Bleach: The Peroxide Series

Why Ulquiorra Never Smiles

(A/N I've got nothing….)

SOUNDS/sounds

Thoughts

Gin stared into the mirror on some random wall in the hallway. He was doing a small smiling routine. If he wanted to keep that creepy grin on his face practice was a must. He was a making a variety of faces with different grins at different angles. It was hard work to keep such a devilish smirk on his face.

He paused suddenly after seeing a set of green eyes staring at him from behind him in the mirror with one lone black eyebrow slight switching. Gin turned slightly pink after being caught. He turned around to meet the Espada behind him.

"What were you doing?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Me? Uh… I was just practicing," he said, brushing out his uniform. "You know, how else am I going keep this charming grin?"

"'Charming?' I would say, 'have you looked a mirror lately' but that would redundant," Ulquiorra drawled.

"My dear, Ulquiorra, was that meant to be some sort of joke?" Gin asked, raising a thin eyebrow. "It was, wasn't it? My, my… I never would have pegged you as one with a sense of humor."

"Humor?" Ulquiorra repeated.

"Yes, humor. It's very dry though… It would be better if you smiled while telling one," Gin said, giving Ulquiorra a very large grin.

"I do not smile," Ulquiorra replied, turning to leave.

"Oh, come now," Gin said, walking up beside Ulquiorra. "Everyone can smile. Besides I hear it is very good for the body. Come on let's see some pearly whites."

"I don't smile," Ulquiorra stated bluntly.

"Now why's that, hm?" Gin asked, now standing in front of Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra looked around the area slightly before turning back to Gin. Gin waited with his hands on his hip. Ulquiorra let out a long sigh.

"Bad things happen when I smile," Ulquiorra said, leaning in close to Gin keeping his voice low.

"Bad things? Really? What sort of bad things? Show me," Gin asked.

"You don't want to see it," Ulquiorra said in a warning tone. "Trust me."

"Oh, now, it can't be that bad," Gin said, patting Ulquiorra on the shoulder and got a death glare. He quickly removed his hand. "Right… Just one little grin, okay? I won't bother you anymore. Promise."

"Very well," Ulquiorra answered.

Ulquiorra stretched the corners of his mouth showing his teeth slightly. Grant it don't look right on his face but it wasn't anything bad. What was Ulquiorra so worked up about?

KR KRAAACK!! SHAAATTER!!

Gin turned towards the mirror to find it pieces on the floor, the wallpaper began to peel, and a light fixture fell from the ceiling nearly hitting Gin. Gin ran a hand through his hair pulled out a clump of silver hair…

"My… My h-h-hair…?!" Gin said in shock, looking the clump of silver strands in his hand. "What the hell did you do?! I'm going bald!"

"I warned you," Ulquiorra said, crossing his arms. "When I smile bad luck comes."

"Have you ever considered using your smile as a weapon?" Gin asked, checking for any more bald spots.

"No, because whenever I smile something else happens," Ulquiorra said, looking at the ground. "I feel really bad about it."

"Oh, like what?" Gin asked, not really sure he wanted to know.

(Meanwhile)

"What is that?" Ichigo asked, looking at something fall from the sky.

"I don't know," Rukia stated, running after the falling object. "It's landing just on the other side of those trees."

When it landed to their horror they discovered it was a body. They quickly hurried up to it to see what was going on and noticed a set of feathered wings. They stared down in shock. It was an angel.

"What happened?" Rukia asked, looking at the dying angel.

"Ulquiorra…. Sm-smiled… Ugh…" with that the angel turned to dust.

"Smiled?" Ichigo blinked, looking at Rukia as she shrugged.

"Let me get this straight," Gin said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Every time you smile an angel dies?"

"Yes," Ulquiorra nodded. "Which also results in the bad luck."

"Wow, okay… I've got nothing," Gin said, backing up. "You have left me at a loss for words and I'm going now. Ta-ta… What a freak of nature! I wonder what my hair looks like by now?"

"Oh," Ulquiorra gasped slightly.

"What?" Gin asked, turning back around.

"Never mind," Ulquiorra said, waving him off.

Gin gave him a funny look before turning and leaving. When Gin was out of sight Ulquiorra bit his lips and forced them into puckered position. He had gotten a look at the back of Gin's head. By morning he was going to be as bald as the 3rd seat for squad 11. He was trying not to smile. He mustn't smile. He needed to do something quick.

THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!

Following the highly annoying repetitive sound Grimmjow was intending to make it stop. He rounded the corner and discovered a little glass under foot with what was left of a light fixture. He looked backed up to see Ulquiorra pounding his head into the wall. Okay, that was weird.

"Hey, you mind cutting out that—URK," Grimmjow stopped dead getting one hell of a death glare. "On second thought have fun. Bye."

Grimmjow quickly backed up and hurried back down the hall still hearing the thudding of Ulquiorra's head against the wall.

The End

Millie M. Banshee