Thanks for all the reviews! Next chapter is up. Probably one more chapter to go after this.
She sits on the step waiting for him. At first she sniffles, trying to save her dignity. But eventually, she lets the tears fall. The next thing she knows, her whole body is taken over with sobs. She sees in her compact that her face is a patchwork of red blotches and her perfectly applied eyeliner is smeared and smudged, but she's past caring.
She hears footsteps behind her and she braces, hurridly wiping the tears and simply causing the black mess around her eyes to spread further. She notices quickly that's its not him and she doesn't know if she's relieved or disappointed.
"I brought you some hot chocolate, it's cold out here."
She nods and accepts it gratefully, still silent.
"You know Quinn, you and I have never really... well we've never really spoken when you think about it. But I gotta ask: Do you think what you feel for my brother is really worth all this? Because when I was briefly in love with the idiot I admit I watched him a lot. I may have somewhat stalked him. And the only person I noticed watching him with the same intensity was Rachel. And ocassionally that weird substitute teacher we had in History."
She moves slightly, giving him room to sit. He closes the front door, sweeps a few leaves off the step, and settles beside her.
"I get already" she snaps, "I'm not Rachel."
He sighs and shakes his head "It's not about that Quinn, do you want a pity party here? Because your not going to get one from me. Okay, she was a little over the top but Carol has every right to yell at you after what happened. It's not like Finn warned her you were coming over. You made her think she was going to be a grandmother and now your all of sudden dating her son again. It's going to take a little getting used to. You expect us to all buy that your suddenly crazy about him?"
"I love him." she says simply, wishing it didn't sound like a defence or an excuse.
"I believe you want to love him." he replies, "Sometimes we wish it was the same thing. But it isn't Quinn."
She rests her head on his shoulder and fiercely shuts her eyes, before she gets lost in thinking about what the word love really means.
It had been a good practice. It's so much better playing for a team that actually wins games he thinks, as he pulls into his drive.
He sees a hunched, fragile figure on the steps, leaning into Kurt. For a moment he thinks it's Rachel, not because it looks like her, but because it seems like a Rachel think to do. To wait for him dramatically on his steps in floods of tears. Then he remembers that was the old Rachel. The new Rachel's probably too busy being independent and signging about it.
Kurt looks up and nods silently. He gently unhooks himself out of Quinn's grasps. He pauses a second, wondering whether he should explain, because Finn clearly wasn't expecting Quinn to show up while he was at practice. Then he looks at Quinn and figures she can explain it herself.
So he opens the door and leaves them to it. Wondering when life got so damn complicated.
He's not good at this kind of thing. Sure he knows he can rub her back and kiss her head and say it's going to be okay. But he's not sure if it is going to be okay. Besides, he has questions. Like why is she sitting on his drive when he was supposed to pick her up? Why did his mom leave him an answerphone mesage, yelling at him,telling him he's being a hyp...hippopotamus dating Quinn or something like that anyways? Why is it the first time that he's noticed how sad Quinn looks?
"We don't love each other." she says calmly and turning so she's looking up at him. He's glad she's stopped crying, because...well, because he's not good at this kind of thing.
For a moment he thinks about shushing her or lying to her. Or taking her into his arms or wiping her tears. But he doesn't. Instead he just replies softly.
"I know." Suddenly the questions don't matter as much anymore.
"I used to feel something, something like love" she adds, while trying to calm her breathing. "I swear I did, but then I messed up and tried to go back, tried to make it better. Instead everything got fragmented into these little pieces. We shouldn't have tried to go back."
"I know."
"I'm so sorry Finn, for everything I did, for how I made you feel, I really am sorry."
"I know." He's starting to feel like a frickin broken record here but he doesn't know what else to say. Then he adds, " I forgive you."
Because when he thinks about, he does. He doesn't feel all that anger anymore. If he's honest, he doesn't really feel much of anything towards Quinn anymore. He wonders when it happened, when he forgave her. Because everyone keeps asking him to forgive Rachel and he argues back that it isn't just a split decision, something you can do. Yet here he is, forgiving Quinn, accepting the past and it feels like it should have happened a hell of a long time ago.
He doesn't expect a final resolution to this, he knows there's not a clean way of wrapping things up and it's not like he and Quinn can be the best of friends. So he sits with her on the step, waiting until she's ready to leave, to move on. Wishing they had always been this honest with each other.
His mom finds him on the same step two hours later. He's been thinking,he says. He's been trying to think of different ways to get it right but he's not getting very far.
She hands him a grilled cheese and he figures it's her way of apologising for yelling at Quinn. She sits with him a while, content in letting him think. She knows he'll get there eventually.
He picks at his crusts and finally begins to speak. "I still love Rachel ma. I want to forgive her, I really want to forgive her. Do you think it's enough?"
"It's a start" she replies honestly, wishing she had all the answers.
That's it! If you enjoyed, please review and I'll aim to get the final chapter up ASAP