Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

Chapter Four

Day three on the island had commenced in the best way she could have expected - he had told her he loved her. No funny games, this was real. He had spilled his heart out to her, and she realized that that was probably the reason why he had held out for so long. He couldn't just say 'I love you'. It was more than that for him, and that knowledge made her love him even more.

He had worn himself out all night worrying about her. He had admitted that he was scared of not waking up anymore, and therefore had decided that the best option was to just not go to sleep. Of course, that was the worst possible decision, because after their lovemaking following their confessions of love, he had crashed beside her and basically passed out. The color had left his skin a little and she was now worrying about him even more than she already was - she spent every hour that he was asleep by his side, not even leaving the room to have a shower or get something to drink. She didn't want him to be alone, and quite frankly, she didn't want to be alone, either. And she was alone. It was a sad, depressing preview of her life after his death.

She reached for her phone when she got especially sad, but she didn't have any missed calls or anything. She shouldn't be surprised. She had asked the gang to let them be, so that is what you would get.

She flicked through her pictures absent-mindedly, she hadn't really taken any pictures aside from right after their parasailing adventure, but she was surprised to see some pictures she hadn't seen before. They were of him, laying beside her while she was asleep, and it should have been creepy, but his smile on the picture just warmed her heart, and he was so gentle with her in that picture, she could see that. He was laying beside her, his face impossibly close to hers, but he was looking at the camera, as if he was posing.

He was giving her more memories. More ways to hold onto him after he was gone. His kisses, his words of love, but also physical things, like these pictures. Her heart broke, but at the same time she warmed from the inside out. He was so sweet. Why was the universe cruel like that?

The last picture sent tears to her eyes again - it was of him, looking at her, his smile somewhat faded but his adoration still clear in his face. He loved her so much, and it filled her with happiness to know that she was here with him, like it should have been from the start.

After a while, her fingers automatically dialed Daisy's number, but as the phone connected, she paused. She couldn't just call Daisy whenever things got hard. Daisy had her own life.

"May?"

Oh thank god. Hearing Daisy's voice felt so good, knowing she was okay and still breathing. May looked at Phil, who was still asleep, but he still looked pale and she was afraid that it would only get worse from here.

"Are you okay?"

"I, uh… I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Oh, uh… okay." Daisy sounded confused and May couldn't really blame her. May had never been like this, scared, in love, protective almost. There was a selfish part in May that had called Daisy simply for her own benefit, but she knew most of it was because she was worried about her. And she had promised Phil to look after Daisy. Why wait until he was gone?

"How are you doing?" May asked Daisy, as she sat down at the end of the bed, a hand lightly on his shin.

"I could be better, I guess. I miss you guys. We all do."

And quite right so. They had been at the top of the team for so long, they had built it from scratch, and it wouldn't be right if that hadn't left a lasting impact on all members involved.

"How's Coulson?"

"Still breathing." She didn't want to go into full detail to Daisy, not wanting to worry the young woman even more. Daisy would definitely turn the plane around and personally get him to a hospital. May didn't disagree with that tactic, but she knew that he was beyond help now, no hospital could save him.

"Will you come back, May?"

It didn't really shock her because Daisy had asked her that too when they had parted on the Zephyr, but it did surprise her a little that that was still on the woman's mind, after these days spent apart, that she wondered what May would do when Phil died.

"I don't know."

"Please come back. May. I'm not one to beg easily, but please come back. And I should have said this back on the Zephyr, although I doubt it would have changed anything… but... I… I don't know where I would be without you. So please take it into consideration. I know… no, I can imagine… no. I know it will be hard when he dies, but we can be strong, together."

Damn. Who had taught Daisy the ability to give powerful speeches overnight? Daisy was like May, horrible in expressing her feelings but instead wasting away while pushing it all down, deny it air, refusing to address it. In that aspect, Daisy could definitely be May's daughter.

"You know I'll die if I have to lose you, too. And we don't have to stay with SHIELD. We can travel the world, I know you always wanted to do that. But I want us to be together. Please."

"I am taking it into consideration, Daisy. But I'm not finished here."

"No, I know that. And I hope you'll never finish. But if you do… please don't just run away. I… I need you, May."

May lowered her head and felt the tears come up yet again. She knew how hard it was for Daisy to talk about her feelings, she was a mini version of herself, so to hear these words from Daisy's lips hurt her and at the same time pulled them closer together.

May remembered her and Phil's talk at the restaurant the other night. They had admitted that the team was their family, and especially Daisy, that she was practically their daughter. Well. This young woman admitted to needing May, and while they might never say the words, she could be her mother. Daisy needed a mother.

"I'll, uh, I'll call you soon."

"Can I talk to Coulson?"

"He's asleep."

"Oh. Okay. Say hi for me."

"I will. And Daisy?"

"Yes?"

"Please be careful out there. I know you're still looking for a way to save him. Don't lose yourself."

"You would do the same."

"I know. But just be careful."

She sat beside him after she had ended the call, resting against the headboard and looking at him, sleeping. Sometimes, he looked so peaceful she had to check his pulse just to make sure he hadn't left just like that.

He woke up eventually and she put her hand on his cheek to let him know she was there. He had a significantly harder time waking up this time around, and he almost fell back asleep, but he looked up at her and just sighed in what seemed to her as bliss, and she slid down and into his arms easily, not doing anything else, just looking at him.

"Hey," he croaked, his voice incredibly quiet, and she really hoped he would get some strength back. She wanted him to shut her up with a kiss and push her onto her back and make love with her. The way he looked now, she doubted he could even kiss her.

"Hey."

He proved her wrong by putting his thumb and index finger on her chin and pulling her towards him, for a kiss that filled her with love, happiness, everything she ever wished for them and more. When they parted, his arms lay loosely around her, their foreheads against each other.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him. He just shook his head. In lieu of words that had already been said and done, he just lay with her there, perhaps both knowing that this was the beginning of the end. The past few days had been nothing compared to this.

In a way, it almost felt like he was letting go. Like he thought that because he had said he loved her, he could die in peace. It broke her heart.

"Don't let go," she whispered. "We have so much more to live for."

"Like?"

"I still haven't found out what's number one on your bucket list."

He smiled and she pulled his hands a little closer. That's it, my dear Phil. Please keep this up.

"Might as well just say it."

"Uh-uh. I want you to surprise me."

He chuckled and nuzzled the tip of his nose against hers, and she melted in his arms. She wanted to draw out Phil, not the shell of the man he was becoming to protect her feelings, she wanted him to smile at her and hold her tight and never let go.

"Anyway, I think you'll like number three more."

"Oh?"

"But that's also a surprise."

"I hate you."

He smiled brighter and kissed her lips briefly. "I love you, too."

She brushed his hair and rested her hands in the back of his neck.

"Anything else we can work on?"

"Number four."

She raised an eyebrow and he smiled again.

"Sex on the beach," he explained.

"The drink?"

"Sure, Melinda May. The drink."

She chuckled and he kissed her then, deeply, regaining some strength as he pulled her close and she sighed against his lips.

"You know, beach sex is actually quite overrated," she whispered. "You get sand everywhere. Everywhere. And it takes too much planning and thinking. It's not spontaneous."

"I did some research."

"Of course you did." Always the cool and collected spy, who came prepared with stupid gadgets and a SHIELD handbook. She had often laughed at him for that nerd inside him, but she secretly loved it.

They spent the day in bed, making out, watching some mindless TV while they lay in each other's arms, ordering the cabin equivalent of room service, and when it started getting dark outside, he got up and started collecting some things.

She sat up and looked at him.

"Phil?"

"Number four."

"You're too weak to stand."

"I don't have to stand. And I'm standing now."

"Phil… I know you want to make the most of our time together, but please don't push yourself."

He shook his head and came to stand beside the bed, pulling her up and into his arms while she was still kneeling on the bed. He grabbed her arms and put them around his neck.

"I saved all my energy for this, Melinda. I'll be fine, I'm a grown man."

"I'm not doubting that, Phil. I just… don't want you to get worse because you're pushing this crazy scheme of yours."

"We'll see how it goes. I don't want to spend all day in bed. Even though I love to be in your arms."

He grabbed her long beach dress from the floor, she hadn't really worn a lot of clothing for a while, and handed it to her.

"I love that dress on you."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely."

"Because I won't stop once we started."

"Oh, I know."

She had proven that fact many times before. They walked out of their cabin hand in hand.

~...~

When they took a bath afterwards in the big jacuzzi, she chuckled at his disappointed expression.

"I told you."

"But at least we've tried it and that's the main thing."

She smiled and put a kiss on his naked chest.

"And before you offer it, sex in the ocean isn't pleasant either. At least, not for the woman."

He pouted and she chuckled, as his arms wrapped tightly around her.

"How do you know all this?"

"I went to Maui with Andrew. He was very… adventurous." When his hand on her body traveled south after a while, she kissed him to try and slow him down. "We could go back to bed."

"Hmm."

"Phil?"

He looked at her with a small smile on his lips.

"What's number one?"

His smile dropped and so did her heart. Okay. So it was probably not necessarily something happy.

"It's, uh… sort of a surprise."

"I know. But what if you die before you are able to show it to me?"

"That's the thing," he whispered. "My death plays a big part in it."

"Oh."

Now she really wondered what it was, but she was also scared of finding out what it was. His death played a big part in it, apparently, so she would likely only find out as he was dying. And she wasn't ready for his death.

He sobered up and got up, the water cascading from his naked body, and she got up without really thinking about it, her heart willing her to follow him, wherever he went. He dried himself off quickly, and she moved to dry herself off, but he wrapped her up in the large towel and pushed her to the bed without even really drying her off. She sat down on the bed, confused what he was doing, especially when he left the room.

"Phil?"

He returned after a few moments with his boxers on, a view she hadn't seen in a while, at least when they were still in their cabin, so she had a feeling that this was about to get serious. She had thought that they were going to make love, but this was probably much bigger.

He sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, quiet for a while. It hadn't escaped her that he was holding a little black box in his hands, velvet by the looks of it. It made her heart beat faster than it probably should.

"I, uh… wanted to make this more romantic, but you're right. I don't know how much time I have left, and… I want to have done this. For your sake."

He handed her the box, putting it in both her hands and enveloping her hands with his. His eyes told her of all the love that was in his system, the life she could have had with him if he had just kept living. Was it really too late to get married and start a family?

"Phil…"

"Will you marry me?"

Her heart basically burst out of her chest, with shock, love, everything all at once. He was asking her to marry him. Him. Phillip J. Coulson. How could she remain neutral after a question like that? Who would blame her that she started crying? Certainly not him.

"Oh…" was the only thing she could say for a long time. She stared at the box, not even able to open it, knowing something precious was inside it, and she wasn't ready for that.

He opened the box when she didn't, to reveal a beautiful silver ring, on top a massive diamond, on the band surrounding it little stones. The entire thing shimmered so much, and her hand started shaking, it was too beautiful and she couldn't take it. She wouldn't take it.

"It was my mother's. She loved you. She would want you to have it. She would have been happy to see we finally got together."

"I can't take it, Phil. I can't."

"You can, and you will."

"Phil…"

"Please be my wife. We can get married here."

"But you'll die soon. I'll be a widow again."

"And I'm sorry about that. I truly am. But I want to be married to you. Even if it's just a day. It will be worth it, to me."

They sat quietly for a while. She wanted to marry him. She did. But he would die and she would lose him and she felt like it would hurt three times as much if he was her husband. Three times, she almost made herself laugh. A billion times more.

She thought back to Andrew. Her heart had broken in two when he had died. She couldn't do that again. She couldn't lose her husband again.

She took out the ring and slipped it on her finger. He grabbed the box, threw it away and wrapped his arms around her tightly, kissing her deeply, even when they fell backwards onto the mattress, their lips didn't part, and neither did their arms.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Yes," she replied. He giggled and frowned in confusion.

"Yes, what?"

"I'll marry you."

He let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god. I love you."

"I love you, too."

So perhaps she was destined to always be a widow. Perhaps it was a curse to be in love with her, to marry her. She wouldn't do this to someone else ever again. She would never love someone like she loves Phillip J. Coulson.