Chapter 4: "Pure"

When Gale finally returns to the cabin, it's almost dark out. I've been lying on our bed in the corner - a surprisingly warm pallet of pine needles and pelts covered by a sheet of soft animal skins and our blanket - trying not to panic, thinking that he was never going to come back, or worse, that he had been torn to bits by a pack of wild dogs. It's surprisingly easy to panic when you've survived the arena and now have only one friend in the world, who then goes leaves you alone in the middle of nowhere. Then it's just you and your neurotic, messed-up brain.

"Hey," I say, sitting up quickly. "Where were you?"

Gale looks at the pot of rabbit stew that I've made and begins to take off his shirt and pants. He hangs them by the fire without answering me or making eye contact, then puts the game bag down in the corner. Something is in it, but judging by the sound it makes, it's definitely not game. Probably fruit or something.

"I made rabbit stew, if you're hungry," I suggest. Obviously. He looked right at it.

Gale sits on the edge of the bed nearest to my feet and begins to eat straight from the pot.

"Where did you go? I was worried," I try again.

He swallows, sighs.

"Just go to sleep, Katniss," he says.

"What's the matter?" I ask. It's a stupid question. I know exactly what's wrong, I just don't know why I did it or how to make it better. Gale finally looks over his shoulder and glares at me a little.

"Leave me alone."

He turns back to the pot and mutters something as he takes another bite, but all I hear is "...stuck here with you."

"What did you just say?" I ask. Stuck here with me? All of a sudden my stomach feels like it did that time I fell out of a tree. For some stupid reason, tears begin to prick at the back of my eyes. I lay down and turn to face the wall, swallowing the lump in my throat and forcing my shoulders to remain level so Gale won't notice that I'm crying.

Sometime in the night, I awake to the feeling of someone stroking my hair. The remnant of the fire casts a dim, reddish glow throughout the cabin.

"Gale," I croak, hoarse from sleep. The hand in my hair freezes. I'm about to ask what he's doing when I reconsider and shut my mouth instead. My mouth has only gotten me into trouble today. I really am terrible with words.

Without explanation, Gale lifts himself up on his elbows and leans over me, brushing my lips lightly with his - not really a kiss so much as just hovering above me. We're barely touching and his eyes are pinched shut, as if it's painful for him. I can feel his soft, warm breath against my mouth. It has the effect of making me really want a kiss, so I press my lips up to meet his. At first he doesn't respond and I feel the hollow pain of rejection. Then he exhales loudly and pushes his mouth firmly against mine, coaxing it open and dipping his tongue between my lips. In my drowsy, relaxed state it feels nice, and I welcome it without question. His hand travels from my hair to my collarbone, then down to my breast. He cups it lightly through my thin undershirt, then squeezes gently, deepening the kiss at the same time that his leg crosses over to settle between mine.

Then all of a sudden, he breaks away. That strange look is back on his face, but he doesn't kiss me again. He looks down at his hand on my breast before releasing it and lying back down on his side of the bed.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. I think he's talking about earlier.

"Me too," I say.

Then he rolls away and murmurs, "Goodnight."

Maybe I don't know what he's talking about after all.

I watch the steady rise and fall of his back for a few moments before I softly reply, "Goodnight."

The next morning, Gale is gone before I even wake up. I figure that he's probably out hunting alone, although I do notice that the game bag is still on the floor in the corner. Curious, I peer inside - apples. Small and green and tart, but delicious nevertheless. There's also a few carrots, but they're not orange like I've seen before. They're a pale shade of yellow and all twisted-looking. Interesting. I remove them from the bag and put them in our underground pantry, then decide to go for my ritual morning swim at Blue Lake a little earlier than usual, since it's shaping up to be a hot day. I take off my underclothes and leave them on the bed, then undo my braid and walk barefoot to the swimming hole. Along the way, I pick a handful of sun-warmed blackberries and pop them into my mouth.

When I first arrive everything appears to be the same as usual - glossy, turquoise-green water secluded between silver cliffs and tall trees. But just as I toss the remainder of my berries into my mouth, I hear the sound of water splashing and something else I can't identify. My eyes snap to attention and I scan the area, eventually locating the back of Gale's head and shoulders in a shaded, shallow pool near the other edge of our Blue Lake. At first I'm relieved - then confused. He's leaning against a rock with one hand, facing away from me, and I can tell by the movement of his shoulder that his other hand is moving against his body. His head dips forward for a moment and he hisses in pain.

"Gale!" I yell, before thinking. It's only when he snaps around in surprise and he quickly sinks into the water up to his neck that I realize it wasn't a hiss of pain after all. I also become horribly aware that I'm standing on the shore completely nude, save for my long hair covering my shoulders and breasts. Gale is gaping at me, face flushed. The whole situation is ridiculous.

"Uhh, are you ok?" Am I always that squeaky sounding? I'm suddenly glad that I undid my braid this morning as I attempt to hide behind my hair like it's a curtain.

"I- yeah," Gale sputters back, uncharacteristically fazed.

I'm oddly aware of my own breathing. I shift my weight from foot to foot and hear Gale clear his throat. He casually glides through the water for a few seconds before I can't bear the awkwardness any longer and bolt back to the cabin. I immediately wrap myself in the blanket to remedy the embarrassed, exposed feeling, then sink down onto the bed, mentally kicking myself for screwing things up and running away. Again.

Just as I conclude that Gale will not forgive me for two back-to-back days of awkward rejection and will probably disappear all afternoon once again, he walks through the door. We stare at each other for a second before I bury my face in the bed.

"Go away!" I cry.

There's a silence for a moment, and I steel myself for a fight. But then Gale begins to laugh. My head pops up.

"Why are you laughing at me?" I demand. Gale's laughing gets louder and less controlled as he sinks down next to me.

"You're- you're so-" He chokes. "You're just so... pure."

"I am not!" I insist, a split second before realizing how ridiculous I sound. "I'm not- what is that even supposed to mean?"

Gale just continues to laugh, collapsing next to me. I begin to roll away from him, but he stops me and pulls me back so that we're both lying on our sides, facing each other.

"Hey, I'm not laughing at you, really, you're just... oblivious," he says.

"I'm not. About most things," I add quickly.

"But you are when it comes to sex," he grins. "It's cute."

"I don't know which half of that statement to be more offended by," I say, at a loss for any kind of comeback. Gale just laughs, softer this time, and plays with a strand of my hair. "Hey," I suddenly realize. "I haven't heard you laugh in a long time."

"Yeah. Feels good," he finally admits. "Thanks, Catnip, I knew you were good for something."

We stare at each other in silence for a moment.

"Do you resent me?" I ask quietly. I know Gale was joking just now, but his words reminded me of what he'd said last night.

"What?"

"Being here with me, stuck with me," I clarify. He stares at me for a minute, then realizes what I'm referring to.

"No," he says. He moves his hand from my hair to my cheek. "No," he says again, firmly, "I didn't mean that. Don't listen to me."

He looks like he's about to say more, but instead he surprises me by suddenly leaning in to kiss me. His hand travels back to grip my hair and tightens, pressing our lips together even more. When he breaks the kiss, he pauses for breath, then whispers against my mouth, "I love you."

Gale maneuvers our bodies so that I'm pinned beneath him. I free my arms from my blanket cocoon and lightly hold onto his sides. I'm worried for a moment that he can see my hesitation, but instead he continues talking.

"Sometimes you just seem so far away."

I stare at him, still unsure of what to say, so I do the only thing I can think of and catch his mouth in another kiss.

"I just want you closer," Gale murmurs into my lips when we break apart for air, kissing a trail along my jawbone to my ear. "I know you're here, but I wish you were closer. To me." His lips connect with my neck and I sigh in pleasure. I close my eyes and when I open them, his face is above mine again.

"It's just us out here, Katniss," he mumbles, brushing my hair away from my eyes. "We're all we've got, now."

My chest aches.

"Okay," I breathe. But I don't know what he wants, exactly, or if I am even able to give it to him. He seems to know a lot more about what he's doing than I do. His head dips to my neck, then my shoulder, and then he's back to sucking on my bottom lip. It feels so good that it makes my head spin.

"Yeah?" He asks, breathless.

"Yes," I answer, although I'm not entirely certain of what I'm agreeing to.

"Oh, Katniss," Gale groans, pressing his lips to my breastbone, then scattering kisses across my chest. I inhale sharply. I hadn't even remembered that I was still topless. He tugs away the blanket that I've bunched around my body like he's unwrapping a present, then sucks one of my nipples into his mouth. A tingling sensation shoots through me, causing me to arch up against him. A small whimper escapes my lips, and I weave my fingers his his hair, holding him there. Gale turns his attention to my other breast, the light stubble of his face scrubbing against my skin and making the soft, wet movements of his lips all the more wonderful by contrast. His big, calloused hand cups the side of my ribcage, then trails its way down the curve of my hip. He pauses for a moment at the band of my underwear, lips still sucking gently at my nipple, then pushes his fingers underneath the fabric and covers me completely. His skin is hot against mine, and I shift my hips at the new sensation. He begins to rub me with one thick finger. I gasp again.

"Tell me what feels good," he mumbles into my skin, pressing hot kisses down the flat of my stomach, then to my inner thigh as he tugs the garment down my legs and gently spreads them apart.

"Oh..." I exhale softly, closing my eyes as Gale begins to do things with his mouth that make me twist and moan and shudder beneath him. Just when it feels like I can't take it anymore, he rises up above me, fingers still buried deep inside, and tells me to say his name.

I do.

"Tell me you love me," he demands next, but his eyes are soft.

"I love you," I gasp out.

I open my eyes afterwards to see him licking his glistening fingers clean. I reach down and wrap my own hand around him, eager to bring him the same pleasure that he just brought me. Gale groans and buries his face in my shoulder, bucking into my hand and looking down between our bodies to watch what I do. His fingers weave into my hair and he breathes heavily into my ear. He's hard and hot and, shortly thereafter, throbbing as he spills into my palm.

Surely Gale knows he's not the only one who I love; I ran with him because I wanted to protect so many people, all of whom I love desperately. But he can have my love in this way if it helps us keep the loneliness at bay.