I don't own Blindspot or any of these amazing characters…
I was going to post this in the morning, but I'll do it a little early in case tomorrow is as crazy as today was. Hope you enjoy...
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I wanted to thank A11y50n for the idea of the baby Bethany videos! Loved it…used it. You are awesome.
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"So I talk to her regularly?" Kurt worried as Jane explained his routine with Bethany.
"You video call her," Jane confirmed, "You're a wonderful Father."
"She lives so far away…" Kurt worried.
"You fly there and Allie brings her here," Jane reassured him. You probably see her more than some Father's that live nearer their children."
"If I call her though," Kurt was still hesitant, "Won't she notice something's wrong?"
"I know what we can do!" Jane realized abruptly, "We have videos of all of her milestones!"
"We do?" Kurt looks surprised.
"Well," Jane smiled at him, "You actually took them for me…because I was gone."
"You left so that I could have those moments," Kurt remembered.
"And you recorded them so I could share them with you when you found me." She smiled.
"And now I get to see them," Kurt gave her a little smile.
"Get ready for cute overload," Jane teased him, "You make pretty beautiful babies."
Kurt watched her getting the video ready silently. Just as she turned back to face him he asked her, "You ever think of having one of our own?"
Jane froze as his word echoed not only through the now emotionally charged room, but through time. She was immediately transported back to the moment when he first asked her that question. She felt their happiness, their heartache, the loneliness of her self-enforced exile.
Kurt was watching her with a worried frown. The look on her face indicated that she was far away.
"Jane," He pushed himself off the couch and headed toward her in concern, "Do you not want any more children?"
Jane blinked up at him as he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him protectively.
"It's not that," Jane denied, "You asked me that before…exactly like that."
"It felt right," Kurt admitted with a little smile, "What was your answer?"
"I never answered," Jane denied with a little grimace, "Assassins broke into the house right then and I left you later that night."
"We never talked about it after that?" If asking had felt right, finding out they never talked about it again suddenly didn't.
"A lot has been going on since I got back," Jane explained lamely.
"Let's talk about it now," Kurt insisted. He didn't know why he was pushing her. Even he realized this wasn't the best time to make long term plans, but somehow he knew this was a conversation that had been at the back of his mind for a while.
"I…" Jane didn't know what to say. She wanted Kurt's children with a longing that probably wasn't healthy, but she also knew that telling him that would unduly influence him and his feeling for her. She was determined not to do anything that would sway him from making the right decision for his future. He picked her before and she didn't want to keep him by default. Until he knew what he was getting into…she couldn't have this conversation.
"Sounds like you don't," Kurt was frowning down at her.
She couldn't let him believe that either…
"I do want children with you," Jane finally admitted, "But there's always something keeping us from making that a reality."
"You think we should wait for the perfect time?" Kurt might not remember his life before, but even he knew there would never be a moment like that. Life didn't work that way.
"Not the perfect time," Jane denied, "But I would like you to at least know who I am beyond the fact that you married me. I also want to point out that my brother is trying to kill us, that is not a situation I want to expose our children to."
Our children. He liked the sound of that.
"Fair enough," Kurt conceded,
They settled on the couch and Jane was surprised when Kurt lifted the pillow off his lap and waited for her legs to settle against him. He immediately began to gently rub them and Jane's eyes closed at the familiar sensation.
Kurt looked over at her trembling mouth and realized what he'd done. He hadn't consciously remembered this, but it felt right. He suddenly realized that his instincts could fill in the dark places of his mind even better than racking his brain could.
Jane took a deep breath and started the video. Just that quickly Kurt was captivated. He watched the little scamp that carried so many of his own traits grow up.
As Kurt watched the video, Jane watched him. This was an unexpected gift. She'd been enchanted when he'd shown her what she missed, but now she was able to watch Kurt's reaction to Bethany's milestones and an empty space inside her filled full. She'd missed his reaction the first time and watching him fall in love with his daughter all over again, she felt her own eyes fill with tears.
"Look at her!" Kurt's hand tightened on Jane's leg in excitement.
She watched Bethany take her first trembling steps with wet cheeks.
The video continued to play and Kurt fell in love with his daughter and Jane fell more in love with him. Roman had taken away everything that defined the man he'd become and yet his gentle heart and inherent goodness was so deeply engrained in him, he was the same.
Once the video finally ended Kurt looked over and caught her watching him with such a look of love on her face that he couldn't resist leaning in and stealing a kiss that she returned with a reverence that made that feeling he couldn't deny even more poignant. He might have had an awesome child by default, but he'd clearly chosen his wife with care. It was a good thing he was so choosey…
Later that afternoon he called his daughter and it wasn't awkward at all.
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Kurt slowly began to take up his life once more. Their first day back at the FBI, Jane was almost paralyzed with fear that he would get hurt. As time passed he proved that the Zip might have taken his memories, but it hadn't taken his abilities, Jane felt her anxiety lesson.
He was the same alpha leader. He didn't shy away from voicing his opinions in the briefings. His instincts were spot on. You would almost think he remembered, but then he'd do something completely unexpected.
Jane watched him laughing and joking with some of the other Agents and she felt more alone than ever. The serious, guarded man she loved was open and engaging. He didn't hide behind his walls, he didn't need them anymore. She rejoiced in the freedom he seemed to find, but now she found herself trapped behind those walls all alone. He'd lowered them down to allow her in, but when he left them, she found herself left behind.
"Jane," Patterson called to her watching her with a worried expression.
"Did you find something?" Jane turned toward her gratefully. Anything was better than watching Kurt move beyond her…beyond them.
"I have a lead," Patterson admitted, "It's not from the tattoos."
"Where's it from?" Jane didn't understand.
"Sheppard." Patterson explained.
"What?" Jane didn't understand. Sheppard was back in CIA custody and with Tasha off the taskforce, beyond their reach.
"Keaton came by," Patterson explained, "Sheppard started talking."
"Why?" Jane didn't understand.
"She's trying to save Roman," Patterson admitted.
"At my expense?" Jane guessed.
"She says she's trying to save both her children." Patterson denied.
"I don't believe her," Jane admitted.
"I don't either," Patterson agreed.
"So what did she give us?" Jane turned toward her.
"Aren't you going to get Kurt?" Patterson looked past Jane to where Kurt was talking to the others.
Jane looked over her shoulder at his happy expression.
"No," Jane denied.
"What's going on?" Patterson demanded immediately.
"Look at him," Jane insisted, "Can you ever remember seeing him that happy before?"
"Yes," Patterson insisted, "Happier actually, when he got you back."
"That was before…" Jane insisted.
"Before he forgot you?" Patterson clarified.
"He didn't forget me," Jane reminded her, "My brother drugged him."
"You didn't," Patterson insisted.
"It doesn't matter," Jane insisted, "The end result is the same."
"What do you think is the end result?" Patterson worried.
"Before…he was guarded and a little broken. We fit."
"Neither one of you is broken!" Patterson protested.
"Patterson…" Jane looked at her in disbelief, "My Mother is a terrorist, my Brother is homicidal, I have no memories of most my life, I was tortured by the CIA, I've had multiple hits placed on me… I'm more than a little broken."
"Well Kurt can't remember most his life either," Patterson pointed out, "And last I checked Kurt's had hits placed on him…"
"Losing my memory was one of the best things that happened to me," Jane argued, " And Kurt losing his…was one of the best things for him."
"You don't mean that!" Patterson protested.
"Look at him," Jane insisted.
Patterson looked. Kurt did seem happy, more carefree.
"He still loves you," Patterson didn't try to deny what Jane was saying. Kurt was different in this one instance.
"Is it love, or is it obligation?" Jane asked her.
"It's love." Patterson said flatly.
"I hope so," Jane finally whispered.
"You'll see," Patterson said with confidence. She might not know everything, but in Kurt and Jane's feeling for each other, she had absolute certainty.
"I'm going on my own to check out your lead," Jane insisted.
"At least take Reade," Patterson insisted.
"He's in meetings all day," Jane reminded her, "Tasha's gone. Kurt's…distracted."
"I'll go with you," Patterson insisted.
"Rich is doing his community service," Jane reminded her, "If you're with me, who will be feeding me Intel?"
"Jane…" Patterson was clearly reluctant.
"It'll be fine," Jane insisted.
"We're going to eat…" Kurt walked over and told them, his arm circling around Jane, "You two coming?"
Seeing that Laura had joined the group with Kurt, Jane smiled sadly, "No, you go ahead. Enjoy yourselves."
"You have to eat," Kurt insisted. He wanted her with him.
"We have a lead," Jane said casually, "We'll grab something later."
At that Kurt's face changed. He went from lighthearted to serious in a heartbeat.
"What kind of lead?" He worried.
"Roman might be in the city," Patterson explained.
"Then I should go with you," Kurt turned and yelled back at the group, "I'm going with Jane and Patterson, catch you later."
"Need any help?" Laura offered immediately.
Kurt looked over at Jane in question, "No," Jane assured him, "If you want to go with the others…"
"I'm with you," Kurt insisted.
Seeing his serious expression firmly back in place, Jane's heart sank. He would never be the carefree person he should be as long as he had to help her carry her baggage. The thought made her sad.
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"Clear," Jane told Kurt turning to head upstairs.
"Clear," Kurt called back, making his way through the kitchen area of the abandoned building.
"I'm going up," Jane told him.
"I'll finish the back room sweep and then I'll be right behind you," Kurt assured her.
"Copy," Jane headed up the steps cautiously.
The first room was empty, but as she moved down the narrow hall, the door to the room at the end of the hallway burst open and she gasped as she came under heavy fire.
"We have shooters!" Jane warned Kurt falling into a room adjacent to her attempting to avoid the barrage of gun fire.
"Jane, are you down?" Patterson worried.
"No," Jane denied. She looked down at her leg and saw the tear in her pants, but the wound was superficial. She taken a couple of hits to the plates, but her biggest problem was the running feet headed in her direction.
"Kurt," Jane warned him, "Get out, it's a trap."
"Not without you," Kurt insisted.
Suddenly a grenade landed on the floor in front of her.
Jane leaped for the window and burst out just as the grenade exploded.
"Jane!" Patterson called to no avail.
Kurt had been headed up the steps when the blast went off.
"Is she down?" Kurt demanded to Patterson.
"I don't know," Patterson denied, "She's not responding."
Jane fell to the ground and hit hard. The jarring of her entire body might have killed her if she hadn't been able to disperse the impact by rolling. Regardless, when she came to rest just out of sight of the window her first thought was of Kurt.
"I went out the window," Jane forced the words out, not even sounding like herself.
"I'm coming," Kurt assure her, turning to retrace his steps.
Jane tried to push herself up, but she needed a moment.
Kurt came around the house and immediately began firing at the figure standing in the window. The shooter returned fire before he retreated.
At the sound of the automatic fire, Jane forced herself up. She saw Kurt heading toward her and tried to meet him, but her limbs weren't responding quickly enough.
"Stay down!" Kurt insisted, falling to his knees beside her.
"I'm okay," Jane reassured him.
"No you're not," Kurt denied looking over.
"We need to get out of here," Jane insisted.
"I've got back-up on the way," Patterson assured them.
"We need paramedics," Kurt insisted.
"I'll dispatch." Patterson didn't second guess him.
"Kurt," Jane protested.
"You jumped from the second story!" Kurt all but yelled at her.
It was so out of character, Jane looked up shocked at his sudden loss of control.
"We need to get some distance from the shooters until back-up arrives," Jane insisted.
Kurt helped her stand and supported her against him while they moved to a more defensible position.
Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, the shooters elected to flee and not fight. They got away, but they left behind some valuable Intel.
Kurt didn't give a damn about any of that though. He stood vigilant over Jane while the paramedics checked her injuries. When they medically cleared her, he scowled as she signed the consent form refusing further medical assistance.
"You need to go to the hospital," Kurt argued, "You might have internal bleeding."
"I know what to look for," Jane assured him, standing up gingerly.
Kurt was beyond frustrated. He didn't remember her, but he knew she was necessary in some fundamental level. The cavalier way she seemed to disregard her own wellbeing was infuriating.
"I thought you said you loved me?" Kurt didn't step back when she moved toward him.
"What?" Jane looked up at him in startled surprise.
"If you loved me like you said you do," Kurt continued, refusing to be swayed from this conversation by her confused and tired face, "You wouldn't continue to risk yourself like this."
"What we do is dangerous," Jane reminded him.
"Yes," Kurt agreed, "But you take more risks than the rest of us. Do you have a death wish?"
"NO!" Jane denied adamantly.
"Then what's going on?"
"All of this…it's because of me. If there's a risk, I want to be the one that takes it. If someone is going to die, I'd rather it be me than any one of you." Jane said without meeting his eyes.
"How is that fair to me? To our relationship?" Kurt demanded his jaw hard.
"Some things aren't fair," Jane said softly.
"So what?" He gestured angrily, "If something happens to you, I'm just supposed to live with it?"
"Kurt," Jane placed a gentle hand on his arm, "You don't remember me."
"So you think you don't matter?" He demanded in disbelief.
"Not like I did before," Jane admitted.
"You're wrong," Kurt said flatly, "I've been waiting on you to realize that my lack memories don't affect the way I feel about you, but you can't see! I can't sleep at night because I'm worried you're going to get yourself killed. I find myself watching you even when you aren't looking, because I can't stop. I'm learning all these little things about you that make me realized just why I fell in love with you in the first place, but you are so busy trying to get yourself killed, you can't see it. You don't want to see it!"
"That's not true," Jane claimed as she felt her own eyes fill with tears. "I watch you too. You don't need me like you did before. It was us against the world, but this drug has freed you from the things that held you back."
"What things?" Kurt had become very still.
"A difficult past," Jane explained, "A terrorist wife. You have a chance to be happy. Happier than I could ever make you."
"Without you?" Kurt said quietly.
"I just want you to be happy." Jane said wearily.
"Then take care," Kurt argued, "Because for me there is no happiness for me without you."
Jane felt a tear fall down her cheek as she nodded her compliance.
Kurt pulled her against him tightly. He couldn't resist leaning down to kiss the trembling lips that were so close to his own. When Jane's hand moved up to the back of his neck and she sank against him, he groaned at the familiarity of it. In that moment, even though the memories remained elusive, he knew he was finally home. He just needed to convince her. He might have forgotten, but she was the one that was lost. They would find their way back to each other…he would have it no other way.