Time to Heal – Part 4.
I will admit, this was a challenge, and I got a little lost towards the end, but I hope it turned out alright! Thank you so, so much for all the lovely reviews on earlier chapters! I do feel like because this was a challenge I re-read this over a hundred times, so if you do spot any mistakes they are all mine and I am sorry!
Reviews are loved and appreciated! Enjoy.
Disclaimer – I own nothing.
Weeks passed and still, Mike and Andrea kept to the same routine, using each other to lean on when they needed someone to listen. However, this week was different. Mike seemed different, and although Andrea didn't want to question it, she knew at some point she would have to. He'd spent weeks listening to her go on about her husband and her daughter, listening to her vent and cry, a part of her felt bad because he hadn't done the same.
Andrea found Mike on the landing deck, leaning against the railing, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.
"Hey…" Andrea said as she leant against the railings next to him.
Mike turned to see who'd joined him, smiling a little when he saw Andrea stood next to him.
"I love the sea, you know, but hell, it's boring to look at," Mike commented after a moment of silence.
"I get that, but, it beats staring at four blank walls." Again, the two stood in a comfortable silence. Much like Mike did with Andrea a few weeks ago, the redhead stood and waited, maybe Mike would open up, or maybe he would walk away, stating that he was fine, but she knew she would be stood there until he did one or the other.
"So, before we left for the Artic, Christine and I got into the huge fight. The kids were home, and I remember Lucas crying, Amy was trying to calm him down, whilst Katie was screaming at us to stop. It was so pathetic, I don't even remember what started it, but things were said and feelings got hurt. Christine said I'd be lucky if they were there when I got home. I know it's wrong, but I keep wishing they left after Lucas died, I keep hoping that she kept her word, that she found somewhere safe to live, and to grieve." Andrea watched him in silence, seeing hurt and sadness written over his face.
"It's good to keep that hope going," Andrea told him after a minute.
"You know what the sickening part is? I'm happy I'm here, I'm happy I am on this ship and I am not there, because…" Mike stopped, taking a deep breath. Andrea wanted so badly to reach out for his hand, but she knew how it would look with so many sailors around.
"Because I know I could do nothing to help them." Mike hated himself for saying it out loud, but he needed to.
Mike shook his head, turning to look at Andrea. He wondered if she would look at him the same way, now. He wondered if he could see himself as the good sailor, or just the man too scared to help his own family.
"We used to fight all the time, mainly about me and this job, she thought I was married to the Navy instead of her. I requested a transfer, this was supposed to be my last tour, it was supposed to be the start of this new relationship, to me being a better father and all it's done is taken my son and torn my world apart. Maybe it's better I don't find them. Maybe I should let them be?" Andrea shook her head.
"Don't think like that, sir. They are going to need you, and you are going to need them. We still don't know what we're going home to, who we are going home to." Mike could only nod. His mind was still replaying various arguments and conversations he'd had with Christine.
"Is it easier knowing?" Mike asked. He turned to face her a little more, trying to read her face, wondering if now was the right time to ask the question. Then he wondered if he cared, simply because he needed to know. He needed to know if it was easier for her if it was easier knowing, and not spending each day wondering if they survived or not.
"Yes. I know that I can grieve, and I know I can begin to move on, and not feel bad about it." Andrea told him quietly.
The two stood in silence once again, but this time Andrea was hoping he'd speak, hoping he'd say something to let her know that he was okay. Andrea could see people approaching out the corner of her eye, and willed them to leave, but instead, they moved closer until they were stood next to them.
"CNO needs to speak with the captain." Andrea nodded despite the fact the message wasn't for her.
"Hang in there," Andrea said as Mike pushed himself off the railing.
"I'll talk to you later." Mike said without looking at her, knowing if he did there was a good chance he would break down even more, and right now he needed to push on and do his job.
When Mike got back to this room, he pushed the door closed, leaning on it momentarily before he walked over to his desk, turning on the lamp. The lamp cast a dim glow over the room, and with the night sky outside Mike was pleased for the darkness. He began to take off his jacket, glancing over at the stack of reports that still needed to be read. Today had been a tough day, filled with thoughts of his family and how much guilt he felt for not being there. He'd also wondered about Andrea, and how much she'd become a part of his life. They'd spent so much time together, both sharing the pain of missing the people they loved.
However, a part of his brain kept telling him it was wrong. Wrong to keep doing this, the late-night talks, the flirting that seemed to come into every conversation they had. He was the captain of this ship, and he knew anything more than this would be wrong, but he couldn't help it. Andrea had become his safe haven, the one who knew what it was like. The one who didn't judge, who simply listened, and his conversation with her earlier regarding Christine only proved that point more.
A knock at the door made him look up, and before he'd even moved he knew Andrea Garnett would be stood the other side, waiting for him to answer. When he did move to his door and pull it open he saw his XO stood, hands behind her back, waiting for him to invite her in.
Stepping to the side he watched her as she stood in front of his desk.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Andrea offered her explanation as to why she was there.
"I'm fine," Mike told her, although it wasn't too convincing. He had a plan in his head to tell her they should stop with all of this, the talks they had, all the late-night paperwork sessions that reminded them both of school and exam season when they were younger, but he took one look at her and realised he needed her.
"Did you want to sit down?" Andrea shook her head and smiled.
"I'm heading back to the engine room, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"You need a hobby." Mike shot back, sitting in his chair, folding his arms over his chest.
"Look, shoot me for overstepping the mark, but, I consider us friends, and today I realised that you still have a chance at happiness, you still have a shot at finding your family and making it work, and I need happiness." Andrea started.
"So, I want you to know that when we get to wherever we're going, I will help you find Christine and the girls." Andrea knew that it would hurt, but Mike still had a chance to find them, and she wanted that for him.
Mike was almost speechless, of course, he considered her a friend, more than a friend if he was honest, but that was something else entirely. Right now, Andrea was so focused on his happiness that she was willing to put herself through emotional hell to help him find his family.
Mike took a breath, smiling at her. There was no way he could stop talking to her, he needed her, maybe more than he would ever care to admit, but he definitely needed her.
Thank you for reading, how am I doing? Are you still enjoying this? Reviews are loved and appreciated. Bethany.