Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark violation is intended.

Added note/disclaimer: I know I usually use real quotes. But this story is a bit … strange. So, I'm not really using quotes, but I might. So, if you find something, let me know.

"Pythagorean Theorem is A squared plus B squared equals C squared. It works on right triangles. And they're a triangle – a love triangle, but a triangle nonetheless."

"So, let me get this straight. Percy plus Dobby equal Filch's cat?"

IV

Three is a Triangle

(Otherwise known as a crowd)

When I went down from the Astronomy tower, everyone else was already doing God-knew what. I suppose nothing of interest happened, unless you count Luna who was quietly observing the actions of Dobby the House-elf.

Dobby the House-elf should have fallen in love with Harry. He nearly wet himself with the utter excitement of seeing Harry, usually. Yet Luna found it curious that he seemed to be in love, or rather, infatuated with Mrs. Norris and proceeded to court her in the ancient ritual of House-elf Love.

But, I regress to the Astronomy Tower in which Luna begged for Harry and Draco's help.

"I need your help in making the world sane again."

Draco looked on apprehensively as Harry asked, "What do you want us to do?"

"Well," said Luna. "I suppose we must follow the dictates of logic…"

"Which are…?" asked Draco.

"Well… er… I don't rightly know," said Luna.

x-x-x

"Logic says she," said Lucifer. "Who does not know the rules of logic. And if you can't fix this, what makes her think she can?"

God shrugged. "I think it may be that she does not really believe in our existence."

Lucifer sniffed. "I am most certainly real."

"Yes, Lucy," said God.

"Don't call me Lucy," said Lucifier.

"Whatever you say, Lucy," God replied.

Lucifer crossed his arms and pouted at God, upset at being ignored.

"Lucy, dear, really, don't make that horrid face. That is why people believe you are the goat devil, you know!" said God.

"I am the devil," said Lucifer. "I am evil, I am foul, I am darkness incarnate! I am the representation of all nightmares in the flesh! I am the leader of all seven hells! Do not dare to take that tone with me!"

God rolled his eyes. "Yes, Lucy. You are the number one dead-ringer for the god Pan. I shall inform him immediately."

Lucifer stopped. "Wait, you mean he exists?"

"Would you look at that!" said God in mock astonishment.

"What?" Lucifer said, suddenly distracted from his righteous rage. "Oh."

x-x-x

Percy Weasley had horrible luck in love. Perhaps it was the fact that he was still a virgin without a clue of what an agile hand was capable of… or perhaps it was the fact that he was attracted to those who were completely out of league. For whatever reason, he fell in love.

"Percy?" Ron Weas – er – Crabbe, said waving his hand in front of Percy's face.

"What?"

"I said, what are you doing here?"

"May you introduce me to that fabulous creature? That is the light of my soul… my better half. So beautiful… so…"

"Who? Mrs. Norris?" Ron asked, looking at Percy strangely.

"Who? Oh, no, that superb creature!"

"Dobby?" Ron asked, appalled.

"Yes," said Percy, sighing dreamily. "I have found the House-elf of my wet dreams."

Nearby, Luna choked.

Draco looked at her, astonished.

"I thought Percy Weasley didn't know what a wet dream was," said Harry.

"I think I'm going to be sick," said Draco and left in a hurry.

"Oh – me too!" said Luna and ran after Draco.

Harry looked after them, and then shrugged before he followed them.

x-x-x

After being forced to watch the nauseating scene of Percy Weasley trying to court Dobby in a skewed notion of the Lowly House-Elf Love ritual - in Draco's opinion, Percy Weasley ended up looking like a drunken hummingbird trying to do the hokey-pokey with only the vaguest notion of how it supposed to go.

"They're a love triangle," said Luna after several days of watching the show. "Though, I reckon it's the strangest love triangle ever existed."

Harry looked thoughtful. "Yeah," he said nodding. "You two know about the Pythagorean theorem, right?"

Both Luna and Draco nodded, wondering what he was going on about.

"Well, as you know, Pythagorean theorem is A squared plus B squared equals C squared. It works on right triangles. And they're a triangle – a love triangle, but a triangle nonetheless."

Luna blinked.

"So let me get this straight," said Draco after a moment of stunned silence. "Percy plus Dobby equal Filch's cat?"

"Yes," said Harry. Then he frowned. "I mean no! No! I mean…"

"I think he means that they're just all in love with each other…"

"Actually," said Draco, "I think it's more of a linear kind of love. Because wouldn't Mrs. Norris have to be in love with Percy for it to be a love triangle?"

"Well, never mind," said Harry.

"All right!" said Draco. "So they're a triangle. Right."

"So what do we do about it?"

"Well… if you two would help me do as logic dictates…" Luna hinted.

"No, never," said Draco. "I think I'll go illogic-happy for now, thank you! Come, Harry, dear. Let's go play with the insane people."

A/N: My grammar is truly hideous in this fic. It is definitely a parody, as I am sure you may have noticed. So… any more suggestions? Truly random couples to just mention in passing… or guesses for the narrator? Oh, and some constructive criticism would be good, because I'm afraid this might not be funny or healthy for anyone.

Citation/Disclaimer(s)/Reference:

1. Hokey-cokey is also another term for hokey-pokey. However, as someone who is American, I'm familiar with the term hokey-pokey, the children's dance. According to sources, however, in the UK, the term is hokey-cokey, which I suppose is all right. I hope nobody minds, however, that I used the American term… Just thought I ought to let my readers know about that.

Review Reply:

silvamoon

ga nat nat

brionyjae

-little oro-

Sarah123Babe

Night Essence: I like those too.

Thanks to all of you! I appreciate your reviews as I was rather afraid of this story's reception seeing as it is extreme. It was meant to be that way, but I was still afraid of it not being taken very well. I'm glad it's being taken well – better than I expected it too, really. So I hope you enjoyed this new chapter.

Review if you wish to comment, give me a new crazy idea, guess who the narrator is (the one using the "I" voice – and no, it doesn't have to be human), or let me know of any typos or grammatical errors I've made. Most of the grammatical errors are on purpose, so just check the spelling, please! Thanks!

Keir the evil genius