, but that hadn't made her any less beautiful or any less of a Shadowhunter. She could still knock the breath right out of his lungs with a look and sweep him off his feet with a touch.
Now, though, as his hands went to steady her, he saw the fear in her dark eyes. The terror seemed to have swallowed her whole, and he knew that there was only one thing in the world that could scare her that much.
"Jian!?" she whispered anxiously.
He shook his head slightly, and then he saw it. The greater demon loomed up over them, lengthening and expanding until it had doubled and tripled in size and encompassed the entire room. The ceiling cracked and the walls trembled. The floor shook underneath them and he untangled himself from his wife, rising to his feet with Cortana in his hand. The demon turned its horrible face to look at him and a terrible shock of recognition went through him.
"Yanluo," he whispered.
The demon laughed as he readied himself for a fight to the death. His wife turned, racing back into the house with only one thing on her mind. But Yanluo had other ideas. The demon reached out a hand, snatching her up and reeling her back into the great room with such force that the doorway collapsed in their wake.
"No," the demon said grinning horribly. "You may have escaped me once before, but you won't this time."
"We'll see about that," he said. He leapt into the air, landing on the back of one the chairs. Balancing there, he was poised to spring again when –
"Mother! Father!"
Every parent recognizes the voice of their child, turning automatically toward the sound, and he was no exception. His wife screamed as their son entered the room at a run and stopped in horror.
"Run!" he yelled at his son. But Yanluo grew an additional arm and curled a hand almost lovingly around their son, lifting him into the air.
"Your offspring, I presume," the demon chuckled as the child fought back with useless fists and flailing limbs.
"Let him go!" his father ordered.
"Let go of the sword or I'll kill him first," the demon snarled back.
He suspected they were all going to be killed, so he jumped up and thrust his sword upwards, stabbing at the demon's limb that held his son. The demon howled and let go of the boy. The child hit the ground hard and rolled into a crouch.
"Are you alright?" he asked his son as he landed beside him.
The child turned towards him, and Tessa saw now that he was a few years older, that it was Jem. He couldn't have been more than eleven years old but even with his black hair and dark eyes she wondered why she hadn't recognized him instantly. Jem's dark eyes widened and cried out something to his father, a warning, and then it all went black.
A moment later, or perhaps it was hours later, or days, he woke to the sound of screams. He didn't remember ever hearing his wife scream before, but now that's all he seemed to hear. He was tortured with an endless cacophony of screaming and demon laughter and another horrible scream that he didn't immediately remember why it was so familiar.
He opened his eyes into the living nightmare that was so awful that he wondered if he was already dead and hell did in fact exist. He and his wife were bound to chairs in the great room of their own home. Scattered around them were bits and pieces of limbs that had once belonged to their guards. And there was Yanluo leering over them all.
"JIAN!" His wife's scream cut through the bedlam and the chaos, sharpening his mind and the picture before him. His eyes moved to look at that one terrible thing that made him believe that there was no good in the world and that this had to be his own personalized hell. He didn't want to see it, he wanted to close his eyes and let the darkness take him, but his tearful eyes could look away.
Jem. Jian. James. It didn't matter which of his names they screamed until their throats were raw and their voices hoarse. Their son, bound to the chair across from them could not hear them. Yanluo injected him over and over again with its own poison. And his parents were forced to sit there and watch as the poison inhabited Jem's body like a parasite. It pumped through his veins like a drug, but it only brought him pain. It was the worst thing imaginable for a parent, to sit there and watch as your child thrashed and writhed in pain and screamed for you over and over again as he hallucinated. And yet you could do nothing. Their hands were literally tied.
Judging by the way that Yanluo continuously kept glancing at him and his wife though, he suspected that this would be over soon, at least for him.
He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to make it stop. He couldn't bear to hear Jem, or his wife, or the demon. He was tired, and exhausted, and he wanted a peace and a quiet tranquility that he could never find in this world. He was ready for the next life. But there was something he had to do first.
"Jem," his voice was weak and harsh even to his own ears after all the screaming and crying. "Jem, I know you're in there somewhere, and even if you can't understand me, I want you to know that I love you. We both do. I'm so sorry Jem, so very sorry that this had to happen, especially to you-"
"Shut up!" the demon snarled but he kept going.
"You're brave, Jem, and I know you're strong. Just stay strong for me, and fight just a little bit longer. It's not your time yet, I can feel it. You still have many more years, a lifetime. You just have to hang on."
"STOP IT!" the demon hissed. It was enraged now.
"Just hold on," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Just hold on."
With a final wrench he tore one of his bleeding hands free of the rope that had bound them. He threw something at the fireplace and it lit up in a flare of blue sparks. Then the demon was on him, and for the first time his wife was screaming his name instead of Jem's.
James, I love you, and one day I will meet you on the other side.
The world exploded, the room shattering into a million different shards that didn't quite fit together. The pain was excruciating, and his body arched up off the floor, a howl tearing from somewhere deep within him as the pain spread everywhere. As the pain subsided and his body went numb, his vision clouding, and his heart slowing, he wondered if this was what his son was experiencing. Was this how Jem felt? Was there any relief? The Clave they had to come soon and then Jem, Jem had to be safe and –
He turned to look at his wife and then he let the pain take him, dragging him down, down, down into the blackness.
"NO!"
She was shaking, or being shaken, she couldn't tell. Her heavy lids lifted and she thought that she saw Jem, wild-eyed and clothed in all his beautiful shades of pale silver. There was something important that she needed to tell him, but she couldn't remember what it was or why it mattered. She let it slip away, just like everything else. Closing her eyes, she let the arms of the angel circle around her, and the blackness rose up and swallowed her whole, taking her down, down, down, into the silence.
A/N: Sorry about the length of the chapter. Consider it making up for lost time! It just kind of poured out of me. I know there's a lack of Jem in it but trust me he's in the next chapter which should be up VERY soon. Um, I know this has probably all been done before but after a two year absence I felt compelled to write this. Oh, and who's interested in reading another Tessa/Jem fic?! I have another idea, I know, I'll probably never finish either of these fics, but look out for it soon.