i feel like its time to start the disclaimers. so yeah, i do not own Austin and Ally or Aspergirls by Rudy Simone
I prettied myself up for the date, slapping on some thick and dramatic mascara and my favorite red lip-gloss. I had on my Twilight t-shirt with Edward and Jacob on neither side paired with a simple red skirt with black floral lace. With my simple black heals were some knee high socks with twilight written all over it (authors note: I have the same socks). I finished my Twilight crazed outfit with a red rose, a hand drawn Quileute tattoo on my shoulder and a simple chocker with the Cullen crest on it. Now I stand in line with Dallas, trying hard to keep up a conversation. Epic fail. Plus I chose the wrong heels. My feet are honestly killing me. Though ill admit that I look hot.
That movie wa ! What is better than sparkly vampires and hot, hot, and HOT werewolves? Just add a cute little hybrid child and a kick ass Bella. And I just LOVED that ending. So much better than the book. It was just so, so, I'm not even going to describe it cuz then that's giving out spoilers. Overall, if you've already seen it, high five! If not, GET THAT TICKET ALREADY AND GO SEE IT!
Throughout the rest of the date I never stopped talking about the movie; literally. It's the only thing my motor mouth wanted to blab about. Dallas probably never got a word into the conversation. I'm not exactly sure though; too busy talking about how AWESOME that movie was. Anyways, after the movie we went out for ice cream. Of course I got me my Fruity Mint Swirl. I heart you. And of course now I'm at home. Having a texting covo with Dallas.
Me: I had a gr8 time
Dallas: Me 2
Me: What was ur fav part?
Dallas: U sure talk a lot bout the movie
Me: ikr! XD
Dallas: Haha. My fav was kick ass Bella
Me: Ikr, luved her 2. I luved Renesmee more though. She cuuuuuute 3
Dallas: Agreed
Me: ;P
Dallas: Anyways, wanna go out again some time?
OMG. Dallas just asked me out again. Excuse me for a sec *girly scream*. What should I say? Of course im gonna say yes! But I don't wanna be too obvious. But I can't just say no. Stop talking to yourself Ally.
Me: Yea, sure
Dallas: gr8. How bout after my shift at the library on Wednesday?
Me: ok. C u then
Eep! I'm going on a date with Dallas, I'm going on a date with Dallas. ^_^. Too bad that wont be for a few days. Oh well. I just picked up that Aspergirls book and continued reading.
God knows how long its been since I started reading. I just never put that book down. Not because I was into it, but because of myself. Each word made everything in my life make much more sense. Yet at the same time, I was still confused. There were several sentences I found extra special. Probably because it was my point of view that I never noticed. It was the ignorance that finally caught up to me. It was also the memories from before that came flooding back from each and every moment of my life.
We don't want to wait for kindergarten for the words on the page to reveal their meaning. We also don't want to wait for our first lesson to evoke music from the magical instrument standing in the corner. And often, we don't have to. I never noticed how quickly I figured out how to read so soon after learning the alphabet. I never noticed how enchanted I was at that piano in the corner that Dad showed me how to play soon after I messed around with it.
Not comprehending things the way other people do is fine in academia because we can usually find our own methods, but in social situations, this same tendency plays out differently-we can't always impose our own rules and priorities on others. We can't research people in everyday conversation the way we research information from books. HUGE point there. God, people are so much more confusing than calculus.
When we are in the zone, we do have a hard time with taking breaks, going to the toilet, eating, drinking, grooming, getting fresh air, or exercise. Hmm, that explains how I got Austin to lose his voice and get a little nodules. Why am I still guilty?
Despite a love of learning and an appetite for information, Aspergirls do not all enjoy school the way others might think that they would. For some, school is too slow; too restrictive, for we are often unable to read what we like or study in the areas of our passions. Social issues are yet another minefield to navigate, and an obstacle on the path to our desire-to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible. Yeah, I'm obsessed with knowledge. Deal with it.
Most of the Aspergirls said the same thing-with few exceptions, school was boring and they were bullied. Bullying is something that will come up throughout this book and throughout the lives of many Aspergirls. Unfortunately, it seems to be intrinsically tied to formal education. Bullying happens when someone is different and is seen as a threat in some ways, yet seen as weak in others. Aspergirls fit that bill perfectly. To a young and innocent child, bullying is a shock and often turns the world from a safe and happy place to a complete nightmare. For a spectrum child, it can be the beginning of a lifelong post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I'd say it's a little of both for me.
It was absolute torture for me to listen to my classmates struggle with See Jane Run, I honestly don't have all the patience in the world to wait for other kids to catch up with me.
Five- and six-year-olds can be much more tolerant than older kids. My uncoolness was coolness. Sooo true. No wonder why everything was mostly fine during my early years.
I had many friends…until adolescence.
All at once, my idiosyncrasies became very uncool, almost overnight. My social deficits, which prior to that point had just been differences, became glaring holes in my persona. At first I was merely ostracized, losing friends one by one, but then, the threats began. By this time I had no one to sit with at lunch so I usually spent it hiding somewhere. It was sure something to adjust to suddenly going from popular nerd girl to just "Ally Dawson? Who?" So far Trish is the only one of those girls who hadn't betrayed me like that.
How does a girl who was once a gifted and popular student fall so far? Home was dysfunctional, and I'd already become mute and withdrawn there, long before I did at school. My teachers may have noticed, but as is often the case, the bully was more popular with teachers than I was. Kim wasn't a know-it-all like I was; she didn't appear sullen and awkward, but instead, some teachers thought I had it coming.
Teachers, more often than not, either can't or won't protect you. Even Miss Suzy couldn't ease down my amount of bullies.
I had a gifted IEP. Middle school and high school were hell-bullying from students and teachers, no one to turn to. I spent years dealing with severe depression. Everyone ignored my problems because I had good grades. (Andi) whoever this Andi person is surprisingly relatable.
With NT girls, you just don't know what the game is about. They have a coldness that can turn to meanness. (Widders) do normal girls really have to be so mean? What kind of world am I dealing with anyways?
With diagnosis or an IEP we might end up in special ed or some other place where some well-meaning individuals watch us like hawks, which we do not like. Ok, I'm scared. I just got diagnosed the other day. Is this my fate for the rest of high school? Chewing my hair here. *chew chew chew*
-it is our emotions that really need the extra care. Our intellect will do just fine if you give it something to play with and let it go. (Reminder: I am referring to high-functioning individuals) still scared. If the special ed teachers are as ignorant as this book describes, the rest of high school will be a living hell.
Aspergirls do not thrive under scrutiny, if it has just the slightest bit of hostility in it. Whether form our peers or teachers, if we are looked at with an unfriendly, intimidating, or threatening eye, we fold. Alone, we are talented, graceful, witty, and smart, but under such circumstances we curl up like hedgehogs. Every bully, every teacher that had ever hated me, anyone really, had always made me so uncomfortable and scared. More reason to use the phrase "leave me alone"
We're as sensitive emotionally as we are physically and the bullying becomes a vicious cycle-when the perpetrators see what an effect they're having, they redouble their efforts. Some of us get backed into a corner and keep retreating until we are our in the parking lot…then we just keep going. In other words, we quit. Some of us older Aspergirls went from gifted student to high school or college dropout. Instead of getting PhDs, we let PTSD stop us at our GED (General Equivalency Diploma or General Education Diploma). Guitting is better than allowing someone to bully to death. We feel powerful when we leave a bad situation, for it means we are taking control, something very important to an Aspergian. But the problem comes in the future, when we realize we are 42 and never got that degree, or didn't get as high a degree as we should have. Our temporary feeling or triumph will come back to bite us in the backside again and again. Does this mean I just may quit school somehow? Ok, shaking in fear here. If this book was able to predict my past, does it mean that I'm destined to live this kind of future?
On the other hand, she may be obviously smart and it isn't any fun to hear other kids struggling with See Jame Run while you're already on Dickens. If your child is gifted, she might need a special program or some challenge in her life. Remember however, that she may seem quite mature in many ways but she is autistic and she will be fragile and childlike in others. Letting her be moved up a grade or two might not be a good idea if she feels intimidated by older kids. Dad actually did try that once. Not a pleasant experience I'd wanna talk about.
Just because a school says it has a zero tolerance policy for bullying doesn't mean it's true. Note to self: don't trust those signs any longer.
I finally decided to close the book after going through those two chapters. This book in just two chapters: for starters its very well written. Written not only in a professional way, but also reflective. Still, I'm confused of course. Just in the few two chapters alone, I had endless flashbacks to my early childhood. Was every other girl with Asperger's Syndrome destined to experience those events at an early age as I was? Was every Aspergirl also destined to be in special ed and to quit school as well? Are all our paths really that similar? This is just confusing. Still, I hugged the book protectively. I suddenly felt like this was my guide to my future, my life. It predicted my past, and possibly my future. Maybe if I get this kind of heads up, I'll be able to do something different.
But for now, I REALLY don't want to go into a special ed class. That means that this kind of secret better be kept from the teachers. If they never know, then they will never place me into a group of specially challenged teens. "Hey Ally, just thought you might wanna know that I called your school earlier and told them you have autism" Dad then busted in, breaking the news I certainly didn't want to hear. "Nice to know Dad" I said with faint hostility. I understand that my Dad means well, but now? Uggh. Sure, any parent would think that if their child is diagnosed with anything at all they would need some extra help, but, but, Uggh! Dad! High school is now going to be a living hell. I might as well just quit now. Great, history really does repeat itself. Yeah