Chapter 4: Eleven Weeks After We First Met

Getting out of Ba Sing Se had been anything but easy. Even though Kuei understood that Aang needed some personal time, he stumbled and sided with his government when Aang wouldn't tell them where he was going or why he would be leaving. Both the government and Citizens Coalition were convinced that they were closing in on some kind of workable deal, but Aang knew they were still far off. He'd been working with them too long to not recognize the signs of hollow words and platitudes that would fall through at the slightest examination. The government was doing everything in its power to keep Kuei on the throne, to have a fighting chance to correct their mistakes and have Kuei prove his worth as a king. The citizens, however, believed that the government had its chance, and was proving wholly inadequate. At the moment, there was still very little middle ground, so Aang had left them with some homework: come up with a list of ten good things about the other side's plan. He figured that would keep them busy long enough for a baby to be born.

Appa groaned loudly as they flew closer to the Fire Nation. This was, without a doubt, the least enjoyable flight Aang had ever been on. He tried to sleep, and when closing his eyes only brought on the disappointed face of Gyatso and the turned backs of the monks, Aang had opted to meditate instead. He could call on Roku for advice, but Roku advised on Avatar stuff. This was as far from Avatar stuff as he could get. And who did he have to talk to about it? A year ago, he would have written Zuko or Sokka, whom he'd thought of as older brothers. It was quite obvious that writing to Zuko would get him nowhere, but would possibly net a long lecture about all the things Aang had done wrong, or the ways in which he could have avoided the situation altogether. And Sokka… Aang couldn't bring himself to admit this to his family. What would they think of him? And would they take Azula's side? Would they say that she wasn't capable of making these kinds of decisions for herself? Would they claim he'd taken advantage of her?

Aang hugged Momo close to his chest, feeling the tears sting at his eyes. So high up, the wind was cool, and he could feel the cold trail across his face as the tears fell. He would go back, and he would have to face them. He would have to face Katara, and look at her and hear her question his loyalty and love for her if he would do something like…this. Momo chattered and patted his cheek.

"I know, Momo," he said quietly into the lemur's fur. "We'll get through it. Maybe."

When he landed in the Fire Nation, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He parked Appa in the courtyard in front of the palace and spoke with the attendants to make sure his buddy got lots of food and water, and suggested an extra long bath. Appa enjoyed bath time in the Fire Nation because there were hot springs nearby. It was with growing dread that Aang watched Mistress Yina, the Head of Household Staff, come towards him. Aang fidgeted and held on tighter to his staff, Momo a comforting presence on his head.

"Avatar Aang," Yina said, bowing low. "The Fire Lord welcomes you to the Fire Nation. Your visit is somewhat unexpected, though Princess Ursa requested you be brought to her when Appa was first spotted nearing the Gates of Azulon."

Yina made a sharp turn, and Aang followed. His heart pounded as they walked down the halls, various people from servants to council members to citizens seeking an audience with the Fire Lord bowing to him as he passed. None of them paid him any more attention than they normally would. No shocked or scandalized faces. No whispers of 'did you hear…' Nothing. Aang released a breath, feeling his shoulders straighten and the tension in his muscles relax. There was no proof that a letter had been sent at all. There was no proof that any of this happened. The monks didn't have to look at him and be ashamed.

"Is Zuko busy?" Aang asked. "I mean, usually he comes to greet me."

"Fire Lord Zuko and Princess Katara are currently in a budget meeting, Avatar Aang," Yina said politely. "I shall inform them of your arrival after the meeting is over, however, they will not be available for social calls until just before dinner. Shall I inform their majesties that you would like to meet privately?"

Aang thought briefly. "Yes, please." Better that what needed to be said be said in private rather than at the dinner table for everyone to hear.

Ursa was waiting for him in the library, reading a book while sitting at one of the tables. Yina bowed and left him standing there, and Aang didn't move because he didn't know what to do. This whole episode had a surreal quality to it, much like when he hallucinated that Momo and Appa were having a swordfight, and there was Guru Pathik and the koala sheep and the rocks…

Ursa pushed a dish of lychee nuts forward as Momo hopped excitedly from Aang's shoulder. She didn't look up, not once, from her book. She smiled softly and turned another page, just sitting there and not saying anything. Aang still didn't know much about her, but she was always kind and comforting; she was a great balance to Gran who had the tendency to hit people with spoons when she thought they were getting out of line. For Aang, that happened quite often, and the back of his hand very much appreciated not being whacked when he was in the Fire Nation. Still, that was a completely different matter compared to this new…development. He knew Ursa was trying to make amends with Azula. He knew that she wanted them to be a family again, and Aang couldn't blame her. That just made this conversation that much more unpredictable. He considered turning around and just leaving. He didn't want to be rude and disturb her; she seemed to be enjoying the book.

"If you're worried about interrupting my reading, Aang," Ursa said pleasantly, her eyes still glued to the page, "you don't have to. I've read this book 298 times before."

"Oh," Aang said nervously, gripping his staff a little tighter. "What is it?"

"Love Amongst the Dragons. Always an excellent read."

She marked her place in the book with a piece of purple silk and stood, scratching Momo under the chin, just the way he liked. He purred and offered more chin, followed by his back to be scratched. If Momo liked Ursa, Aang tried to reason, she couldn't be too dangerous. But then, she'd offered him lychee nuts, and anyone who offered Momo food got a gold star in his book. Aang didn't know how anyone except Zuko received the news of Azula's pregnancy, and he hoped for his safety that there had been less…extreme…reactions.

"Shall we, then?"

And so Aang trailed behind Ursa, though she kept encouraging him to walk beside her. Eventually, she just linked her arm with his as if they were going on a pleasant stroll, but Aang knew they were going to see Azula, and the tightness and strength of her arm against his said that there was no getting out of this. He did not want to see Azula. He was afraid of what he might see, and too soon, they arrived in the private garden, and there was Azula sitting at the turtleduck pond. Aang's feet stuck firmly to the ground and would let him move no closer. The woman he saw in front of him could very well be the girl he'd seen in the hospital, her hair limp and completely obscuring her face. She leaned forward, her hand reached out to touch a turtleduck, but the animal hovered away, sensing her agitation. She'd put on a bit of weight in the three months since he saw her last. She turned her body toward him slightly, but he couldn't tell if she was watching him because of her hair. He averted his eyes when he noticed that her dress fit snugly across the chest, exposing more cleavage than he'd seen on her before. Except when, well, she was naked.

Aang cleared his throat. "Maybe she's not…you know. Did you seek a second opinion? I mean, doctors can't be right all the time?"

He tried to give a little laugh, hoping to just wave this whole thing away as an unfortunate misunderstanding and clear this bit from his conscience, because to accept this pregnancy as truth… He rubbed the back of his neck. Ursa stood beside him, saying nothing, just watching her daughter. Aang allowed himself to believe that they'd been so worried about Azula that no one had considered this possibility.

"She's not, you know…" he mimed a bigger stomach. "So. I'll just be going and we could put this all behind us."

Aang took two steps before Ursa's fierce gaze froze him to the spot. She had dropped his arm when they entered the garden, going a few steps further than him, but as he moved to walk out of the garden, something in her eyes froze him. It wasn't that there was anger in the way she held herself; she remained loose and graceful, her back straight, her arms bent at the elbows so that her hands rested over her middle. No, the anger and the disappointment was in her eyes, the same gold as Azula's.

"This will be a difficult time for the both of you," she said, her voice sharp, cutting right down to the center of Aang's shame. "Turning your back and walking away will not make this go away. I can assure you, Azula is pregnant, and I believe her when she says it is your child. Whatever you may not feel toward my daughter, it is your responsibility to take care of her and your child."

Azula was watching him, her eyes now barely visible through her hair. And she was smirking. Smirking at him like she was glad he'd just been scolded. Frowning, Aang stood up to his full height, holding his staff firmly.

"I know—"

"I'm sure you've had a long journey, Aang," Ursa said, smiling pleasantly again. She kissed him lightly on his forehead in that wonderful, maternal way she had. "Your rooms are being prepared as we speak. I suggest you go down to the kitchens and have a bit of lunch. It's going to be a long forty weeks for you both."

"Forty weeks?" Aang squawked, almost not recognizing the way his voice was so high pitched.

"Well, really only twenty-nine, now. Either way, I suppose you'll be here for a while, hm?"

Ursa went back inside the palace, and Aang dropped his staff, doubling over, his hands on his knees as he tried to breathe. He could still see Azula, her bandaged hands now in her lap, her attention turned away from him to something else. She'd tucked her hair behind her ears, and Aang saw that her eyes were red. Only once before had Aang ever seen Azula cry, and she'd been so different, so lonely and needy that she'd slept with him, and now here they were, and there were three other people besides the two of them who knew what happened. Aang couldn't take it. The weight and the gravity were crashing down on him, smashing into his back and forcing him to the ground. He could barely breathe, and that only made him panic, and the panic made that weight worse, because he hadn't the slightest idea what he was going to do with a child.

Chest heaving, he opened his glider and took to the air.

It had been two days since Aang was last seen in the Fire Nation. Part of Azula felt elated at this; at least she hadn't run away when she found out she was pregnant. Little by little, she was coming to accept the fact, or at least learning to deal with it. She smirked, standing next to Zuko on the bridge over one of the palace ponds.

"What's so amusing?" he asked, nudging her lightly.

The pain in her hands was finally starting to lessen, and it didn't hurt to grip things anymore. To prove this, she gripped the railing on the bridge and closed her eyes, feeling the sun as she leaned back. She had passed the first test, and Aang had not.

"The Avatar's a petulant child afraid of a woman who spent five years in a mental institution."

Zuko's smile dripped away. He shifted uncomfortably and looked around them as if checking to make sure no one heard her. That only made her smile more. It might not happen often, but Azula still cherished making Zuko uncomfortable, still loved that she knew how to get under his skin sometimes. She laughed, feeling lighter than she had in months.

"Relax, Zuzu," Azula said, giving him a forceful shove. "You should have seen him almost have a heart attack right before he ran. I think he's even more scared than I am."

If she was being honest, Azula was kind of counting on this dependability everyone said Aang had. And his alleged loyalty. And his supposed dedication to duty. She was counting on him to stand up and do something and make this burden a little easier on her. Zuko said that's what having Katara was doing for him. The doctors at the asylum said that's how good relationships worked, be they friendships or romances; your partner was supposed to help ease the burdens of life. Well, Zuko had Katara and that whole damn staff of his. He didn't have to do it all on his own, even if he didn't trust the people working under him. But there were things he could put off on others and not have to worry about. Azula knew she didn't have the same luxury. This was her problem, and Aang's, and she was never one for putting her problems on others. They were always her to deal with, and she always did, and she always squashed them.

"Hey Zuko?" Azula asked tentatively, staring down at their reflections in the water. "Remember that time we had a sleepover? When I was keeping you from sneaking out to the prison?"

"Yeah. I do."

"I…don't sleep well at night."

Zuko was silent, and Azula didn't mind. She already knew what the answer was. She had known before she even asked the question. It was worth a shot anyway.

"It's just that…you know… Katara and I sleep in the same bed, now."

"Right," Azula said, pushing away from the railing.

Her burdens were her own. There was no staff, and apparently no Aang to help carry them. She never put her burdens on others.

Aang sat on the very top of the Fire Nation palace. At some point, he'd have to come down. Meditation had done little to ease his spirit over the past three days. The longer he stayed away, the more guilt ate at him. Too many people knew about this and acknowledged it for it to be a figment of his imagination, but admitting that this was real meant admitting that he was scared out of his mind, and that he didn't have the slightest idea about what he was doing. Taking a deep breath, Aang decided to take the first step.

"Azula and I are going to have a baby," he said into the winds. "I…" He gulped. It was hard to even say it up in the air where he was only surrounded by the clouds. "I…I had sex with Azula. And now she's pregnant."

He waited, but didn't feel the nausea that he usually felt following that thought train, and that had to be a good sign, at least. Acceptance. Once he'd accepted that he was the Avatar, it gave him the strength and courage to push on. Once he'd accepted his fate, he could move past that crippling pain that hit him. Aang took another deep breath and held it for as long as he could. Slowly, he released the breath, sending his fear and anxiety along with it. He didn't know what he was doing, but Ursa had been pregnant before. Katara had delivered a baby. They would manage, somehow, he and Azula.

"I had…sex…with Azula," Aang said, willing the words to become more real. "I had sex with Azula, and now she's pregnant."

Accept it. When he visited Azula in the asylum, he had been able to help her. Zuko had asked for his help, and it had begun to work. Balance was what she needed. Balance and reassurance and people to be there for her. Aang nodded firmly. You cannot take the path of least resistance if you do not know what path you are on and which paths are available to you. There is no freedom if you restrict your path with falsehoods and lies.

Snapping his glider open, Aang soared down, swooping over people milling about the courtyard, and coming to rest on the balcony outside Zuko's office that overlooked the palace gardens. Inside, Zuko was pulling books off the shelves for Katara. He smiled at something she said, and it made Aang jealous again to see that. There was a softness and an openness to her smile that conveyed more than just happiness. She'd never smiled at him like that, and Aang wondered if she'd ever made room in her heart for him. Had she even tried to love him? Even in her past, he wanted to be more than just 'that kid,' the one she felt threatened by the least. Slowly, Zuko's smile faded and he looked really sad. When Katara turned to set the books on the desk, Aang could see that she was sad, too. Then she went and hugged Zuko, wrapping her arms around his waist, and Zuko laid his cheek on top of her head, his hands roaming over her back, stroking her hair, moving down to her rear. Aang banged harshly on the window. He'd seen enough.

Startled, they jumped apart, but not before Aang saw Katara smiling again, biting her lip. Zuko came to open the window.

"Aang, where have you been? You can't just fly away and be gone for three whole days and not tell anyone. Do you know how many people I've had out looking for you? Do you know how worried we've been?"

Zuko's tone was somewhere between concerned and annoyed, though Aang had the feeling his motives weren't entirely pure for wanting Aang found. Not so much for Aang's well-being, but more for Azula's. Aang stepped inside the office, not feeling as light as he did when he soared down from the top of the palace. He wasn't surprised that Katara didn't come to hug him. She took a few steps forward, but then seemed unsure of herself, and decided to remain where she was, her arms crossed over her middle. She was wearing red, and Aang hated to admit that she looked nice in red. He would have preferred to see her in yellow, but that possibility was lost to him forever.

"I'm sure you want to talk about what happened," Aang said firmly.

No one said anything, just stood around and looked at each other. Or not looking. It was funny that, for once, he was the one standing his ground and making eye contact while his two teachers were doing their best to avoid him. He hoped they still felt ashamed of themselves. He hoped they found it hard to look in the mirror and be satisfied with everything they'd done.

"I'm worried about Azula," Zuko said finally, leaning against a wall. "She's not handling any of this well." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Could you…do…your thing with her?"

"My…thing?"

Aang looked at Zuko in disbelief. Dread was growing in the pit of his stomach. Zuko looked like he'd just swallowed a whole wad of bitter berries, and he was looking pained and angry, and Aang tried to think about what Sokka would do in this situation. Just amplified. Azula was damaged. She was broken, and Zuko had shouldered the burden of trying to put her back together. He was desperate.

"What…thing…are you talking about?" Aang asked.

Zuko shrugged. "Your Avatar thing. When Azula was in the hospital, and when she first came home, you helped her. She needs you to help her again. Aside from the fact that this is your child, and you really don't have a choice."

Aang frowned. Everyone was fond of telling him he didn't have a choice, and that wasn't exactly making him inclined to do much of anything. He hated being forced into something. Katara was looking out the window; it didn't look like she was paying them much attention, and Aang wished she would say something.

"I don't know if anyone told you, but she gloated when your mother was scolding me—"

"I know," Zuko said nonchalantly.

"So you want me to approach your sister who is eleven weeks pregnant, hates me, would probably shoot me with lightning again if she could, and say 'I'm going to do my thing with you?' And you think this is a good idea?"

"She was good enough for you to fuck—"

"We're concerned," Katara said, putting a hand against Zuko's chest as he pushed himself off the wall.

Aang willed himself to remain still. He wouldn't back down.

"Azula's not doing well, and we're worried," Katara said, putting herself between Aang and Zuko. "Zuko says she responded well to your help when she was in the hospital. Do you think you could do that again?"

No one was really giving him a choice in the matter. But he'd accepted this. Aang let out a deep breath.

"I'll try."