M-
~other deer start licking that deer and start getting drunk too and ramming into trees~
EMMETT: Oh, I put some of my strongest stuff in there. If we were human, one sip of that and you
would be drunk. I call it "F***, I'M DRUNK ALREADY!?!?!?" I have another one. ~pulls a flask
from his pocket and gives it to her~
K-
ROSE: Em, you know I don't drink. Can't drink. *continues to stare at the deer as they begin to knock
some of the smaller trees over* You know, I think we may have created a new breed of deer.
*sighs and turns away from the deer* We have to go back Emmett. I promise we can leave right after.
But we can't stay here.
M-
EMMETT: Then let's make a getaway right now! ~looks at the deer and is amused by them~ YOU
KNOW WHAT!!! I'M GOING TO CALL THIS STUFF "DRUNKEN DEER!!!" THAT'S
PERFECT!!!
K-
ROSE: *looks back in the direction of the house for a second, then decides she doesn't care. They'll go
back later.* Okay. Let's go back to our hotel then. Unless you had somewhere else in mind?
M-
EMMETT: Nah. I was just thinking of staying in the forest for the rest of the night. ~gets up and takes the flask from Rose and throws it at the deer, uncapped~ There. There's gunna be a party in the forest tonight.
K-
ROSE: ABSOLUTELY NOT! It is disgusting out here! My hair will not do well in this humidity! And the stench of drunken deers is absolutely unbearable!*crosses her arms in defiance*
M-
EMMETT: ~hugs her~ I'm just playing around with you, hun. Of course we're not staying here. ~looks
at the drunken deer and sees that they are doing quite some damage to the forest~ We better get outta
here. They might make a charge at us!
K-
ROSE: We're invincible, remember? But yes, lets go! *runs out of the woods as quick as she possible
can*
M-
EMMETT: ~follows her and notices that the deer are chasing them so he runs faster~ THOSE DAMN
DEER!! ~stops and picks up a few rocks and throws some at them and then keeps running~
K-
ROSE: Emmett, don't bother. Listen, I have to go back and get the car. But you have to stay here for
this to work, okay? Otherwise they won't let us go.
M-
EMMETT: ~nods~ Be fast. The longer you stay there, the more sucked in you get to their craziness.
K-
ROSE: *laughs* Don't worry, Emmett. I assure you my sanity is perfectly safe.
*arrives home and is ambushed by Esme and the others*
ESME: ROSE! You're back! What took you? And where is Emmett?
ROSE: He's being stubborn. I'm going to need the car to get to him.
ESME: Oh, but let one of us come with you! You will need our help if he is going to be that stubborn!
ROSE: *tries to conceal her horror* Uh, well, no, that's ok. I mean, that will just make it worse. He
does not wish to see ANYBODY.
M-
ALICE: If he doesn't wish to see anybody, then why are you going to get him?
JASPER: ~is showing Edward his "moves" on how to work the hair style~
K-
ROSE: Well, um, he isn't coming back on his own, obviously. I just think, less is more in this case. He
will be overwhelmed if we all came. So I think it should be just me. *begins looking for her keys*
EDWARD: So wait, Jazz, I shake it like this? *bobs his head like a gangsta* and then flip it like this?
*swishes his head around to make his hair flop* And then do a spin like this *twirls around* And then I
give a thumbs up and a wink, like this? *does a really cheesy wink and nods his head while doing the
thumbs up sign*
M-
JASPER: ~claps and "cries"~ I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, EDWARD CULLEN!! YOU ARE ON
YOUR WAY TO BEING A MASTER HAIR ARTIST, LIKE MYSELF!!!
ALICE: But I don't think one person will really make that much of a difference. ~gets up~ I'll come.
K-
EDWARD: *pretends the halways is a catwalk and practices his 'hair move'* BELLA, DEAR, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
BELLA: *is mortified that he has ruined his previously glorious hair and pretends she does not hear
him*
ROSE: NO! I mean. Um. No thanks, Alice. That won't be necessary. He's my husband. I can handle
this. *continues to busy herself by looking for her keys* Where are my keys? HAS ANYBODY
SEEN MY KEYS???
M-
ALICE: ~shakes Rose's car keys in her hands~ I'm coming with you Rose.
JASPER: BELLA, HE ASKED YOU A QUESTION!! WHAT DID YOU THINK!?!?!?!?
OHHHH, YOU COULD USE SOME GEL AS WELL!! ~gets a bottle of gel and spreads it all over
Bella's hair, giving her a mohawk~ B-E-A-UTIFL!!!
K-
ROSE: ALICE, No! Please don't! He'll get so mad! *is panicking* ALICE, WHEN I GET HIM TO
COME BACK, I PROMISE WE'LL GO ON SHOPPING TRIPS EVERY NIGHT FOR A
MONTH, OKAY? JUST LET ME DO THIS! *reaches for her keys*
BELLA: *just barely contains her horror as her hair is styled into an unrecognizably state* Jasper,
Really, this is so kind of you, but I'm not sure this look is for me. I'm more of a get up and go kind of
person, you know? This is just too much work... *backs away in the direction of the shower*
M-
JASPER: OKAY, OKAY!!! HOLD THE PHONE!!! ~grabs her by the hand and does a different
hairstyle, in which this time, somwhow her hair is wavy/curly and has a bow in her hair~
ALICE: ~sigh~ Fine. ~realeses the car keys~ But I'm holding you to your word!! ~looks at Bella's
hair~ Jazz, how did you manage to do that!? It's beautiful!!!
CARLISLE: I believe that he said that he is, may I quote the "hair artist." What a gift you have Jasper!
Splendid!
K-
EDWARD: I DARESAY WE ARE THE BEST LOOKING COUPLE OUT THERE, BELLA,
LOVE!
BELLA: *would blush if she could*
ESME: *beams at her family* OF COURSE MY CHILDREN ARE BEAUTIFUL! *hugs Bella and
Edward* I AGREE CARLISLE, JASPER HAS A MOST WONDERFUL TALENT!
ROSE: HUMPH! *mutters something about Edward and Bella being the 'best looking freaks, maybe'
and jumps in the car and speeds out of the garage at about 10x the legal speed limit*
M-
JASPER: OH, HOW MY HEART, IF I HAD ONE, LEAPS FOR JOY!! I AM SO HAPPY THAT
YOU ENJOY IT SO!!
~meanwhile, back in the forest~
EMMETT: ~is tackling all the deer to the ground because he got bored waiting for Rose~ AH HA
HA!!! I KICK YOUR A**!!!! ~the deer tries to get up but Emmett tackles it again~ YOU ARE NO
MATCH FOR ME, FOUL BEAST!!!
K-
ROSE: *spots Emmett wrestling the deer and smiles* EM! STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD
AND GET IN THE CAR!
M-
EMMETT: HMM? ~is embarrassed that she caught him and quickly gets into the passenger's seat and
closes the door~ Sorry you had to see that hun.
K-
ROSE: Haha I don't mind, you know that. I'm just glad you were entertained while I was gone. Sorry I
took so long. They all wanted to come with me.
So, where are we going? Are we going back to the hotel? Or somewhere else?
M-
EMMETT: ~mutters some things about the others being low lifes~ Let's see. ~thinks~ We could not go
to the hotel, because you know who will be there. And no, I'm not talking about Voldemort. Even
though that would be cool and scary at the same time.
K-
ROSE: Yes, if we could avoid any run ins with Violet, that would be wonderful. But where else is there
to go?
M-
EMMETT: I don't know. Were "they" thinking of going out tonight? Because if they are, we must aviod
"them" at all costs.
K-
ROSE: They didn't SAY anything about going out. Jasper was just doing everyone's hair. Did you
know they're calling him a hair artist now? *scoffs*
M-
EMMETT: JASPER!? A HAIR ARTIST!? YOU'VE GOT TO BE S***ING ME!!!! THAT'S A
PIECE OF S***!!! I bet he said that mine looks like crap. ~rolls his eyes~
~at the house~
CARLISLE: Family, I think we should go out for some family bonding time!
ALICE: I'm in!
JASPER: My hair and I would appreciate that muchly.
K-
ROSE: Well, Something like that. But I think you look wonderful, hun.
~house~
ESME: Absolutely, Carlisle. What fun!
EDWARD: WHAT A SPLENDID IDEA! BELLA, DEAR, GO FETCH RENESME! WE SHALL
HAVE A GRAND OLD TIME! SAY, WHERE RE WE GOING?
M-
EMMETT: Same here!
~house~
CARLISLE: I have a splendid idea! We shall all go ice skating! It will be glorious!
ALICE: What an excellent idea, Carlisle!
K-
ROSE: Emmett, we can do anything! We have FREEDOM! What would you like to do?
~house~
ESME: Oh, that would be marvelous! I'll go grab everyone's skates!
EDWARD: How magnificent! I must go grab my camera! This shall be Renesme's first time skating and
I wish to document EVERY SECOND!
*frolics off to get his camera*
M-
EMMETT: They're probably off doing some g*y thing like ice skating, or something. Edward would be
like, "OH, THIS WILL BE MARVALOUS! HOW DASHING!" And then they'll go ice skating where
Jasper will obsess about his hair and Alice will agree to whatever Edward says.
K-
ROSE: Yeah, that sounds like them. And Carlisle and Esme would be fawning over the whole family
togetherness. Spare me my life!
M-
EMMETT: No kidding!! 'Cept, we're not getting robbed by two men, but all the same.
~at the ice rink~
CARLISLE: ~is out on the skating rink, holding hands with Esme, talking to her~ Oh, I am most
thirilled that our family is finally together!
JASPER: I really hope the cold doesn't damage my hair too much!!
ALICE: Yes, I agree Edward!! That is a really good picture of Renesmee!!
K-
EDWARD: REALLY? I just wanted to get some shots of her before she even got on the ice. I want to
document every twist of her shoelace as it is tied around her precious little foot!
(To Nessie) SMILE FOR DADDY, SWEETIE! *clicks the camera like crazy*
Oh, THIS ONE IF FOR THE SCRAP BOOK! LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE DIMPLES!
ESME: Yes, Carlisle, this is simply wonderful! Look at how Happy they all are! I only wish Emmett
and Rose could be here to enjoy this... *heavy sigh*
M-
CARLISLE: Do not fret, dearest. I am sure that they are making the best use of their time right now.
~meanwhile~
EMMETT: ~makes a loud and long burp that lasts for 20 seconds and starts laughing~ THAT WAS
AWSOME!
K-
ROSE: *is torn between disgust and amusement, but decides to let her humor take over and laughs*
YOU'VE GOT MAD SKILLZ, HONEY!
~at the rink~
EDWARD: *checks to make sure the new helmet and knee pads are fastened properly to Renesme
and then takes his time stepping on to the ice, holding both her hands firmly* CAREFUL, NESSIE! IT
IS VERY SLIPPERY! BELLA, DEAR, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO BEHIND HER TO CATCH
HER IN CASE SHE FALLS! I COULD NOT BEAR TO SEE MY LOVELY CHILD IN PAIN! IT
WOULD HURT ME SO!
M-
EMMETT: ~starts to beat box~ YOU KNOW WE GOT SKILLZ TILL THE NO TOMARRAH,
ME N' ROSE HERE BEAT BOXIN' IN THE CAR-A! SO KEEP IT FRESH, N' KEEP IT REAL,
AND NOW YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS OUR DEAL!!!! THAT WE ROCK, N' WE JAM, JUST
LIKE JASPER'S HAIR, CAN I GET A "KA-BLAM!?!?!?"
K-
ROSE: *mouth is hanging open*
DAYUMMMM MY HUBBY IS KEEPIN IT REAL! *cough* I mean, uh, that was very creative,
dear!
M-
EMMETT: YOU KNOW I AM, SON. KEEPIN' IT REAL!! ~takes his right hand and pounds where
his heart is twice and then makes a peace sign~
K-
ROSE: *laughs* That's my MAN! So, where would 'my man' like to go today?
~back at the rink~
BELLA: Careful, Edward, dear. Not too fast.
EDWARD: Of course not, Love. Ready Renesme? We're going to step on to the ice now. Be very,
very careful! *shuts his eyes nervously as he begins to count down* Ready? 3... 2... 1... 3/4... 1/2...
M-
EMMETT: Over the moon, for all I care. I'm just happy to be away from those lunatics.
~at the rink~
ALICE: Edward! Shutting your eyes is not going to help the situation! ~skates over very quickly to
Edward and helps Renesmee onto the ice, making sure she does not fall~ There!
JASPER: ~is still worrying about his hair~ OH NO!!! HONEY, IT'S STARING TO FREEZE!!!
ALICE: And I'm off! ~heads over to where Jasper is and guides him off the ice rink~
K-
ROSE: Me too! *smiles* would you just like to go for a drive and see where we end up? I can't think
of anything to do around here
~at the rink~
EDWARD: THANK YOU, DEAR ALICE!
(To Renesme) OKAY SWEETIE, NOW WE'RE GOING TO MOVE! VERY SLOWLY! OKAY?
BELLA, DO YOU HAVE THE CAMERA? *a click from Bella's direction tells them yes* OKAY,
READY? NESSIE? *Edward begins to skate slowly backwards while guiding Renesme forward and
laughs with relief when she is not instantly knocked off balanced or impaled by her own skate* GOOD
HEAVENS, WE'RE DOING IT! MOTHER! FATHER! NESSIE IS SKATING! LOOK AT US
GO!!! *they are still skating at a snails pace*
M-
EMMETT: That sounds nice. We could come up with more rapping jingles too.
~rink~
JASPER: MY POOR, POOR HAIR!!
ALICE: ~pulls him into the bathroom of the ladies room and sticks his head under a blow dryer~
There, hopefully, it will defrost!!
An old granny: ~obviously can't see very well~ OH MY, HOW I LOVE YOUR HAIR, YOUNG
THING!!!! I WISH I WAS YOU AGAIN!!!! ~obousively can't tell that Jasper is a GUY~
K-
ROSE: Okay, We'll do that then. *twists her keys in the ignition and starts the car*
~rink~
ESME: *is still beaming at Edward when she hears panics about Jasper's hair and decides to go help*
Be right Back, Carlisle, dear!
*Pushes open the door to see Jasper and Alice talking to an elderly lady* Alice, Jasper, what ever are
you doing in here?
M-
OLD GRANDMA: I was just admiring on how pretty this girl is. Is this your daughter? She is very
lovely.
ALICE: ~is trying so hard not to burst out into laughter~
JASPER: ~is sighing and rolling his eyes~
K-
ESME: Er, Something like that. He-- I mean, She- is my adopted daughter. *is trying to go along with
it so that the lady doesn't freak out* Come, Ladies. We are missed outside. *throws jasper a hat* To
keep your hair warm, dear.
M-
JASPER: HOW VERY CONSIDERATE OF YOU!!! ~puts the hat on, which turns out to be a
sombrero~
ALICE: ~whsipers to her mother~ Nice hat selection!!!
JASPER: I'M GOING TO BE THE MOST STYLIST KID ON THE BLOCK!! EDWARD, LOOK
AT MY HAT!!!!!!!!!
K-
ESME: Glad you like it, dear. I thought it was very you.
EDWARD: *is too tense to actually look up at jasper, because he is focusing too hard on Renesme*
It's great Jazz! Really!
Ready Renesme? Here comes the corner! HOLD ON TO DADDY! SLOW DOWN NESSIE!
SLOW!!! *they are going so slow that other skaters are starting to get ticked off*
M-
JASPER: EDWARD, LOOK AT MY HAT!!! IT'S SIMPLY LOVELY!!! WHY MUST YOU BE
LIKE THIS!! ~quickly gets off the ice rink, sobbing into tears and goes inside the ladies room and sits
on a toliet~
ALICE: Edward, you know hoe sensitive he is to his hair!! JASPER!! ~gets off the ice rink and follws
him into the ladies bathroom~ JASPER!! Sweetie, I love your hair!!
JASPER: I COULDN'T SAY THE SAME ABOUT EDWARD!!!
ALICE: ~finds the stall he's in and sees him on the toliet~ Aww. There there.
K-
EDWARD: *finally stops skating and looks up in the direction of the ladies room but is completely
confused* JASPER? STAY RIGHT HERE, NESSIE DARLING, DADDY WILL BE RIGHT
BACK! I HAVE TO GO TALK TO YOUR UNCLE! *pats Renesme on the head before exiting the
rink to go into the ladies room, where he is promptly ambushed by several women throwing their purses
at him*
MOB OF WOMEN: GET OUT OF HERE, CREEPER! CAN'T YOU READ THE SIGN,
PERVERT? OUT! OUT!!!!
EDWARD: ALICE! JASPER!!! *is dodging blows from a particularly large purse*
M-
JASPER: ~is still sobbing~
ALICE: Shh.. ~is stroking his head~
JASPER: NO! I BET YOU HATE MY HAIR TOO!!
ALICE: Jasper! Of course I don't! I think it is beautiful and it is a work of art!!
JASPER: ~keeps sobbing~
K-
EDWARD: *Continues to be pummeled as he tries to fight his way to Alice and Jasper through the
mob* JASPER! WILL YOU AND YOUR HAIR COME OVER HERE AND SAVE ME?
CRAZY CAT LADY IN THE MOB: *WHO'S JASPER, YOUR NEXT VICTIM? MOLESTER!!!!
*wacks his head with a big purse embroidered with cats*
EDWARD: NO!!! MY HAIR! THAT TOOK HOURS!
M-
JASPER: SOMEBODY IS ATTACKING HIS HAIR!?!?!? I WILL SAVE THE DAY!!! ~comes
crashing out of the bathroom stall~ NOBODY MESSES WITH THE "DO!!!" ~pushes all the ladies
out of the room and locks the ladies room~
ALICE: MY HUSBAND KICKS ASS!!!! ~ahem~ I mean, you rock honey!!
K-
EDWARD: JASPER! I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH! MY HAIR MAY HAVE BEEN
COMPLETELY RUINED HAD YOU NOT RESCUED ME! WHO KNEW CRAZY CAT
LADIES WERE SO VICIOUS?
SAY, THAT IS A WONDERFUL HAT!
M-
JASPER: ~mumbles~ Yeah. Whatever. ~takes Alice and goes back to the ice skating rink and skates
around with Alice, obousively trying to avoid Edward as much as he can~
ALICE: How's your hair holding up sweetie?
JASPER: ~sighs~ It's alright.
K-
EDWARD: Oh dear! HOW DID I MANAGE TO ALIENATE BOTH MY BROTHERS?!?!? I
TRULY AM A MONSTER!!! I DESERVED TO BE CLOBBERED BY PURSES FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE!
A LADY FROM THE MOB COMES BY: DID HE JUST SAY MOLESTER? HE ADMITTED IT,
LADIES! LET'S GET HIM!!!
BELLA AND RENESME: *watch in confusion as Edward is chased through the building by a hoard of
angry middle aged women*
M-
OLD GRANDMA: ~is on the ice rink now, tripping over everybody and skates over to Jasper~
THERE YOU ARE, YOU YOUNG THING!! COME WITH ME!! ~takes Jasper away from Alice
and leads him into the ladies room~ HERE!! I have this brand new lip stick that I want you to put on!
JASPER: That's really okay!!! ~tries to back away from her~
OLD GRANDMA: ~pops the top off the lip stick~ Now, what is it they say? Oh yes!! "YOU LIP
GLOSS BE COOL! YOUR LIP GLOSS BE POPPIN'!!!" ~puts some of the lip stick on Jasper, and
somehow gets it all over his cheek and onto his teeth~
JASPER: ~runs out of the bathroom~
~everybody stares and starts to laugh at him~
K-
EDWARD: *is still being chased by the mob, sees jasper, and grabs him by the front of his shirt on his
way into the bathroom , were he locks the door so the mob cant get in! SAFE!!! *he looks all
disheveled from his run in with the crazy ladies*
*looks at jasper's face for the first time*
What happened to you???
M-
JASPER: Some old lady attacked me. ~walks away from him and sits on the floor and listens to the
ladies outside screaming to open the door~
K-
EDWARD: Right. Well. I really did like your hat. *hands Jasper paper towels for his face*
When do you think it will be safe to go out there again?
M-
JASPER: ~wipes off all the crap the old lady put on his face~ Oh, who know? They're women. They
could be hours.
K-
EDWARD: *groans* But Renesme is out there! I'M MISSING EVERYTHING! I AM A
HORRIBLE FATHER! HOW WILL SHE EVER FORGIVE MY REPREHENSIBLE ABSENCE
FROM THIS CHAPTER IN HER LIFE???? I AM A MONSTER! I DO NOT DESERVE TO
HAVE A CHILD AS BEAUTIFUL AS RENESME! *bangs his head repeatedly into the wall until
one of the tiles accidentally cracks* OH NO! I HAVE DESTROYED THIS PUBLIC FACILITY! I
TRULY AM A MONSTER! A DESTRUCTIVE MONSTER! I DESERVE THOSE WOMEN
CHASING ME! *reaches to open the door to let them in*
M-
JASPER: ~slams the door shut, even though all the women are pushing against it~ NO!! ~locks the
door~ STOP IT!! Think what you were about to do!! Do you really want them to come in here again
and ruin our perfect hair!?!?!?!
K-
EDWARD: WELL, OF COURSE I WOULD LIKE MY HAIR TO STAY IN SHAPE! BUT MY
DAUGHTER IS OUT THERE, JASPER! SHE NEEDS ME!
M-
JASPER: Okay! Got an idea!! I'll open the door, and you quickly get out of here and leave the women
to me!!
K-
EDWARD: THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS FOR ME JASPER! OKAY, I'M READY! *opens
the door and runs towards his family his hands covering his head so his hair didn't get ruined*
M-
JASPER: ~lets the sea of women come in and attack him~
ALICE: ~looks at Edward~ WHERE'S JASPER!?!?!?!
K-
EDWARD: Don't fret, Alice! He is perfectly fine! He volunteered to distract those women so I could
escape. Isn't that nice of him? Where is Renesme? And Bella? NESSIE? COME HERE MY SWEET!
M-
ALICE: WHAT!?!?! SO HE'S BEING CLOBBERED BY CRAZY WHACK JOBS AT THIS
VERY MOMENT!?!?!?! ~gets off the rink as fast as she can and rushes over to see that Jasper is
being hit with many bags, and pulls him out of the mosh pit and they go back to the rink and sit on the
side on a bench~
JASPER: ~lays on a bench, his head in Alice's arms~ T-they just came o-out of nowhere and s-started
attacking m-me. So many of t-them. With their b-bags!! ~closes his eyes~ My hair is n-now ruined!!!!
K-
EDWARD: OH, DEAR, JASPER! WHAT HAVE I LET YOU DO? SOMEBODY, GET THE
EMERGENCY HAIR KIT! *throws Bella the keys to the Volvo* IT'S IN THE TRUNK, LOVE!
MAKE HASTE! I FEAR HE WILL NOT MAKE IT MUCH LONGER! OH JASPER, I WILL
NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF! I SHALL SHAVE MY HEAD IN MOURNING!
M-
JASPER: ~hair is completly messed up, chunks of hair going everywhere and starts to lose grip on
reality and starts to go crazy~ It's okay. I mean, it's just hair, right!?!? WHO NEEDS IT!!?!?!?! ~starts
to twitch like crazy~
ALICE: HURRY UP WITH THE HAIR FIRST AID!!!!!
K-
BELLA: *Is still rummaging in the trunk* WHY DO WE HAVE ALL THIS JUNK, EDWARD?
SINCE WHEN WERE YOU IN TO FOOTBALL?
EDWARD: EMMETT!!!!! CURSE YOU FOR USING MY CAR!!! KEEP LOOKING BELLA,
IT'S IN THERE SOMEWHERE! CARLISLE? CARLISLE!!! JASPER NEEDS MEDICAL
ASSISTANCE!!!
M-
CARLISLE: ~gets off the rink and runs over to where the group is~ What is it dear ones? What might
be the cause of all of this commotion?
JASPER: ~is still twitching like crazy~ JUST HAIR. JUST HAIR. THAT'S JUST ALL IT IS. ALL IT
WILL EVER BE. JUST HAIR.
K-
BELLA: GOT IT! *wipes dirt from Emmett's sports stuff off the box and dashes back to where jasper
is*
EDWARD: CARLISLE, QUICKLY! HE'S LOSING IT!!!
ESME: *holds Jasper's hand tightly* HANG IN THERE SON! EVERY THING IS GOING TO BE
OKAY! DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU! ARE! GOING! TO! BE! FINE!
M-
JASPER: ~he starts drooling~ IT'S. ONLY. HAIR.
ALICE: JASPER!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
JASPER: ONLY HAIR. IT'S ONLY HAIR!!!
ALICE: QUICK!! WE MUST GET HIM BACK TO NORMAL!!!
JASPER: JUST. HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K-
EDWARD: CARLISLE! THE HAIR KIT! WHAT DO WE DO WITH IT??
ESME: *shakes jasper by the shoulders* STAY WITH ME HONEY! CAN YOU STILL HEAR
ME, JASPER? BLINK IF YOU CAN HEAR ME! JASPER!!!
M-
JASPER: ~doesn't do anything but drool~
CARLISLE: ~takes Jasper off of the bench and rushes him to the men's bathroom~
~a few minutes later~
CARLISLE: ~comes back outside~
K-
EDWARD: *runs to him* CARLISLE, WHERE IS HE? IS HE OKAY? I SHALL NEVER
FORGIVE MYSELF IF I CAUSED HIM ANY DAMAGE! I AM SO ASHAMED! I DESERVE
TO BE BURIED ALIVE! *sinks to his knees and breaks out into raucous sobs that cause everyone
who wasn't already staring to look at him in amazement*
ESME: WHERE IS HE, CARLISLE? WHERE IS MY SON??? *panics*
M-
JASPER: ~comes out of the bathroom, good as new~ CARLISLE!!! I. LOOK. FANTASTIC!!
CARLISLE: Right here family. As good as new, if I do say so myself. Just needed to fix the hair.
K-
EDWARD: JASPER! I SHALL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF! I COULD HAVE RUINED YOU
FABULOUSITY AND FIERCENESS FOREVER! *engulfs him in a choke hold style hug*
ESME: *is relieved* Aw, Carlisle, you do such good work. Look at how adorable they are!
M-
JASPER: CAREFUL WITH THE HAIR, BROTHER!!!
CARLISLE: I believe the term is these days: " This is how I roll. I be down and funky wit the homies."
That is what Jasper said to me. Whatever that may mean.
K-
ESME: That's my man. Always so 'with it'.
EDWARD: I AM SO SORRY! *gets on his knees* PLEASE ACCEPT MY MOST SINCERE
APOLOGY!
M-
CARLISLE: Someone must be "rollin' wit da homies." Or "lean wit it, rock wit it."
JASPER: Brother, stop making such a fuss about it!! The next time that happens, I'll send them on you
too!
K-
EDWARD: *gets up and brushes off his pants* It's a deal, Brother! *gestures towards the ice* Shall
we? RENESME! DADDY'S BACK! ARE YOU READY? Bella, dear, Can you check her helmet
again? I would be heartbroken if it were to fall off! She may trip over it and then there would be nothing
to protect her lovely little noggin!
M-
JASPER: YES!! ~rushes over to Renesmee~ We MUST protect that pretty hair of hers, at all costs!!!
All hope would be gone from this world if the helmet falls off. Her hair!! Oh, her hair would be lost
forever!
ALICE: ~rolls her eyes and says to her parents~ Him and his damn hair. Please excuse me. But he
lives, breathes and talks about hair!
K-
ESME: There there, Alice. I'm sure it is just a phase. *looks doubtful* Perhaps you should try to get
him to talk about something else? It will be spring soon. Perfect baseball season!
EDWARD: READY, NESSIE? WE'RE STEPPING OUT ONTO THE ICE AGAIN! DON'T
FORGET, IT IS VERY SLIPPERY! OKAY, READY? HERE WE GO!
RENESME: *thinks FASTER DADDY! as she grows impatient*
EDWARD: FINE! *increases his speed so little that they are still by far the slowest skaters in the rink*
ISN'T THIS SO MUCH FUN, NESSIE?
M-
ALICE: ~rests her head on Esme's shoulder and sighs~ Oh, I do hope so mother. His hair is nice and
all, but sometimes I feel that he cares more about his hair than anything else.
CARLISLE: I am sure that is not the case, Alice. Give it some time, and I am sure that he will talk
about other things too.
ALICE: ~nods~
K-
ESME: Don't be silly. He loves you very much. Go out there and join him, sweetie. It'll be okay. *gives
her hand a squeeze*
BELLA: Edward, dear, maybe you should let Renesme try for herself.
EDWARD: ABSOLUTELY NOT! IT IS NOT SAFE! LOOK AT THESE HOOLIGANS
SPEEDING BY! *gestures to a moderately paced couple skating by* THEY MAY KNOCK HER
OVER!
M-
ALICE: Yeah!! Thanks mother!! ~gets back on the rink and joins Jasper~
JASPER: OH, ALICE!! WONDERFUL!! I WAS JUST ADMIRING MY HAIR!!
ALICE: It looks great honey!! ~talks through clenched teeth~ ~THINKS: Of course you are! Because
that's what you always do!~
JASPER: AND I WAS THINKING THAT IT LOOKS BETTER THAN BEFORE!!!
ALICE: ~sighs to herself and thinks: Why can't we talk about anything else? It's always about his hair:
how good his hair looks, if he's having a good or bad hair day, and how much gel he used.~
K-
ESME: *nods encouragingly and mouths 'try to get him to talk about something else!'*
BELLA: Edward, I just think we need to let her try this. Remember how scared you were over her
swimming? And she was perfect! Just let go, Edward. It will be okay. Please?
EDWARD: *can sense that he is defeated and crouches down to Renesme's level.* Nessie, would you
like that?
RENESME: *thinks YES PLEASE DADDY! THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU! and skates off
effortlessly like she's being doing it for years*
BELLA: See? She's fine!
EDWARD: *isn't listening because he's too busy taking pictures* I'M SO PROUD OF YOU,
DARLING! SMILE BIG FOR THE CAMERA, LOVE!
M-
ALICE: I can't wait for the spring, Jazz!! We could go to the park and-
JASPER: Yes, then my hair wouldn't freeze and I wouldn't have to wear ridicious hats to cover my
perfect hair!!!
ALICE: And we could go to the beach-
JASPER: Maybe that's not a good idea. It could ruin my hair.
ALICE: And we could go to a theme park-
JASPER: Also not a good idea. It messes up my hair too much!
ALICE: ~shoots a desperate look at her mother~
K-
ESME: *is trying to think of something that has nothing to do with hair, and mouths ASK HIM ON A
DATE! with a hopeless expression*
M-
ALICE: ~give her a confused look but then shrugs her shoulders~ Jazzy?
JASPER: Mmhhmm?? ~plays with a piece of his hair and is trying to get it back into place~
ALICE: ~bats her eyelashes~ Want to go on a date?
JASPER: I can't hun. Not tonight. I'm going to try and give myself a perm. Hopefully it will work out
alright.
ALICE: ~sighs and thinks: This is useless. HIM AND HIS DAMN HAIR!~
K-
ESME: *mouths: I don't know, sweetie, you may have to just talk about it with him. I'm sure he would
understand. He loves you!*
M-
ALICE: ~nods~ Hey Jazz. I was wondering..
JASPER: ~is finally able to get the piece of hair into place and looks at her~ Yeah?
ALICE: Can you at least think of something else besides your hair for a change? I'm sorry hun, but all
you do is think about your hair.
JASPER: ~is speechless~ I'm sorry, but so what if I have a little obsession with my hair? Don't you
want it radiant and volumized?
ALICE: I-I do. But Jazz, the hair is your obsession. You're never going to stop.
JASPER: ~is taken aback~ But, I do it for you!
ALICE: I know you do! And I love you for that, you know I do. But maybe, just for a change, we talk
about something else?
K-
ESME: *Nods encouragingly and mouths: Do you need my help, Alice? I can come talk to him too, if
you want.*
M-
JASPER: But I like talking about my hair.
ALICE: ~shakes her head "no" to Esme~ Fine Jasper. Excuse me. ~gets off the rink~
JASPER: Where are you going? I thought we could talk about my hair more.
ALICE: Maybe later. ~disappears from his sight~
K-
ESME: Oh, Alice, don't despair. All will be well soon enough. *hugs her* Shall we go home? I can
understand if you do not want to stay here any longer. We could call up Rosalie and have a girls night
out. Wouldn't that be fun? We could go shopping! What do you say, darling?
M-
ALICE: ~is all mopey now~ I guess so. But I don't think Emmett would be very fond of that idea.
K-
ESME: I know dear, but Emmett isn't coming. I think a Men's night out will do him some good, too.
And Jasper. And I'm sure Edward would love it. Although perhaps they should be on the same night as
the Ladies so Emmett is not tempted. Carlisle, would you be willing to go on a Men's night out with the
boys?
M-
CARLISLE: Absolutely! That sounds smashing, it does! What a wonderful plan, Esme! The "boys," or
homies, I must say, and I will be "off the hizhouse!" Can I get a yeah!?
EVERYBODY ON THE RINK: YEAH!!
CARLISLE: CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?
EVERYBODY ON THE RINK: HELL YEAH!!!!
ALICE: ~brightens up a little~ Okay! That sounds fun!
K-
ESME: *when she is done cheering with everybody else* Alright, I'll go give them a call! *dials Rose*
ROSE: Hello? Mom?
ESME: Hello, Dear! Any luck with Emmett?
ROSE: He's still pretty stubborn. We may have to, um, stay the night somewhere.
ESME: *in a firm voice* Absolutely not, Rosalie. I need you guys back tonight! Put Emmett on the
phone, please.
ROSE: *sighs and hands the phone over to Emmett*
M-
EMMETT: ~whispers to her~ No, Rose! I don't want to talk to her!! I'm pissed at everybody in that
goddamned family right now.
K-
ROSE: *hisses at him* Emmett, you don't have a choice! She's waiting!
M-
EMMETT: Absolutely not! You talk to her!
~all they hear is a crash and some swear words~
EMMETT: Ow, Rose! You just threw the phone at my eye!!
K-
ROSE: It wouldn't have hit your eye if you had just taken it, Emmett! She's already talked to me! She
wants you!
M-
EMMETT: ~groans and takes the phone and answers in an annoyed voice~ Hello?
K-
ESME: Emmett! I've missed you sweetie! We're doing a family fun night at the ice rink right now, but it
just isn't the same without you and Rose. I need you to come home, okay? Plus, Carlisle was planing a
boy's night out for tomorrow evening, and I would like for you to be there.
M-
EMMETT: ABSOLUTELY NO F***ING WAY, MA!!!!! I'M NOT COMING BACK HOME!!
CARLISLE PROMISED ROSE AND I OUR VACATION AND GODDAMMIT, WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE IT!!
K-
ESME: Calm down, Emmett! You can have your vacation, but you have to earn it first! Your attitude
does not impress me, mister. You are coming home! And that's final!
M-
EMMETT: ~is so pissed at her he doesn't even want to argue~ FINE, BUT I WON'T ENJOY A
F***ING MINUTE OF IT!! ~hangs up the phone and it breaks in his hands~
K-
ROSE: Calm down, Emmett. It can't be that bad. Just a few hours, right? And dad will be there. So it's
not like Edward can do anything. And then we're free.
M-
EMMETT: F***!! ~looks at the crushed phone in his hands and throws it away~ EVERY TIME,
ROSE!! Every time we try to get some alone time, something ALWAYS happens!
K-
ROSE: I know hun. It isn't fair. But technically, we weren't supposed to have alone time this time. I was
supposed to be getting you back home, remember?
M-
EMMETT: ~sighs~ Whatever. When do we have to leave?
K-
ROSE: Soon. She wants us there tomorrow.
M-
EMMETT: ~starts mumbling~
~the other cell phone starts to ring~
EMMETT: ~answers it~ Hello?
ALICE: STOP BEING SUCH A BABY!
EMMETT: SHUT THE F*** UP! ~slams the phone down and breaks that one too~ GOD
DAMMMIT!!!
K-
ROSE: *laughs* Emmett, it's ok. It's just a phone. We can get a new one. Common, let's go home.
M-
EMMETT: ~growls a little but takes her hand and leads her to the car~
VIOLET: OHEMGOD!!! I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES!!! HOW HAVE YOU
BEEN!?!?! ~is of course wearing a really skimpy outfit~
EMMETT: ~is grumpy and doesn't want to talk to her~ Grand. Just grand! The world might explode
tomorrow, but besides that, EVERYTHING IS JUST F***ING GRAND!! ~looks at her~ GOD
WOMAN, HAVE YOU NO SHAME ON WHAT YOU'RE WEARING!! YOU LOOK LIKE A
F***ING STRIPPER!!! ~is disgusted~
K-
ROSE: *with mock enthusiasm* VIOLET! Hey girl! Where did you come from? I thought hell was too
far away for you to make it here so quickly, but I'm so glad you could make it!
M-
VIOLET: ~runs up to Emmett, her boobs bouncing all over the place and completly ignores Rose~ So,
did you miss me!? I KNOW I MISSED YOU!!!!!!
EMMETT: God, PUT THOSE THINGS AWAY WOMAN!! YOU'RE HURTING MY EYES!!!
K-
ROSE: MY goodness, child, what would your parents say if they saw you dressed like that? *scowls
and tosses her an old stained sweatshirt that was sitting in the back of the jeep. The sweatshirt was
Emmett's so naturally its 10x too big* Do us all a favor hun. It has a hood too. So you know. You can
pull it over your face and spare us.
M-
VIOLET: IS. THIS. EMMETT'S!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!? ~treasures it~ I'm not putting it on,
you f***ing ugly b****!!!
EMMETT: ~was getting into the car but then gets out and slams the door~ That's it! ~grabs her by the
elbow and leads her away from the car, through the hotel~
VIOLET: OHHHHH! I like a man who likes to be rough!
EMMETT: ~leads her to the indoor pool and pushes her in~ OOPS!! MY FAULT!! ~storms out of
the hotel angrily and gets into the car~
VIOLET: ~comes to the top of the water~ WAIT!! COME BACK!!!
K-
ROSE: *waves and gives a smug 'buh-bye' to Violet, then grabs Emmett's hand* See? Almost makes
you glad we're going home now, doesn't it?
M-
EMMETT: Yeah, yeah. ~is just happy to be away from Violet but then sees Violet coming out of the
hotel, drenching wet~ HONEY, GO!
K-
ROSE: WORKING ON IT! *quickly puts the keys in the ignition and hits the gas so hard that the tires
burn a little before they actually accelerate* NICE MEETING YOU, VI! *flips her the bird as a
parting gift because she's mature like that*
M-
VIOLET: ~is speechless~ COME BACK!!!
EMMETT: ~high fives Rose~ My wife rocks!!!
K-
ROSE: Well, of course she does! *does yet another hair flip. It is quickly becoming her signature
move*
M-
~they arrive at the house~
EMMETT: ~groans~ I'm not ready for this. Maybe we should come back in a few hours.
K-
ROSE: You know that won't help, Emmett. Let's just get it over with. *gives his hand a squeeze and
takes a deep breath as she opens the door, where she is instantly embraced by Esme*
ESME: ROSALIE! EMMETT!! WE'VE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH! HAVEN'T WE,
CHILDREN?
EDWARD: *runs in the room with yellow rubber gloves and a bottle of comet. he was obviously
cleaning before Esme called him* EMMETT! ROSALIE! IT'S BEEN TOO LONG! *goes to hug
them both, then realizes that he is going to get chemicals all over them so he just waves*
M-
EMMETT: ~grunts~
ALICE: ~comes skipping down the stairs~ ROSALIE!!! ~hugs her~ Baby. ~looks at Emmett~
EMMETT: ~grunts again~
CARLISLE: Oh! You two are home! Splendid!!
K-
ROSE: Yes. Well. Hi everyone. I just have to unpack... *grabs her things and flees to her room which
smells... clean?*
EDWARD: *barges in Rosalie's room* Sorry, Rose, I forgot my windex. Did you notice how cloudy
your mirror was getting? Oh, And I shampooed your rugs too. You're welcome. *leaves with his
cleaning supplies in tow*
ROSE: *mouth is hanging open*
M-
EMMETT: ~grunts again and sits down on the couch~
ALICE: OHHH, I AM SO HAPPY FOR GRILS NIGHT!! ~skips around happily~
CARLISLE: ~is talking to Esme~ Oh, I am so happy that the family is together! One united happy
family!!
JASPER: MY HAIR AND I ARE JUST RADIANTING WITH HAPPINESS!!
EMMETT: ~stares around in horror, and can't take the happiness and thinks: I HAVE JUST
ENTERED HELL!! ~makes a runs for the door~
K-
EDWARD: EMMETT, I KNOW YOU ARE EXCITED TO LEAVE, BUT WE MUST WAIT TILL
TOMORROW! *puts his arm around Emmett's shoulder and leads him into the living room, where the
whole family is making plans for the next day.*
M-
EMMETT: ~eye starts to twitch with Edward touching him and quickly gets out of his hold and makes
a charge for upstairs to use the shower~
ALICE: EMMETT, YOU'RE SUCH A BABY!!
EMMETT: ~throws a plant at her~
K-
EDWARD: *catches plant before it reaches Alice* IF YOU WANTED TO PLAY CATCH,
EMMETT, WE SHOULD GO OUTSIDE, AND USE THE PROPER SPORTING EQUIPMENT!
THROWING PLANTS IS NOT WHAT I WOULD CONSIDER SAFE BEHAVIOR!
M-
EMMETT: ~is already in the shower and pretends to not hear him~
ALICE: Thank you, Edward! That plant would have ruined my new outfit!!!
JASPER: And you hair would suffer for it too!
K-
EDWARD: It's no problem, Alice. So what are you ladies planning on doing tomorrow?
M-
~upstairs, in the bathroom~
EMMETT: ~is trying very hard to scrub off all the germs and bacteria where Edward touched him and
thinks: DAMN YOU, EDWARD!!! DAMN YOU!!!!~
~downstairs~
ALICE: ~chants~ SHOPPING! SHOPPING! SHOPPING!!!
K-
EDWARD: *laughs* It sounds like fun, Alice. *frowns as he hears Emmett's thoughts* Did I miss a
spot when I was cleaning the shower? I was so sure that I got every speck of dust out! I AM SO
ASHAMED THAT I CANNOT EVEN CLEAN MY OWN HOME!
M-
EMMETT: ~gets out of the shower, gets changed, goes downstairs and accidentally bumps into
Edward~ NOO!! ~goes back upstairs and uses the shower again~
K-
EDWARD: *self consciously sniffs himself* MOTHER, DO I SMELL FUNNY TO YOU?
ESME: Of course not, dear! You smell as wonderful as a field of daisies!
EDWARD: THEN DO I HAVE SOMETHING BETWEEN MY TEETH?
ESME: No, sweetie, you look fine!
EDWARD: ARE YOU SURE? DID YOU LOOK HARD ENOUGH? *pulls back his cheek and puts
his face really close to Esme's* HOW ABOUT NOW???
ESME: You look as handsome as ever, dear. I promise. Would I lie to you?
EDWARD: Of course not! I am sorry I doubted you! *runs off to hang out with other family members*
M-
ALICE: Emmett's just a baby, Edward. He's jelous over your strikingly good looks.
JASPER: ~hears this and gets jelous~ OH, SO WHAT AM I TO YOU!? HMMM?????
ALICE: Calm down, sweetie!
JASPER: NO! ARE YOU HITTING ON HIM!?!?!?!
ALICE: Of course not! Don't be absurd.
K-
EDWARD: It's okay Jasper. I was just asking Alice to check if I had something in my hair. There's
nothing between my teeth and apparently I smell normal, so it must be the hair! Unless I have a stain on
my shirt? *starts examining his shirt*
M-
JASPER: ~takes a deep breath~ Okay. Just making sure.
EMMETT: ~comes back downstairs again and goes directly to the fridge~ WHAT THE F***ING
F*** MAN!?!?!?!?!?!? WHERE'S THE GOD DAMN BEER I PUT IN HERE 2 DAYS
AGO!?!?!!? EDWARD, YOU GAY FAT LARD, YOU STOLE IT DIDN'T YOU, YOU
PANSY!?!?!
K-
EDWARD: I DO NOT STEAL EMMETT! I MERELY PUT IT SOMEWHERE MORE
APPROPRIATE! I THOUGHT THAT IF WE WERE GOING TO MAXIMIZE OUR TIME
TOMORROW IT WOULD BE BEST IF WE WERE ALL SOBER! COME, BROTHER, LET US
GO PLAN FOR OUR TRIP TOMORROW!
ESME: *mouths to Emmett with a stern face* Best behavior, Emmett.
M-
EMMETT: ~groans yet again and follows Edward and has a look in his eyes that he wants to pick
Edward up, strangle him, send him to the Guilotine and then set him on fire and drink beer on his grave
and laugh "HA HA!!! YOU DEAD, SUCKA!!!!~
K-
EDWARD: *opens 2 extremely large suitcases, one for himself and one for Emmett. Even though they
are only going for the one night. He throws stuff in so fast that it's all a blur*
Need this... Don't need this... DEFINITELY NEED THIS! *takes one more look around the room to
make sure he didn't forget anything* OH! I ALMOST FORGOT MY CAMERA! *throws that in the
bag too* Is that everything, Emmett?
M-
EMMETT: ~keeps thinking of ways her could torture Edward. thinks: Well, I could sword him up real
nice, like make him into swiss cheese, and feed him to crazy psychotic monkies. Or I could boom
headshot him several times and then put him on an episode of Pee Wee Herman and watch him suffer.
Or he could wrestle Michael Jackson and end up tied up to a bed.. There's so many possibilities. Hell,
I'LL USE ALL OF THEM FOR THE FUTURE!~
K-
EDWARD: EMMETT, PLEASE, KINDLY DO NOT TORTURE ME WITH YOUR VILE
THOUGHTS! I MERELY ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE IN NEED OF ANYTHING ELSE FOR
OUR TRIP! BUT I CAN SEE THAT YOU NO LONGER WISH FOR MY ASSISTANCE! I
SHALL GO ELSEWHERE!
*Runs from the room extremely offended and runs into Carlisle.*
Say, Carlisle, where are we going for our night out, anyways?
M-
CARLISLE: Edward, but I am so happy that you asked. We are going to a grand hotel, The Muerto.
But first, we just simply have to go to this grand new bowling alley!
EMMETT: ~jaw drops~ B-UT ROSE AND I WERE STAYING AT THE MUERTO!!!!
K-
EDWARD: THAT SOUNDS SPLENDID, FATHER! EMMETT CAN EVEN GIVE US A TOUR
WHEN WE ARRIVE! OH MY, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING! I MUST GO PACK MY
BOWLING THINGS! THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO! *speeds off*
M-
EMMETT: I BET YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BOWLING SHIRT, YOU PIECE OF SH**!!!
CARLISLE: Really, Emmett!!! You may stop now!!
K-
EDWARD: WHY, OF COURSE I HAVE MY OWN BOWLING SHIRT! I AM NOT A
HEATHEN, EMMETT! ONE MUST BE APPROPRIATELY EQUIPPED WHEN ENGAGING IN
SPORTS! I HAVE AN EXTRA SHIRT HERE, EMMETT, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BORROW
IT!
M-
EMMETT: ~grabs the shirt and tears it up in his own mouth and then stomps on it and then goes
outside and gets it even dirtier~ WHAT WERE YOU SAYING!?
K-
EDWARD: MY SHIRT! EMMETT I- *changes mid sentence at a glance from Esme* EMMETT,
PLEASE BE RATIONAL! THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN! YOU LOVE SPORTS! WE WILL
HAVE SUCH A LOVELY TIME, WONT WE, CARLISLE? JASPER?
M-
CARLISLE: Oh course we will, my good boy! ~gives Emmett death glare~ And if you try to sabotage
my family's happiness, Emmett..
EMMETT: I know, I'm going into the pit of death.
K-
EDWARD: THAT'S THE SPIRIT, FAMILY! IF I MAY BE EXCUSED, NESSIE SHOULD BE
PUT TO BED NOW! I WANT HER FULLY RESTED SO SHE CAN ENJOY HER NIGHT OUT
TOMORROW! *Is practically skipping with anticipation as he leaves with Nessie in arms*
M-
EMMETT: YES, YOU MAY BE EXECUTED!!!!!
CARLISLE: Emmett, he did not mean it like that.
EMMETT: THEN WHAT WAY DID HE MEAN IT, HUH!?!?!?
K-
ESME: *rests her hand on his shoulder* Be calm, son. He has not said anything offensive tonight.
M-
CARLISLE: ~mouths to Esme~ How on earth did he get that idea from Edward?
K-
ESME: *shrugs and mouths back* Maybe he confused the word excuse with execute??
Emmett, dear, why don't you finish packing? We'll leave fairly early in the morning, I think. Alice is keen
to hit every shop between here and LA.
M-
EMMETT: ~mumbles more exciting ways he could kill Edward and goes to his room~
ALICE: THAT'S RIGHT!!! SO STOP BEING SUCH A BABY ABOUT IT!!!
K-
ROSE: *is up in the room and looks up when Emmett enters* Emmett, did you realize Edward has
drawn up schedules for us all? *looks down at a piece of paper* I have to shop non-stop for 7 hours!
*looks at another paper* And it looks like you'll be bowling for 4... *groans and collapses onto the
bed*
M-
EMMETT: ~grunts and crashes on the bed next to her~ Would you like to shoot me, or should I do the
honors? Honestly Rose, we're not going to be able to survive!! ~looks at the papers and rips them up~
What's the point? I bet he made hundreds of copies. That bastard..
K-
ROSE: Easy, Emmett. If we be patient, it'll all pay off, remember? *groans* But all the same. SEVEN
hours. SEVEN!
M-
EMMETT: AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE!? CARLISLE INSISTS THAT WE STAY AT THE
MUERTO!!!
K-
ROSE: *starts to laugh but stops almost immediately on the look on his face* I'm sorry dear. That's
going to suck. Maybe she'll have left by now...? *bites her lip to keep her from laughing more*
M-
EMMETT: ROSE!! THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER!! SHE COULD RAPE ME IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH THOSE FREAKISHLY HUGE BOOBS, AND YOU'LL BE
MILES AND MILES AWAY!!!