So, I know I'm the worst author ever because I left this fanfic without an update in almost three weks (maybe more, you guys tell me) and I'm even worst-er because this chapter is so much smaller than the rest of the chapters, but I needed to give this to you before I reached the month mark and forgot the next update! I hope you can forgive me, I've been very busy with school stuff and life stuff that I haven't had time to sit and write in a long time! But, I'm back and I hope you like this one!
A big shoutout to the amazing Rusherb29HimNae and to the awesomesauce 0verdramatic who never fail to leave a review! You make this Rusher very, very happy!
A huge hug to the new followers, amrice101 who followed about three weeks ago (I'm sorry I disappointed you, my dear) and to The Weasley Way who followed earlier this weekend (it was thanks to you that I forced myself to update this. Cheers!)
Before I forget, I do not own any of the characters here, those are property of Scott Fellows I assume, except for the original characters, which you'll be able to point out I'm sure, and I definitely do not own the idea for this AU, that's all thanks to the genius Andrew Marlow and the lovely Terri Eda (and all the writers from Castle).
Chapter 004 - Where you learn what a pain in the ass Counseling Day is.
As it was usual every month, Dallas was the first to walk inside Dr. Goldwater's office first thing in the morning. He went in with a smile, calm about that day's session, and came back with an even bigger smile, proving his ability to keep his cool under the worst conditions. Cruz called Diamond to go in next and the writer seemed a little too nervous to go into the room. He took small steps towards the back of the bull-pen, trying to drag out his time as much as possible. The best-selling author wasn't particularly scared about talking to Dr. Goldwater about his troubles (he was James Diamond, after all) but rather about what came after his own session. James knew perfectly well that, when the psychologist was finished with him, he'd be the bearer of bad news to the rest of the team.
Minutes passed on by in which tension settled comfortably over everyone's shoulders and Somers had to restore to taking a walk down stairs, as if avoiding the news he knew were coming. Poor Darren wasn't spared and just as he plopped down back into his seat, James came out of Dr. Goldwater's office, shuffling his feet and looking downcast. He walked past Garcia's and Mitchell's desk, muttering darkly under his breath and let himself fall down into his usual spot next to Knight.
Green eyes looked at him inquisitively, waiting for the words to come out of his mouth anytime, but the usually talkative man kept quiet for five straight minutes. Kendall tapped his pen against his wooden desk, biting down on his lips as he became increasingly impatient with Diamond's lack of words, and restored to violently ripping James's words out of his mouth. He pinched his lower arm and the brunet squeaked.
"Garcia," came out the writer's soft voice "Your turn"
Everyone let out the breath they were holding and then took it sharply in when James continued to talk "Mitchell. Dr. Goldwater told me to call you in, too"
Logan took no time to stand from his place, loosening his tie a little to let him breathe easier and walking over to the direction Diamond had come in from. Carlos, on the other hand, took his time to follow, stretching out his limbs in front of him as he tried his hardest not to scream in pure agony. Apparently he took too much time because his partner poked his head from the hallway and told him in an annoyed tone that he should hurry. Rolling his eyes, Garcia followed down the path Mitchell had taken, all the while fixing his jacket and tie as if to look any more presentable.
The door at the end of the Tech hallway clicked shut and everyone let out the breath they weren't aware they were holding. Somers scratched at his scalp, weary of the headache that was creeping up into his temple slowly and turned back to his screen. Cruz let out a low whistle, losing the smile he'd been sporting since earlier and choosing to hide from the tension by leaving to pour himself a cup of well-needed coffee. Knight and Diamond exchanged a worried glance and then returned to their work after a minute of silence. Sullivan only scribbled away on her paper two seconds faster than before and Neally, who'd been sitting by her since a week, only looked like a lost puppy among the different reactions.
Link bit her lip pensively, thinking of a good reason for why Carlos and Logan were going to therapy together, and why the team was even going to therapy. Was there an old trauma they hadn't been able to recover from? Were all of them haunted by their pasts and needed serious counseling? No. Logan couldn't have had a troubled past. She was part of his past and there had been nothing traumatizing to try to recover from. Sure, police work was sometimes tough and gruesome, but her ex-partner never held any regrets. She'd heard about Carlos being an ex-military, so maybe that would explain why he'd go to therapy.
But what about the rest? Lottie definitely looked chipper and smiley, so there didn't seem to be a problem there. And Darren was just the same, almost always keeping his head in the clouds. Dallas too, looked grounded enough to not let much bother him. It sounded like Kendall had problems sometimes, but the best-selling author seemed to keep him sane enough without therapy.
So, what was it?
Her brows furrowed in deep concentration and it wasn't long after when Sullivan noticed "What's wrong?"
"I'm just…" Link held her breath expectantly, as if looking for a word "thinking, I guess?"
"Are you asking or are you telling me?"
"Telling you?"
Charlotte let out a small chuckled "Okay girl, tell me what's up"
The Narcotics detective was hesitant, but under Sullivan's pressure, she gave up "Would it be intrusive if I ask why you guys go to counseling?"
The red head shook her head, smiling almost sadly "Plain curiosity, I'd say" she dropped her pen and started to look for something on her computer "Don't tell anyone about these files I'll show you, okay?"
"Why? What's on them?" maybe that theory about the old trauma wasn't that far off.
"Performance reports from the first weeks Logan and I were transferred from our respective divisions" Sullivan was talking barely above a whisper, and Link was having a hard time understanding her mumbled words "Captain Rocque, our old skipper, had to turn over some reports to his superiors on how the team was adjusting." She clicked on a few other things and a whole file appeared on the screen "You see my reports weren't that bad. I'd been assigned to Kendall and he was pretty open in letting us both in. The problem was Carlos and Logan's partnership.
"Right from the start, Garcia had flatly refused to even work with a new partner, let alone a rooky coming from Narcotics. He was mad, angry at the world, and he took it all out on poor Logan. The first week had been fine. Carlos would just go all out and lash at Mitchell, calling him names and telling him his work was awful. Logan was shockingly professional and never talked back; if you ask him, he'll always say he saw Garcia's complaints as 'areas for improvement'. Then one day, he got so fed up with Carlos's bullshit and he talked back. He went on and on about how Carlos should start worrying about solving murder cases rather than making the rookie's life a living hell; he screamed and screamed his lungs out and all Garcia could do was stand there dumbfounded, because never once had a rookie talked to him like that.
"And things got uglier after that. Kendall asked Cap. Rocque if he should interfere, but Gustavo said none of us should try to even get close; the Cargan team was a ticking bomb, ready to explode at any second if anyone prompted it. So, we all kept quiet and the war continued. The reports get more dreadful the more you read on; Gustavo couldn't lie to his superiors. When 1PP got notice of how tense the situation was up in here, they ordered Rocque to do something about it."
Link, who had been skimming over the passages as quickly as she could while listening to the story, was suddenly struck with Logan's despair during those weeks. The more the girl read on, the more distraught she was with the whole thing. Gustavo Rocque explained each development so clearly, that she felt she was back at the time of the fights, listening to every word the detectives threw at each other. The worse thing was 1PP's responses. They all went against Mitchell, saying he had no right to talk to a 'superior' like that and that 'the boy should be kept in his place'. She felt a nauseating feeling crawling up her throat and felt the necessity to ask what Rocque had done to fix the whole situation.
"It was a long process," Charlotte continued, pointing at a certain passage were Rocque explained the reprimand he had given Detective Mitchell after work "First came the several scolding Logan had to put up with. One after another, Rocque kept telling him to back off his superior even though he knew it wasn't Logan's fault as a whole. 1PP's orders were clear and that was what they wanted Gustavo to do" the red head gave time to the other woman to process the whole narrative and flinched when she got herself to a certain point in it "But Logan never backed down. He had one hell of an unbreakable spirit, that boy. He never let Carlos push him down; whatever he said, whatever he did, Mitchell would always voice his opinion on the matter.
"Which was only worse, you know. They sent someone from 1PP down here to the bull-pen and Logan got an earful in front of everyone in the station. Officers, secretaries, tech experts; they all listened in as the bastard put Mitchell down bit by bit. That dude rambled for almost 20 minutes, on how 'Mitchell was supposed to listen to everything his partner said as he had more expertise on the homicide department, and as a law enforcement as a whole'. We all thought it was bullshit, especially Kendall. He had been the angriest from all of us that Logan was the one getting scolded for something Garcia had caused himself. When 1PP threatened to take Logan's earned position away, Knight had caused a riot in Gustavo's office, pleading him to do something for Mitchell
"And then, an idea struck Rocque's tired mind" Charlotte scrolled down near the end and pointed at one sentence in the report:
'...partner counseling sessions will be applied to Detectives Mitchell and Garcia every week, hoping that therapy is enough to keep them from killing each other. I ask of your patience, as dealing with bottled emotions is rather difficult and will take some time to prove their effects on the pair. Doctor Goldwater has assured me that if they're not getting well together three months from now, there is definitely nothing to be done for them. I also ask for Detective Mitchell to be given the same amount on time to change his attitude (as you so had requested as a condition to keep his job) as his past skipper – and I myself – has guaranteed that he is good at what he does and it would be a shame to lose such an asset in law enforcement.'
Link raised an eyebrow, questioningly "What does that even mean?"
"Counseling day was created as a weekly therapy session for them to get along better" Charlotte explained "It used to be once a week, like stated here, and had been a sort of marriage counseling if you ask me. They'd go in together, mad and obfuscated at each other, and come back with a new piece of mind each time. It was slow and tedious, and it took its toll on all of us; so Dr. Goldwater happily agreed to let us go in individually as if to 'calm out qualms'. Three months' worth of therapy sessions and they were joint at the hip! We never knew what Dr. Goldwater did, but she did it well and we ended up keeping Counseling day as a tradition"
"Why is it so bad that they're going in together?" Neally asked, certainly confused "I mean, if Dr. Goldwater cured them back then, why not now?"
"Thing is, 1PP still has their eye on Mitchell" Sullivan closed the files they'd been reading "They always inspect his performance even though both Rocque and Wainwright have told them he's well behaved now" she shrugged and leant back on her chair "They're sort of paranoid about him and told Cap that if they were ever fighting again, they'd relocate Logan to another precinct. If they find out Carlos and Logan are together in marriage counseling again, our Logie is out for good"
There was a crash.
Cecilia Goldwater never understood why she kept coming back to these two men. She'd always remember the first session with them; that in which they only kept screaming at each other back and forth how stupid the other was. The second was even more memorable; Mitchell had lost all patience he had and ended up throwing a vase at Garcia's head. But maybe this was the one she'll always remember. It wasn't the vase again. No, Logan had always been unpredictable, so instead of going for the last item he had thrown all those years ago he actually pushed Carlos against a wall, making it rattle and drop all the things hanging from it.
The older woman didn't even flinch. She was used to this type of behaviors; especially from cops. Goldwater maintained her voice calm, soothing; just at the right decibel to let her be heard but not feared. Her hand rested on Logan's forearm, drawing small circles to help the Detective calm down again. He's always been the most expressive from the pair, always been the one more open about his feelings, so there wasn't anything particularly off putting about his reaction. Unpredictable? Yes. Unusual? Not really.
Logan was a man controlled by emotions, perhaps even more so than Gustavo had once been.
Mitchell's muscle un-tensed underneath Goldwater's touch and his partner's feet touched the floor again. Carlos jerked himself away from his partner, fixing his clothes and glaring at Logan as he walked away back to the couch. The woman smiled up at Logan, watching intently as anger slipped away from his expression and was quickly replaced by shame and regret. He mumbled a few apologies between gritted teeth and Cecilia assured him it was all part of the process (as she had reminded him so many times before), leading him back to the couch and ordering him to sit down.
Garcia maintained his place near the window that faced the street, looking down at the busy city below his feet. His eyes moved between each car, building and person, taking his time to cool down. Carlos had always been the calm one, the one who had everything figured out even before things happened, and the one who was always afraid of feeling. Afraid of showing he cared. He was always afraid of being the one to talk. Whenever Cecilia would ask who wanted to talk first it was like he took a step back to hide; he never talked first, he never showed anything first. It was only after Logan exploded that he'd start talking, but even that took some time and that right there, his careful assessment of the streets below, it helped him step up.
"You never listen" he starts ever so slowly, and Goldwater knows he's talking to his partner "When I try to tell you, when I actually talk, you never listen"
Mitchell is quick to answer and maybe Carlos is right "What are you even talking about? I always listen to you. I listen to everything you say because if I don't I'll lose my job and you know that!"
Carlos turns over his heels, arching an eyebrow his partner's way as if trying to convey his point a little more strongly. Logan lets out a shaky breath and leans back into the cushions, waving a hand in the air as if prompting the Latino to continue his trek. Cecilia urges the older detective to continue talking, eager to hear what this will develop into.
"Last week," Garcia began, pacing a little around the room "I tried to tell you we should fix things– "
"You never said such a thing"
Goldwater's eyes are on Logan again and she reprimands him with a look "Maybe you should let him finish and then you can say whatever you have to say"
The younger detective nods a few times and goes back to his position in the couch, looking over at Carlos who's ready to keep speaking "I came up to you at lunch time on Wednesday. You were fixing your things to go out and while you were putting on your jacket I told you 'Logan, maybe we should talk about things, you know? Try and sort this out before this gets out of hand?' and you just hummed, mumbled a half-assed answer and told me 'maybe next week would be better', then scurried off behind Neally"
Mitchell's eyes are wide as he processes the information and he turns to look at his lap in disbelief, scared to confront his partner "I wasn't even paying attention to you..." he admits, shakily "I was so angry about that comment you made earlier that day that I didn't want to know anything about you"
Goldwater hums peacefully, gaining their attention "Can you tell me what comment you made, Garcia?"
Carlos looks out the window again, having paced all around the room by this time and shakes his head "I honestly don't remember much of the things I say when I'm angry"
"That's the thing, Carlos" Logan begins in this soft voice that Cecilia has trouble picking up "You never think about what you're saying. You never think whether it will hurt me or make me incredibly angry at myself; you just say them"
"You know I don't mean them. Not a single word."
Then Mitchell is standing and he's moving his hands as he talks; a habit, Cecilia knows by now, when he's nervous "No. You think I know! But have you ever sat and thought about how many of those things you say I actually believe? How many of those things keep me up at night because I keep worrying I'm not good enough for you?"
Its Carlos's turn to look dumbfounded and Goldwater has to intervene again "Okay, so he" she points at Logan "doesn't listen. And he" she points at Garcia "doesn't know how to choose his words. Now," she folds her hands over her lap and she leans in forward a bit "why don't you tell me something good about the other? Something you like about them?"
Logan is sitting down again and he's running a hand through his hair "He always listens to everything I have to say"
"He always knows what to say" continues Carlos as he leans against the window glass.
Cecilia scribbles something down and looks at Mitchell, knowing she'll have no problem to get him talking "Something else?"
"Well, I don't know what I am supposed to say" he says angry, maybe at himself "We've been fighting nonstop this past few weeks"
Goldwater smiles "It doesn't have to be something about these past few weeks. Think about your whole partnership, what do you like about it?"
The younger detective takes a little of time to think. He plays with his hands where they're resting on their lap and he begins "He knows how I like my coffee and the times I like to drink it at. When the team is canvasing a dangerous place, he's the first one to ask if I'm fine after it's over. He makes me laugh when I'm stressed about a case. When Kendall catches me sleeping at work hours, he takes the blame for 'wearing me out'. He's always there so I never truly feel alone or unprotected. I mean, he cares. He might not say much, but I know he does"
The woman doesn't give Carlos time to think and prompts him to talk.
"Ah. Well…" the Latino bites down on his lower lip, gnawing at the skin absentmindedly "He never forgets to bring coffee for me first thing in the morning. He's got my back at all times, even when Cap W is taking out her anger on me. He's got this way to know what I'm feeling when I don't even tell anyone. He walks me home when it's time to go home or stays with me at the precinct when it's too late. He's always reminding me I'm important to him and you know that's a good thing to be reminded of daily. Maybe he whines about going to the gym with me from time to time, but he never fails to do it"
Silence at last.
Kendall takes in a deep breath when he can finally hear pure silence coming from the tech hall. Minutes ago there had been a terrible crash that the squad leader had been afraid to look at, but now everything seemed to be at peace inside of Dr. Goldwater's office. He knew that woman was a saint. Back then she had been the one to bring Logan and Carlos out of their first and, supposedly, last big fight and it was a nice reassurance to think she'll be able to that again. But there was also that nagging feeling in the back of his head that told him things were only getting rougher after this.
He's back to writing down notes while he wishes he's wrong this once.
"I never thought I'd be alive to see Cargan's second fight, if I'm honest" James voice comes from Knight's right and he's a little put off by it. "I thought I'd be dead by the time that happened. Or maybe they'd be dead. I honestly don't know, I just thought I'd never see it"
The blond smiles fondly and thinks that he holds the same sentiment. Knight always thought – no, he knew – the Cargan ship basically sailed itself so, it was kind of weird to think of a second big fight between them. Now that it was happening, it made him feel like his was failing as a leader. "Yeah well, who knows? The world might just end tomorrow"
James straightened up in his chair and knocked twice on the desk "Hey, hey don't say such things! Quick, knock on wood!"
Kendall rolled his eyes at the writer as he indulged in his fantasies "Diamond, don't be ridiculous, the world will not end tomorrow despite the fact that our boys are fighting"
"Our boys?" James inquired, amused.
Knight noticed his momentary slip and blushed slightly "I meant 'the' boys, not 'our'" he slapped the report he was reading shut and stood up "It was only a mistake. Now, are you coming with me to pick up the ballistics report or are you staying here?"
Diamond grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and smiled "No, no. I'll go with you! Can't leave the father of my kids alone"
James wasn't fast enough to dodge the pen that was headed his way.
Once again, I aplogize profusely for not having updated in nearly a month! I'll try to be more constant from now on, but school is really important, especially because I'm on my last year of junior high school and 9th grades are the most important in order to get into a good High School (for those who are wondering, I live in Mexico and the school sytems in widely different).
Love,
I.K. Holdrige