Forgiveness is a Funny Thing Chapter 4

*"What about you have you ever thought moving on?"

"Like dating? Sure, when I'm not being a single mom or a Homicide Detective, or whatever this is, what about you?"

Joss made her way back to consciousness, her head was pounding thank goodness the room was quiet, is that the smell of coffee wafting through the air? She thought to herself. She slowly opened her eyes, the bright sunlight coming thru the window didn't help her headache. Her eyes focused on John sitting in a chair by the window facing the bed she was lying on. He had his eyes closed his Sig on the table next him. Just as she started to stir he was out of the chair and was handing her a bottle of water, "here this will help the headache," just as suddenly he was back in his chair.

"Where am I?" Joss asked, still laying in the bed.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Joss thought about it, she remembered someone grabbing her from behind.

"Somebody grabbed me from behind put a cloth over my face with some kind of sedative on it...I thought I heard a fight and gun shots. I take it that was you?" She sat up slowly. "How long have I been here?"

"Just a few hours. You hungry? I'll cook you something."

"No thanks I need to get back home, I'll eat there."

"Joss" John wasn't sure just what to say to her. He just needed to start a dialogue.

"Bathroom?" John pointed her in the direction. This estrangement was different, there was so much at stake, emotions were high, he couldn't let her leave without saying something. He had risked too much even bringing her back here.

"This your place?" Joss asked, making her way to her belongings. He nodded in response.

"Carter." The way he said her name brought back too many memories for her. She closed her eyes.

"My name is Mrs. Murphy now," as she pulled on her jacket preparing to leave. The familiar feeling in the air of whatever it was that always happened when they were together charged the atmosphere.

Joss huffed out a chuckle "Still nothing to say John?" She shook her head and started to leave.

"I'm sorry."

"You've said that a lot, now, I don't believe you, so I'll see you later." As she started to leave, John grabbed her arm.

"You have a right to be angry. I understand."

"Thanks for your permission. Do you even know why I'm angry or did you miss that class in your CIA training." John was taken aback by her harshness he had never seen Joss like this even at their worse.

"You don't understand and it's too dangerous to explain."

Joss started to laugh genuinely laugh. "When will it ever be safe John, was it safe when I risked everything to help while you were in Rikers? Was it safe when your ex-partner from the CIA tried to kill us ramming that truck into the SUV we were riding in? Was it safe when you had that bomb vest strapped to you and I wanted to help you? Was it safe when you told me you loved me in the morgue that night? Tell me John when will it ever be safe? She stared at him defiantly. John's eyes filled with tears Joss had been through hell with him and Finch. Now he understood why she married Ian.

I meant it when I told you that I love you Joss.

"And that's why you left without saying a word. I didn't know if you were dead or alive. You either Finch." She yelled out sure he was listening.

"I took the battery out of my phone and you're not carrying one so he can't hear us now."

"Joss I'm sorry about Ian he was a good man."

"I do not want to talk about Ian with you."

John sighed deeply "alright if it will set some things right between us I'll tell you everything." He moved them both to sit on the bed. "But first I need you to tell me your plans for Dominic."

Joss just stared straight ahead. This was a place they had visited before with the Marshall Jennings incident except the tables were turned and there was no Mexican prison in Dominic's future.

"I'm going to kill Him," she said it so matter of factly that it sent chills through John.

"Revenge Joss? You're to good for that, I know deep down you want to do this the right way. This is isn't you." John tried to reason with her.

"People change didn't you know that John." she still wouldn't look at him. "I used to be a cop I can make it look like a good shoot."

John couldn't believe what he was hearing from Joss Carter Murphy. This was not the honest to a fault ex detective, ex warrant officer, ADA Joss he knew. One thing John saw was the determination in her eyes. He kneeled down in front of her, "don't do this Carter this is something you'll never come back from take my word for it, you've killed in the line of duty not for revenge."

Joss held her head down she wouldn't meet his eyes John reached up and touched her chin and tilted her head up till their eyes met. "What about Taylor and Alex how are they supposed to manage if you're caught, how will you manage the guilt, how will I manage if I lose you again.

It was then her eyes started to soften, John continued trying to make headway. " I know how you feel Joss wanting to take out those who have taken something from you, I won't let you lose that part of your soul. I love you too much for that to happen."

Joss' eyes started to tear up.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. He couldn't believe it, whoever it was their timing couldn't be worse. John got up to answer the door it was Fusco.

"Lionel you better have a very good explanation for here." John spoke to him in that dangerous whisper they all recognized.

"Glasses sent me we heard there was a report of shots fired at Cart—I mean Mrs. Murphy's apartment and he told me to check to see if you were here."

John was pissed somehow Harold must have found a way to track him. He knew he needed to stay under Samaritans radar. Sometimes he underestimated Finch's determination to locate him but Finch knew helping Joss was an added distraction to John.

"Contact Finch and tell him we're fine I need to talk to Joss for a while."

"Never mind John it's to late anyway," she turned to Fusco, "take me home partner." She smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

John glared at Fusco as he returned a what do you expect me to do look. "Sure, let's go" he answered her and they promptly left.

"What the hell did I walk in on?" Fusco asked Joss.

"I do not want to talk about it Fusco."

"Well did you at least talk to the big guy about what's been going on between you two?"

"Nothing to talk about really, just agreeing to disagree."

"What the hell are you talking about Carter?" Fusco asked frustrated with both their behavior.

"Methodology. We disagree about the way I'm handling things, He doesn't like that I'm using some of the man in the suit methods."

"Don't you think It's bad enough we have lady commando, tall dark and stormy and now we have you to worry about? It ain't right Carter."

Joss remained silent she didn't want to argue anymore tonight.

"Look you know I've always got your back Carter. But this thing with you and wonder boy has a life all its own, do you know he has been ditching work to find you." Joss truly valued Fusco's loyalty.

"So I've heard."

"Our captain has been riding me about his whereabouts and if he's helping you I'm helping him, but I'm running out of excuses."

John entered the underground subway car. "Finch I need you to locate Dominic and fast."

"What's the problem Mr. Reese?" Harold questioned looking away from his computer monitors.

"Finch I need to stop Joss from doing something that will destroy her and everything she stands for."

John went into the subway car took out his plan B bag and turned towards Finch.

"Joss wants to kill Dominic and I have to stop her."

* Part of the stakeout scene from "Til Death.