This one is slightly more AU, but I found it in a Tumblr prompt and really wanted to write it! (: This one is for Jenna.

iv.
your love is my turning page

Rachel's always loved weddings. She loves watching the groom's expression when he sees the bride for the first time, and she loves admiring the bride's dress and she loves the bouquet toss at the end.

Her best friend gets married and she's the maid of honor, naturally. Quinn looks beautiful in her ivory gown and her veil that Rachel's adjusts moments before she walks down the aisle, and she's the one that gives her the last hug she'll receive as a single woman – before she weds her high school sweetheart and runs off to become one of the happiest people in the world.

Rachel isn't married yet. She isn't looking to be married yet. She's fostering her career before she lets a man get involved, which is the smartest thing to do. She doesn't need someone to sign checks with and make dinner for and to rub her feet when she gets back from rehearsal late and her feet hurt.

Marriage is something that's somewhere in her future, she just knows that it isn't coming any time soon.

-x-

Quinn gets married and the entire crowd applauds the new union, Rachel smiling at her friend and giving her hand one last squeeze before she walks down the aisle with her husband.

They've all gone to high school together; Quinn and Rachel and her husband, Puck. It makes Rachel smile at the fact that they've lasted that long and that they're finally getting married.

To most girls, getting married is like a fairytale, especially when you marry your boyfriend from high school.

Rachel doesn't want to marry her boyfriend from high school. He's not worth the suffering.

The rest of Quinn's bridal party are all girls that she's gone to college with, so Rachel doesn't spend much time talking to them. They're all beautiful and skinny and blonde with five and a half carat wedding rings on their hands already. It makes Rachel stick out like a sore thumb and she's happy when the receiving line ends and she can talk with the other friends she and Quinn have in common at the reception.

The music starts and Rachel's too busy making sure that everything at the reception is perfect instead of dancing.

She doesn't really want to dance, anyway. She doesn't have anyone to dance with, and although it would be rather endearing for her to dance with one of Quinn's younger cousins, she isn't in the mood.

Part of her still misses that feeling of security that comes with dancing with a man; his arms wrapped around her waist and her head rested against his chest, the silence between them deafening enough that she can hear his heart beating, his fingers fidgeting on her back and his hands slowly moving lower and lower on her back until they begin to find purchase on her behind.

She knows that it's wrong to miss those sorts of things, though. She doesn't need to miss Finn, because he missed out on her. At least that's what Santana tells her.

She keeps herself occupied by fixing floral arrangements and making sure that no one's stuck their finger in the cake in order to taste the icing, doing her best to look busy.

Everyone looks so happy and she knows that she looks happy; the same smile stuck on her face that she's been wearing all day because in reality, she is happy. She's happy for Puck and Quinn and she's happy that she gets to wear the little pink dress that the rest of her bridesmaids get to wear and she's happy that she gets to go to a wedding, because she loves weddings, but she's not really happy.

She hasn't been happy for seven years.

-x-

Quinn clears the dance floor to sit in the chair that's placed in the middle of the dance floor and sits down so that Puck can remove her garter, a spectacle on its own. Rachel giggles and blushes slightly as she watches, looking at Quinn and offering her a sheepish smile.

She's found people to mingle with now; Kurt and Blaine have shown up late to the reception and she's spent a good amount of time nursing a champagne flute and talking about New York with the two of them.

Rachel doesn't notice who catches the garter after Puck throws it into the crowd of single men in front of them. Even the heels that Quinn's ordered everyone in the bridal party to wear aren't high enough to boost her off the ground so that she can see the recipient of the lacy scrap of fabric.

Quinn then stands and prepares to throw her bouquet over her shoulder and Blaine gives Rachel an encouraging nudge to go into the mass of women even though she's the only bridesmaid to do so, so she does, standing towards the middle and placing an arm up, secretly hoping that she won't catch it.

She doesn't want to draw attention to the fact that she's single and at a wedding. For as much as she loves weddings, that's the one thing about them that sucks. Being single and being reminded that you still need to do all of this as you watch your friends find who they belong with and get married.

The bouquet gets thrown in the air and Rachel almost pulls her hand back down, but when she does, she realizes that she has it, right there in her hands.

The bouquet is in her hands; the pink roses and gardenias that she went to the florist to help Quinn pick out herself.

There's a blur of commotion and she can hear the DJ say something about the two lucky winners having to share a dance together.

Rachel looks at Kurt and Blaine and they both smile, making her eyes go wide.

They're right, in a way, since this could be a good opportunity for her to meet someone. Whoever caught the garter has to be single unless they were hoping for an opportunity to be the center of attention for two seconds, or something.

The crowd of men parts and Rachel swears that her eyes widen so much that they're about to pop out of her head.

Standing in front of her is Finn Hudson.

She turns her head over her shoulder and looks at Quinn, and Quinn knows, but she can't say anything before the song that they're supposed to dance to starts up and the crowd begins to applaud, clearing the dance floor for the two of them.

Rachel walks up to Finn, her eyes trained on her feet. Finn looks at her and she knows that he knows, but she doesn't say anything.

She looks up at him and bites down on her lip nervously, her hands clasped together tightly.

"You know, you don't have to do this," she tells him, her voice loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough so that the people around them aren't privy to what they're saying.

Finn looks down at her and she sighs, feeling his arms wrap around her waist, prompting her to bring her own arms up to his shoulders.

"You're blushing, Rachel Berry," he tells her, making her look up at him so she can hear him. He's smiling at her and she doesn't want to say anything in return, but the way he smiles at her somehow serves as a bandage for her battered heart.

It only stays that way for a while, however. She knows that he's just going to leave her again when this is over. It's just a dance, after all. She's doing it to humor her best friend.

"Please stop," she tells him, her voice quiet as she looks down again, doing everything in her power not to look into Finn's eyes. "We're not doing this because we want to. The fact that it's us out of everyone in this entire reception hall is just… it's… it's nothing." She has a hard time finding the words she wants to use and feels her mouth begin to dry out, like she has two giant cotton balls wedged in her cheeks.

She can hear him sigh and she doesn't want this, but she knows that he doesn't mind. He probably likes having his arms around her waist and at least having her at arm's length once more. He hasn't had it in a long time and she knows that he misses it.

She misses it too; she just doesn't want to admit to herself that she does. It's only because it's Finn and she knows that she's supposed to feel something, but she figures that she'll just be contradicting herself if she does.

They had tried to make things work and they did for a while, but after their argument it was like neither of them really cared anymore.

Rachel still cares. Telling him would make her feel like an idiot, but she still cares.

"Look, Rach, I'm sorry," he tells her, breaking the silence between them. She looks back up at him and part of her feels like he should be so lucky to have the opportunity to even speak to her, but she doesn't want to be an asshole about it.

Its Quinn's wedding, after all. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion.

"You know, I'll buy you a drink if you want, or-"

"It's an open bar."

She watches him as he looks at her, smirking slightly. He probably thinks it's funny or something that she's trying everything in her power to shoot him down.

"Well, I'll get you a drink, huh?"

She smiles and shakes her head, and it's the first time she's smiled at him all night.

The song that they're supposed to be dancing to slowly fades out and they're met with applause, to which Rachel smiles at.

"So, I take it that's a yes on the drink?"

Rachel smiles and lets her hands fall from his shoulders, walking over to the bar in front of him, Quinn's bouquet in hand.

She turns around and looks at Finn, placing her hands on her hips.

"You're coming, right?"

-x-

She stirs her drink around in her hand for a moment and takes a sip, not wanting to imbibe in enough champagne to make her tipsy.

She turns into a different person when she's drunk and she certainly doesn't need to turn into that person as long as Finn's around.

"So you're Quinn's maid of honor," Finn says, taking a sip from his drink. He's ordered a scotch, which surprises her.

It's actually amusing to see everyone she knows drinking. It's not in an illegal way and she likes seeing what everyone's order is.

She's still stuck in high school and is ordering Vodka crans and Cosmos, though.

"Yes," she says, tracing a finger around the rim of her glass. "It was quite the journey." She sighs and takes a sip from her drink, refusing to look at him still.

It still hurts every time she starts to look at him.

"So you're not in the army anymore, huh?"

She looks up at him through her lashes occasionally to catch a glimpse of him, just because it's polite to look at someone when you're engaged in a conversation with them.

"No," he tells her, pushing his glass up towards the bartender. "I'm, um, going to school right now, actually." She looks up at him and smiles softly, tucking a look tendril of hair behind her ear.

"That's great," she tells him, her voice soft and sweet. "What are you studying?"

"I, um, just finished my Bachelor's in Music Therapy," he tells her, making her perk up. "And like, in July I'm taking this test so I can start practicing."

Rachel grins at him and moves her arm over to touch his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"That's so great, Finn," she tells him, smiling brightly. The last time she had really spoken to him, he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life.

Now, he's about a month away from having a career that she knows he's going to love more than anything else in the entire world.

And she's still alone, without him.

"I'm proud of you," she tells him, actually looking at him when she speaks to him this time. "Really. I am."

They smile at one another for a moment and Finn's the one to break the silence. Rachel doesn't really know what to say from this point.

"So, are you still in New York, or-"

"Yes," she says, taking another sip of her drink. "I'm in a show now, actually."

Finn's eyes get big and he smiles at her. "Wow, Rachel, that's… that's great." She nods politely and smiles at him. "Which show is it?"

"Evita," she says, not wanting to sound boastful. "I'm… I'm Evita."

Finn makes this face like he's so proud of her, the same one she had made at him moments earlier, and she feels this horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.

They've both gotten exactly what they've always wanted without each other.

"Finn," she starts, looking over at him almost mournfully. "You know, I never got the chance to really apologize for what-" Her voice cuts off and she feels sick all of sudden, making her collect herself before continuing. "For what happened between us."

It feels good to confess it, because she knows how horrible it sounds. She's waited seven years to tell someone or anyone about her and Finn, but telling Quinn never seemed to make her feel good enough.

Telling Finn is a whole new feeling that she doesn't know if she's ready to feel yet or not.

"I was immature about the whole thing and it was just… it was messy," she tells him, her voice bitter. "And I just – I've always wanted the chance to apologize to you, but I-"

She stops speaking the moment she feels Finn's lips crash against her own.

For a moment she just sits in her chair and doesn't do anything but feel him lean in to kiss her, letting her feelings settle down and simmer for a moment. She doesn't know if it's because of the alcohol or if it's because of the dance they've shared or if it's something else, but she feels her heart begin to pound in her chest and she leans in to kiss him back, her arms falling over his shoulders, just like how they had been when they were dancing.

The music that plays through the reception hall melts away and she practically slides out of her chair as she leans into him before pulling away from him for a moment.

She looks at him and her eyes meet his for the longest time all night, his hands letting her go.

"I'm sorry," she says softly, adjusting her hair back to the messy knot that it had been in at the nape of her neck. "Finn, I just-"

He moves his hand up to touch her face and she shivers, his fingers tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," he tells her, prompting a smile from Rachel.

Part of her feels like all of this is one big joke and that's she's not really at Quinn's wedding. This is all a dream and she's just asleep and in a few more minutes she's going to wake up and not be in the reception hall, and be in her bed instead, back in New York.

Except she's not in a dream. She's Rachel Berry and this is real life, whether she likes it or not.

"Finn, I'm sorry," she tells him, wanting to cry so badly. She can't bring herself to cry, but at the same time she really doesn't want to cry. She feels like her emotions are one long, tight cord inside of her heart that's coiled so tightly that it's on the verge of snapping, and all it's going to take for that to happen is to kiss Finn again.

"I'm sorry for… for e-everything," she tells him, tears prickling her voice. "I…. I still love you, Finn."

She watches him as he begins to smile at her, making her smile. She slowly starts to break down and she can feel herself begin to cry, and later Finn's hand moving up to wick the tears away from her eyes.

He stands up from his barstool and looks at Rachel, almost lovingly, and offers her his hand.

The DJ starts to play a song that she recognizes but can't name, but she smiles at him sweetly, staring up at him with her teary eyes.

"Do you want to dance with me again?"

She stands up from the chair and sniffles softly, taking him by the hand and feeling him wrap her up in an embrace.

"I'd love to," she tells him with a chaste kiss to his lips.

And she does. Because she loves him and he loves her.

And that's really all that matters.