Rose
My brain was foggy and there was a buzz in my ears. I couldn't form coherent thoughts. I was comfortable. I felt safe where ever I was. I don't remember ever feeling safe when I've woken up. Trying to think back to a time i felt safe, though, was too much work and made my head spin. So I closed my eyes and tried not to think. I let my eyes closed and tried to take in my surroundings. I was warm. Something warm and solid but soft at the same time was pressed against my back. There was a light pressure on the top of my head. What I assumed to be arms were wrapped around me. One at my waist and one around my shoulders. I made a guess that I was in a bed. Though not mine. A masculine and musky scent filled my nose. It was comforting.
Deciding it was time to open my eyes, I looked around the room. It was cozy. Not much to it. A dresser stood in the corner, a trunk at the end of the bed. A gold shag carpet was draped across the floor. A wooden door led to the bathroom which was tiled with a separate bath a shower. The bath was large and looked quite luxurious.
My headache isn't as bad now and I try to think about what happened last night. I remember leaving the great hall and going up to my dorm to cut. I remember crying quite a bit and then falling. I don't remember anything past that.
Supposing that it's time to see whose arms I've been sleeping in, I go to roll over, but the arms tighten around me. They are very nice arms. Strong and tan and very well toned. I wait for him to loosen his hold on and slowly shift myself around. With one last wriggle I'm facing his chest. But with that wriggle the arms tighten again and my face is pressed into neck. His bare skin is soft on my cheek. I sigh and just lay there for a moment, enjoying the feeling of being held like this. Then, with slight reluctance, I place my hands on his shoulders and push my self away gently. I look up into Scorpius's face.
At first, I'm just stunned. Then confused. Then happy. Then scared.
I reached up and touched his face, my palm curled along his jaw. His sleeping face smiled gently and he leaned his face into my hand. I smiled up at him. He was so cute sleeping here. He looked so care free. Sadness suddenly clutched in my chest. Sadness that he'd never be mine. Sadness that he'd never consciously hold me like this ever again. Sadness that he'd never want to. Sadness that he wouldn't listen to me, even if I told him I loved him and always have. Even though he ignores me. I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I panick. I can't let him wake up and find me sobbing in his arms. I start to squirm and wriggle my way out. I've almost gotten free of his arms, when I see his eyes open. I shoot off the bed and go to leave the room. I don't even care that I'm only wearing what appears to be his t shirt.
"Rosie. Stop," I hear him say from behind me. The tears are now flowing down my cheeks. I try to stop the sobs. I lean forward and press my forehead to the door and let the tears fall. Vaguely, I hear him get up off his bed and come over to me. I don't want him to see me crying. I turn my face away from him.
"Rosie... Come on. Look at me" He murmurs. He puts his hand on my shoulder and tries to turn me towards him. I jerk away from his touch and turn my back to him. Silent sobs wrack my shoulders. I double over as the sobs shake me. Then I feel his strong arms wrap around me from behind and pull my back against his chest, so that he's holding me up. I'm shaking against him, crying uncontrollably. He turns me around and gingerly holds my head against his chest while his other arm wraps himself around my waist.
"Rose..." He says into my hair. It only makes me cry harder.
We stand there for quite some time. He just held me until the crying subdued. Now that it had, he scooped me up, bridal style and carried me to his four poster bed. I had my usual post crying headache.
He was so gentle with me. He sat me down on the bed in a pile of pillows, and the sat cross-legged lower on the bed. I was looking at my hands, not wanting to meet his gaze.
"Rose..." I hear him murmur. "What's going on with you?"
"Nothing," I mumble to my hands.
"Bullshit." he says. I'm surprised at his bluntness, and a little scared. He sees the fear in my eyes and his voice softens a little as he says, "Rose, last night I found you almost dead on your floor from having lost so much blood. It took my 20 minutes to make sure you were going to live. This morning I wake up and you're running away from me and crying. I've seen you cry, like, once and it was not even close to that. There's obviously something going on, so tell me."
"No." I saw the hurt in his eyes. I'd never refused to tell him something before.
"Why?"
"Because if I tell you that would involve me telling you something that you can't ever know." If I told him, then I'd have to tell him that I love him. He can't know that.
"Rose... Please?" I almost caved, seeing him so helpless and needing to know. But I couldn't.
"Scorpius, I'm sorry but I can't" I say sadly.
"I'm not leaving your side until you tell me." he said mischievously. I looked at him, bewildered.
"What about sleeping? and showering? and stuff like that?" I wonder, hoping for an answer that I'm pretty sure I won't get.
"You're going to stay here with me." YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! There is celebratory music playing in my head. I try my best not to show it on my face.
"But all my stuff is in my dorm..." I'm doing a good job at remaining expressionless.
"I can get a house elf to bring it down for you" He's smiling at me now. I'm not sure if he's joking or not...
"Are you serious?"
"Deadly" he smirks.
"But I can't leave Tina up there alone" I'm still protesting, even though I'm completely warmed up to the idea already.
"She'll manage. Rose, I'm not letting you do this to yourself anymore," he says grabbing my arms. "It's not healthy and I don't want you to get hurt. Ever. Never again" He's looking into my eyes and I can see how much he means this. I give him a small half-smile.
"Fine." I say. He grins.
I'm not sure if this is a good idea. But right then, with Scorp, I feel cared for. Like maybe, just maybe, there's someone in this world who loves me. Maybe not the way I love him, but still, he loves me. Though with my experience, I'm not the kind of person people love. It'll probably all backfire in my face and that stupid little part of my brain thinking this will say, I told you so. But there's no harm in enjoying this while it lasts.
Right?